The weather's been gray, cold, sullen and thoroughly wet for the last several weeks. That's usual weather in our part of Oklahoma for late February/early March. It's made me thankful I haven't had to walk through it back and forth from classes to my dorm. But it's made me wonder what Will is doing.
Will was the resident Jehovah's Witness missionary at NSU. He was a friendly, soft-spoken, obese, middle-aged guy who had to retire early because of severe back pain after thirty years of working in publishing/printing in Colorado. He has a grown daughter in Denver and several grown sons in Georgia. His wife ran the quilting supplies shop downtown just past Felt's Shoes, where he occasionally helped out when his back allowed. The rest of his time - probably three days a week, on average - was spent manning the table of JW fliers halfway between Seminary Hall and the Fine Arts Building.
Most of the time he was ignored, accepted as part of the scenery, except for the folks from CCF, who would aggressively attack his theology whenever they had a couple spare minutes. The BCM folks were kind of scared of him.
I would stop and talk with him for five or ten minutes if I had time; if I didn't I'd always wave and he'd holler a wisecrack about my speedwalking setting the pavement on fire.
We didn't talk about theology much. Sometimes we would ask each questions about various points about what the other believed, and then we'd try to answer those questions as best we could. I would occasionally take some of his literature to talk over it with him later, and he would occasionally read the online articles I mentioned. Since I was a MassComm major, and he'd worked in journalism, we would usually talk about those kinds of things. Local news, the merits of coffee, campus gossip, what we'd been reading lately, observations about people-watching. And sometimes we'd just sit and people-watch together, since a college campus is an excellent spot for doing that: one girl he always called Pirate Boots, because he didn't know her name and she wore boots that looked piratey nearly every day.
If I was running down to Morgan's Bakery, I'd once in a while ask if he wanted me to get anything for him. If his health was especially good for a few days in a row, he'd usually go on a baking spree, and sometimes would bring the extra cookies for me that he and his wife didn't eat the night before.
One day we were talking and he frowned in midsentence and gave me one of those curious, hard stares for a minute. "Y'know, Wes....you're different." I must have looked surprised, because he continued: "I know we don't believe the same things, but you don't try to ram it down my throat like those other people do. You just treat me like a person. I can't remember meeting a Christian who ever did that. Thank you."
That's always stuck in my head ever since, and often replayed itself while working on homework late at night. I didn't think of it as anything special; it was just something that needed to be done, so I did it, just like guiding my blind classmate Russell back and forth from Dr. Fuller's psych class freshman year. Will was discouraged, everyone ignoring him like that. It doesn't take much to brighten somebody's day.
Hope he's doing okay.
Showing posts with label Quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quotes. Show all posts
Monday, March 5, 2018
Wednesday, December 20, 2017
The Best of 2017
Favorite Country Song of the Year -
Tie between Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood's "The Fighter" or Brad Paisley's "Last Time for Everything." It came out in February 2016, but I also liked Dan + Shay's "From the Ground Up."
Favorite Music Video of the Year -
Either "Last Time for Everything" or the Dancer's Version of "The Fighter."
Favorite Non-Country Song of the Year -
Definitely not new, thus sort of breaking my rules for this category, but Nickel Creek's "This Side," I suppose. It has great mandolin.
Favorite Unexpected Happening of the Year -
Definitely Ashland visiting for a weekend in June. Becoming part of a racing news website (Frontstretch.com) in October as basically a general-assignment backup reporter was also cool.
Favorite Semi-Expected Happening of the Year -
Graduation Day actually happened. There were a lot of times I wondered if it ever would. Still haven't figured out what comes next, though.
Also, finishing a 5K in early April. Next time, try to do it without walking.
Mixed Emotions Semi-Expected Happening of the Year -
Josh and Sara's wedding was a good one, but weddings are weird to attend.
Most Disappointing TV Show of the Year -
13 Reasons Why was awful, but it was research for a project in Pop Market, so I forced myself to finish it. Inhumans was such low production quality that I gave up halfway through the pilot, and The Good Doctor felt like a typical hospital show only with an autistic lead character, which undercut the premise too much.
Favorite New TV Show of the Year -
Definitely The Gifted.
Favorite Movie Seen in Theaters -
There was a lot to choose from this year. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 did a fantastic job at building onto the world of space in the MCU. Wonder Woman was amazing. Cars 3 was a typical sports movie (both good and bad), but it brought the series full circle. Spider-Man: Homecoming integrated Peter Parker into the MCU in a great, yet fairly-low-stakes, way. Thor: Ragnarok wrapped up his trilogy nicely, though it was too comedic. Justice League was about what I expected (disappointing and choppy), but there were some good human moments. The Last Jedi was disappointing.
Wonder Woman wins.
Personal Growth Moment of the Year -
It wasn't that big a deal, but asking Brittany out was a big deal for me. The timing was terrible, so nothing happened, but getting to that point where I'm open to going out with someone was good.
Strangest Skill Learned -
How to braid a girl's hair. Might come in useful in the future, though.
Quote of the Year -
Heard on the radio years ago, from Haddon Robinson: "Sometimes, with God, the quickest way from one place to another is a circle. And sometimes you have to mark time to make time."
Tie between Keith Urban and Carrie Underwood's "The Fighter" or Brad Paisley's "Last Time for Everything." It came out in February 2016, but I also liked Dan + Shay's "From the Ground Up."
Favorite Music Video of the Year -
Either "Last Time for Everything" or the Dancer's Version of "The Fighter."
Favorite Non-Country Song of the Year -
Definitely not new, thus sort of breaking my rules for this category, but Nickel Creek's "This Side," I suppose. It has great mandolin.
Favorite Unexpected Happening of the Year -
Definitely Ashland visiting for a weekend in June. Becoming part of a racing news website (Frontstretch.com) in October as basically a general-assignment backup reporter was also cool.
Favorite Semi-Expected Happening of the Year -
Graduation Day actually happened. There were a lot of times I wondered if it ever would. Still haven't figured out what comes next, though.
Also, finishing a 5K in early April. Next time, try to do it without walking.
Mixed Emotions Semi-Expected Happening of the Year -
Josh and Sara's wedding was a good one, but weddings are weird to attend.
Most Disappointing TV Show of the Year -
13 Reasons Why was awful, but it was research for a project in Pop Market, so I forced myself to finish it. Inhumans was such low production quality that I gave up halfway through the pilot, and The Good Doctor felt like a typical hospital show only with an autistic lead character, which undercut the premise too much.
Favorite New TV Show of the Year -
Definitely The Gifted.
Favorite Movie Seen in Theaters -
There was a lot to choose from this year. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 did a fantastic job at building onto the world of space in the MCU. Wonder Woman was amazing. Cars 3 was a typical sports movie (both good and bad), but it brought the series full circle. Spider-Man: Homecoming integrated Peter Parker into the MCU in a great, yet fairly-low-stakes, way. Thor: Ragnarok wrapped up his trilogy nicely, though it was too comedic. Justice League was about what I expected (disappointing and choppy), but there were some good human moments. The Last Jedi was disappointing.
Wonder Woman wins.
Personal Growth Moment of the Year -
It wasn't that big a deal, but asking Brittany out was a big deal for me. The timing was terrible, so nothing happened, but getting to that point where I'm open to going out with someone was good.
Strangest Skill Learned -
How to braid a girl's hair. Might come in useful in the future, though.
Quote of the Year -
Heard on the radio years ago, from Haddon Robinson: "Sometimes, with God, the quickest way from one place to another is a circle. And sometimes you have to mark time to make time."
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Arkansas Hiking
The annual edition of the Grace Bible Church-Tulsa Arkansas Retreat was this weekend. It was beautiful scenery that was great to look at.
About 35 people were there in total, the largest group ever - mostly young families and old people, so a typical Sunday. Which meant, as usual, that I had Danny's line from The Family Nobody Wanted running through my head a little bit: "There's nobody the right size of me!" (It's from a memoir by Helen Doss.) The Wheelers, Selbys, and Purviances were the young families (and Mom was watching Amy), and then Courtney and Caleb had Mattie to hang out with. Met some newer people I vaguely knew by sight, which was nice, I guess.
Met the Gundersens' friends Nann and Quint from Branson; they were awesome to talk books and play poker dice with.
Went on a couple short hikes; maybe five or six miles in total, to Triple Falls, Chickenhead Bluff and Hawksbill Crag/Whitaker's Point. (The last one is considered the "Most Romantic Spot in Arkansas," which is kind of interesting. Many couples get engaged there.) They were all incredibly pretty. On Saturday had lunch at a cool tourist trap restaurant called the Ozark Cafe; the Jasper eatery is the oldest in the state, with the original 1907 floorboards and an awesomely random collection of items on the walls. We spotted several sports-car groups and motorcycle groups along the highways, too.
Rode with the Selbys most of Saturday; they're awesome parents to have four small boys that well-behaved. It was good to get to talk with Justin and Melody. There was an interesting museum in Ponca called the Elk Education Center, besides showcasing local wildlife, there was also a lot of local history, which was fun to read. Enjoyed hearing Mr. Gundersen's stories he's learned of local history.
Watched some of the TCU-Iowa State and OU-Texas Tech football games on TV aside from the hiking and exploring, and I think I got a few good pictures. Tried to memorize the layout of the cabin, to maybe use in a plot sometime (maybe Winter's Grace, if it ever happens?).
A sign in Jasper read that the Pirates won the 1960 Class B state championship in basketball, and had the entire roster of boys underneath that announcement. Pretty awesome. Not so awesome is that Mr. Gundersen fractured his fibula while hiking.
Mountains are wonderful. It was sad to return to Oklahoma. I need to reread Shepherd of the Hills. Halloween was very quiet; I halfheartedly dressed up as Bill Murray in Space Jam.
About 35 people were there in total, the largest group ever - mostly young families and old people, so a typical Sunday. Which meant, as usual, that I had Danny's line from The Family Nobody Wanted running through my head a little bit: "There's nobody the right size of me!" (It's from a memoir by Helen Doss.) The Wheelers, Selbys, and Purviances were the young families (and Mom was watching Amy), and then Courtney and Caleb had Mattie to hang out with. Met some newer people I vaguely knew by sight, which was nice, I guess.
Met the Gundersens' friends Nann and Quint from Branson; they were awesome to talk books and play poker dice with.
Went on a couple short hikes; maybe five or six miles in total, to Triple Falls, Chickenhead Bluff and Hawksbill Crag/Whitaker's Point. (The last one is considered the "Most Romantic Spot in Arkansas," which is kind of interesting. Many couples get engaged there.) They were all incredibly pretty. On Saturday had lunch at a cool tourist trap restaurant called the Ozark Cafe; the Jasper eatery is the oldest in the state, with the original 1907 floorboards and an awesomely random collection of items on the walls. We spotted several sports-car groups and motorcycle groups along the highways, too.
Rode with the Selbys most of Saturday; they're awesome parents to have four small boys that well-behaved. It was good to get to talk with Justin and Melody. There was an interesting museum in Ponca called the Elk Education Center, besides showcasing local wildlife, there was also a lot of local history, which was fun to read. Enjoyed hearing Mr. Gundersen's stories he's learned of local history.
Watched some of the TCU-Iowa State and OU-Texas Tech football games on TV aside from the hiking and exploring, and I think I got a few good pictures. Tried to memorize the layout of the cabin, to maybe use in a plot sometime (maybe Winter's Grace, if it ever happens?).
A sign in Jasper read that the Pirates won the 1960 Class B state championship in basketball, and had the entire roster of boys underneath that announcement. Pretty awesome. Not so awesome is that Mr. Gundersen fractured his fibula while hiking.
Mountains are wonderful. It was sad to return to Oklahoma. I need to reread Shepherd of the Hills. Halloween was very quiet; I halfheartedly dressed up as Bill Murray in Space Jam.
Friday, May 19, 2017
Parks and Rec Quotes - Season Four, Part One
Recapping the best quotes, quips, descriptions and comebacks from season four of Parks and Recreation. It literally picks up right at the moment where season three ended, so the last scene we saw was at Li'l Sebastian's memorial service afterparty.
Episode One - "I'm Leslie Knope":
"....Wait. What does that mean for you and Ben?" - Ann, after Leslie is asked to run for city council. "I don't know, but I think it's gonna be really bad!" Leslie frowns. "Do you wanna go back to saying 'yay'?" "Yes please!" "Yay!" (Ann is a good friend.)
"So did you get a chance to look at my sample position papers? How do you feel about my stance on Egyptian debt relief?" - Leslie. "Uh....well, it probably won't come up in a local city council election. But....your thoroughness, as always, is impressive." William the Political Manager Guy.
"Aw, Ann - you beautiful sophisticated naive newborn baby...." - Leslie. "...What?" - Ann.
(The office is staring in shock at an email.) "Whoever this is - sent it to every woman in the entire government!" - Leslie howls. "Oh...he's gotta be so embarrassed. I mean, that is a crazy accident." "No, Andy, he did it on purpose!" she snaps. (Sewage Joe is being his normal horrible self again.) Chris and Ben rush into the Parks Department. "Chris! Jerry's making us look at dirty pictures on his computer!" April tattles. "It is exactly because of that lewd photo that I am here. Ben and I are launching a full investigation, and I want to apologize to all the women. And Jerry. If I could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, I would." "Wow, that is so sweet," April says, looking almost impressed.
"For a female perspective on this scandal, we turn to: a woman!" - Perd Hapley. (He then asks what's happening, she tries to make a joke.) "I do not know what you mean, but, it had the cadence of a joke."
(Leslie snatches phone away from Ben and hangs it up.) "Ben, I need to talk with you." He looks stunned, as only Ben Wyatt can. "...That was my brother. He just had a baby girl-" "That's horrible. Or good. Full disclosure, I didn't listen to whatever it was you just said."
"Wow, you....opposite of broke up with him." "He gave me an eclair, Ann!" Leslie pleads.
"Ron isn't here. His ex-wife Tammy came, and he got scared and ran away," April answers Ron's phone. "...Well, as acting manager of the Parks Department, I declare that everything you are saying is stupid!" Andy then asks for advice. "I don't know what to do," he finishes. "Me neither." she answers, sipping some tea. "You give such great advice! Babe, I love you." (She frowns at camera, noticing it's been following her.) "You're welcome."
(Leslie knocks on the door of Ron's cabin.) "Ron," Leslie says, taken aback by his beard. "What are you doing here?" he growls. "I'm...running away from my problems," she falters. "Come on in."
"All right, enough chitchat. Everybody get back to work!" April hollers. "You are not my boss," - Jerry. "What'd you just say to me?" "Ma'am...." (He scurries away.)
"Given your hunting ability, and my chocolate supplies, I figure we could stay out here for two, three....years?" - Leslie.
"If any of you need anything at all-" Ron addresses the office on his return, "-Too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves. You're adults."
Episode Two - "Ron and Tammys":
(Leslie stutters repeatedly over the word "jail.") "Are you broken?" Ron asks.
Not many notable quotes here.
Episode Three - "Born & Raised":
"Support for Pawnee Community Radio comes the Muriel Fatright Korbel Foudation and SweetumsCares, a nonprofit group that puts umbrella hats on homeless people when it rains," an announcer for WVYS says.
"I wrote a book," Leslie says proudly in an interview segment, holding up her copy of Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America. "The first historical guide to Pawnee. I wrote it as a reference for myself, but then my campaign adviser said we should make it a big wide release. So we had people contribute, we added pictures and we removed a lot of my poems and emotional ramblings and pictures of unicorns and here it is!"
"Usually I only read nautical novels and my own personal manifestos, but I'm proud to make this exception." "Thank you, Ron! I expect all of you to buy additional copies, but I wanted the first copy you own to be delivered - and signed - by me." (April flips through her signed copy.) "This goes on for like, seven pages." "I started thinking about you as a woman, and as a person, and I got carried away." "Okay, mine just says 'Get Well Soon,'" Jerry complains. "Aren't you sick?" "No." (She frowns at him.) "Something's off."
"Do you think there's actually a mistake in here?" April asks Ron. "I doubt it. If there's one thing's Leslie's not, it's sloppy. She's also..." (he flips through the book) "not brief. This is gonna take forever."
"At the risk of bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit," - Tom.
"Anyone find any mistakes?" Ron tiredly asks Ann and April. "Yeah, actually. In here it says that Pawnee is 'great,' but in reality, it's terrible," April replies. "Let Tom know we haven't found anything." "Hey, I'm thinking of getting a new phone. Do you guys like your phones?" Ann asks, determined to become their friend. "I've never used a phone in my life," April says while texting.
"This feels like gotcha journalism!" Leslie complains on Pawnee Today. "In what way?" Joan Callamezzo asks disinterestedly. Leslie points at the big screen behind them. "In that way. You put 'GOTCHA' in big red letters over my face."
"That was despicable. I am horrified by her tactics. That said, the show was very lively," Chris says after Joan's show finishes filming.
"I could leave," Ann explains in an interview segment. "But I am GOING to get my one minute of small talk, damn it! And it will be CASUAL and AMICABLE!" she yells.
"You're the first one to tell me that 'businesses' need 'customers' to make money." Tom says to Ben, defending himself from reasonable criticism. "I was the first one to tell you that?!" Ben answers, incredulous.
"YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!" Kerry the Irate Public Meeting Guy yells at a booksigning event. "I AM back where I came from!" Leslie yells back. His response? "THAT SENTENCE WAS CONFUSING!"
"Well, I've made some progress!" Ann tells the camera. "I am up to four seconds with April. And nine second with Ron." (Montage of asking random questions, like where she could find some good new music. April's answer was "The Internet.")
"Eagleton is a town full of rich, snobby jerks. There's a whole chapter about them in my book." - Leslie.
"Wow....that was....as long as it was loud," Ben mumbles his commentary of a drunk Joan Callamezzo's karaoke.
"Everyone in the universe loves a gross medical story. BOOM! I win!" Ann grins. (She finally got their attention by making up a tale about a guy who gets his arm caught in a Pringles can. It's very bloody.)
Everyone eats waffles from JJ's Diner during the office's release party for Leslie's book.
Episode Four - "Pawnee Rangers":
"I've got a question. What do you think of asking Ben to join us today?" Donna asks Tom. It's Treat Yo Self Day, and our introduction to the term. "WHAAAAATTT? NOO!!!! This is our thing!" "But he really seems like he could use a day off. He's like a skinny little rubber band that's about to snap in half." "Exactly. He doesn't know how to relax. Donna, you and I are relaxation professionals! There's no way Ben can slow down enough to keep up with us."
"I don't know how to relax! The sound of harps makes me nervous!" Ben complains while at the spa with Tom and Donna.
"I've taught them well....I've created an army of little Leslie Knope Monsters. I'm so proud! And a little annoyed. But mostly proud," Leslie says during an interview, about the Pawnee Goddesses club after the girls get her to be nice to Ron and his Pawnee Rangers club, which she didn't want to do.
"When did kids get so interested in 'fun'?" Ron asks in perfect seriousness.
Leslie's ad for a new club for Ron to lead to make him feel better - "Are you tough as nails? Would you rather sleep on a bed of pine needles than a mattress? Do you find video games pointless and shopping malls stupid? Do you march to the beat of your own drummer? Did you make the drum yourself? If so, you might just have what it takes to be A Swanson. Pawnee's most hardcore outdoor club starts today."
Episode Five - "Meet and Greet":
"...I take it we're having a party?" Ben asks after walking in to a house full of skeletons and jack-o'lanterns. "Dude! I knew there was somethin' I forgot to tell ya!" Andy grins. Ben then decides that he's going to hide in his room. "If you need me, I'll definitely be awake. Because...you know, I won't be able to sleep, because of the party. So...y'know. All right...bye."
"My family is very non-confrontational. My parents' method of problem-solving is to kind of keep everything bottled up and just subtly hint at what's bothering them. And after thirty-six years, they are still divorced." - Ben.
"Shouldn't my face be on these rugs?" Leslie asks. "It's always been a dream of mine to be on a rug. So, no." "Tom, now is not the time for you to explore your weird dreams."
"You can text without looking at your phone?" Jerry asks Chris incredulously. "I think it's rude not to maintain eye contact with people who are speaking to me," he answers.
"I know I should be chasing your vote, but I stand by my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. And I think I have a lot of support in the community for doing that," Leslie tells a group of Pawnee businesspeople.
"In Pawnee, when in doubt? Slam salad!" - Leslie.
"Hi there, is there a project you're working on?" a Lowe's employee asks Ron. "I know more than you." "All right..." the alarmed employee gives up.
"When April and Andy married, I didn't get 'em a wedding present. In my experience, wedding presents are nothing but kindling on the divorce bonfire.But I think I found a way I can really help them make a home." - Ron.
(Ron delivers a heartfelt monologue.) "Are...you okay?" Ann asks. "Great! I'm gonna go around this house and fix everything I can find! You wanna help?" "I really do."
"I have one sister. We steal each other's stuff, hack each other's Twitter accounts, set each other's clothes on fire... There are no rules," April muses.
"We need to deal with what's bothering you," Andy barges into Ben's room. "Oh, please, come into my room..." "See? You're angry at me, and you're not talking about it, and I'm gonna beat you up until you do, because I'm mature." (Andy kicks Ben's chair and begins to beat him up.)
"I grew up with five brothers, and we fought using the Dwyer Method, which was yelling, wrestling, crying, followed by lots of hugs. And then more wrestling, but the fun kind, and then more crying, when the fun kind of wrestling got out of hand." "Um....can you....let me go?" Ben asks, in chokehold. "Not til you tell me what's wrong!"
"I'd say you got the handle on that torque wrench," Ron says approvingly to Ann. "Yeah, well, the flange was a little warped, so I just goosed it with a triple-three boltsmack." "That was nonsense." "I know, but it's so fun to talk like that!" (He hands her toolbox.) "Here. Keep this. You earned it."
"Does it hurt?" Ben asks Andy. "Yeah, man! You broke my nose! But I don't even care anymore. Just get it all out there. Go." "All right.... Maybe you have to start thinking about how your actions affect me? Like, tell me about stuff happening at the house. Stop referring to my bedroom as a common space. Stop using my comforter for your pillow forts. Just...respect me." "Absolutely!"
"Tom Haverford is a selfish, unctuous, sleazy, self-promoting, good-hearted, secretly-kind-and-wonderful tiny little person." - Leslie.
Episode Six - "End of the World":
"For a while in the 1970's, our town was run by a freaky cult," Leslie explains. "Every few years, the remaining members of the cult predict the world's gonna end. And they have an all-night vigil in the park.It's super annoying."
"Tonight the followers of Reasonableism will be joining together to await the return of Zorp, the giant lizard god who will destroy the earth with his cleansing fire of judgement. Also, light refreshments will be served," Leslie said during a department meeting.
"Why does the cult call themselves the Reasonableists?" Chris asks. "Well, they figured that if people criticize them, it'll seem like they're attacking something very reasonable," Leslie answers. "That's...weirdly brilliant..." Ben muses.
"Headline idea: 'It's the End of the World as They Know It, But Pawnee Feels Fine.'" - Leslie. "It's a little long." - Shauna Mulway-Tweep. "Okay. How about 'Zorp Schmorp, Doomsday Prediction Falls Flat as Citizens Spend Pleasant Evening Enjoying One of Pawnee's Finest Parks'?" "Somehow, longer..." Shauna then asks if Ben is single, Leslie awkwardly stumbles all over herself trying to answer that question, and Shauna wanders over to Ben. "What's happening?" Ann asks. "The world is ending."
"Can I speak with you about a personal matter?" Leslie asks Ron. "Normally, no. But given that there's only twenty minutes until the end of human existence, also no."
"What's wrong?" Lucy asks Tom. "I don't know....after this is done I'm gonna be broke and I'm not gonna have a job...." "Well, if it's any consolation, this is honestly the best party I have ever been to." (She kisses him.) Tom is stunned for a minute, then he grins at the cameras. "You saw that. You saw that too!"
(Andy and April arrive at the Grand Canyon) "It's so much more beautiful than I ever could have imagined." "Yeah....I'm trying to find a way to be annoyed by it, but I'm comin' up empty."
Episode Seven - "The Treaty":
"I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?" - Leslie's planning the Pawnee Central Model UN Meetings. "The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so." "How 'bout Japan?" "The bad guys from Karate Kid II? Even worse. How about Germany? They've never been the bad guys." "Why don't you be Finland." "Okay." "And I'll be the Moon," April says sarcastically. "You're gonna be South Africa or....Pakistan." "I'm the Moon or I quit!" "April." "Moon or quit, man." "Fine. You be South Africa and you can also secretly run the Moon." "The Moon accepts your ridiculous proposal."
"Uh, no, Leslie and I aren't dating any longer, but, uh...we're friends. So, uh...it's fun. It's just fun. It's fun... It's...fun - It is fun." At this point Ben silently pleads for help from the cameraman.
"Sometimes your relentless cheeriness is confusing," Ann tells Chris.
"I just wanted to say...that I thought it was really cool how everything fell apart in there," April tells Leslie, who is despondent in the hallway. "and also, maybe you should talk to Ben." "No. He's being a jerk." "Please? When Ben gets upset he becomes a really bad roommate. He takes really long sadness baths and makes me late for stuff." "I hate it here. I can't wait to graduate." (April grins.) "Yeah, but summer's gonna totally kick ass."
Episode One - "I'm Leslie Knope":
"....Wait. What does that mean for you and Ben?" - Ann, after Leslie is asked to run for city council. "I don't know, but I think it's gonna be really bad!" Leslie frowns. "Do you wanna go back to saying 'yay'?" "Yes please!" "Yay!" (Ann is a good friend.)
"So did you get a chance to look at my sample position papers? How do you feel about my stance on Egyptian debt relief?" - Leslie. "Uh....well, it probably won't come up in a local city council election. But....your thoroughness, as always, is impressive." William the Political Manager Guy.
"Aw, Ann - you beautiful sophisticated naive newborn baby...." - Leslie. "...What?" - Ann.
(The office is staring in shock at an email.) "Whoever this is - sent it to every woman in the entire government!" - Leslie howls. "Oh...he's gotta be so embarrassed. I mean, that is a crazy accident." "No, Andy, he did it on purpose!" she snaps. (Sewage Joe is being his normal horrible self again.) Chris and Ben rush into the Parks Department. "Chris! Jerry's making us look at dirty pictures on his computer!" April tattles. "It is exactly because of that lewd photo that I am here. Ben and I are launching a full investigation, and I want to apologize to all the women. And Jerry. If I could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, I would." "Wow, that is so sweet," April says, looking almost impressed.
"For a female perspective on this scandal, we turn to: a woman!" - Perd Hapley. (He then asks what's happening, she tries to make a joke.) "I do not know what you mean, but, it had the cadence of a joke."
(Leslie snatches phone away from Ben and hangs it up.) "Ben, I need to talk with you." He looks stunned, as only Ben Wyatt can. "...That was my brother. He just had a baby girl-" "That's horrible. Or good. Full disclosure, I didn't listen to whatever it was you just said."
"Wow, you....opposite of broke up with him." "He gave me an eclair, Ann!" Leslie pleads.
"Ron isn't here. His ex-wife Tammy came, and he got scared and ran away," April answers Ron's phone. "...Well, as acting manager of the Parks Department, I declare that everything you are saying is stupid!" Andy then asks for advice. "I don't know what to do," he finishes. "Me neither." she answers, sipping some tea. "You give such great advice! Babe, I love you." (She frowns at camera, noticing it's been following her.) "You're welcome."
(Leslie knocks on the door of Ron's cabin.) "Ron," Leslie says, taken aback by his beard. "What are you doing here?" he growls. "I'm...running away from my problems," she falters. "Come on in."
"All right, enough chitchat. Everybody get back to work!" April hollers. "You are not my boss," - Jerry. "What'd you just say to me?" "Ma'am...." (He scurries away.)
"Given your hunting ability, and my chocolate supplies, I figure we could stay out here for two, three....years?" - Leslie.
"If any of you need anything at all-" Ron addresses the office on his return, "-Too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves. You're adults."
Episode Two - "Ron and Tammys":
(Leslie stutters repeatedly over the word "jail.") "Are you broken?" Ron asks.
Not many notable quotes here.
Episode Three - "Born & Raised":
"Support for Pawnee Community Radio comes the Muriel Fatright Korbel Foudation and SweetumsCares, a nonprofit group that puts umbrella hats on homeless people when it rains," an announcer for WVYS says.
"I wrote a book," Leslie says proudly in an interview segment, holding up her copy of Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America. "The first historical guide to Pawnee. I wrote it as a reference for myself, but then my campaign adviser said we should make it a big wide release. So we had people contribute, we added pictures and we removed a lot of my poems and emotional ramblings and pictures of unicorns and here it is!"
"Usually I only read nautical novels and my own personal manifestos, but I'm proud to make this exception." "Thank you, Ron! I expect all of you to buy additional copies, but I wanted the first copy you own to be delivered - and signed - by me." (April flips through her signed copy.) "This goes on for like, seven pages." "I started thinking about you as a woman, and as a person, and I got carried away." "Okay, mine just says 'Get Well Soon,'" Jerry complains. "Aren't you sick?" "No." (She frowns at him.) "Something's off."
"Do you think there's actually a mistake in here?" April asks Ron. "I doubt it. If there's one thing's Leslie's not, it's sloppy. She's also..." (he flips through the book) "not brief. This is gonna take forever."
"At the risk of bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit," - Tom.
"Anyone find any mistakes?" Ron tiredly asks Ann and April. "Yeah, actually. In here it says that Pawnee is 'great,' but in reality, it's terrible," April replies. "Let Tom know we haven't found anything." "Hey, I'm thinking of getting a new phone. Do you guys like your phones?" Ann asks, determined to become their friend. "I've never used a phone in my life," April says while texting.
"This feels like gotcha journalism!" Leslie complains on Pawnee Today. "In what way?" Joan Callamezzo asks disinterestedly. Leslie points at the big screen behind them. "In that way. You put 'GOTCHA' in big red letters over my face."
"That was despicable. I am horrified by her tactics. That said, the show was very lively," Chris says after Joan's show finishes filming.
"I could leave," Ann explains in an interview segment. "But I am GOING to get my one minute of small talk, damn it! And it will be CASUAL and AMICABLE!" she yells.
"You're the first one to tell me that 'businesses' need 'customers' to make money." Tom says to Ben, defending himself from reasonable criticism. "I was the first one to tell you that?!" Ben answers, incredulous.
"YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!" Kerry the Irate Public Meeting Guy yells at a booksigning event. "I AM back where I came from!" Leslie yells back. His response? "THAT SENTENCE WAS CONFUSING!"
"Well, I've made some progress!" Ann tells the camera. "I am up to four seconds with April. And nine second with Ron." (Montage of asking random questions, like where she could find some good new music. April's answer was "The Internet.")
"Eagleton is a town full of rich, snobby jerks. There's a whole chapter about them in my book." - Leslie.
"Wow....that was....as long as it was loud," Ben mumbles his commentary of a drunk Joan Callamezzo's karaoke.
"Everyone in the universe loves a gross medical story. BOOM! I win!" Ann grins. (She finally got their attention by making up a tale about a guy who gets his arm caught in a Pringles can. It's very bloody.)
Everyone eats waffles from JJ's Diner during the office's release party for Leslie's book.
Episode Four - "Pawnee Rangers":
"I've got a question. What do you think of asking Ben to join us today?" Donna asks Tom. It's Treat Yo Self Day, and our introduction to the term. "WHAAAAATTT? NOO!!!! This is our thing!" "But he really seems like he could use a day off. He's like a skinny little rubber band that's about to snap in half." "Exactly. He doesn't know how to relax. Donna, you and I are relaxation professionals! There's no way Ben can slow down enough to keep up with us."
"I don't know how to relax! The sound of harps makes me nervous!" Ben complains while at the spa with Tom and Donna.
"I've taught them well....I've created an army of little Leslie Knope Monsters. I'm so proud! And a little annoyed. But mostly proud," Leslie says during an interview, about the Pawnee Goddesses club after the girls get her to be nice to Ron and his Pawnee Rangers club, which she didn't want to do.
"When did kids get so interested in 'fun'?" Ron asks in perfect seriousness.
Leslie's ad for a new club for Ron to lead to make him feel better - "Are you tough as nails? Would you rather sleep on a bed of pine needles than a mattress? Do you find video games pointless and shopping malls stupid? Do you march to the beat of your own drummer? Did you make the drum yourself? If so, you might just have what it takes to be A Swanson. Pawnee's most hardcore outdoor club starts today."
Episode Five - "Meet and Greet":
"...I take it we're having a party?" Ben asks after walking in to a house full of skeletons and jack-o'lanterns. "Dude! I knew there was somethin' I forgot to tell ya!" Andy grins. Ben then decides that he's going to hide in his room. "If you need me, I'll definitely be awake. Because...you know, I won't be able to sleep, because of the party. So...y'know. All right...bye."
"My family is very non-confrontational. My parents' method of problem-solving is to kind of keep everything bottled up and just subtly hint at what's bothering them. And after thirty-six years, they are still divorced." - Ben.
"Shouldn't my face be on these rugs?" Leslie asks. "It's always been a dream of mine to be on a rug. So, no." "Tom, now is not the time for you to explore your weird dreams."
"You can text without looking at your phone?" Jerry asks Chris incredulously. "I think it's rude not to maintain eye contact with people who are speaking to me," he answers.
"I know I should be chasing your vote, but I stand by my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. And I think I have a lot of support in the community for doing that," Leslie tells a group of Pawnee businesspeople.
"In Pawnee, when in doubt? Slam salad!" - Leslie.
"Hi there, is there a project you're working on?" a Lowe's employee asks Ron. "I know more than you." "All right..." the alarmed employee gives up.
"When April and Andy married, I didn't get 'em a wedding present. In my experience, wedding presents are nothing but kindling on the divorce bonfire.But I think I found a way I can really help them make a home." - Ron.
(Ron delivers a heartfelt monologue.) "Are...you okay?" Ann asks. "Great! I'm gonna go around this house and fix everything I can find! You wanna help?" "I really do."
"I have one sister. We steal each other's stuff, hack each other's Twitter accounts, set each other's clothes on fire... There are no rules," April muses.
"We need to deal with what's bothering you," Andy barges into Ben's room. "Oh, please, come into my room..." "See? You're angry at me, and you're not talking about it, and I'm gonna beat you up until you do, because I'm mature." (Andy kicks Ben's chair and begins to beat him up.)
"I grew up with five brothers, and we fought using the Dwyer Method, which was yelling, wrestling, crying, followed by lots of hugs. And then more wrestling, but the fun kind, and then more crying, when the fun kind of wrestling got out of hand." "Um....can you....let me go?" Ben asks, in chokehold. "Not til you tell me what's wrong!"
"I'd say you got the handle on that torque wrench," Ron says approvingly to Ann. "Yeah, well, the flange was a little warped, so I just goosed it with a triple-three boltsmack." "That was nonsense." "I know, but it's so fun to talk like that!" (He hands her toolbox.) "Here. Keep this. You earned it."
"Does it hurt?" Ben asks Andy. "Yeah, man! You broke my nose! But I don't even care anymore. Just get it all out there. Go." "All right.... Maybe you have to start thinking about how your actions affect me? Like, tell me about stuff happening at the house. Stop referring to my bedroom as a common space. Stop using my comforter for your pillow forts. Just...respect me." "Absolutely!"
"Tom Haverford is a selfish, unctuous, sleazy, self-promoting, good-hearted, secretly-kind-and-wonderful tiny little person." - Leslie.
Episode Six - "End of the World":
"For a while in the 1970's, our town was run by a freaky cult," Leslie explains. "Every few years, the remaining members of the cult predict the world's gonna end. And they have an all-night vigil in the park.It's super annoying."
"Tonight the followers of Reasonableism will be joining together to await the return of Zorp, the giant lizard god who will destroy the earth with his cleansing fire of judgement. Also, light refreshments will be served," Leslie said during a department meeting.
"Why does the cult call themselves the Reasonableists?" Chris asks. "Well, they figured that if people criticize them, it'll seem like they're attacking something very reasonable," Leslie answers. "That's...weirdly brilliant..." Ben muses.
"Headline idea: 'It's the End of the World as They Know It, But Pawnee Feels Fine.'" - Leslie. "It's a little long." - Shauna Mulway-Tweep. "Okay. How about 'Zorp Schmorp, Doomsday Prediction Falls Flat as Citizens Spend Pleasant Evening Enjoying One of Pawnee's Finest Parks'?" "Somehow, longer..." Shauna then asks if Ben is single, Leslie awkwardly stumbles all over herself trying to answer that question, and Shauna wanders over to Ben. "What's happening?" Ann asks. "The world is ending."
"Can I speak with you about a personal matter?" Leslie asks Ron. "Normally, no. But given that there's only twenty minutes until the end of human existence, also no."
"What's wrong?" Lucy asks Tom. "I don't know....after this is done I'm gonna be broke and I'm not gonna have a job...." "Well, if it's any consolation, this is honestly the best party I have ever been to." (She kisses him.) Tom is stunned for a minute, then he grins at the cameras. "You saw that. You saw that too!"
(Andy and April arrive at the Grand Canyon) "It's so much more beautiful than I ever could have imagined." "Yeah....I'm trying to find a way to be annoyed by it, but I'm comin' up empty."
Episode Seven - "The Treaty":
"I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?" - Leslie's planning the Pawnee Central Model UN Meetings. "The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so." "How 'bout Japan?" "The bad guys from Karate Kid II? Even worse. How about Germany? They've never been the bad guys." "Why don't you be Finland." "Okay." "And I'll be the Moon," April says sarcastically. "You're gonna be South Africa or....Pakistan." "I'm the Moon or I quit!" "April." "Moon or quit, man." "Fine. You be South Africa and you can also secretly run the Moon." "The Moon accepts your ridiculous proposal."
"Uh, no, Leslie and I aren't dating any longer, but, uh...we're friends. So, uh...it's fun. It's just fun. It's fun... It's...fun - It is fun." At this point Ben silently pleads for help from the cameraman.
"Sometimes your relentless cheeriness is confusing," Ann tells Chris.
"I just wanted to say...that I thought it was really cool how everything fell apart in there," April tells Leslie, who is despondent in the hallway. "and also, maybe you should talk to Ben." "No. He's being a jerk." "Please? When Ben gets upset he becomes a really bad roommate. He takes really long sadness baths and makes me late for stuff." "I hate it here. I can't wait to graduate." (April grins.) "Yeah, but summer's gonna totally kick ass."
Thursday, May 4, 2017
3....2...1...
Somebody said that it couldn’t be done But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it!
Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it;”
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat
And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure,
There are thousands to point out to you one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start in to sing as you tackle the thing
That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.
My notes for today's Pop Market:
Captain America: The First Avenger and Guardians of the Galaxy were on TV last night, so it was good to rewatch them. Iron Man 3 is on right now, which adds a nice near-symmetry to the college experience. It was a fantastic way to end my freshman year. The First Avenger came out in 2011, just before we discovered the MCU, and Guardians was an interesting way to start my junior year - which was, uh, eventful. It's maybe my favorite MCU movie, partially because it's so irreverent; makes a good change of pace from everything else. (Cap and GotG reviews on the writing blog.)
Also did some work on the book review blog this afternoon, cleaning up unnecessary labels and tags.
Friday, April 21, 2017
Capstone is FINISHED
Capstone presentations for the calss of 2017 of the English & Humanities Department are finished, so the process is now DONE. (Hopefully. Judgement Grades are TBA.) They started around 8:30 this morning, we got to the Baird Hall performance studio around 8-ish. Most of the alarms were set between 3 and 5 a.m. Kenzie studied how tribal identity and the modern world clashed in Indian literature, Madison studied men in Gothic lit, Lauren studied evil in Stephen King novels, Jenny studied how children's lit looks at death. Other presentations included looking at how YA lit deals with disabilities, what the Illiad has to say about leadership, and controversial women of the Bible.
Mine was analyzing country music as poetry, I was scheduled third, and the presentation went slightly worse than I thought it would, though apparently I finally managed to project well. Like I expected, I got blasted with (in the audience's opinion) most of the harshest questions from the committee, but I think I came up with the right responses (improv is useful that way). Dr. Mackie whispered "Very good, Wes!" on her way back to her seat during a break. Besides the dozen or so Capstone students and the dozen or so members of the committee, there were about ten or fifteen members of the audience, including our fellow classmate-coworkers Ashley, Brandon, Brian, Bryce, Debra, Kara and Sage.
The committee members got into an argument while questioning Madison, which was funny. "So you're saying that [Rebecca's] De Winter solves the problem by loving the narrator," someone asks, "and [Jane Eyre's] Rochester solves the problem by attempting to save his first wife from the house fire, but what about [Wuthering Heights's] Heathcliff?" "Heathcliff solves the problem by dying." Another quote from the committee members' argument, Dr. Ford says in his deadpan way, "See, now I was going to say that murder was the red flag in relationships with all of these guys..."
There was a reception in the English Department afterward, with tons of good food. I chowed down on ribs, Cool Ranch Doritos and Dr. Ford-baked macaroons. (He also finds baking to be a good stress reliever.)
There was a "fun facts" survey we had to do, maybe as a calming-nerves exercise, one of the questions was "Which fictional characters would you most like to be?" Answers included multiple people listing Atticus Finch and Lizzy Bennet. Other answers included Morticia Addams, Lew Archer, Beatrice (Much Ado About Nothing), Charlotte the spider, Ferdinand the bull, Jay Gatsby, Dorian Gray, Katniss Everdeen, Junie B. Jones, Jo March, Roald Dahl's Matilda, Odysseus, Mary Poppins, Diana Prince, Auggie Pullman from RJ Palacio's Wonder, Steve Rogers, Zoe Washburne (Firefly) and Emma Woodhouse. That's the type of collection of characters you get when surveying a dozen English majors. My three picks were Atticus, Ferdinand and Steve, though I thought about putting Jo or Peter Parker on there.
Another question of the survey was "What skills do you wish you had?" Answers here included cooking, drawing, mastery of various musical instruments, portion control of food, superpowers in general, teleportation and time-travel. My answers were "piano-playing, knowledge of what genre best fits my skillset as a writer, and teleportation."
People we would invite to dinner include Agatha Christie, Jimmy Fallon, Neil Gaiman, Ernest Hemingway, Stephen King, Tim Tebow and Betty White. I don't remember any of the other answers, but except for Hemingway, pretty much all of these people would be interesting to talk with.
Mom and Amy stopped by on the way back from Kenneth's funeral tonight; it was good to see them. Stopped by Wal-Mart on a grocery run, got Brad Paisley's new CD.
Mine was analyzing country music as poetry, I was scheduled third, and the presentation went slightly worse than I thought it would, though apparently I finally managed to project well. Like I expected, I got blasted with (in the audience's opinion) most of the harshest questions from the committee, but I think I came up with the right responses (improv is useful that way). Dr. Mackie whispered "Very good, Wes!" on her way back to her seat during a break. Besides the dozen or so Capstone students and the dozen or so members of the committee, there were about ten or fifteen members of the audience, including our fellow classmate-coworkers Ashley, Brandon, Brian, Bryce, Debra, Kara and Sage.
The committee members got into an argument while questioning Madison, which was funny. "So you're saying that [Rebecca's] De Winter solves the problem by loving the narrator," someone asks, "and [Jane Eyre's] Rochester solves the problem by attempting to save his first wife from the house fire, but what about [Wuthering Heights's] Heathcliff?" "Heathcliff solves the problem by dying." Another quote from the committee members' argument, Dr. Ford says in his deadpan way, "See, now I was going to say that murder was the red flag in relationships with all of these guys..."
There was a reception in the English Department afterward, with tons of good food. I chowed down on ribs, Cool Ranch Doritos and Dr. Ford-baked macaroons. (He also finds baking to be a good stress reliever.)
There was a "fun facts" survey we had to do, maybe as a calming-nerves exercise, one of the questions was "Which fictional characters would you most like to be?" Answers included multiple people listing Atticus Finch and Lizzy Bennet. Other answers included Morticia Addams, Lew Archer, Beatrice (Much Ado About Nothing), Charlotte the spider, Ferdinand the bull, Jay Gatsby, Dorian Gray, Katniss Everdeen, Junie B. Jones, Jo March, Roald Dahl's Matilda, Odysseus, Mary Poppins, Diana Prince, Auggie Pullman from RJ Palacio's Wonder, Steve Rogers, Zoe Washburne (Firefly) and Emma Woodhouse. That's the type of collection of characters you get when surveying a dozen English majors. My three picks were Atticus, Ferdinand and Steve, though I thought about putting Jo or Peter Parker on there.
Another question of the survey was "What skills do you wish you had?" Answers here included cooking, drawing, mastery of various musical instruments, portion control of food, superpowers in general, teleportation and time-travel. My answers were "piano-playing, knowledge of what genre best fits my skillset as a writer, and teleportation."
People we would invite to dinner include Agatha Christie, Jimmy Fallon, Neil Gaiman, Ernest Hemingway, Stephen King, Tim Tebow and Betty White. I don't remember any of the other answers, but except for Hemingway, pretty much all of these people would be interesting to talk with.
Mom and Amy stopped by on the way back from Kenneth's funeral tonight; it was good to see them. Stopped by Wal-Mart on a grocery run, got Brad Paisley's new CD.
Monday, April 17, 2017
Firefly Quotes - Part One
Whatever else you can say about them (which is usually quite a lot), Whedon shows are very quotable, and they really make you think. Firefly, especially. Basically, the plot is a Western, that just happens to be set in space....five hundred years into the future. Our main characters are basically outlaws who lost a civil war six years earlier, torn daily between remaining anonymous to the ruling Alliance and making a living. It's like if Han Solo actually had a crew to boss around, instead of just Chewie. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., especially the first and second seasons, in a lot of ways is a tamer version of Firefly. The U.S. and China were the superpowers that led the exploration into space, and so culture is a weird mix of the two, most noticeable by the random strings of Chinese whenever harsh swearing was required. (Creative workaround censors, that.)
So here's the collection of corralled quotations from the sole season of the adventures of the crew of the Serenity. (Captain Malcom Reynolds, second-in-command Zoe Washburne, her pilot husband Hoban Washburne, mechanic Kaylee Frye, mercenary Jayne Cobb, prostitute Inara Serra, preacher Derrial Book, doctor Simon Tam and his borderline insane sister River.) Though the show's run was only fourteen episodes long, the amount of quotability necessitates that this project be broken up into two parts. However, like G.K. Chesterton wrote in Orthodoxy, it's somehow more fun that no more can be added.
Pretty shiny, ain't it? (By this point of the English language, "shiny" is catch-all slang like we use "cool" today.)
Episode One - "Pilot/Serenity":
(Bored while on lookout for a scavenging mission, Wash is playing with two toy dinosaurs.) "Everything looks good from here. 'Yes, yes. This is a fertile land,' (says the triceratops). 'We will thrive. We will rule over all this land' (the control panel) '...and we shall call it....this land....' (switching to T. Rex now) "'I think we should call it your grave!' 'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!', the triceratops cries. 'Eh ha ha hah....mine is an evil laugh. Now die!'" the T. rex gloats.
(Mal commands Kaylee to blackout the Serenity's power.) "Going dark!" (She climbs a ladder and shuts down the power.) "Okay, now I can't get down."
(Jayne and Kaylee are arguing about Mal's plan of taking on passengers to ensure respectability.) "No, it's shiny to meet new people! They've all got their stories...." "Kaylee, will you stop bein' so cheerful, please?" - Jayne. "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that could stop Kaylee from bein' cheerful. Sometimes just want to duct-tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month." Mal replies. "I love my captain," she grins.
"I know somethin' ain't right..." Zoe complains. "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail," Wash points out.
"What were you in that war you failed to win? A sergeant, yeah? I think you're still a sergeant. Still a soldier. A man of honor in a den of thieves," - Badger the crime lord, contemptuously (but accurately) describing Mal.
"I don't see why we didn't leave him in a pool of his own blood," Jayne complains. "'Cause then we'd be dead. You can't get paid if you're dead," Mal answers.
"Now we've got a boatful of citizens right on top of our stolen cargo....That's a fun mix," - Zoe to Mal. "Ain't no way in the 'verse they could find that compartment, even -" (passenger walks by) "even if they were lookin' for it." She looks at him. "Why not?" He frowns uncomfortably. "'Cause." "Ah. Yeah, this is gonna go great..." "If anybody gets nosy, y'know, just....shoot 'em." "Shoot 'em?" "Politely!"
"So....would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways?" - Inara asks Shepherd Book, following an awkward introduction earlier. "I brought you some supper. But if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin, and hellfire. And one has lepers." (Talk turns to Mal.) "He is not wildly interested in ingratiating himself with anyone. Yet he seems very protective of his crew. It's odd." - Book.
(While being held at gunpoint.) "This is not my best day ever," Mal mutters.
(Same scene, after Kaylee is shot in the stomach.) "Welllll....that ain't hardly a mosquito bite." - Mal. (Arguing leads to Mal changing course and running from the Alliance to give Simon enough time to operate on Kaylee.) "When this is over, you and me are gonna have a personal chat," Mal growls during the operation. "That'll be fun. Dope her," Simon tosses a tranq gun across the surgery.
(Coming across a surprise he didn't expect.) "...Huh." - Mal.
"What the hell is this?" - Mal. "This is my sister," - Simon.
(After explaining to everyone else that River was extraordinarily gifted, and thus subjected to experimentation by the Alliance, Simon rescued her.) "Will she be all right?" Inara asks. "I...I don't know. I don't know if she'll be all right; I don't know what they did to her...or why. I just have to keep her safe."
(At the end of his patience, Mal punches Simon.) "Saw that comin'," Jayne grins.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?" an Alliance mole asks Jayne. "Gee, I never been in trouble with the law before," he answers innocently.
"Well, we may not have departed on the best of terms....certain words were exchanged....also...certain bullets..." - Mal to a crime lord named Patience, who shot him the last business deal they had.
"There's obstacles in our path, but we're gonna get through this. We will. We'll get through 'em," Mal tells his crew.
"Testing....Captain, can you hear me?" Jayne asks over a radio headset. "Yeah, I'm standing right here," Mal answers. "Coming in loud and clear!" "That's cause I'm standing right here."
(During a tense standoff between Mal's crew and Patience's people after their transaction has finished.) "I'd appreciate it if you all would turn around and ride out first." (Shootout commences.)
"You might ask Mal to drop you off somewhere else - Whitefall ain't exactly the middle of civilization," - Wash. "I'll be all right, you don't have to worry about me," Simon mumbles. "Zoe's out there. I always worry. So - It ain't out of my way."
(After shootout) "Zoe?" "Armor's dented." "Well, you were right about this being a bad idea." "Thanks for sayin', sir."
(Everyone is yelling frantically at Wash to pilot faster while being chased by horrendous pillagers called Reavers.) "If everyone could just be quiet, please-" he says evenly. "Can we get Kaylee to the engine room, please?" Protestations before Zoe and Jayne go to carry her from the surgery. "How are we doing?" the captain asks after a minute. "I don't mean to alarm anybody, but I think we're being followed."
(Extremely weak Kaylee is directing instructions to Book and Jayne. Book is decently familiar with mechanical things.) "Jayne, open the port jets and cut the hydraulics." (He looks around helplessly.) "What the hell is-" "Look! Look! Look where I'm pointing!" (He opens box, which is full of complicated wires.) "Okay, now it's really simple...." she instructs, Jayne stares at her open-mouthed in disbelief.
(After Wash pulls off a risky, daring escape maneuver and they sail off to safety) "I knew I hired you for somethin'," Mal nods approvingly.
"You really ought to let the doctor look at this," Inara scolds Shepherd Book while stitching up a cut above his eye. "It's not bad." "Well, I'm sure you'll be fine." "I didn't say that." (Pause; he's near tears.) "Is this what life is? Out here?" She nods. "Sometimes." "...I've been out of the abbey two days. I've beaten a lawman senseless, and fallen in with criminals....I watched the captain shoot a man I swore to protect, and....I'm not even sure if I thought it was wrong..." "Shepherd-" "I believe, it's just -" (weak smile) "I think I'm on the wrong ship." She stares at him a minute, biting her lip. "Maybe. But maybe you're exactly where you ought to be."
"I didn't think you'd come for me," River says to Simon. "Well, you're a dummy," he says.
"But he did try to make a deal with you, though, right? How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?" "Money wasn't good enough." "What happens when it is?" "Welll....that'll be an interesting day." "Imagine it will." (Jayne leaves cabin, Simon enters.) "So where do you plan on dumping us?" "There's places you might be safe. But you want the truth, though, you're probably safer on the move. Hey - we never stop movin'." (Simon frowns.) "I'm confused....no, wait, I think maybe you're confused." "Maybe it's become apparent to you that the ship could use a medic. You ain't weak. Don't know how bright you are, top three percent, but you ain't weak, and that's not nothin'. You live by my rules, you keep your sister from doin' anything crazy, you could, maybe, find a place here. Till you find better." "I....I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can....How do I know that you won't kill me in my sleep?" "You don't know me, son. Let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake. You'll be facing me. And you'll be armed." "Are you always this sentimental?" (Mal shrugs.) "Had a good day." "You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages....half the people on this ship have been shot or wounding including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives." "Well, we're still flyin'..." "That isn't much." "...It's enough."
Episode Two - "The Train Job":
"After the Earth was used up, we found a new solar system and hundreds of new Earths were terraformed and colonized. The Central Planets formed the Alliance and decided that all the planets had to join under their rule. There was some disagreement on that point. After the war, many of the Independents who had fought and lost drifted to the edges of the system, far from Alliance control. Out here, people struggle to get by with the most basic technologies. A ship could get you work. A gun would help you keep it. A captain's goal was simple: Find a crew, find a job, keep flying," - First voiceover introduction, from Shepherd Book.
(In a bar on some backwater planet.) "Your move." - Jayne. "That's a bold move." - Zoe. "I live on the edge." - Mal. (We then see that they're playing Chinese Checkers.) And then a drunk guy loudly proclaims that it's been six years since the Alliance won the war, "sending those nasty Browncoats runnin'." He then takes a closer look at Mal. "You know....your coat is kind of a brownish color..." "It was on sale." "An' you didn' toast. You know, I'm thinkin' you musta been one of them Independents." "And I think you weren't blessed with an overabundance of schooling. So why don't we just ignore each other until we go away?" Mal smiles. Drunk Guy continues insulting him until Zoe clobbers him from behind, bringing most of the bar's patrons threateningly to their feet. "Jayne?" Zoe calls for help. "Hey, I didn't fight in no war. You guys are on your own." "Fine. Let's do this." Mal shrugs. (He's then thrown out of a holographic glass window. Into radio:) "Wash, we've got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss."
Later in same fight, Mal, Zoe and Jayne are perched atop a cliff. "See? This is why we lost. Superior numbers!" "Thanks for the reenactment, sir."
"Uh-huh....funny how you always find yourself in an Alliance-friendly bar on U-Day when you're just lookin' for a quiet drink." - Zoe.
"....This isn't home." - River. "No. No....we can't go home. If we go home, they'll just send you back to the Academy. This is safer now." - Simon. (River shakes her head in fear at going back, then nods in agreement that his plan is a good idea.) "We're on a ship," he says hopefully. "A mid-bulk transport, standard radon and accelerator core, class code 03-K64. A Firefly," she recites. "Well, that's somethin'. I can't even remember all that," Mal comments, leaning on the doorway. After a chat about Mal's brawl, River watches him walk down the hallway. "Mal. Bad. In the Latin." (She's right.)
"That young man's very brave," Shepherd Book talking of Simon's attempts to nurse River back to health. He then delivers a monologue of expositional details, asking why Mal is harboring known fugitives. "Because it's the right thing to do. And shouldn't you be delivering religiosity to the heathens or somesuch?" "Oh, I've got heathens enough right here," the preacher smiles. Mal sighs. "You're welcome on this boat. God ain't."
"What did I tell you about barging into my shuttle?" - Inara snaps at Mal. "That it was....manly and impulsive?" "Yes. Except the exact phrase I used was 'Don't.'"
"That guy's a psycho, you know." - Zoe. "Niska? Well, he's not the first psycho we've worked for. Probably won't be the last. You think that's a commentary on us?" - Mal.
(Shepherd Book is studying the New Testament in the kitchen when Inara comes in for a cup of tea. "I wish I could help. I mean, I don't want to help help - not with the thieving, but - I do feel awfully useless." - Book. "You could always pray they make it back safely." - Inara. "I don't think the captain would much like me praying for him." "Don't tell him," she shrugs. "I never do."
"Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain is missing." - Zoe.
"Soo.....what are we doing?" Simon asks Kaylee. "Oh! Crime," she answers breezily. "Crime...good. Okayyy.....hmm. Crime..." he mutters, taken aback.
"Time for some thrilling heroics." - Jayne.
(Having just realized that the cargo they just stole was medicine for a town which desperately needs it.) "This is a nightmare..." Mal moans.
"That sounds like the Alliance....unite all the planets under one rule so that each can be ignored or interfered with equally." Mal.
"....Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?" Wash asks incredulously after Jayne collapses in the middle of threatening everyone. "I told him to sit down," Simon shakes his head. "You doped him!" Kaylee marvels. "It....it was supposed to kick in a good deal sooner. I just didn't feel comfortable with him being in charge. I hope that's all right."
(Jayne, still loopy from the drugs, has just shot an adversary in the kneecap.) "Nice shot." - Mal. "...I was aimin' for his head...."
"A man learns about a situation like ours...well, then he has a choice." - Local Sheriff, talking about the crew's return of the needed medicine. "No, I don't believe he does," Mal answers.
Episode Three - "Bushwhacked":
(Arguing amongst crew whether to see if stranded ship needs help or not.) "If there's folks on board who needed help, why ain't they beamin' no distress call?" - Jayne. "It's true...there's no beacon." - Zoe. "Which means its likely no one's looking to find her." - Mal. "All the more reason for us to do the right thing." - Book. "How's about you just say a prayer while we slide on by?" Jayne asks Book. "Shall I remind you of the story of the Good Samaritan?" Book asks Mal. "I'd rather you didn't. But we'll check it out," Mal decides. "Could be survivors. And if not, well, then nobody's gonna mind if we take a look around, see if there was something of value they might've left behind." "Yeah! No, uh....someone could be hurt," Jayne nods enthusiastically.
"Oh, yeah, he's a real beast. It's a wonder you're still alive," Simon says dryly to Jayne, after they capture a scrawny guy who attacked him earlier. "He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."
(Kaylee is asked to defuse a bomb.) "Yeah, sure, I can do that." (Pause) "That is, I think so...." (Another pause. Then, muttering) "Besides, if I mess up, it's not like you're gonna be around to yell at me..."
"This looks like an illegal salvage operation, Captain Reynolds." - Alliance Officer. "It does? Well, that's discouraging..."
(Zoe is being interrogated.) "You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?" "Fought with a lot of people in the war." "And with your husband in the war?" "Fight with him sometimes, too."
(Mal is being interrogated.) "I find it odd that you'd name your ship after a battle that you were on the losing side of." "May have been the losing side, but I'm not convinced it was the wrong one."
Episode Four - "Shindig":
(New intro from here on out.) "Here's how it is: Earth got used up, so we terraformed a whole new galaxy of Earths, some rich and flush with the new technologies. Some? Well, not so much. Central planets, them as formed the Alliance, waged war to bring everyone under their rule. Few idiots tried to fight it, among them, myself. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity. We got a good crew: fighters, pilot, mechanic. We even picked up a preacher, and a bona fide Companion. There's a doctor, too; took his sister out of some Alliance camp, so they're keepin' a low profile. You got a job, we can do it. Don't much care what it is."
(Mal tries to warn Inara that a bar brawl is brewing over a game of pool.) "I'm having fun, actually. It's interesting watching the game. As with many situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and then standing back."
"Planet's comin' up mighty fast." - Zoe. "Well, that's cause I'm coming down too quick. It's no big deal, only that we're probably going to crash and die." - Wash. "Well, when that happens, let me know." - Mal.
(About a ball she's planning to attend.) "I don't suppose you'd find it up to the standards of your outings. More conversation, and somewhat less petty theft and getting hit with pool cues." - Inara.
"Look at the pretties!" Kaylee squeals. "What am I looking at? The girls, or the clothes?" - Wash. "The clothes, please." - Zoe.
"You backed out of our deal last time. Left us hanging." - Mal. "Hurt our feelings." - Jayne adds. "I had a problem with your attitude is why. Thought you was....what's the word...." Badger stops his harangue Mal-ward, stuck for the right word. "Pretentious?" Jayne suggests. "Exactly! You think you're better than other people!" "Just the ones I'm better than."
"She blushes. Not many in your profession who would do that." a nasty man named Atherton Wing, to Inara.
"You're supposed to make me look respectable." Mal hisses at Kaylee, both very much out of their element at Inara's fancy ball. "Yes sir, Cap'n Tightpants!" "Okay....help me find our man....he's kind of stocky and he's wearin' a red sash crossways." "Why's he do that?" "Maybe he won the Miss Persephone Pageant. Just help me look!" "Is that him?" "That's the buffet table." "Well, how can we be sure, unless we question it?"
(River has just ripped off the labels of most of the galley's canned-food supply.) "Shh. No harm done, we'll just - be having a few mystery meals." - Book.
(Mal has found the guy he's looking for, a large man with a snooty accent named Sir Warrick Harrow.) "The sash?" "It indicates lordhood." "And it's - doing a great job." "Whom do you represent?" "Fella called Badger." (Sir Warrick looks offended.) "I know him. I think he's a psychotic lowlife." "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."
(Mal and Inara are arguing again.) "What I do is legal. And how about you, how's that smuggling coming along?" "It may be illegal, but at least it's honest." he snaps.
(Mal punches Atherton Wing, who's just insulted Inara.) "Turns out this is my kind of party!" (He then learns that he accidentally challenged him to a swordfight duel, and panics.)
"...This taking up as my second, does that mean we're in business together?" Mal to Sir Warrick. "It means you're in mortal danger. But, you mussed up Atherton's face, and that has endeared me to you somewhat."
"....Up until the punching, it was a real nice party," Kaylee says quietly.
(Badger knocks on the hull door, Jayne reluctantly lets him in.) "The captain's gone and gotten himself in trouble," Badger announces. Cut to crew meeting. "A duel?" Book asks, not believing Badger's story. "With swords?" Wash is equally astounded. "The captain's a good fighter, he....he must know how to handle a s-sword..." Simon mumbles. "Think he knows which end to hold..." Zoe frowns.
"He insulted you. I hit him. Seemed like the right thing to do. Why'd this get so complicated?!" Mal, to Inara. (Later, same scene.) "I actually thought that I was defending your honor, and I never back down from a fight." "Yes, you do! You do that all the time." "....Well, I'm not backin' down from this one." (She then teaches him how to swordfight.)
Episode Five - "Safe":
(Slightly expanded version of Mal's intro; the third of the series.) "Here's how it is: the Earth got used up, so we moved out and terraformed a whole new galaxy of Earths, some rich and flush with the new technologies. Some? Well, not so much. The central planets, them as formed the Alliance, waged war to bring everyone under their rule. Few idiots tried to fight it, among them, myself. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity. She's a transport ship, Firefly class. We got a good crew: fighters, pilot, mechanic. We even picked up a preacher for some reason, and a bona fide Companion. There's a doctor, too; took his sister out of some Alliance camp, so they're keepin' a low profile. You understand. You got a job, we can do it. Don't much care what it is."
"I will not have it in my house. But since your mother's already ordered you one, I guess I should give up the fantasy that this is my house." - Gabriel Tam in a flashback, talking about ordering a piece of expensive technology for Simon's use. (Perhaps a computer?) He then stipulates that Simon can pay him back by becoming a brilliant doctor. (Young Simon is played by Zac Efron in his first role.)
"So. She's added cussing and hurling about of vial-things into her repertoire. She really is a prodigy." - Mal, about River. "It's just a bad day..." Simon mutters. "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. You ever seen cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kinda like a...meat grinder. And it loses half our herd." "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle." "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed. Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't." "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems." - River. "See, morbid and creepifyin', I got no problem with. Long as she does it quiet-like."
(Unloading the cattle for the sale.) "Hope this corral's strong enough to hold 'em....Shepherd's a purely figurative title, ya know!" - Book. "Next time we start smugglin' stock, let's make it something smaller." - Zoe. "Yeah, like those black-market beagles!" Wash agrees.
"When a man engages in clandestine dealings, he has his preference for things bein' smooth. She makes things - not be smooth." - Mal, about River. "Right....I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows," Simon answers sarcastically.
"Does it seem that every supply store on every border planet has the same five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of - what is this, a duck?" - Inara. "It's a swan!" Kaylee defends it. "And I like it." "You do?" "Yeah. It looks like it was made with, y'know....longing. Made by a person who really longed to see a swan." (Inara smiles.) "Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description."
"This is the last time with cows...." Mal mutters, picking carefully through manure. "I believe there was some idea with beagles. Don't they have smallish droppings?" "I believe so, sir. Also, your disreputable men are here." - Zoe.
(Caught up in a skirmish wholly not of their doing for once.) "It never goes smooth! How come it never goes smooth?!" Mal complains.
(Book has been shot, badly.) "Where's....the doctor?" he wheezes. "We don't make him hurry for the little stuff. He'll be along shortly," Zoe tells him in her best nursing voice. "He...could hurry....a little...."
"'Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." (Flips book to new page) "Today we were captured by hill-folk, never be seen again. It was the best day ever!'" - Jayne rummaging through Simon's things.
"We're headed for help, right?" Kaylee asks about Book. "Captain'll come up with a plan," Zoe nods. "And that's good, right?" Zoe allows herself a small grin. "It's possible you're not recallin' some of his previous plans."
(Very agitated Jayne, in an Alliance hospital.) "This place gives me an uncomfortableness..."
(After getting kidnapped by a community of hillbillies, River has a moment of reality and she shares a memory of berrypicking with Simon.) "I took you away from there. I know I did. You don't think I do, but...I get confused. I remember everything. I remember too much, and....some of it's made up, and....some of it can't be quantified, and - there's secrets -" "River. It's okay." "But I understand. You gave up everything you had to find me. You found me broken, and...it's hard for you. You gave up everything you had-" (she breaks down in tears.) "Everything I have is right here." (She smiles again.) "You need to eat, to keep up your strength. We won't be here long. Daddy will come and take us away." (Simon turns away.) "I'll get better. I'll get better!"
(Flashback again: In his efforts to rescue River, Simon has found himself jailed. His parents have never believed his idea that she is being tortured, and Dad comes along to bail him out, in an awful mood.) "I'm sorry, Dad....You know, I never would have saved River's life if I knew there was a dinner party at risk." "Are you trying to destroy this family?!" Gabriel rages. Simon answers, sadly: "....I didn't realize it would be so easy." (Simon is then disowned.)
(These hillbillies have turned out to be some kind of cult, and they think River is a witch. She's about to be burned at the stake until the Serenity saves the day dramatically.) "WELL, LOOK AT THIS! APPEARS WE GOT HERE IN JUST THE NICK OF TIME!" Mal has to shout to be heard over the engines. "WHAT DOES THAT MAKE US?" "BIG DAMN HEROES, SIR!" Zoe yells back. "AIN'T WE JUST!" (By now they're within normal speaking range.) "Sorry, folks, but you got somethin' that belongs to us, and we'd like it back. Cut her down." "She's a witch," the community leader protests. "Yeah, but she's our witch!" Mal snaps.
"So finally a decent wound on this ship, and I miss it.... I'm sorry." - Simon. "Well, you were busy tryin' to get yourself lit on fire. It happens." - Mal. "Captain? Why did you come back for us?" (Mal looks surprised.) "You're on my crew." "Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?" "You're on my crew. Why are we still talkin' about this?"
Episode Six - "Our Mrs. Reynolds":
"I married me a powerful ugly creature," Jayne says to outlaws holding up their wagon. "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?" Mal asks, disguised as a woman. They aim their pistols at the outlaws. "Now, you think real hard. You can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, or, if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you." - Mal.
"What are you doing on my boat?" a startled Mal yells at a young woman with red hair. "But....you know I am to cleave to you." "To what about who?" "Did the elder not tell you?" "Tell me what....? Who are you?" "Mr. Reynolds, sir....I'm your wife." (Mal is stunned speechless, and the credits intro plays.) "Could you repeat that, please?" (The woman tries to explain.) "Okay, I'm sorry - go back to the part where you're my wife?" "I don't please you?" "You can't please me - you never met me!" (Zoe and Jayne enter cargo bay.) "Zoe, why do I have a wife?" "You got a wife?" Jayne asks. (Zoe calls everybody into the cargo bay.) "Who's the new recruit?" Book asks. "Everybody - I want you all to meet Mrs. Reynolds," Zoe introduces the crew to the woman. "You got married?" Kaylee squeals. (Inara looks angry and like she wants to throw up.) "Wow, that's, uh....Congratulations?" Simon stammers. "We always hoped you two kids would get togeth - Who is she?" - Wash. (Eventually they all figure out what happened, Mal doesn't react well and the woman runs away crying.)
"Hello? Woman...Person?" Mal calls through a hallway before eventually finding her. "Are you gonna kill me?" "What? What kind of crappy planet is that, kill you?" "In the Maiden's Home I heard talk of men who were like that, if they weren't pleased with their brides-" "Well, I ain't them! And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing. Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back." He sighs. "Look, wife or no, you are no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right, same as anyone, to...live and try to kill people." (She stares, confused.) "I mean....y'know...That's a dumb planet!"
(Later, same scene.) "I'd be a good wife." "Yeah, well....I'd be a terrible husband." (She scrambles off to the galley to cook.) "Hold it! I never even-" "My name is Saffron," the woman says demurely.
"Can I come in?" - Mal. "No." Inara's tone is even icier than normal. (He enters her shuttle.) "That's why I don't usually ask." "What do you want?" "I just need someplace to....hide."
"Every planet has its own weird customs. A year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese," Wash tells Zoe. "Baby geese - Goslings! They were juggled."
(Mal goes to his cabin, is surprised to see Saffron there.) "Hey, you're, uh....uhhh.....there you are. Didn't you see that you got a room of your own?" "And I'm to sleep there?" "That's the notion. Assuming you're sleepy." "But we've been wed. Aren't we to become one flesh?" "Uh....no. No, we're still two fleshes, and...I think that your flesh ought to sleep somewhere else." (Saffron knocks him out with poison lipstick, and this later indirectly knocks out Inara as well, once she tries to revive him. Inara spends the rest of the episode awkwardly explaining away this incident by claiming she tripped and hit her head.)
"She's a pro!" Kaylee admires Saffron's explosive-rigging capability. Inara explains that Saffron also apparently had Companion training. "Okay, everybody not talking about sex, stay in here! Everybody else, elsewhere," Wash commands.
"One day, you're gonna tell us all how a preacher knows so damn much about crime," Jayne says to Book.
"You gonna kill me?" Saffron asks once Mal tracks her down. "Can you come up with a terribly compelling reason for me not to?" "I didn't kill you." He has her pinned, with a gun to her head. "Promise me you're gonna kill me soon." "Aw, you already know I ain't gonna." He lets her sit up. "You know, you did pretty well. Most men, they're on me inside of ten minutes. Not tryin' to teach me how to be strong and the like."
Episode Seven - "Jaynestown":
"What's going on here?" Simon asks Jayne. "I was looking for some tape." "So you had to tear my entire infirmary apart?" "Apparently." "You are like a trained ape! Except without the training."
(The gang runs into a lifesized statue of Jayne, gape in astonishment.) "...Jayne?" Mal asks. "Yeah?" "You want to tell me how come there's a statue of you here, starin' at me like I owe him somethin'?" "...Wishin I could, Cap'n..."
(River is sitting at the kitchen table, scribbling in Book's Bible, when he enters.) "What are you up to, sweetheart?" "Fixing your Bible." "I - uh - what?" Rapid-fire River talk, full of technical jargon and delivered at the speed of sound. "River! You - you don't fix the Bible!" he finally yells at her. She stares back, confused. "It's broken. It doesn't make sense." Book sighs. "It's not about making sense. It's about...believing in something, and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River - it fixes you."
(A bar erupts in a ballad praising Jayne as a conquering folk hero.) "Um....Jayne?" "Yeah, Mal." "You...got any light to shed on this development?" "No, Mal," Jayne looks just as dumbfounded as the rest of them. "This must be what going mad feels like...." Simon mutters. After the song is finished, Wash says, "We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero."
"Y'know....you're pretty....pretty," Simon tells Kaylee. (They're both pretty drunk by now.) She looks at him, startled. "What? What did you say?" "Nothing. Just that you're pretty....even when you're all covered in engine grease."
(Book had taken his hair out of the bun, which terrified the daylights out of River, so she's hiding.) "Please, won't you come out?" "No! Can't. Too much hair!" "Is that it?" he asks Zoe. She chuckles. "Hell yes, Preacher. If I didn't have stuff to get done, I'd be in there with her."
"You confound me some, that's all," Kaylee tells Simon. "You like me well enough, we get along, and then you go all stiff-" (Simon tries to defend himself, too confounded to speak) "See? You're doing it right now. What's so damn important about bein' proper? Don't mean nothing out here in the black." He thinks for a minute. "It means more out here. It's all I have. My way of being...polite or whatever...it's the only way I have of showing that I like you. Of showing respect."
So here's the collection of corralled quotations from the sole season of the adventures of the crew of the Serenity. (Captain Malcom Reynolds, second-in-command Zoe Washburne, her pilot husband Hoban Washburne, mechanic Kaylee Frye, mercenary Jayne Cobb, prostitute Inara Serra, preacher Derrial Book, doctor Simon Tam and his borderline insane sister River.) Though the show's run was only fourteen episodes long, the amount of quotability necessitates that this project be broken up into two parts. However, like G.K. Chesterton wrote in Orthodoxy, it's somehow more fun that no more can be added.
Pretty shiny, ain't it? (By this point of the English language, "shiny" is catch-all slang like we use "cool" today.)
Episode One - "Pilot/Serenity":
(Bored while on lookout for a scavenging mission, Wash is playing with two toy dinosaurs.) "Everything looks good from here. 'Yes, yes. This is a fertile land,' (says the triceratops). 'We will thrive. We will rule over all this land' (the control panel) '...and we shall call it....this land....' (switching to T. Rex now) "'I think we should call it your grave!' 'Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!', the triceratops cries. 'Eh ha ha hah....mine is an evil laugh. Now die!'" the T. rex gloats.
(Mal commands Kaylee to blackout the Serenity's power.) "Going dark!" (She climbs a ladder and shuts down the power.) "Okay, now I can't get down."
(Jayne and Kaylee are arguing about Mal's plan of taking on passengers to ensure respectability.) "No, it's shiny to meet new people! They've all got their stories...." "Kaylee, will you stop bein' so cheerful, please?" - Jayne. "I don't believe there's a power in the 'verse that could stop Kaylee from bein' cheerful. Sometimes just want to duct-tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month." Mal replies. "I love my captain," she grins.
"I know somethin' ain't right..." Zoe complains. "Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail," Wash points out.
"What were you in that war you failed to win? A sergeant, yeah? I think you're still a sergeant. Still a soldier. A man of honor in a den of thieves," - Badger the crime lord, contemptuously (but accurately) describing Mal.
"I don't see why we didn't leave him in a pool of his own blood," Jayne complains. "'Cause then we'd be dead. You can't get paid if you're dead," Mal answers.
"Now we've got a boatful of citizens right on top of our stolen cargo....That's a fun mix," - Zoe to Mal. "Ain't no way in the 'verse they could find that compartment, even -" (passenger walks by) "even if they were lookin' for it." She looks at him. "Why not?" He frowns uncomfortably. "'Cause." "Ah. Yeah, this is gonna go great..." "If anybody gets nosy, y'know, just....shoot 'em." "Shoot 'em?" "Politely!"
"So....would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways?" - Inara asks Shepherd Book, following an awkward introduction earlier. "I brought you some supper. But if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin, and hellfire. And one has lepers." (Talk turns to Mal.) "He is not wildly interested in ingratiating himself with anyone. Yet he seems very protective of his crew. It's odd." - Book.
(While being held at gunpoint.) "This is not my best day ever," Mal mutters.
(Same scene, after Kaylee is shot in the stomach.) "Welllll....that ain't hardly a mosquito bite." - Mal. (Arguing leads to Mal changing course and running from the Alliance to give Simon enough time to operate on Kaylee.) "When this is over, you and me are gonna have a personal chat," Mal growls during the operation. "That'll be fun. Dope her," Simon tosses a tranq gun across the surgery.
(Coming across a surprise he didn't expect.) "...Huh." - Mal.
"What the hell is this?" - Mal. "This is my sister," - Simon.
(After explaining to everyone else that River was extraordinarily gifted, and thus subjected to experimentation by the Alliance, Simon rescued her.) "Will she be all right?" Inara asks. "I...I don't know. I don't know if she'll be all right; I don't know what they did to her...or why. I just have to keep her safe."
(At the end of his patience, Mal punches Simon.) "Saw that comin'," Jayne grins.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?" an Alliance mole asks Jayne. "Gee, I never been in trouble with the law before," he answers innocently.
"Well, we may not have departed on the best of terms....certain words were exchanged....also...certain bullets..." - Mal to a crime lord named Patience, who shot him the last business deal they had.
"There's obstacles in our path, but we're gonna get through this. We will. We'll get through 'em," Mal tells his crew.
"Testing....Captain, can you hear me?" Jayne asks over a radio headset. "Yeah, I'm standing right here," Mal answers. "Coming in loud and clear!" "That's cause I'm standing right here."
(During a tense standoff between Mal's crew and Patience's people after their transaction has finished.) "I'd appreciate it if you all would turn around and ride out first." (Shootout commences.)
"You might ask Mal to drop you off somewhere else - Whitefall ain't exactly the middle of civilization," - Wash. "I'll be all right, you don't have to worry about me," Simon mumbles. "Zoe's out there. I always worry. So - It ain't out of my way."
(After shootout) "Zoe?" "Armor's dented." "Well, you were right about this being a bad idea." "Thanks for sayin', sir."
(Everyone is yelling frantically at Wash to pilot faster while being chased by horrendous pillagers called Reavers.) "If everyone could just be quiet, please-" he says evenly. "Can we get Kaylee to the engine room, please?" Protestations before Zoe and Jayne go to carry her from the surgery. "How are we doing?" the captain asks after a minute. "I don't mean to alarm anybody, but I think we're being followed."
(Extremely weak Kaylee is directing instructions to Book and Jayne. Book is decently familiar with mechanical things.) "Jayne, open the port jets and cut the hydraulics." (He looks around helplessly.) "What the hell is-" "Look! Look! Look where I'm pointing!" (He opens box, which is full of complicated wires.) "Okay, now it's really simple...." she instructs, Jayne stares at her open-mouthed in disbelief.
(After Wash pulls off a risky, daring escape maneuver and they sail off to safety) "I knew I hired you for somethin'," Mal nods approvingly.
"You really ought to let the doctor look at this," Inara scolds Shepherd Book while stitching up a cut above his eye. "It's not bad." "Well, I'm sure you'll be fine." "I didn't say that." (Pause; he's near tears.) "Is this what life is? Out here?" She nods. "Sometimes." "...I've been out of the abbey two days. I've beaten a lawman senseless, and fallen in with criminals....I watched the captain shoot a man I swore to protect, and....I'm not even sure if I thought it was wrong..." "Shepherd-" "I believe, it's just -" (weak smile) "I think I'm on the wrong ship." She stares at him a minute, biting her lip. "Maybe. But maybe you're exactly where you ought to be."
"I didn't think you'd come for me," River says to Simon. "Well, you're a dummy," he says.
"But he did try to make a deal with you, though, right? How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?" "Money wasn't good enough." "What happens when it is?" "Welll....that'll be an interesting day." "Imagine it will." (Jayne leaves cabin, Simon enters.) "So where do you plan on dumping us?" "There's places you might be safe. But you want the truth, though, you're probably safer on the move. Hey - we never stop movin'." (Simon frowns.) "I'm confused....no, wait, I think maybe you're confused." "Maybe it's become apparent to you that the ship could use a medic. You ain't weak. Don't know how bright you are, top three percent, but you ain't weak, and that's not nothin'. You live by my rules, you keep your sister from doin' anything crazy, you could, maybe, find a place here. Till you find better." "I....I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can....How do I know that you won't kill me in my sleep?" "You don't know me, son. Let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake. You'll be facing me. And you'll be armed." "Are you always this sentimental?" (Mal shrugs.) "Had a good day." "You had the Alliance on you, criminals and savages....half the people on this ship have been shot or wounding including yourself, and you're harboring known fugitives." "Well, we're still flyin'..." "That isn't much." "...It's enough."
Episode Two - "The Train Job":
"After the Earth was used up, we found a new solar system and hundreds of new Earths were terraformed and colonized. The Central Planets formed the Alliance and decided that all the planets had to join under their rule. There was some disagreement on that point. After the war, many of the Independents who had fought and lost drifted to the edges of the system, far from Alliance control. Out here, people struggle to get by with the most basic technologies. A ship could get you work. A gun would help you keep it. A captain's goal was simple: Find a crew, find a job, keep flying," - First voiceover introduction, from Shepherd Book.
(In a bar on some backwater planet.) "Your move." - Jayne. "That's a bold move." - Zoe. "I live on the edge." - Mal. (We then see that they're playing Chinese Checkers.) And then a drunk guy loudly proclaims that it's been six years since the Alliance won the war, "sending those nasty Browncoats runnin'." He then takes a closer look at Mal. "You know....your coat is kind of a brownish color..." "It was on sale." "An' you didn' toast. You know, I'm thinkin' you musta been one of them Independents." "And I think you weren't blessed with an overabundance of schooling. So why don't we just ignore each other until we go away?" Mal smiles. Drunk Guy continues insulting him until Zoe clobbers him from behind, bringing most of the bar's patrons threateningly to their feet. "Jayne?" Zoe calls for help. "Hey, I didn't fight in no war. You guys are on your own." "Fine. Let's do this." Mal shrugs. (He's then thrown out of a holographic glass window. Into radio:) "Wash, we've got some local color happening. A grand entrance would not go amiss."
Later in same fight, Mal, Zoe and Jayne are perched atop a cliff. "See? This is why we lost. Superior numbers!" "Thanks for the reenactment, sir."
"Uh-huh....funny how you always find yourself in an Alliance-friendly bar on U-Day when you're just lookin' for a quiet drink." - Zoe.
"....This isn't home." - River. "No. No....we can't go home. If we go home, they'll just send you back to the Academy. This is safer now." - Simon. (River shakes her head in fear at going back, then nods in agreement that his plan is a good idea.) "We're on a ship," he says hopefully. "A mid-bulk transport, standard radon and accelerator core, class code 03-K64. A Firefly," she recites. "Well, that's somethin'. I can't even remember all that," Mal comments, leaning on the doorway. After a chat about Mal's brawl, River watches him walk down the hallway. "Mal. Bad. In the Latin." (She's right.)
"That young man's very brave," Shepherd Book talking of Simon's attempts to nurse River back to health. He then delivers a monologue of expositional details, asking why Mal is harboring known fugitives. "Because it's the right thing to do. And shouldn't you be delivering religiosity to the heathens or somesuch?" "Oh, I've got heathens enough right here," the preacher smiles. Mal sighs. "You're welcome on this boat. God ain't."
"What did I tell you about barging into my shuttle?" - Inara snaps at Mal. "That it was....manly and impulsive?" "Yes. Except the exact phrase I used was 'Don't.'"
"That guy's a psycho, you know." - Zoe. "Niska? Well, he's not the first psycho we've worked for. Probably won't be the last. You think that's a commentary on us?" - Mal.
(Shepherd Book is studying the New Testament in the kitchen when Inara comes in for a cup of tea. "I wish I could help. I mean, I don't want to help help - not with the thieving, but - I do feel awfully useless." - Book. "You could always pray they make it back safely." - Inara. "I don't think the captain would much like me praying for him." "Don't tell him," she shrugs. "I never do."
"Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain is missing." - Zoe.
"Soo.....what are we doing?" Simon asks Kaylee. "Oh! Crime," she answers breezily. "Crime...good. Okayyy.....hmm. Crime..." he mutters, taken aback.
"Time for some thrilling heroics." - Jayne.
(Having just realized that the cargo they just stole was medicine for a town which desperately needs it.) "This is a nightmare..." Mal moans.
"That sounds like the Alliance....unite all the planets under one rule so that each can be ignored or interfered with equally." Mal.
"....Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?" Wash asks incredulously after Jayne collapses in the middle of threatening everyone. "I told him to sit down," Simon shakes his head. "You doped him!" Kaylee marvels. "It....it was supposed to kick in a good deal sooner. I just didn't feel comfortable with him being in charge. I hope that's all right."
(Jayne, still loopy from the drugs, has just shot an adversary in the kneecap.) "Nice shot." - Mal. "...I was aimin' for his head...."
"A man learns about a situation like ours...well, then he has a choice." - Local Sheriff, talking about the crew's return of the needed medicine. "No, I don't believe he does," Mal answers.
Episode Three - "Bushwhacked":
(Arguing amongst crew whether to see if stranded ship needs help or not.) "If there's folks on board who needed help, why ain't they beamin' no distress call?" - Jayne. "It's true...there's no beacon." - Zoe. "Which means its likely no one's looking to find her." - Mal. "All the more reason for us to do the right thing." - Book. "How's about you just say a prayer while we slide on by?" Jayne asks Book. "Shall I remind you of the story of the Good Samaritan?" Book asks Mal. "I'd rather you didn't. But we'll check it out," Mal decides. "Could be survivors. And if not, well, then nobody's gonna mind if we take a look around, see if there was something of value they might've left behind." "Yeah! No, uh....someone could be hurt," Jayne nods enthusiastically.
"Oh, yeah, he's a real beast. It's a wonder you're still alive," Simon says dryly to Jayne, after they capture a scrawny guy who attacked him earlier. "He looked bigger when I couldn't see him."
(Kaylee is asked to defuse a bomb.) "Yeah, sure, I can do that." (Pause) "That is, I think so...." (Another pause. Then, muttering) "Besides, if I mess up, it's not like you're gonna be around to yell at me..."
"This looks like an illegal salvage operation, Captain Reynolds." - Alliance Officer. "It does? Well, that's discouraging..."
(Zoe is being interrogated.) "You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?" "Fought with a lot of people in the war." "And with your husband in the war?" "Fight with him sometimes, too."
(Mal is being interrogated.) "I find it odd that you'd name your ship after a battle that you were on the losing side of." "May have been the losing side, but I'm not convinced it was the wrong one."
Episode Four - "Shindig":
(New intro from here on out.) "Here's how it is: Earth got used up, so we terraformed a whole new galaxy of Earths, some rich and flush with the new technologies. Some? Well, not so much. Central planets, them as formed the Alliance, waged war to bring everyone under their rule. Few idiots tried to fight it, among them, myself. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity. We got a good crew: fighters, pilot, mechanic. We even picked up a preacher, and a bona fide Companion. There's a doctor, too; took his sister out of some Alliance camp, so they're keepin' a low profile. You got a job, we can do it. Don't much care what it is."
(Mal tries to warn Inara that a bar brawl is brewing over a game of pool.) "I'm having fun, actually. It's interesting watching the game. As with many situations, the key seems to be giving Jayne a heavy stick and then standing back."
"Planet's comin' up mighty fast." - Zoe. "Well, that's cause I'm coming down too quick. It's no big deal, only that we're probably going to crash and die." - Wash. "Well, when that happens, let me know." - Mal.
(About a ball she's planning to attend.) "I don't suppose you'd find it up to the standards of your outings. More conversation, and somewhat less petty theft and getting hit with pool cues." - Inara.
"Look at the pretties!" Kaylee squeals. "What am I looking at? The girls, or the clothes?" - Wash. "The clothes, please." - Zoe.
"You backed out of our deal last time. Left us hanging." - Mal. "Hurt our feelings." - Jayne adds. "I had a problem with your attitude is why. Thought you was....what's the word...." Badger stops his harangue Mal-ward, stuck for the right word. "Pretentious?" Jayne suggests. "Exactly! You think you're better than other people!" "Just the ones I'm better than."
"She blushes. Not many in your profession who would do that." a nasty man named Atherton Wing, to Inara.
"You're supposed to make me look respectable." Mal hisses at Kaylee, both very much out of their element at Inara's fancy ball. "Yes sir, Cap'n Tightpants!" "Okay....help me find our man....he's kind of stocky and he's wearin' a red sash crossways." "Why's he do that?" "Maybe he won the Miss Persephone Pageant. Just help me look!" "Is that him?" "That's the buffet table." "Well, how can we be sure, unless we question it?"
(River has just ripped off the labels of most of the galley's canned-food supply.) "Shh. No harm done, we'll just - be having a few mystery meals." - Book.
(Mal has found the guy he's looking for, a large man with a snooty accent named Sir Warrick Harrow.) "The sash?" "It indicates lordhood." "And it's - doing a great job." "Whom do you represent?" "Fella called Badger." (Sir Warrick looks offended.) "I know him. I think he's a psychotic lowlife." "And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community."
(Mal and Inara are arguing again.) "What I do is legal. And how about you, how's that smuggling coming along?" "It may be illegal, but at least it's honest." he snaps.
(Mal punches Atherton Wing, who's just insulted Inara.) "Turns out this is my kind of party!" (He then learns that he accidentally challenged him to a swordfight duel, and panics.)
"...This taking up as my second, does that mean we're in business together?" Mal to Sir Warrick. "It means you're in mortal danger. But, you mussed up Atherton's face, and that has endeared me to you somewhat."
"....Up until the punching, it was a real nice party," Kaylee says quietly.
(Badger knocks on the hull door, Jayne reluctantly lets him in.) "The captain's gone and gotten himself in trouble," Badger announces. Cut to crew meeting. "A duel?" Book asks, not believing Badger's story. "With swords?" Wash is equally astounded. "The captain's a good fighter, he....he must know how to handle a s-sword..." Simon mumbles. "Think he knows which end to hold..." Zoe frowns.
"He insulted you. I hit him. Seemed like the right thing to do. Why'd this get so complicated?!" Mal, to Inara. (Later, same scene.) "I actually thought that I was defending your honor, and I never back down from a fight." "Yes, you do! You do that all the time." "....Well, I'm not backin' down from this one." (She then teaches him how to swordfight.)
Episode Five - "Safe":
(Slightly expanded version of Mal's intro; the third of the series.) "Here's how it is: the Earth got used up, so we moved out and terraformed a whole new galaxy of Earths, some rich and flush with the new technologies. Some? Well, not so much. The central planets, them as formed the Alliance, waged war to bring everyone under their rule. Few idiots tried to fight it, among them, myself. I'm Malcolm Reynolds, captain of Serenity. She's a transport ship, Firefly class. We got a good crew: fighters, pilot, mechanic. We even picked up a preacher for some reason, and a bona fide Companion. There's a doctor, too; took his sister out of some Alliance camp, so they're keepin' a low profile. You understand. You got a job, we can do it. Don't much care what it is."
"I will not have it in my house. But since your mother's already ordered you one, I guess I should give up the fantasy that this is my house." - Gabriel Tam in a flashback, talking about ordering a piece of expensive technology for Simon's use. (Perhaps a computer?) He then stipulates that Simon can pay him back by becoming a brilliant doctor. (Young Simon is played by Zac Efron in his first role.)
"So. She's added cussing and hurling about of vial-things into her repertoire. She really is a prodigy." - Mal, about River. "It's just a bad day..." Simon mutters. "No, a bad day is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. You ever seen cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kinda like a...meat grinder. And it loses half our herd." "She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle." "No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed. Although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't." "The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems." - River. "See, morbid and creepifyin', I got no problem with. Long as she does it quiet-like."
(Unloading the cattle for the sale.) "Hope this corral's strong enough to hold 'em....Shepherd's a purely figurative title, ya know!" - Book. "Next time we start smugglin' stock, let's make it something smaller." - Zoe. "Yeah, like those black-market beagles!" Wash agrees.
"When a man engages in clandestine dealings, he has his preference for things bein' smooth. She makes things - not be smooth." - Mal, about River. "Right....I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows," Simon answers sarcastically.
"Does it seem that every supply store on every border planet has the same five rag dolls and the same wood carvings of - what is this, a duck?" - Inara. "It's a swan!" Kaylee defends it. "And I like it." "You do?" "Yeah. It looks like it was made with, y'know....longing. Made by a person who really longed to see a swan." (Inara smiles.) "Perhaps because they'd only heard of them by rough description."
"This is the last time with cows...." Mal mutters, picking carefully through manure. "I believe there was some idea with beagles. Don't they have smallish droppings?" "I believe so, sir. Also, your disreputable men are here." - Zoe.
(Caught up in a skirmish wholly not of their doing for once.) "It never goes smooth! How come it never goes smooth?!" Mal complains.
(Book has been shot, badly.) "Where's....the doctor?" he wheezes. "We don't make him hurry for the little stuff. He'll be along shortly," Zoe tells him in her best nursing voice. "He...could hurry....a little...."
"'Dear Diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy." (Flips book to new page) "Today we were captured by hill-folk, never be seen again. It was the best day ever!'" - Jayne rummaging through Simon's things.
"We're headed for help, right?" Kaylee asks about Book. "Captain'll come up with a plan," Zoe nods. "And that's good, right?" Zoe allows herself a small grin. "It's possible you're not recallin' some of his previous plans."
(Very agitated Jayne, in an Alliance hospital.) "This place gives me an uncomfortableness..."
(After getting kidnapped by a community of hillbillies, River has a moment of reality and she shares a memory of berrypicking with Simon.) "I took you away from there. I know I did. You don't think I do, but...I get confused. I remember everything. I remember too much, and....some of it's made up, and....some of it can't be quantified, and - there's secrets -" "River. It's okay." "But I understand. You gave up everything you had to find me. You found me broken, and...it's hard for you. You gave up everything you had-" (she breaks down in tears.) "Everything I have is right here." (She smiles again.) "You need to eat, to keep up your strength. We won't be here long. Daddy will come and take us away." (Simon turns away.) "I'll get better. I'll get better!"
(Flashback again: In his efforts to rescue River, Simon has found himself jailed. His parents have never believed his idea that she is being tortured, and Dad comes along to bail him out, in an awful mood.) "I'm sorry, Dad....You know, I never would have saved River's life if I knew there was a dinner party at risk." "Are you trying to destroy this family?!" Gabriel rages. Simon answers, sadly: "....I didn't realize it would be so easy." (Simon is then disowned.)
(These hillbillies have turned out to be some kind of cult, and they think River is a witch. She's about to be burned at the stake until the Serenity saves the day dramatically.) "WELL, LOOK AT THIS! APPEARS WE GOT HERE IN JUST THE NICK OF TIME!" Mal has to shout to be heard over the engines. "WHAT DOES THAT MAKE US?" "BIG DAMN HEROES, SIR!" Zoe yells back. "AIN'T WE JUST!" (By now they're within normal speaking range.) "Sorry, folks, but you got somethin' that belongs to us, and we'd like it back. Cut her down." "She's a witch," the community leader protests. "Yeah, but she's our witch!" Mal snaps.
"So finally a decent wound on this ship, and I miss it.... I'm sorry." - Simon. "Well, you were busy tryin' to get yourself lit on fire. It happens." - Mal. "Captain? Why did you come back for us?" (Mal looks surprised.) "You're on my crew." "Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?" "You're on my crew. Why are we still talkin' about this?"
Episode Six - "Our Mrs. Reynolds":
"I married me a powerful ugly creature," Jayne says to outlaws holding up their wagon. "How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?" Mal asks, disguised as a woman. They aim their pistols at the outlaws. "Now, you think real hard. You can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, or, if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you." - Mal.
"What are you doing on my boat?" a startled Mal yells at a young woman with red hair. "But....you know I am to cleave to you." "To what about who?" "Did the elder not tell you?" "Tell me what....? Who are you?" "Mr. Reynolds, sir....I'm your wife." (Mal is stunned speechless, and the credits intro plays.) "Could you repeat that, please?" (The woman tries to explain.) "Okay, I'm sorry - go back to the part where you're my wife?" "I don't please you?" "You can't please me - you never met me!" (Zoe and Jayne enter cargo bay.) "Zoe, why do I have a wife?" "You got a wife?" Jayne asks. (Zoe calls everybody into the cargo bay.) "Who's the new recruit?" Book asks. "Everybody - I want you all to meet Mrs. Reynolds," Zoe introduces the crew to the woman. "You got married?" Kaylee squeals. (Inara looks angry and like she wants to throw up.) "Wow, that's, uh....Congratulations?" Simon stammers. "We always hoped you two kids would get togeth - Who is she?" - Wash. (Eventually they all figure out what happened, Mal doesn't react well and the woman runs away crying.)
"Hello? Woman...Person?" Mal calls through a hallway before eventually finding her. "Are you gonna kill me?" "What? What kind of crappy planet is that, kill you?" "In the Maiden's Home I heard talk of men who were like that, if they weren't pleased with their brides-" "Well, I ain't them! And don't you ever stand for that sort of thing. Someone tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back." He sighs. "Look, wife or no, you are no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right, same as anyone, to...live and try to kill people." (She stares, confused.) "I mean....y'know...That's a dumb planet!"
(Later, same scene.) "I'd be a good wife." "Yeah, well....I'd be a terrible husband." (She scrambles off to the galley to cook.) "Hold it! I never even-" "My name is Saffron," the woman says demurely.
"Can I come in?" - Mal. "No." Inara's tone is even icier than normal. (He enters her shuttle.) "That's why I don't usually ask." "What do you want?" "I just need someplace to....hide."
"Every planet has its own weird customs. A year before we met, I spent six weeks on a moon where the principal form of recreation was juggling geese," Wash tells Zoe. "Baby geese - Goslings! They were juggled."
(Mal goes to his cabin, is surprised to see Saffron there.) "Hey, you're, uh....uhhh.....there you are. Didn't you see that you got a room of your own?" "And I'm to sleep there?" "That's the notion. Assuming you're sleepy." "But we've been wed. Aren't we to become one flesh?" "Uh....no. No, we're still two fleshes, and...I think that your flesh ought to sleep somewhere else." (Saffron knocks him out with poison lipstick, and this later indirectly knocks out Inara as well, once she tries to revive him. Inara spends the rest of the episode awkwardly explaining away this incident by claiming she tripped and hit her head.)
"She's a pro!" Kaylee admires Saffron's explosive-rigging capability. Inara explains that Saffron also apparently had Companion training. "Okay, everybody not talking about sex, stay in here! Everybody else, elsewhere," Wash commands.
"One day, you're gonna tell us all how a preacher knows so damn much about crime," Jayne says to Book.
"You gonna kill me?" Saffron asks once Mal tracks her down. "Can you come up with a terribly compelling reason for me not to?" "I didn't kill you." He has her pinned, with a gun to her head. "Promise me you're gonna kill me soon." "Aw, you already know I ain't gonna." He lets her sit up. "You know, you did pretty well. Most men, they're on me inside of ten minutes. Not tryin' to teach me how to be strong and the like."
Episode Seven - "Jaynestown":
"What's going on here?" Simon asks Jayne. "I was looking for some tape." "So you had to tear my entire infirmary apart?" "Apparently." "You are like a trained ape! Except without the training."
(The gang runs into a lifesized statue of Jayne, gape in astonishment.) "...Jayne?" Mal asks. "Yeah?" "You want to tell me how come there's a statue of you here, starin' at me like I owe him somethin'?" "...Wishin I could, Cap'n..."
(River is sitting at the kitchen table, scribbling in Book's Bible, when he enters.) "What are you up to, sweetheart?" "Fixing your Bible." "I - uh - what?" Rapid-fire River talk, full of technical jargon and delivered at the speed of sound. "River! You - you don't fix the Bible!" he finally yells at her. She stares back, confused. "It's broken. It doesn't make sense." Book sighs. "It's not about making sense. It's about...believing in something, and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It's about faith. You don't fix faith, River - it fixes you."
(A bar erupts in a ballad praising Jayne as a conquering folk hero.) "Um....Jayne?" "Yeah, Mal." "You...got any light to shed on this development?" "No, Mal," Jayne looks just as dumbfounded as the rest of them. "This must be what going mad feels like...." Simon mutters. After the song is finished, Wash says, "We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm a hero."
"Y'know....you're pretty....pretty," Simon tells Kaylee. (They're both pretty drunk by now.) She looks at him, startled. "What? What did you say?" "Nothing. Just that you're pretty....even when you're all covered in engine grease."
(Book had taken his hair out of the bun, which terrified the daylights out of River, so she's hiding.) "Please, won't you come out?" "No! Can't. Too much hair!" "Is that it?" he asks Zoe. She chuckles. "Hell yes, Preacher. If I didn't have stuff to get done, I'd be in there with her."
"You confound me some, that's all," Kaylee tells Simon. "You like me well enough, we get along, and then you go all stiff-" (Simon tries to defend himself, too confounded to speak) "See? You're doing it right now. What's so damn important about bein' proper? Don't mean nothing out here in the black." He thinks for a minute. "It means more out here. It's all I have. My way of being...polite or whatever...it's the only way I have of showing that I like you. Of showing respect."
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Being a Glad You Ate, Part Two
In April 2012, while still trying to get a handle of how blogging worked, one of the posts was called "Being a Glad You Ate." I had tried on the graduation gown that Mom found off Craigslist from someone who graduated from ORU, if I remember right. The original tassel (from 1997) was yellow-gold, so if not ORU then probably Broken Arrow. (The tassel I used was black and orange, because when you're homeschooled, you can choose whatever school colors you want - and those are good Morris Eagle colors. Also, technically we live within Preston school limits, and they're the colors of the Pirates, too. And of the Dewar Dragons, whose softball and occasional basketball I covered for a couple seasons.)
Anyway, the experience reminded me of a passage from one of my favorite books of children's literature, Bill Wallace's Upchuck and the Rotten Willy. It's narrated by a cat named Chuck, and things are rough: His best friend Tom moves away, not long after their other best friend, Louie, got smushed on the highway. And there's a huge dog the size of a house that moves in next door, and then his Katie leaves for somewhere called "College." It's one of my favorite books in all the world.
Here's an excerpt -
"My Katie had left before. I had come to live with her when I was just a kitten. Almost every day she had left for a place called school. She told me she was a Senior and that "seniors are really cool." I didn't know what a senior was, but being one made my Katie happy - so I was happy, too.
Going to school had been okay. When my Katie had come home, she played with me. She dragged an old sock round and round on her bed while I chased it. She hugged me and petted me and rubbed behind my ears. At night I slept on her pillow next to her. Then, after a few months, my Katie told me she was a "Glad You Ate." Now, I had no idea what a Glad You Ate was. My Katie told me she was happy to be one - only us cats don't just listen with our ears. We watch and feel and smell. My Katie made mouth noises that said she was happy, only the feel she gave off was happy and sad and worried, all rolled together. She smelled confused and uncertain - like maybe being a senior had been more fun than being a glad you ate - only she didn't know for sure."
I quoted more paragraphs in the earlier post.
This soon-to-be Glad You Ate went to a career fair this morning, which wasn't very helpful. They just aren't designed for English majors. But I got some free pens, and talked to the people from Cox Media Group (K95, Mix 96, KRMG), Griffin Communications (KOTV Tulsa/KWTV OKC) and the general manager of the Tulsa Athletics minor-league soccer team, and handed out a couple resumes. Also took grad-school promotional material from NSU, Pitt State, and Arkansas, because it makes the people feel useful if their fliers disappear by the end of the day. (I've helped Dad do these before when he worked for the co-op.) I think I still have the grad-school promo material from Missouri State and a couple other places from last year's career fair.
Today's bookstore sale find was a photo essay book called A Letter to My Cat, which, though the letters themselves are a little gushy and awkward, wasn't bad for three dollars, because the pictures are amazing. The concept was terrific, which was why I bought it - there are so many nooks of nonfiction possibilities out there, if you just followed your nose and chased them...still working on that. Have to get through this semester first. And while at the bookstore I got my college cap and gown, since they had finally been stocked. They were arranged by height, so I found the right size on the second try. This tassel is red, since that's the main color of Hillcats.
Before today's Psychology of the Criminal Mind class today, I noticed a girl wearing a Youth Tour T-shirt, so I asked if she'd been part of the trip. She went to D.C. the year after I did, and so we talked for a bit about common sights and "Did y'all go here to this cool place?" Their group went to the Pentagon - on the wrong day. So that sounded like an interesting memory. I told about how our bus broke down, leaving us stranded on the side of the highway in the rain. (We spent most of the waiting time playing Ninja.) We both felt sorry for all the kids who don't get to have Spike Mama as their tour guide.
The other day I finished a book on philosophy (which I then realized wasn't a category on Tim Challies's reading challenge) called The Virtues of Captain America. It wasn't bad, though all the academic jargon was hard to follow at points.
Also reread S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders the other day, because I wanted to see if there were Gothic elements in it (there were a few, but not enough that it could be labeled Gothic). Also, the mid-60's are one of those chronological canyons that histories don't cover in much detail, so that is part of what makes it so interesting, especially since it's set in Tulsa. And Pony's narration is something else. You can tell that a girl wrote it, but still, she was in high school! You can also clearly tell that the publishers edited out most of the swear words, which I can understand in that it would be better for sales, but given the setting, that feels necessary to leave intact for authenticity purposes.
Edited a classmate's terribly-written adventure story for Pop Market; but hopefully it will help make the tale stronger. I might have been a little biased when it came to the genre, though - last night I was rereading mine and Ashland's Two For the Treasure, trying to find ways to unobtrusively throw in backstory details without disrupting the flow of the action. For my Pop Market story this week, it was a hybrid between Bill Wallace, Matt Christopher and Philip Gulley. Not expecting good feedback from the guy assigned to edit it, so I emailed it to the writing friends I know are good editors, hoping to get some information on what worked and what didn't.
Rags is a good cat. She'll be glad that spring break is next week, even if I do have a massive amount of homework to do.
Anyway, the experience reminded me of a passage from one of my favorite books of children's literature, Bill Wallace's Upchuck and the Rotten Willy. It's narrated by a cat named Chuck, and things are rough: His best friend Tom moves away, not long after their other best friend, Louie, got smushed on the highway. And there's a huge dog the size of a house that moves in next door, and then his Katie leaves for somewhere called "College." It's one of my favorite books in all the world.
Here's an excerpt -
"My Katie had left before. I had come to live with her when I was just a kitten. Almost every day she had left for a place called school. She told me she was a Senior and that "seniors are really cool." I didn't know what a senior was, but being one made my Katie happy - so I was happy, too.
Going to school had been okay. When my Katie had come home, she played with me. She dragged an old sock round and round on her bed while I chased it. She hugged me and petted me and rubbed behind my ears. At night I slept on her pillow next to her. Then, after a few months, my Katie told me she was a "Glad You Ate." Now, I had no idea what a Glad You Ate was. My Katie told me she was happy to be one - only us cats don't just listen with our ears. We watch and feel and smell. My Katie made mouth noises that said she was happy, only the feel she gave off was happy and sad and worried, all rolled together. She smelled confused and uncertain - like maybe being a senior had been more fun than being a glad you ate - only she didn't know for sure."
I quoted more paragraphs in the earlier post.
This soon-to-be Glad You Ate went to a career fair this morning, which wasn't very helpful. They just aren't designed for English majors. But I got some free pens, and talked to the people from Cox Media Group (K95, Mix 96, KRMG), Griffin Communications (KOTV Tulsa/KWTV OKC) and the general manager of the Tulsa Athletics minor-league soccer team, and handed out a couple resumes. Also took grad-school promotional material from NSU, Pitt State, and Arkansas, because it makes the people feel useful if their fliers disappear by the end of the day. (I've helped Dad do these before when he worked for the co-op.) I think I still have the grad-school promo material from Missouri State and a couple other places from last year's career fair.
Today's bookstore sale find was a photo essay book called A Letter to My Cat, which, though the letters themselves are a little gushy and awkward, wasn't bad for three dollars, because the pictures are amazing. The concept was terrific, which was why I bought it - there are so many nooks of nonfiction possibilities out there, if you just followed your nose and chased them...still working on that. Have to get through this semester first. And while at the bookstore I got my college cap and gown, since they had finally been stocked. They were arranged by height, so I found the right size on the second try. This tassel is red, since that's the main color of Hillcats.
Before today's Psychology of the Criminal Mind class today, I noticed a girl wearing a Youth Tour T-shirt, so I asked if she'd been part of the trip. She went to D.C. the year after I did, and so we talked for a bit about common sights and "Did y'all go here to this cool place?" Their group went to the Pentagon - on the wrong day. So that sounded like an interesting memory. I told about how our bus broke down, leaving us stranded on the side of the highway in the rain. (We spent most of the waiting time playing Ninja.) We both felt sorry for all the kids who don't get to have Spike Mama as their tour guide.
The other day I finished a book on philosophy (which I then realized wasn't a category on Tim Challies's reading challenge) called The Virtues of Captain America. It wasn't bad, though all the academic jargon was hard to follow at points.
Also reread S.E. Hinton's The Outsiders the other day, because I wanted to see if there were Gothic elements in it (there were a few, but not enough that it could be labeled Gothic). Also, the mid-60's are one of those chronological canyons that histories don't cover in much detail, so that is part of what makes it so interesting, especially since it's set in Tulsa. And Pony's narration is something else. You can tell that a girl wrote it, but still, she was in high school! You can also clearly tell that the publishers edited out most of the swear words, which I can understand in that it would be better for sales, but given the setting, that feels necessary to leave intact for authenticity purposes.
Edited a classmate's terribly-written adventure story for Pop Market; but hopefully it will help make the tale stronger. I might have been a little biased when it came to the genre, though - last night I was rereading mine and Ashland's Two For the Treasure, trying to find ways to unobtrusively throw in backstory details without disrupting the flow of the action. For my Pop Market story this week, it was a hybrid between Bill Wallace, Matt Christopher and Philip Gulley. Not expecting good feedback from the guy assigned to edit it, so I emailed it to the writing friends I know are good editors, hoping to get some information on what worked and what didn't.
Rags is a good cat. She'll be glad that spring break is next week, even if I do have a massive amount of homework to do.
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Overheard in the Classroom Fall 2016
The third in the series of "Overheard in the Classroom" posts. From the Fall 2016 semester at Rogers State University. To see the 2015 edition and Spring 2016, click on the links.
8-15, Literature for Children and Young Adults -
"Chasing the ball is his goal in life," Dr. Dial-Driver says about her dog Max. There were lots of amusing soundbites and interesting discussions from this course, partly because of the material, and partly because five of the eight of us knew each other.
8-17, Children's Lit -
Things we as a class agreed should NOT be pickled, ever - eggs, pig's feet, watermelon. This came about because I mentioned John Tobias's wonderful poem "Reflections on the Gift of a Watermelon Pickle Received from a Friend Called Felicity."
Dr. Dial-Driver's grandpa said swearing was "pasture talk," and that there were different rules for cussing depending on whether you were outside or inside. In the pasture, that was fine. Anywhere else? Probably not... His favorite adjective was "goddamnsonofabitch," all one continuous word. He also had a palomino named Honey who would help with cattle drives and make small Emily look good whenever she would "help out" with moving the cattle someplace. Honey the palomino LOVED Grandpa, and stole his hat whenever she could. She also liked to snack on peanut butter sandwiches.
Lewis Carroll coined the word "portmanteau," in his novel Through the Looking-Glass.
An "ichneumon" is a type of wasp. None of us had ever heard the term before coming across it in a poem by Alice and Martin Provensen. (Yep, the Maple Hill Farm people.)
8-17, Creative Nonfiction -
A story-scrap to remember based on one of Erin's rambling tales - as adults, strangers find out they're half-siblings.
8-18, Audio Production -
Apparently the Snow Patrol song "Chasing Cars" signals an impending death in Grey's Anatomy.
8-24, Children's Lit -
Children's lit is reckoned as beginning in 1744 with John Newbery's primer A Pretty Little Pocket Book. And Mary Wallstonecraft, mother of Mary Shelley, is considered the first feminist.
Jack Taylor is a British mystery TV series about a drunk detective. It sounds worth looking into.
Dr. Dial-Driver is telling stories about her grown son that half of us had heard a couple times at least. "My son went to Thailand and got a girlfriend. I don't know if those two things are connected..." "Your son sounds like the greatest person in the whole world," Trevor says. (He hadn't heard any of these stories.)
Dr. Dial-Driver also read a picture book out loud to us, Jon Sciezka's The True Story of the Three Little Pigs, by A. Wolf.
8-25, Humanities Seminar -
Dr. Oberrieder, talking about my proposed capstone project of examining country music as a form of literature: "It's definitely the most unorthodox project this year..."
8-29, Children's Lit -
Today's random topics under discussion: Bewitched, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, versions of Little Red Riding Hood (the actual topic of the day), J.R.R. Tolkien's essay on fairy tales, Tom Clancy and submarines, Buddhism and the ethical quandary of trying to help homeless people.
8-31, Children's Lit -
Emily Arnold McCully wrote a picture book called Marvelous Mattie about the inventor of the paper bag.
8-31, Creative Nonfic -
Eric led a rabbit trail about the awfulness of monkeys raping and murdering each other, and Alex elaborately wondered why everyone hates the French military. Cole told a hilarious story about staying awake all night to kill a mouse in his bedroom. "Maybe it was a French mouse," Dr. Mackie comments.
9-7, Early American Lit -
Dr. Mackie kept cussing her violent case of hiccups. It was funny.
9-12, Children's Lit -
"Remember all those Stop, Drop and Roll safety drills they taught in school? When you're an adult, nobody catches on fire as often as you'd think," - Trevor.
Today's topics of general interest were the Interest as a new Wild West, "Shut up and go to sleep!" lullabies, and sobriety tests (one of which is saying the alphabet backwards, which we then had to try - and failed at.).
9-14, Children's Lit -
The play version of J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan, short stories from L. Frank Baum, Rudyard Kipling, E. Nesbit and one of Jon Sciezka's Time Warp Trio books. In miscellaneous topics, Lewis Carroll had good advice on writing letters well, and Japanese suicide forests.
9-14, Early American Lit -
"Dory," I say to a cheerleader named Taylor after she forgets something. She shrugs and grins, "It's true..." After a bit of silence, Dr. Mackie turns to me: "Did you just call her 'Dory'?" Loud snickering from classmates.
There was also a debate over what the word "propaganda" means.
9-19, Early American Lit -
Dr. Mackie is drinking her hot tea out of a Frozen mug. When I point out how oxymoronic this is, she chuckles. "Yeah, I totally hadn't connected that, but it really is...."
9-21, Early American Lit -
Class was canceled today because one of Dr. Mackie's cats died. It was a sad and somber day in the English Department.
9-21, Creative Nonfic -
"I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Eric!" - Dr. Mackie.
9-26, Children's Lit -
"My son is visiting Angkor Wat. He said it's very more expected than impressive. And very ruined," - Dr. Dial-Driver.
9-26, Creative Nonfic -
About Eric's essay, "The word count was 666. That seemed appropriate..." Cole said. (It WAS dark.)
"I don't really have critiques for this. More like....questions," Alex commented on Brandon's essay. (The rest of us grin and explain that it was a Brandon project - everyone feels that way after reading his stuff.)
9-28, Children's Lit -
"The trouble with moving is that you always take yourself with you," - Dr. Dial-Driver.
"At this one school I went to, there were twelve and a half white kids. I was the half," - Trevor.
Dr. Dial-Driver's family was too poor to afford stainless steel, so they used Mother's sterling silverware as their common eating utensils.
"My cats have this game they like to play called 'Gravity Works.' They just like to check every once in a while," - Dr. Dial-Driver.
9-29, Seminar -
Nancy kept mispronouncing Hotspur, from Henry IV, Part One, as "Hotstuff."
10-3, Creative Nonfic -
We all had a much harder time in this course that we expected. Critiques, especially, were awful, because we were all feeling so uncomfortable. That led to lots of awkward discussion during feedback sessions. After one particularly incomprehensible Sage essay, I wrote down in my notebook, "So much metaphor and abstractions! Swirly Riley Matthews." (Riley is Cory and Topanga's daughter, star of the sequel series Girl Meets World)
10-8, Children's Lit -
Today's random topics were bullying, domain/copyright issues, and first-aid horror stories.
10-10, Creative Nonfic -
"Your grandpa's my daddy's age," Debra says to Alex. "Oh. Well....that's interesting, I wasn't expecting to hear that..." was his flustered response.
10-12, Children's Lit -
We're studying Frances Hodgson Burnett's A Little Princess this week. "This little girl is SO DAMN ALTRUISTIC!" - Trevor, about Sara Crewe. We all liked Melchisidec the rat.
"I tried to kiss my mom goodbye, and her ugly dog Ginger tried to eat me through the car window!" - Dr. Dial-Driver.
Also under discussion: the merits of QuikTrip food.
10-12, Creative Nonfic -
I got some of the most scathing feedback I've ever received from my profile essay about Jessica's nursing-school experiences, which was too journalistic in tone and not "creative nonfictiony" enough. A sort of highlight is that what pissed everybody off so much was that I became invisible, and they wanted to see me telling them this story.
10-18, Audio -
"Music isn't divided into just rock and Mozart..." - Tyler.
Someone mentions the role of celebrities who do voiceovers for commercials, wonders what they think of them once they record their lines. "I think they're not sitting in a room analyzing production elements of the spot...." - Tip.
10-19, Children's Lit -
DD on Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus: "Medea meets Hannibal Lecter."
Today's rabbit trails were about prescription drug abuse and cereal.
After Johanna gives recap of Twilight, a general discussion of other dreadful books is sparked. "There are very few books that I've started but never finished. Fifty Shades was one of them." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
10-19, Creative Nonfic -
"From Claremore to St. Louis, the Mulan soundtrack can play exactly 37 times," - Dr. Mackie.
10-24, Children's Lit -
This was a bad day for everyone. The book under discussion was Andre de Saint-Exupery's The Little Prince, which defies explanation, in a bad way. Rabbit trails were George Washington Carver, the Donner Party, cannibalism, a debate over the difference between "forest" vs "jungle" in a translation, and the cat parasite toxiplasmosis.
10-26, Children's Lit -
"Poets never grow up," - Dr. Gary Moeller, an art professor at RSU.
10-26, Early American Lit -
"I HATE MOST FORMS OF PRECIPITATION!" - Kelly yells.
10-26, Creative Nonfic -
In school orchestras, saxophones are substituted for violins.
10-28, Audio -
Classwide conversation while waiting on Tip to show up, we came to a general consensus that Next Generation is by far the best Star Trek TV show.
10-31, Creative Nonfic -
"I have an idea for a research paper, but it's starting to bore even me...." Debra frowns.
11-1, Audio -
"You'll need a lot of time at remotes," Tip pauses. "But I don't mean the herb."
11-2, Children's Lit -
Random Girl in Hallway to her friend - "Yeah, you smell like, um, barn mice."
Dr. Dial-Driver's little sister was once attacked by a bantam rooster.
The merits of wearing clothes repeatedly, the difficulty of wringing out denim by hand, a deep love of Wendell Berry-style farming were what was talked about today. Also, I led discussion of Charlotte's Web. And we agreed that pigs are weird and buffalo are scary.
11-7, Children's Lit -
The book this week was R.J. Palacio's Wonder, and rabbit trails were transgenderism, stories about Vinita's mentally-handicapped population and embarrassing things we said in public as kids.
11-7, Creative Nonfic -
Sparked by Cole's essay about a Dinseyland attraction called "The Haunted Mansion," we speculate what a version of Walt Disney in the 1700's would have looked like. Also lots of unsuccessful debate over the difference between creative nonfiction and historical fiction, because we didn't quite figure out an answer.
"I learn something new about about Hitler every day in this class!" - Sage.
11-9, Creative Nonfic -
"The first thing I did today was post a picture of a kitty on Facebook." - Debra. Considering that it was the day after the presidential election, the world needed all the cat pictures to calm down.
"I melted a hamburger on the grill last summer," Eric mentions.
We all love Bob Ross the spacey painter, but agree that as wonderful as Mr. Rogers was, his puppets from the Land of Make-Believe segments were terrifying.
11-10, Seminar -
"Ducks are rapists!" - Jeff. This started a surprisingly long and detailed rabbit trail about duck genitalia, with six or seven people (out of fifteen) participating. I think this conversation says more about how much we all hated this course (and the instructor) than anything else, but it certainly stood out.
11-14, Children's Lit -
We all wished to kill Sutter Keely, protagonist/narrator of The Spectacular Now, by Tim Tharp. Once we finished complaining about how much we disliked this book (while at the same time recognizing that it was important to read), the discussion turned into an exploration of what makes a good marriage.
"Everyone's connected with technology - at arm's length" - Anonymous.
"They always remember, children do. They're like elephants." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
11-14, Creative Nonfic -
Baylee wrote about sharks, so naturally most of us wished Lauren were part of this class so she could critique it thoroughly and excitedly. (She LOVES sharks.) Mainly, this essay needed to be more persuasive, so somebody suggested the following theme to build around: "Don't Fuck Around With Sharks!" That is persuasive.
No one understood what Sage's essay on minimalism in interior design was trying to say, because of her natural ethereal writing style and the unusual structure she used here. We all hated it. "I AM NOT A CLEANING LADY!" Eric screams. "What the heck did I just read?" Alex wonders. Cole thought it might work sort of like Inside Out.
11-16, Children's Lit -
Today we listened to heartbreaking stories about Dr. Dial-Driver's time as a social worker. "If you don't know you have a choice, then you don't have a choice."
We also love The Breakfast Club.
11-16, Creative Nonfic -
Debra apologizes for her "train wreck"' of an essay. "If this is a train wreck, then it's the most organized train wreck I've ever seen," Sage replies.
11-17, Audio -
"Today's lesson: Facebook stalking media professionals..." Tip mutters to himself. We were supposed to have a guest speaker come in and lecture, but the guest speaker had forgotten he'd agreed to talk, and so he never showed up. Pre-class movie conversations dealt with the Pirates of the Caribbean and Planet of the Apes franchises.
11-22, Audio -
"Oh, he's early! It's 1:02!" Tyler says about Archer (who was usually fifteen minutes late every day).
11-30, Children's Lit -
"Y'all can at least write your way out of a paper bag with a sharp pencil. My other class can't." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
I can't remember if this was supposed to have really happened or if it was just a story-scrap idea, but a high-school aged guy starts dating a nurse who is taking care of a girl in a coma, who was kicked in the head by a horse.
8-15, Literature for Children and Young Adults -
"Chasing the ball is his goal in life," Dr. Dial-Driver says about her dog Max. There were lots of amusing soundbites and interesting discussions from this course, partly because of the material, and partly because five of the eight of us knew each other.
8-17, Children's Lit -
Things we as a class agreed should NOT be pickled, ever - eggs, pig's feet, watermelon. This came about because I mentioned John Tobias's wonderful poem "Reflections on the Gift of a Watermelon Pickle Received from a Friend Called Felicity."
Dr. Dial-Driver's grandpa said swearing was "pasture talk," and that there were different rules for cussing depending on whether you were outside or inside. In the pasture, that was fine. Anywhere else? Probably not... His favorite adjective was "goddamnsonofabitch," all one continuous word. He also had a palomino named Honey who would help with cattle drives and make small Emily look good whenever she would "help out" with moving the cattle someplace. Honey the palomino LOVED Grandpa, and stole his hat whenever she could. She also liked to snack on peanut butter sandwiches.
Lewis Carroll coined the word "portmanteau," in his novel Through the Looking-Glass.
An "ichneumon" is a type of wasp. None of us had ever heard the term before coming across it in a poem by Alice and Martin Provensen. (Yep, the Maple Hill Farm people.)
8-17, Creative Nonfiction -
A story-scrap to remember based on one of Erin's rambling tales - as adults, strangers find out they're half-siblings.
8-18, Audio Production -
Apparently the Snow Patrol song "Chasing Cars" signals an impending death in Grey's Anatomy.
8-24, Children's Lit -
Children's lit is reckoned as beginning in 1744 with John Newbery's primer A Pretty Little Pocket Book. And Mary Wallstonecraft, mother of Mary Shelley, is considered the first feminist.
Jack Taylor is a British mystery TV series about a drunk detective. It sounds worth looking into.
Dr. Dial-Driver is telling stories about her grown son that half of us had heard a couple times at least. "My son went to Thailand and got a girlfriend. I don't know if those two things are connected..." "Your son sounds like the greatest person in the whole world," Trevor says. (He hadn't heard any of these stories.)
Dr. Dial-Driver also read a picture book out loud to us, Jon Sciezka's The True Story of the Three Little Pigs, by A. Wolf.
8-25, Humanities Seminar -
Dr. Oberrieder, talking about my proposed capstone project of examining country music as a form of literature: "It's definitely the most unorthodox project this year..."
8-29, Children's Lit -
Today's random topics under discussion: Bewitched, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, versions of Little Red Riding Hood (the actual topic of the day), J.R.R. Tolkien's essay on fairy tales, Tom Clancy and submarines, Buddhism and the ethical quandary of trying to help homeless people.
8-31, Children's Lit -
Emily Arnold McCully wrote a picture book called Marvelous Mattie about the inventor of the paper bag.
8-31, Creative Nonfic -
Eric led a rabbit trail about the awfulness of monkeys raping and murdering each other, and Alex elaborately wondered why everyone hates the French military. Cole told a hilarious story about staying awake all night to kill a mouse in his bedroom. "Maybe it was a French mouse," Dr. Mackie comments.
9-7, Early American Lit -
Dr. Mackie kept cussing her violent case of hiccups. It was funny.
9-12, Children's Lit -
"Remember all those Stop, Drop and Roll safety drills they taught in school? When you're an adult, nobody catches on fire as often as you'd think," - Trevor.
Today's topics of general interest were the Interest as a new Wild West, "Shut up and go to sleep!" lullabies, and sobriety tests (one of which is saying the alphabet backwards, which we then had to try - and failed at.).
9-14, Children's Lit -
The play version of J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan, short stories from L. Frank Baum, Rudyard Kipling, E. Nesbit and one of Jon Sciezka's Time Warp Trio books. In miscellaneous topics, Lewis Carroll had good advice on writing letters well, and Japanese suicide forests.
9-14, Early American Lit -
"Dory," I say to a cheerleader named Taylor after she forgets something. She shrugs and grins, "It's true..." After a bit of silence, Dr. Mackie turns to me: "Did you just call her 'Dory'?" Loud snickering from classmates.
There was also a debate over what the word "propaganda" means.
9-19, Early American Lit -
Dr. Mackie is drinking her hot tea out of a Frozen mug. When I point out how oxymoronic this is, she chuckles. "Yeah, I totally hadn't connected that, but it really is...."
9-21, Early American Lit -
Class was canceled today because one of Dr. Mackie's cats died. It was a sad and somber day in the English Department.
9-21, Creative Nonfic -
"I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Eric!" - Dr. Mackie.
9-26, Children's Lit -
"My son is visiting Angkor Wat. He said it's very more expected than impressive. And very ruined," - Dr. Dial-Driver.
9-26, Creative Nonfic -
About Eric's essay, "The word count was 666. That seemed appropriate..." Cole said. (It WAS dark.)
"I don't really have critiques for this. More like....questions," Alex commented on Brandon's essay. (The rest of us grin and explain that it was a Brandon project - everyone feels that way after reading his stuff.)
9-28, Children's Lit -
"The trouble with moving is that you always take yourself with you," - Dr. Dial-Driver.
"At this one school I went to, there were twelve and a half white kids. I was the half," - Trevor.
Dr. Dial-Driver's family was too poor to afford stainless steel, so they used Mother's sterling silverware as their common eating utensils.
"My cats have this game they like to play called 'Gravity Works.' They just like to check every once in a while," - Dr. Dial-Driver.
9-29, Seminar -
Nancy kept mispronouncing Hotspur, from Henry IV, Part One, as "Hotstuff."
10-3, Creative Nonfic -
We all had a much harder time in this course that we expected. Critiques, especially, were awful, because we were all feeling so uncomfortable. That led to lots of awkward discussion during feedback sessions. After one particularly incomprehensible Sage essay, I wrote down in my notebook, "So much metaphor and abstractions! Swirly Riley Matthews." (Riley is Cory and Topanga's daughter, star of the sequel series Girl Meets World)
10-8, Children's Lit -
Today's random topics were bullying, domain/copyright issues, and first-aid horror stories.
10-10, Creative Nonfic -
"Your grandpa's my daddy's age," Debra says to Alex. "Oh. Well....that's interesting, I wasn't expecting to hear that..." was his flustered response.
10-12, Children's Lit -
We're studying Frances Hodgson Burnett's A Little Princess this week. "This little girl is SO DAMN ALTRUISTIC!" - Trevor, about Sara Crewe. We all liked Melchisidec the rat.
"I tried to kiss my mom goodbye, and her ugly dog Ginger tried to eat me through the car window!" - Dr. Dial-Driver.
Also under discussion: the merits of QuikTrip food.
10-12, Creative Nonfic -
I got some of the most scathing feedback I've ever received from my profile essay about Jessica's nursing-school experiences, which was too journalistic in tone and not "creative nonfictiony" enough. A sort of highlight is that what pissed everybody off so much was that I became invisible, and they wanted to see me telling them this story.
10-18, Audio -
"Music isn't divided into just rock and Mozart..." - Tyler.
Someone mentions the role of celebrities who do voiceovers for commercials, wonders what they think of them once they record their lines. "I think they're not sitting in a room analyzing production elements of the spot...." - Tip.
10-19, Children's Lit -
DD on Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus: "Medea meets Hannibal Lecter."
Today's rabbit trails were about prescription drug abuse and cereal.
After Johanna gives recap of Twilight, a general discussion of other dreadful books is sparked. "There are very few books that I've started but never finished. Fifty Shades was one of them." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
10-19, Creative Nonfic -
"From Claremore to St. Louis, the Mulan soundtrack can play exactly 37 times," - Dr. Mackie.
10-24, Children's Lit -
This was a bad day for everyone. The book under discussion was Andre de Saint-Exupery's The Little Prince, which defies explanation, in a bad way. Rabbit trails were George Washington Carver, the Donner Party, cannibalism, a debate over the difference between "forest" vs "jungle" in a translation, and the cat parasite toxiplasmosis.
10-26, Children's Lit -
"Poets never grow up," - Dr. Gary Moeller, an art professor at RSU.
10-26, Early American Lit -
"I HATE MOST FORMS OF PRECIPITATION!" - Kelly yells.
10-26, Creative Nonfic -
In school orchestras, saxophones are substituted for violins.
10-28, Audio -
Classwide conversation while waiting on Tip to show up, we came to a general consensus that Next Generation is by far the best Star Trek TV show.
10-31, Creative Nonfic -
"I have an idea for a research paper, but it's starting to bore even me...." Debra frowns.
11-1, Audio -
"You'll need a lot of time at remotes," Tip pauses. "But I don't mean the herb."
11-2, Children's Lit -
Random Girl in Hallway to her friend - "Yeah, you smell like, um, barn mice."
Dr. Dial-Driver's little sister was once attacked by a bantam rooster.
The merits of wearing clothes repeatedly, the difficulty of wringing out denim by hand, a deep love of Wendell Berry-style farming were what was talked about today. Also, I led discussion of Charlotte's Web. And we agreed that pigs are weird and buffalo are scary.
11-7, Children's Lit -
The book this week was R.J. Palacio's Wonder, and rabbit trails were transgenderism, stories about Vinita's mentally-handicapped population and embarrassing things we said in public as kids.
11-7, Creative Nonfic -
Sparked by Cole's essay about a Dinseyland attraction called "The Haunted Mansion," we speculate what a version of Walt Disney in the 1700's would have looked like. Also lots of unsuccessful debate over the difference between creative nonfiction and historical fiction, because we didn't quite figure out an answer.
"I learn something new about about Hitler every day in this class!" - Sage.
11-9, Creative Nonfic -
"The first thing I did today was post a picture of a kitty on Facebook." - Debra. Considering that it was the day after the presidential election, the world needed all the cat pictures to calm down.
"I melted a hamburger on the grill last summer," Eric mentions.
We all love Bob Ross the spacey painter, but agree that as wonderful as Mr. Rogers was, his puppets from the Land of Make-Believe segments were terrifying.
11-10, Seminar -
"Ducks are rapists!" - Jeff. This started a surprisingly long and detailed rabbit trail about duck genitalia, with six or seven people (out of fifteen) participating. I think this conversation says more about how much we all hated this course (and the instructor) than anything else, but it certainly stood out.
11-14, Children's Lit -
We all wished to kill Sutter Keely, protagonist/narrator of The Spectacular Now, by Tim Tharp. Once we finished complaining about how much we disliked this book (while at the same time recognizing that it was important to read), the discussion turned into an exploration of what makes a good marriage.
"Everyone's connected with technology - at arm's length" - Anonymous.
"They always remember, children do. They're like elephants." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
11-14, Creative Nonfic -
Baylee wrote about sharks, so naturally most of us wished Lauren were part of this class so she could critique it thoroughly and excitedly. (She LOVES sharks.) Mainly, this essay needed to be more persuasive, so somebody suggested the following theme to build around: "Don't Fuck Around With Sharks!" That is persuasive.
No one understood what Sage's essay on minimalism in interior design was trying to say, because of her natural ethereal writing style and the unusual structure she used here. We all hated it. "I AM NOT A CLEANING LADY!" Eric screams. "What the heck did I just read?" Alex wonders. Cole thought it might work sort of like Inside Out.
11-16, Children's Lit -
Today we listened to heartbreaking stories about Dr. Dial-Driver's time as a social worker. "If you don't know you have a choice, then you don't have a choice."
We also love The Breakfast Club.
11-16, Creative Nonfic -
Debra apologizes for her "train wreck"' of an essay. "If this is a train wreck, then it's the most organized train wreck I've ever seen," Sage replies.
11-17, Audio -
"Today's lesson: Facebook stalking media professionals..." Tip mutters to himself. We were supposed to have a guest speaker come in and lecture, but the guest speaker had forgotten he'd agreed to talk, and so he never showed up. Pre-class movie conversations dealt with the Pirates of the Caribbean and Planet of the Apes franchises.
11-22, Audio -
"Oh, he's early! It's 1:02!" Tyler says about Archer (who was usually fifteen minutes late every day).
11-30, Children's Lit -
"Y'all can at least write your way out of a paper bag with a sharp pencil. My other class can't." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
I can't remember if this was supposed to have really happened or if it was just a story-scrap idea, but a high-school aged guy starts dating a nurse who is taking care of a girl in a coma, who was kicked in the head by a horse.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
2016 CMA Awards
To begin with, this was the fiftieth edition of the Country Music Association Awards. So there was a massive music video medley paying WONDERFUL tribute to hits of the past:
That opening, once the show finally started, was terrific.
Brad and Carrie's "News of the Year" was hilarious. Especially the Political Medley.
The Final Five looked uncomfortable presenting the Single of the Year. Well, Madison Kocian always looks nervous anywhere. Not a huge fan of Thomas Rhett or his song "Die A Happy Man," but it's okay.
Not much a fan of Kelsea Ballerini or her song "Lost Boy."
Didn't know that Olivia Newton-John got her start in country music, or that she was the 1974 Female Vocalist of the Year. "Humble and Kind" wins Song of the Year (which goes to the songwriters.)
Brooks and Dunn reuniting to do their "Brand New Man" with Jason Aldean was AWESOME.
I either love or hate most of Dierks Bentley's music, and while "Different for Girls" isn't awful, it's not great, either. And hate that girl Elle King's voice that he sings it with. Cool that she plays banjo, though.
Don't like Maren Morris's song "My Church," but she has a good voice. That guitar is extremely white, though....and really large.
Jennifer Garner makes a very good presenter at something like this. Maren Morris wins the Horizon Award (New Artist of the Year).
GARTH AND TRISHA!!!!!! They did a medley duet of famous songs throughout history, including Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn's "Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man." It was great.
Not sure what Carrie's costume was supposed to be during "Dirty Laundry," but it was a cool set.
Album of the Year is Eric Church's "Mr. Misunderstood."
Little Big Town's "Better Man" is a good song. And it's awesome that it was written by Taylor Swift.
Miranda did well with her performance of "Vice."
Tim did a great job with "Humble and Kind."
Brad and his pals the Oak Ridge Boys jamming "Elvira" together, haha...
Alan Jackson and "Remember When"! And George Strait with "Troubadour."
Never heard of the Brothers Osborne, but I guess that's some Disney synergy in getting ESPN people Kirk Herbstreit and Samantha Ponder to announce the Vocal Duo of the Year.
Keith is awesome, but "Blue Ain't Your Color" is extremely boring.
Little Big Town beats out Rascal Flatts, Lady Antebellum and the Zac Brown Band, plus a new group called Old Dominion, for Vocal Group of the Year.
Uh....what is Beyonce doing here?
Kenny Chesney becomes only the third person to win the Pinnacle Award, after Garth Brooks and Taylor Swift.
Thomas Rhett is using the same guitar as Maren Morris. Also, "Die a Happy Man" is better than the song he did last year.
Chris Stapleton and Dwight Yoakam doing a Ray Charles cover was cool.
Luke Bryan wasn't awful, but that was an odd scheduling choice.
Lee Greenwood sighting!
The short-haired Florida Georgia Line guy is also playing the white oversize guitar. This song "May We All" is good for them, though. And Tim McGraw helping out doesn't hurt, either.
Carrie wins Female Artist of the Year! "And I....I....I've just suddenly become so stupid right now....Thank you all so much!" Miranda would've been a good choice, too. Kacey Musgraves, Maren Morris and Kelsea Ballerini were the other nominees. Vince Gill is cool and all, but why didn't a woman like Dolly or Reba announce this category?
Dann Huff wins Musician of the Year.
Not my favorite-ever Eric Church performance, but it was good. Just forgettable, is all.
Jennifer Nettles and Pentatonix with "Jolene", Reba with "9 To 5," Kacey Musgraves with "Here You Come Again," and then Carrie and Martina "I Will Always Love You" Reba - "Gosh dang it, Dolly, we love your better than Christmas." Dolly - "I had a big speech prepared, but they won't let me give it! They're tellin' me to hurry up, but how can you hurry up a lifetime? So thank y'all so very much."
Chris Stapleton wins Male Vocalist of the Year over Keith Urban, Eric Church, Tim McGraw and Dierks Bentley.
Taylor is the presenter of the Entertainer of the Year! And Carrie, Keith and Garth are all nominees, along with Chris Stapleton and Luke Bryan. And.....GARTH WINS!!!!!
Brad and Carrie's "News of the Year" was hilarious. Especially the Political Medley.
The Final Five looked uncomfortable presenting the Single of the Year. Well, Madison Kocian always looks nervous anywhere. Not a huge fan of Thomas Rhett or his song "Die A Happy Man," but it's okay.
Not much a fan of Kelsea Ballerini or her song "Lost Boy."
Didn't know that Olivia Newton-John got her start in country music, or that she was the 1974 Female Vocalist of the Year. "Humble and Kind" wins Song of the Year (which goes to the songwriters.)
Brooks and Dunn reuniting to do their "Brand New Man" with Jason Aldean was AWESOME.
I either love or hate most of Dierks Bentley's music, and while "Different for Girls" isn't awful, it's not great, either. And hate that girl Elle King's voice that he sings it with. Cool that she plays banjo, though.
Don't like Maren Morris's song "My Church," but she has a good voice. That guitar is extremely white, though....and really large.
Jennifer Garner makes a very good presenter at something like this. Maren Morris wins the Horizon Award (New Artist of the Year).
GARTH AND TRISHA!!!!!! They did a medley duet of famous songs throughout history, including Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn's "Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man." It was great.
Not sure what Carrie's costume was supposed to be during "Dirty Laundry," but it was a cool set.
Album of the Year is Eric Church's "Mr. Misunderstood."
Little Big Town's "Better Man" is a good song. And it's awesome that it was written by Taylor Swift.
Miranda did well with her performance of "Vice."
Tim did a great job with "Humble and Kind."
Brad and his pals the Oak Ridge Boys jamming "Elvira" together, haha...
Alan Jackson and "Remember When"! And George Strait with "Troubadour."
Never heard of the Brothers Osborne, but I guess that's some Disney synergy in getting ESPN people Kirk Herbstreit and Samantha Ponder to announce the Vocal Duo of the Year.
Keith is awesome, but "Blue Ain't Your Color" is extremely boring.
Little Big Town beats out Rascal Flatts, Lady Antebellum and the Zac Brown Band, plus a new group called Old Dominion, for Vocal Group of the Year.
Uh....what is Beyonce doing here?
Kenny Chesney becomes only the third person to win the Pinnacle Award, after Garth Brooks and Taylor Swift.
Thomas Rhett is using the same guitar as Maren Morris. Also, "Die a Happy Man" is better than the song he did last year.
Chris Stapleton and Dwight Yoakam doing a Ray Charles cover was cool.
Luke Bryan wasn't awful, but that was an odd scheduling choice.
Lee Greenwood sighting!
The short-haired Florida Georgia Line guy is also playing the white oversize guitar. This song "May We All" is good for them, though. And Tim McGraw helping out doesn't hurt, either.
Carrie wins Female Artist of the Year! "And I....I....I've just suddenly become so stupid right now....Thank you all so much!" Miranda would've been a good choice, too. Kacey Musgraves, Maren Morris and Kelsea Ballerini were the other nominees. Vince Gill is cool and all, but why didn't a woman like Dolly or Reba announce this category?
Dann Huff wins Musician of the Year.
Not my favorite-ever Eric Church performance, but it was good. Just forgettable, is all.
Jennifer Nettles and Pentatonix with "Jolene", Reba with "9 To 5," Kacey Musgraves with "Here You Come Again," and then Carrie and Martina "I Will Always Love You" Reba - "Gosh dang it, Dolly, we love your better than Christmas." Dolly - "I had a big speech prepared, but they won't let me give it! They're tellin' me to hurry up, but how can you hurry up a lifetime? So thank y'all so very much."
Chris Stapleton wins Male Vocalist of the Year over Keith Urban, Eric Church, Tim McGraw and Dierks Bentley.
Taylor is the presenter of the Entertainer of the Year! And Carrie, Keith and Garth are all nominees, along with Chris Stapleton and Luke Bryan. And.....GARTH WINS!!!!!
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