Classrooms are in theory where learning happens. In practice, usually it's more exploring rabbit trails on unusual, bizarre or arcane topics. Which usually lead to interesting soundbites, most of which aren't worth printing. But these were humorous quips from Rogers State University's Baird Hall in 2015. (Seriously, every single class was in the same building.)
2-18 Media Law
Dr. Blakely - "So, flag-burning is considered symbolic speech. But let's say you were burning something else, to intimidate someone. Like what could that be?"
Random Person, completely serious - "People?"
"Uh....yeah. Yeah, that would be very intimidating. But that wasn't what I was thinking of."
2-18 Media Law
Dr. Blakely - "Let's pretend that Margo works for me, and I am going to fire you. Because you're black. Would that be allowed? And I'm not just firing her because she's black; she's also pregnant! And a woman!" (He does double-take.) "...Well, if she's pregnant she's obviously a woman, but..."
8-18 Poetry Writing
Jalexa - "Sorry I'm late, I was waiting on the damn trains..." This became a class punchline, because the trains in downtown Claremore cause so many traffic jams.
8-20 American Lit
We start the school year off with a very quiet girl named Amanda giving the class a step-by-step explication on hangings, explaining exactly how someone dies from the process. It was very informative, and set the tone for a lot of discussions to follow.
8-20 Poetry Writing
I can't remember if this was something somebody mentioned as really happened or not, but it would make for a great scene: Soldiers being shot at during a battle sing Taylor Swift tunes to calm their nerves. Most of discussion was about complaining about politics and debating tattoos.
Dr. Mackie - "Anyone going through a 'what the hell am I doing?' phase in their life needs to be an English major. It's a requirement."
8-21 Literary Traditions
Dr. Dial-Driver - "'Oh'? Very useful little syllable, that 'oh' is."
8-21 Lit Traditions
Taylor Nicole - "I'm allergic to chocolate."
Dr. Dial-Driver, not hearing correctly - "Your mother did what?!!"
She never said anything in class except for this and one other time, so no one actually knew what her name was. It might have been Taylor, might have been Nicole, might have been something else.
8-25 Poetry Writing
(While we're talking about what poets we're familiar with that we might want to consider using as mentors in guiding our own work) Brandon - "I find myself reading a lot of Eliot, Plath and Ginsburg."
Dr. Mackie (scowling during response) - "We need some lighter poets, honey."
8-26 Shakespeare
Dr. Ford - "You can't surf a lake." (I don't remember what the context was for why he said that, but it was funny.)
9-4 Lit Traditions
Dr. Dial-Driver - "Don't fall in a silo, people. You'll drown in grain." (I have no idea what the context was that this was said in, but it was weird enough to make the margins of my notebook. Also, when she married her husband, their first address was a tiny apartment in Maryland somewhere on Spotted Pony Road. I wrote that down to use in a story at some point because I loved the street name.)
9-4 Lit Traditions
Zach - "I'm fascinated by people."
Dr. Dial-Driver - "I'm appalled by people."
9-8 Poetry Writing
Catee, while talking about one of her first poems - "It was hard to get started...I was just staring at the blank page going 'SHIT'..." Chorus of loud agreement immediately followed, because there's a lot of that when it comes to writing.
9-9 Shakespeare
Madison to Kenzie - "Sorry. I meant to sound friendly, but on the inside I'm murderous."
Jaisey, in response to Dr. Ford's roll-call question of the day - "I ate good food." "Like what?" "Um...." (she thinks a minute, we wait in suspense) "Potatoes."
9-10 American Lit
We're all complaining about how the classroom is an icebox. Somebody blames Madison for cranking the A/C so low, since she's not in the room to defend herself. Jeff - "She ate a furnace as a child." When I reported this to her several hours later, she nods in agreement after thinking it over. "That's probably true."
9-10 Poetry Writing
While workshopping Madison's pantoum about collecting postcards, Jalexa offers her take on the poem: "I though it was about a narrator who intercepts people's mail and never gives it back." This was decided to be a much more entertaining interpretation.
9-15 American Lit
(Kenzie has been sent across the room to adjust the thermostat.) Dr. Mackie - "It doesn't have to be Madison cold-"
Kenzie - "I can't do Madison cold!"
Dr. Mackie - "Nobody can."
9-15 Poetry Writing
Dr. Mackie - "For the record, Criminal Minds is NOT one to binge watch...."
9-17 Poetry Writing
Jeff, to Dr. Mackie - "Did you just say that my thoughts 'piss all over the place'?" (Wouldn't put it past her...)
Catee, explaining about her pantoum - "I just wanted to write a note that was kind of experimenting; it was written while babysitting a two-year-old with the patience of a goldfish, so that's what it's about."
9-18 Lit Traditions
Dr. Dial-Driver - "...the mouse ran across the floor in the living room, and I teleported onto the couch."
9-18 Lit Traditions
We're all horrified by the actions of the narrator in Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Black Cat", all shouting loudly and passionately. Dr. Dial-Driver breaks in with "But he also murdered his wife! Doesn't that count as evil, too?" Several of Us at Once - "WE DON'T CARE he murdered his wife! HE MURDERED CATS!!!!" "....I don't know whether to be worried or laugh that you guys are saying that....this is probably why 8:30 classes are a bad idea."
9-22 Poetry Writing
Erin starts on one of her "What planet is she from?" rants, praising Emily Bronte, when Dr. Mackie interrupts and is literally SHOUTING in order to describe the awfulness of Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights and the terribleness of that odious book in general. It was awesome.
9-23 Shakespeare
Dr. Ford to Jeff - "Why do you say 'sopapilla' like you're Italian?"
9-24 Poetry Writing
Random Person - "Do you want us to hand in our journals?" Dr. Mackie - "Oh, sh...- I gave y'all journals?!" "That's what we said while writing them." "But I'm not done grading all those massive ones from American Lit yet!"
9-25 Lit Traditions
Dr. Dial-Driver - "My husband is allergic to bare surfaces." (What a terrific description!)
Madison - "...and he was married in an unmarked grave, though....!" (She does double take.) "Uh....'buried' in an unmarked grave, I meant..."
9-25 American Lit
Dr. Mackie to herself - "...Teach a class at 8:30, they said...it'll be fun, they said..."
9-28 Shakespeare
Meaning to use the word "volume" in her sentence, Aubrey uses the word "temperature" instead. It made a very funny sentence, whatever it was.
10-1 Poetry Writing
Brandon, trying to defend his (correct) interpretation of a passage in Jeff's poem - "I don't know....maybe because I naturally always go to suicide..." (Nervous laughter in agreement from class here.) Also, we all agreed that Jeff needs to read audiobooks.
10-7 Shakespeare
Dr. Ford, on a complicated bit of Romeo and Juliet nobody can understand, even with the footnotes in the textbook: "Okay, we know by know that Shakespeare was a pretty dirty writer. yeah?" Chuckles of agreement heard throughout the room. "Well, no one knows exactly what this part's supposed to mean, but we think it's pretty bad. But nobody knows, so we just assume that he's talking about sex here."
Aubrey - "How does Father Laurence know the potion works for 42 hours?" Madison replies that he must have practiced on other subjects before; we all wonder why Shakespeare picked out such a weird time for it to work.
10-8 Poetry Writing
Someone once heard of these black twins named La-Dash-A and La-Space-A. We also thoroughly discussed spelunking and traveled back to Elizabethan England. It was a really strange day.
10-9 Lit Traditions
Apparently concrete heats up as it dries. Weird fact of the day.
10-13 Poetry Writing
Dr. Mackie, frustrated - "I'm trying to help you guys understand meter, but I've just always gotten it. It's just clicked. And it either does or it doesn't....I don't know how to help you all."
Random Person - "Seriously? You understand iambics?"
Jalexa - "Yeah, she's the Pentameter Goddess."
10-16 Lit Traditions
While we're marveling at high school pregnancies and trying to think of solutions, Zach remembers a girl he knew who used a water bottle to fake her water breaking in order to get out of geometry class. We also talked for some length about dogs, the evilness of snakes and spiders, smoking cigarettes and Muggsey Bogues.
10-19 Shakespeare
Today's roll-call question was what we did over the weekend. Bryce - "Well....I helped my girlfriend with a garage sale, but nobody came." "Why not?" "Because the county mowed down all the signs we'd made."
10-21 Shakespeare
Jeff, as the Ghost, reveals that Claudio killed him in order to seize the throne. Hayden, as Hamlet, reads his lines in a bored monotone with zero emotion. After they were done, Dr. Ford to Hayden - "Your father is telling you he was murdered. Might wanna react to that."
10-28 Shakespeare
Dr. Ford - "...You guys know about circumcision, right?" (Everyone looks extremely alarmed and uncomfortable. Thankfully the subject is changed very quickly.)
10-29 Poetry Writing
Dr. Mackie - "Jeff. Start speaking." "Well, I really like dirty poems-" "Jeff. Stop speaking."
Dr. Mackie - "For the record, old people can be lustful, too!" (Several of us immediately call that TMI and go as quickly as we can to any other subject.)
Jeff - "I don't get much of a scent - what am I saying? A 'sense' of madness in this!" (This was just a very weird day. We spent a long time arguing over which would better survive a nuclear bomb: cockroaches or Twinkies.)
11-4 Shakespeare
While answering the roll-call question of worst haircuts we ever had, some girl mentions that lemon juice on hair in the sunlight works as a natural highlight/bleach mixture in order to go blonde.
Dr. Ford - "So, they say absolute power corrupts....what did they do wrong?" (Talking of Macbeth and his wife.) Nobody knows quite how to answer that, until Aubrey speaks up: "....Murder?"
11-5 Poetry Writing
We learned that Dr. Mackie has four degrees and she has never once read Moby Dick. That is amazing. And really cool. (And eventually I'm gonna get past the first page...)
Jalexa - "Are murders happening? 'Cause they should. ...I mean, in the poem, they should." (This is possibly my favorite quote overheard this year.)
11-10 Poetry Writing
Somebody says about my villanelle, "It was comfortable, like a pair of old pajamas." Most of the critiques I got were like that; I couldn't decide whether they were supposed to be compliments or insults.
11-12 Poetry Writing
Dr. Mackie to Jeff - "I'm not saying you're pond scum."
Jeff, talking about Jalexa's free-verse poem - "It helps if you read it like Dracula."
11-13 Lit Traditions
While we're debating the best foods to eat on Thanksgiving, Taylor Nicole(who never says anything ever) asks completely seriously, "What is pumpkin pie? I've never heard of it." Also, apparently Wal-Mart price-matching can be combined with coupons in order to get even more savings.
11-20 Lit Tradtions
Dr. Dial-Driver, to Ray - "Write faster." "Okay, but I need to think faster." "I don't care if you think, I just want you to turn in something written!"
11-19 Poetry Writing
Catee - "I say fat is evidence that you found good food." Deena - "Well, I've found a lot more satisfaction in pizza than I have in men."
Dr. Mackie - "Does anyone else have that little shoulder angel whispering in your ear, 'You're a dumbass...'?"
Deena, joyfully, after finally mastering some writing technique - "I learned something in this class!" Kenzie in extremely bright and cheerful little-girl voice - "It's cool to know shit!"
11-20 Lit Traditions
Catee - "My dog loves to swim, but he hates baths. It's like trying to bathe a hurricane."
11-24 American Lit
Interrupting her own lecture, Dr. Mackie to Jeff - "What are you doing?" "I have Pop-Tart stuck in my wisdom tooth." (Impressive pause) "Well, that sucks."
11-24 Poetry Writing
In today's miscellanous arguments/discussion/rants: Arguing on Facebook, yoga pants, body image, how awful DW was on Arthur, how wonderful Audrey Hepburn was
12-1 Poetry Writing
Dr. Mackie - "My second son wanted to hunt down E.B. White and kill him."
Loud chorus of incredulous "Why???!!!"
"Because Charlotte died." (Stunned silence.)
Jalexa, after a minute - "That's....beautiful..."
12-1 Poetry Writing
Snorts of derision at seeing a PowerPoint presentation about Robert Frost headlined "Bob Frost". Dr. Mackie to Donna - "You're on a first-name basis with him?" It was one of the worst presentations I've ever seen.
12-2 Shakespeare
The last day of class, so Dr. Ford hands out the evaluations, leaves, and doesn't come back for a full half hour. That was weird. So people insulted each other to pass the time.
Bryce - "Kenzie's just a big ball of sass." Jeff - "I thought you said 'ass", and I was gonna be like-" Catee pounces on this - "Nope, that's you!"
After Dr. Ford returns, Jeff literally breaks the wall-partition. He is given a hard time by everyone.
Jeff - "I liked Jacques [from As You Like It] as a character because he's a melancholic jerk. I can kind of relate to that."
I apparently cannot pronounce "apocalyptic"....
12-5 Poetry Writing
Cody - "I'm distracted because Wesley isn't drinking a Diet Coke today."
Madison, snarkily - "You've memorized what he drinks?"
"Well, yeah. He drinks one every day. But today it's a Coke Zero."
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