This is a list. Not your ordinary, fact-laden list that runs on for half a page of newsprint and makes your eyes glaze over in boredom; no, this is a list creative approaches in writing. You see, taking a common occurence, that of writing Facebook statuses, turns out anyone can be a good writer, even if they never thought of themselves that way.
So, I created the Random Status of the Week Award, to commemorate the most original updates I found from my FB friends.
(THE OFFICIAL CRITERIA FOR WINNING THE RSW AWARD-otherwise known as the rules)
1- It must not be too personal.
2- I must have met you, otherwise we wouldn't be FB friends.
3- It must be entertaining.
That said, now to the winners(with editorial comments)
1 - Mariah C - "I hate shoes." Um, okay....That is not something you hear that often...especially from a female...
2 - Madelyn D - " "April showers bring May flowers'? More like April apocalyptic storms of death..." Might be just a touch exaggerated, but that does come pretty well to describing all that rain that came pouring down around Easter...
3 - tie - Annette W - "I singlehandedly succeeded in almost killiing the archery teacher." Well, yeah, you did. But, we all turned out safe, the teacher's still in alive, all you got was a bruise on your arm, and it makes a terrific story. So, I'd say it ended up okay. Just be sure to yell so we can hide whenever it's your turn to shoot.
- Grace H - "Just found a very soggy carrot that survived a horse show, my pocket, and the wash." Hold on a minute. I can understand how it can survive a horse show, but it seems like you would have noticed it in your pocket, either on the way back to before you washed you jacket...that must have been nasty. And hard to clean up.
4 - Kyle C - "Exploring the great mysteries of my room, and finding great treasures!" First off, applause to Kyle, the first male winner of the award. Second, what a great way to say that you cleaned your room. Third, your room should contain great treasures, but it shouldn't be mysterious to you, the room's owner. Is there a Don Aslett book hidden somewhere?
5 - Ash H - "I got a job at Dairy Queen today...however, the manager did a double take on my age, decided I was too young, and promptly fired me fifteen minutes later." Ouch....but that's the best backstory of any of these...and it's pretty funny, in a "I'm so glad that wasn't me" way...
6 - Justine M - "Left her pillow in Missouri." It's easy to forget things, like where you left your car keys, or where your sister set her glasses. And being on a trip, it's easier than usual to forget something small. But leaving something the size of a pillow in a whole different state, that's something else entirely.
7 - tie -Shelley B - "I'm so sensitive to caffeine, my kids drank energy drinks and I can't sleep." This is why it's all right to be FB friends with your friends' moms. You get even more good material for laughing at!
- Kirsten J - "Figured out why my asparagus plants wouldn't grow last year. I planted them upside down." HAHAHAHA....the trials of gardening...
8-Kyle C - "Humans are weird." Yep, we are. As proof of our weirdness, I kept track of these statuses. And anyway, he became the first repeat winner.
9 - Sam J - "Yeah, I still rock out to my favorite music with a hairbrush microphone." Don't we all, we just don't like to admit it? This set off both a new friendship and never-ending headaches for six months, which started from the 127 comments that followed. I'll blame Shakespeare, we'd just finished reading through "A Midsummer Night's Dream". I like Puck's line, "Lord, what fools these mortals be.."
10 - 2011 Oklahoma Youth Tour. I didn't check FB all week, and besides, there were some amazingly strange(and surprising, and silly) and hilarious conversations on this trip.
11 - Mikyla C - "Went golfing with my mom today....and a crow hit our cart!" That's weird...New spin on a birdie, too...Why can't that happen all the time?
12 - Levi W - "I got paid $150 for letting these guys use my car in a movie!" Cool, definitely not an everyday experience around here. It'll be called Yellow, it's supposed to be directed by the guy behind The Notebook, and I think it's a getaway car.
13 - Dennis G - "My grandson is playing with a Mr Potato Head in one hand, and eating potato chips with the other. I think I detect fear in Mr P.H's eyes." Yeah, I'd be scared, too, being an edible movie star....hope he doesn't know what Lays are made from...
- Madelyn D - "When my sister takes Benadryl, she's like a five-year-old on Mountain Dew." Not particularly outlandish or strangely funny, but a terrific description, which is why it co-won this week.
14 - Adam F - "I've just been informed that 'Rawr' means 'I love you' in dinosaur." I've always wondered what that meant...
- Michael V - "I just fixed the A/C in my truck, and now everyone wants to ride in it. Coencidence? I think not." When this was posted, we were in triple digits for two months straight.
15 - Kaitlyn P - "There's four frogs in my room!" I was having a horrible week, and couldn't find anything even nearly as funny. and besides, she's scared of frogs. However, her brave sisters rescued her from the amphibious intruders, and everything went back to normal.
16 - Sovereign Grace Youth Camp 2011 - I could go on and on, and on, about how much I love spending time with all the assembled people that show up, but this just isn't the time. If spending time with other believers is this good here, what will it be like in heaven?
- Annette W - "I had never put deodorant on another person's head before. Come to think of it, I've never put deodorant on another person, period." Little brothers can get so messy sometimes...let's just file this under "What Happens On Vacation..."
17 - Jon L - "The only thing wrong with eating huge spoonfulls of peanut butter is that your throat gets all sticky and then you can't swallow...maybe I should rethink this." Eh, maybe, but then you wouldn't have quite as good snacks...PEANUT BUTTER RULES!!!
18 - Sam J - "Note to self: Beware of reaching into the dishwasher...there may be knives awaiting to attack you." Ouch. Good sentence, though. That's why dishes should be done by hand...
19 - Jake B - "So...I totally fell off my bunk bed and broke my nose..." OWWWW......that can only happen to JAke. great way to start off college.
20 - Josh F - "Overheard while getting my permit...'Do you wear hearing aids?' 'What?' " Eavesdropping is so much fun.
21 - Bennett C - "Last night we were eating some cereal, and my sister finds two dead moths in her bowl. Raisin Bran doesn't sound so good right now." Ewww......
22 - No award was given, in commermoration of the tenth anniversary of 9/11. Too serious a time for pointless things like this, I figured.
23 - tie - Clay D - "It's a bad idea to cut your own hair with your eyes closed." BAHAHAHAHAHA......er, sorry about that, I was falling out of my chair laughing. Most of us above the age of three know this already....
- Madelyn D - "Snake 1, Cheer and dance teams 0." This is an great example of what E.B. White always preached: That the more concise, the better sentence. Can't you just picture the panic?
24 - Jon L - "Just dropped my headpones in jelly yogurt...awkward...." Yuck. Mixing jelly and yogurt? And then dropping your headphones into it, even by mistake? They'd get all sticky, and how on earth would you clean them?
25 - Sam J - "I was eating some peanuts today, and I thought, 'Wow, these taste just like peanut butter.' And then it dawned on me..." What can I say?
26 - Quinton H - "Today, I find myself building an outhouse out of fencing materials, tarps, wire and duct tape." He could do it, too...I'm just curious as to why exactly it was necessary to construct one, especially if you're close enough to civilization to be able to check Facebook while doing so.
27 - Brenna H - "When chickens eat, they look like chickens eating." No, REALLY? Anyway, this marked only the second time that siblings have won this coveted award, and the first time they won in back-to-back weeks.
28 - Jose H - "ACT in the morning...I'm gonna show this test who's boss! (Sixteen hours later...) ....Hmm, I think the ACT showed ME who was boss..." Was it really that bad? We're smart teens, we should be able to get into college on our first try at these tests, at least. IF we don't do as well as we'd like, we can try again.
29 - World Series collection. There were some great posts all week during the World Series, and it was especially interesting this year - this, coming from someone who detests baseball. Thursday night, was AWESOME. Or AWFUL, depending on whether you were a Cards or Rangers fan. Everyone was talking about it. Here's some samples: "This is the craziest World Series I've ever seen in my entire life!" (Alex L), "The kid who was going to go to bed early? Yeah, she's still awake, and has bitten all her fingernials off!" (Brandi C), "I wish I could get paid millions of dollars to miss ground balls like that..." (Brandi again), "This game is taking years from my life." (Luke N), "I just sat in Wal-Mart's parking lot for over an hour, listening to the game. I couldn't leave, it was so exciting. People were staring at me, it was awesome!" (Terry B). That sounds like something I would do...
30 - Earthquake collection. How often does an EARTHQUAKE hit Oklahoma??? Crazy...I lost count at 17 posts related to them over the weekend. Unfortunately, they were all generally so alike that I can't be sure who posted what. Samples: "EARTHQUAKE!!!!" (Kaitlyn P), "Earthquake-related status" (Tre McP), "I do not like earthquakes..." (Me). In my opinion, if we have to have bad weather, let's stick with tornadoes, ice storms and droughts: We know how to deal with those.
31 - Courtney C - "This is a boring status, not what you were hoping for as you scrolled down the screen. It has nothing to do with earthquakes, better luck farther down." Yawn...I mean, "Wow! A status NOT about earthquakes!!!" If it's non-tornado or ice storm damage, it counts as news here.
32 - Corinne M - "Since nobody volunteered to make our famous Christmas Cookies, I had to do it. I broke the handle off the mixing bowl, and while measuring sugar, the fell off the cup into my hand(Both of those items my mom's had forever.) I guess this just isn't my day for scooping things." Doesn't sound like it, nope...but at least there were cookies afterward, that makes any day better, right? Especially a crummy one when everything falls apart.
33 - Katelyne W - "Goin' huntin'! (Five hours later...) Welp, didn't get anything, but I did see a lot...of trees." Humor is important to keep intact. Specially when hunting.
34 - Bedlam collection - Too many highlghts to post, so I'll just pick a few: "Bedlam: A place of confusion and insanity; what happens when our Pokes show those Sooners who's boss. RIDE "EM COWBOYS!!!!!!" (Chrystal P), "Status involving the OU-OSU game" (Christian P) "WE DID IT!!!! YES!!!!" (Bailey R), "Cowboys: #DuhWinning! Sooners: #NotSoMuch." (Chrystal again), "I finally kind of understand what it's like to be an OSU fan....I don't much like it." (Adam F) "I just nearly died while tearing down the goalposts! It was awesome!" (Joe B).
35 - Marshall D - "My teeth are cold." Yeah, that brings back the "Random" in Random Status of the Week...and dude, it's winter. EVERYONE's teeth are cold!
36 - Jennifer D - "Just saw a car with a HAWAII license plate! You don't see that every day..." Awesome...but how exactly does a car get from Hawaii to Oklahoma?
37 - Beth P - "I have successfully super-glued my fingers together! Got it off, but for a minute there, the kitchen counter, scissors, my hand and the paper were one...good thing I didn't pet the dog!" The perils of Christmas...falling off the ladder while stringing Christmas lights, house fires, falling off a ladder while painting the family room, super gluing your fingers together....
38 - It was a three-way tie, which made RSW history. This trio was very good.
- Ash H - "I rode my bike from Grandma's back to my house in high heels and a skirt this morning." This sounds hard.
- Christian P - "My dog has a phobia of forks..." This sounded funny.
- Amanda T - "Going outside in shorts in December? It's a bad idea.". She was chasing her dog back inside, but still....
39 - Derek G - "It costs $10.20 to ship a coconut from Hawaii to the U.S. mainland, apparently...the things you learn working at a post office..." I've always wondered how much the shipping was on thngs like that...okay, not really, but I just love off-the-wall facts like that.
40 - Steven C - "Things to do between LSU-Bama touchdowns...1: Read War and Peace. Twice. 2: Mow your lawn with scissors. 3: Memorize the peridodic table of elements. 4: Find your soul mate online, propose, plan the wedding and get married." Was it really THAT awful a game? Judging by what everyone said, it was. Glad I missed it.
41 - Madelyn D - "The only place with enough space to do my homework is the floor, and my stupid dog Ladybug keeps laying on top of my paper!" Weird, that's usually a feline trait...At least you had some help with the project...
42 - Ryan W - "I'm mowing my grass. In January. I must live in Oklahoma." Yep, he does.
- Joe B - "My brother got himself stuck in a mudhole...I get to pull him out. And the fact that his tractor's radio is only playing Katy Perry is NOT helping." Man, that sounds like a blast. Not.
43 - Rae P - "I just discovered that earrings make great thumbtacks!" This comes from a girl who microwaves CDs to use for wall decorations; a MacGyver of interior design.
44 - Julie B - "That moment when you feel something in your shoe, so you take it off, shake the whatever-it-is out, and it turns out to be a dead cricket." Ew. Had to win this week.
45 - Colton D - "I kicked my soccer ball today, and I broke the net." Dude, stop kicking so hard, then!
- Mikyla C - "If poison expires, is it more dangerous or less lethal?" The unanswerable questions my friends ask...I'd go with being deadlier, but I'm not sure.
- Paige S - My little brother walks up and slaps an R2-D2 sticker on me. "What was that for?" "I don't know, you just kind of reminded me of him." "...How?" "You make noises like him. You know, squeals and beeps and chirps and things like that." "Um...okay, thanks?" This wasn't supposed to be a three-way tie, I just couldn't decide betweeen them, so I put it up ofr a vote, and they each got voted for once.
46 - Rae P - "My hairbrush broke. While it was still in my hair. Apparently it was more tangled than I thought?" Ouch. Seems painful.
- Grace H - "That was a good way to end the (soccer) season. I scored two goals, and the ref gave me this comment: "Number 3, there's a player there, you aren't allowed to run through her to get to the ball." Sounds like a great game.
47 - Brenna H - "Um...I caught a possum...I was trying to catch my rabbit...." I wonder what she did with the possum? Fry it up for possum innards to go with some hog jowls? You know, the thing about possum innards is, they's just as good the second day.
48 - Baleigh H - "Felt great to be out on that track again...even if I did eat a bug in the process." Just think of it as extra protein.
- Sam J - "Future tip for myself: Don't put socks in the microwave, they burst into flames!" First off, I think I need an award for being willing to give an award to something involving fire. Second off....never mind, I'm not even going to try to dissect the humorous aspects out of this one. It'd take way too long.
49 - Agatha L - "Getting IDed when buying an energy drink? That's crazy! I just need my life support so I ca nfunction and make it to work on time, why make it so complicated?" That is ridiculous.
50 - Ash H - "I gave blood for the first time today. It was a total waste of my time. Apparently I have small veins, so to get a good bloodflow they took off some tape securing the needle while one nurse held it in place.THe needle came loose, my blood was now spewing everywhere and the were frantically stuffing paper towels into my wound. After clean-up, I discovered it wasn't my fault, and that I was only about three minutes away from completing my first pint ever. To make matters worse, I got to feeling sick and light-headed. So now my arm is cold and sore and I just typed this entire thing left-handed. Go me." This was a very good status, it was strange, it was funny, and it was well-written.
- Eva S - "This is totally sleeping-on-the-roof weather!" Never heard of anybody sleeping on the roof before.
51 - Wesley C - "My little brother: "How long is it until you're twenty?" Me, after thinking a minute: "About a year and a month, I guess." "Wow...I can't believe it...my brother being TWENTY....you'll like, have kids by then or something...." "Well, yeah...don't think I will, but yeah, maybe...might happen." Awkward..." I couldn't find anything capable of winning the RSW award this week, so I was going to not give one out, or just postpone this week's. But then Ash and Courtney decided that I should win my own award, which feels slightly wrong. But anyway, that was a hilarious conversation, which just had to be posted on here. When you're eight years old, everything's so simple...
52 - Justine M - "Teach Myself to Rollerblade, Day One: Two grass-stained kneecaps, one busted capillary, innumerable sweaty palmed adrenaline rushes - and that was just in the driveway! How do kids make this look easy!?" I've wondered that myself...usually when I'm running into a wall to stop.
Stats to follow.
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