Just the other day I found myself pulling out loose carpet threads strand-by-strand from the roller of the vacuum so it would work right. Keeping an eye on the trash filling up the containers and taking it out. Making sure there are towels in the clothes washer and milk pails in the dishwasher. Those are the kinds of things I've been doing this summer.
Oh, and watching Amy. 8-year-old little girls, especially if they have special needs, can take a great deal of watching. But most of the time it isn't too bad.
There's been a lot of Mario Kart over the last week. That's been fun to watch Caleb and Trevor's excitement about that. And Mario Kart is awesome. So I've been playing it a lot, too.
A couple of Glory's and May's kittens were picked up by the Nolands this afternoon, so it's good to know that they're heading for a good home.
Last weekend watched The Barefoot Contessa on Friday night, Inside Out in Okmulgee at the Orpheum, and then Sunday night rewatched His Girl Friday. I'm not a huge Humphrey Bogart fan, and really see nothing attractive about Ava Gardner, so that was distracting, trying to figure out how she was now the world's most famous actress. And it seemed like everybody talked in riddles the whole time. That was confusing. But most of them sounded like they'd be worth writing down on a second viewing.
Inside Out was strange, but a very good strange. Only Pixar could go into someone's mind like that....And having Amy Poehler and Kyle McLachlan didn't hurt, either. I really enjoyed it.
His Girl Friday was better the second time(of course, the first time I was editing an essay for a friend while watching). The rapid-fire dialogue was awesome. And Cary Grant is terrific.
Also rewatched The Incredibles the other night, and it's fine; the dialogue is really good throughout. The jungle of Nomanisan Island is amazingly detailed, and the spy/superhero references are cool, but there's a little too much emphasis on the melodrama in "family melodrama" for my taste. Firmly in the middle of Pixar's pecking order in terms of story.
Filled out a lot of paperwork at RSU this week. I changed my major to Liberal Arts with a focus in English, so now my schedule is American Lit, Lit Traditions, Poetry Writing and Shakespeare. Those might change, classes have a way of usually doing that, but those are probably what I'll be taking in fall. w2 (Rags stomped on the keyboard there.) Anyway, not sure what to expect out of those. They could be really good, or really bad. Anyway, I think there's only about three more semesters left.
The Supreme Court apparently overturned the state's rights to ban gay marriage yesterday...you can't go anywhere on the internet without hearing about it. My first thought? "Well, not really surprised. Looks like there might be a fight on the horizon." I've heard it said pretty often that my generation will probably see the end of the United States, and I kind of agree. I don't really like it, but it's probably true.
My reaction on Facebook was to quote from J.R.R. Tolkien's Fellowship of the Ring, from chapter three, page 50:
"Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and rises again."
"I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. And already, Frodo, our time is beginning to look black. The Enemy is fast becoming very strong. His plans are far from ripe, I think, but they are ripening. We shall be very hard put to it. We should be very hard put to it, even if it were not for this dreadful chance."
Gandalf continues ten pages later: "But you have been chosen, and so must therefore use what strength and heart and wits as you have."
And also to quote Jesus' words to the disciples in Matthew 10:16-20:
"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as serpents and as innocent as doves. But be on your guard against men; they will hand you over to the local councils and flog you in their synagogues. On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses yo them and to the Gentiles. But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say, or how to say it. At that time you be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you."
In addition to what seems to be the entire internet bending over backwards to cheer yesterday, there's also been a huge anti-Confederate flag thing going around, which is equally hard to take. I wrote in that post about honesty in social media that it's a lot easier to make your side heroic if you conveniently skip over the more brutal deeds of your own country's people. Reading Margaret Mitchell's Gone With the Wind a couple weeks ago furthered my thinking that had I lived in the 1860's, I probably would have been on the side of the CSA. Ashley's and Rhett's questioning whether they could actually win raised some good points, but I think they potentially could have. As Atticus would say seventy years later in Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird, "Courage isn't a man with a gun, son. It's knowing that you're licked before you start, but fighting anyway."
Scarlett probably deserved most of what happened to her; especially after marrying Frank, but I still felt sorry for her at the end.
So, yeah, back to the Stars and Bars. The CSA might have been in existence as an actual nation only for about five years, but you can't wipe out the most important symbol of a civilization without losing many great treasures. Does that mean you have to throw away ALL Civil War-themed games and apps? (If you're Apple, then yes.) Does that mean tossing out the literature of the South? (GWTW, Mockingbird, all of William Faulkner, Jan Karon, John Grisham, Flannery O'Connor, etc... And not yet, but possibly in the future.) The TV shows? (The Andy Griffith Show, The Dukes of Hazzard, Nashville, In the Heat of the Night, Matlock, etc.) Movies? (GWTW, Hope Floats, Days of Thunder, Steel Magnolias, Mockingbird, Forrest Gump, etc.) And true country music, as well? (Alan Jackson, Garth Brooks, Miranda Lambert, Collin Raye, Sara Evans....) Brad Paisley's song Accidental Racist would be not allowed, then, too?
Borrowed Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, from the DeSpains yesterday afternoon and finished it this morning. I didn't like it much(too much like 1984), but it was worth reading. Neil Postman(author of Amusing Ourselves to Death) was right, though - Brave New World is an alarmingly accelerated view of where our society could likely end up. (Lot like Fahrenheit 451 that way.)
So, right. All those things that I mentioned I can't really do anything about. All I can do, really, right now, is to keep the dishes and laundry running and help take care of Amy, so everybody else can get finished the stuff they need to. Not glamorous, or exciting, or newsworthy, but it needs doing. And it keeps me busy. Too busy to write much, lately.
Saturday, June 27, 2015
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Strange Dreams, Part Three
A third listing of strange dreams I've had, as best as I can remember them the next morning. (See here and here for previous listings.)
2-21-15, Our family was living in a tent in a corner of a pasture. There were woods on one side of the field, and I saw two enormous bears right along the fenceline.
5-14-15, Our whole family was at this Fall Creek-like gathering at Camp Beth-Eden; that was a little odd. And this guy Dad knew from high school was trying to talk me into a summer internship working with his church in Branson.
5-14-15, I was at this Gatsby-like party, talking to the hostess; a tiny blonde girl. She was very friendly, and she even asked me out on a date. You wouldn't have guessed anything was not-right healthwise, but she was hooked up to an oxygen tank.
5-19-15, It was the first day of a new course, maybe of summer? And it was some kind of accounting, But anyway, I kinda fell apart, launching into a monologue about the stupidity and failure of the higher education system, and then the teacher flunked me for it. Mom and Dad were worrying about me, and so was Amanda. I was trying to decide if I should stay in Claremore or not, and NSU folks were trying to get me to come back to Tahlequah. There was this movie I was watching, and Elizabeth, Jacob and Susan, plus a lot of other people I know, were trying to talk me into coming back. They were all on one side of the theater, I was sitting by myself on the edge of the other side, and behind people from RSU(I don't know any of them, but Fulton from The Mighty Ducks was there) were trying to get me to stay. Obviously, the movie didn't get watched hardly at all; it was an unpleasant experience. Like the real-life Amazing Spider-Man experience, I have no idea what was happening on the screen. Anyway, all the worrying and stress of trying to make this decision made me sick - enough to go to the doctor - only I had to babysit Amy that day, so I was trying to keep an eye on her while finding the doctor's office. And then once we finally found it, Jack Dalton from MacGyver offers to keep an eye on her. So I decline politely, and then I wake up. It was one of those unfortunate experiences when real life keeps going in a fictionalized manner at night and the dream just goes on forever. Also, the first part up until the theater was in third person, and then it switched to first person.
6-15-15, Something to do with dealing with Muskogee distant relatives, and Westville, and housesitting, and was this litter of sick kittens, and a couple of miniature pet dinosaurs, and the dinos and cats got into a fight and chewed each other all up...
6-16-15, Not really sure what was happening, exactly, but it had something to do with hockey, Gordon Bombay, and the courtship of Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis.
6-24-15, lots of two-hour STRESS/PANIC nights of programming. Lots of running and chasing, and looking for important lost objects. Also unexpectedly running into somebody I hadn't known for quite a while. Also, in the "cinematic" division of my personal Dream Productions(see Inside Out) involved a third-person look at a man who looked kinda like Samuel L. Jackson running down an interstate carrying an old lady in one arm and a machine gun in the other. The lady says, "But I thought you were going to protect me!" "I am. But I lied, ma'am. I'm not a cop. I'm a hit man." And with that, he shoots somebody in a car.
6-25-15, Most of this dream takes place in Westville. It started with the end of a movie, one of those with multiple twist endings depending on whether a character did this or that somewhere in the past. This princess gets adopted into becoming the heir of the throne, which brings an Apocalypse-type event for their civilization. However, in the wreckage, survivors invent a new sport involving go-karts, archery and baseball, which gets adapted into pinball as we know it today.
Nano's not doing too well, and so most of us(except Courtney and Caleb) come over to work on things. There's a football game on TV that she and Trevor are watching intently, which is strange, since neither of them really care much about football. She really wants some ice and fruit pies, so Dad, Amy and I go to get them. The ice is at Shuttle Stop(why?) which Dad completely forgets about and he drives north instead of west, winding up in Siloam Springs(which looks like Louisville now?). Also, Harps has been replaced by a PetsMart/Reasor's-looking store called "Beffy". At a Siloam car wash I continue Amy-minding while Dad finds some pies, so we get two strawberry, two raspberry, a blueberry and a mixed-berry.
Then there's this kind of family reunion-type deal that Mom wanted to go to with a local gospel band giving a concert that's being held at this little church in town somewhere, Scotty and Brad DeSpain are two of the band's members. Once that ends people just stand around and talk for a while. Samara comes into the building, looking for her dad and one of her little sisters, and me and Dad talk with her for a bit, she mentions that she's heading for Chicago. I wish her good luck, and I think I mostly meant it, not just being polite. She disappears into the bathroom; Dad says, "Why won't she ever trust me?" I shrug. Just then I noticed that my "Courage" rubber bracelet has snapped, which is really disappointing. Amanda's across the room, and I was going to say hi, but then she gets to talking with Avril Lavigne, so I didn't want to interrupt. By now most of the people have left, and so Avril Lavigne picks up a guitar that one of the gospel-band players left behind and gives a lesson on how to play a song called "Unstoppable" and her song Darlin'.
2-21-15, Our family was living in a tent in a corner of a pasture. There were woods on one side of the field, and I saw two enormous bears right along the fenceline.
5-14-15, Our whole family was at this Fall Creek-like gathering at Camp Beth-Eden; that was a little odd. And this guy Dad knew from high school was trying to talk me into a summer internship working with his church in Branson.
5-14-15, I was at this Gatsby-like party, talking to the hostess; a tiny blonde girl. She was very friendly, and she even asked me out on a date. You wouldn't have guessed anything was not-right healthwise, but she was hooked up to an oxygen tank.
5-19-15, It was the first day of a new course, maybe of summer? And it was some kind of accounting, But anyway, I kinda fell apart, launching into a monologue about the stupidity and failure of the higher education system, and then the teacher flunked me for it. Mom and Dad were worrying about me, and so was Amanda. I was trying to decide if I should stay in Claremore or not, and NSU folks were trying to get me to come back to Tahlequah. There was this movie I was watching, and Elizabeth, Jacob and Susan, plus a lot of other people I know, were trying to talk me into coming back. They were all on one side of the theater, I was sitting by myself on the edge of the other side, and behind people from RSU(I don't know any of them, but Fulton from The Mighty Ducks was there) were trying to get me to stay. Obviously, the movie didn't get watched hardly at all; it was an unpleasant experience. Like the real-life Amazing Spider-Man experience, I have no idea what was happening on the screen. Anyway, all the worrying and stress of trying to make this decision made me sick - enough to go to the doctor - only I had to babysit Amy that day, so I was trying to keep an eye on her while finding the doctor's office. And then once we finally found it, Jack Dalton from MacGyver offers to keep an eye on her. So I decline politely, and then I wake up. It was one of those unfortunate experiences when real life keeps going in a fictionalized manner at night and the dream just goes on forever. Also, the first part up until the theater was in third person, and then it switched to first person.
6-15-15, Something to do with dealing with Muskogee distant relatives, and Westville, and housesitting, and was this litter of sick kittens, and a couple of miniature pet dinosaurs, and the dinos and cats got into a fight and chewed each other all up...
6-16-15, Not really sure what was happening, exactly, but it had something to do with hockey, Gordon Bombay, and the courtship of Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis.
6-24-15, lots of two-hour STRESS/PANIC nights of programming. Lots of running and chasing, and looking for important lost objects. Also unexpectedly running into somebody I hadn't known for quite a while. Also, in the "cinematic" division of my personal Dream Productions(see Inside Out) involved a third-person look at a man who looked kinda like Samuel L. Jackson running down an interstate carrying an old lady in one arm and a machine gun in the other. The lady says, "But I thought you were going to protect me!" "I am. But I lied, ma'am. I'm not a cop. I'm a hit man." And with that, he shoots somebody in a car.
6-25-15, Most of this dream takes place in Westville. It started with the end of a movie, one of those with multiple twist endings depending on whether a character did this or that somewhere in the past. This princess gets adopted into becoming the heir of the throne, which brings an Apocalypse-type event for their civilization. However, in the wreckage, survivors invent a new sport involving go-karts, archery and baseball, which gets adapted into pinball as we know it today.
Nano's not doing too well, and so most of us(except Courtney and Caleb) come over to work on things. There's a football game on TV that she and Trevor are watching intently, which is strange, since neither of them really care much about football. She really wants some ice and fruit pies, so Dad, Amy and I go to get them. The ice is at Shuttle Stop(why?) which Dad completely forgets about and he drives north instead of west, winding up in Siloam Springs(which looks like Louisville now?). Also, Harps has been replaced by a PetsMart/Reasor's-looking store called "Beffy". At a Siloam car wash I continue Amy-minding while Dad finds some pies, so we get two strawberry, two raspberry, a blueberry and a mixed-berry.
Then there's this kind of family reunion-type deal that Mom wanted to go to with a local gospel band giving a concert that's being held at this little church in town somewhere, Scotty and Brad DeSpain are two of the band's members. Once that ends people just stand around and talk for a while. Samara comes into the building, looking for her dad and one of her little sisters, and me and Dad talk with her for a bit, she mentions that she's heading for Chicago. I wish her good luck, and I think I mostly meant it, not just being polite. She disappears into the bathroom; Dad says, "Why won't she ever trust me?" I shrug. Just then I noticed that my "Courage" rubber bracelet has snapped, which is really disappointing. Amanda's across the room, and I was going to say hi, but then she gets to talking with Avril Lavigne, so I didn't want to interrupt. By now most of the people have left, and so Avril Lavigne picks up a guitar that one of the gospel-band players left behind and gives a lesson on how to play a song called "Unstoppable" and her song Darlin'.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
More Songs of the Day
A while back(several years ago, actually) I wrote a post dedicated completely to Songs of the Day; so I'm doing another one of those now. To be a Song of the Day, it has to be stuck on repeat inside my mind for no reason; without consciously replaying it.
There's been FFH's "Follow Love", "I'll Join the Rocks",and "Never Gonna Be Alone", Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" and "I Really Like You", the Parks and Recreation theme song, and the National Anthems of both the U.S. and Canada.
(About a month later...)
This week it's been Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist" and "Those Crazy Christians", Carrie Underwood's "Just a Dream", Five for Fighting's "Superman(It's Not Easy)", and Taylor Swift's "The Best Day" and "We are Never Getting Back Together". Also, "For a Thousand Tongues".
There's been FFH's "Follow Love", "I'll Join the Rocks",and "Never Gonna Be Alone", Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" and "I Really Like You", the Parks and Recreation theme song, and the National Anthems of both the U.S. and Canada.
(About a month later...)
This week it's been Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist" and "Those Crazy Christians", Carrie Underwood's "Just a Dream", Five for Fighting's "Superman(It's Not Easy)", and Taylor Swift's "The Best Day" and "We are Never Getting Back Together". Also, "For a Thousand Tongues".
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Music Promotion Alert
I like promoting the accomplishments of folks I know. (This has been proved elsewhere on here.) And Jon's been one of those guys that I've known for quite a while. (Again, well-documented.)
So, he's been living in Maryland for about a year, uploading a bunch of YouTube cover videos like this one, with Sophie the acoustic guitar. ("Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" - Relient K)
He moved back to southern Missouri a couple weeks ago and formed a Christian rock band called Heroes At Large. Their first single hit this afternoon, check it out. (I got a sneak peek download of the single last night.) He describes the band's music as "edgy, raw, and introspective". And fans of their music would likely also enjoy Breaking Benjamin, Creed and Crossfade.
As far as the actual song goes, it's a little on the darker side. But that's what he usually tends to go when writing songs. He says it's because brokenness and conviction about sin always comes before salvation. (And "Life is pain", as all humans know, especially Princess Bride fans.)
So, give the first single a listen, and if you like the band, check out their YouTube and Facebook pages. Maybe they're not quite Mouse Rat yet, but you gotta start somewhere.
So, he's been living in Maryland for about a year, uploading a bunch of YouTube cover videos like this one, with Sophie the acoustic guitar. ("Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" - Relient K)
He moved back to southern Missouri a couple weeks ago and formed a Christian rock band called Heroes At Large. Their first single hit this afternoon, check it out. (I got a sneak peek download of the single last night.) He describes the band's music as "edgy, raw, and introspective". And fans of their music would likely also enjoy Breaking Benjamin, Creed and Crossfade.
As far as the actual song goes, it's a little on the darker side. But that's what he usually tends to go when writing songs. He says it's because brokenness and conviction about sin always comes before salvation. (And "Life is pain", as all humans know, especially Princess Bride fans.)
So, give the first single a listen, and if you like the band, check out their YouTube and Facebook pages. Maybe they're not quite Mouse Rat yet, but you gotta start somewhere.
Middle of June
And then it rained even more....
Seriously, it's been a wet summer so far.
In recent reading, returned to the Land of Fairytales(which is similar to, though not exactly the same, as Mr. Rogers' Land of Make-Believe) with The Ordinary Princess, by M.M. Kaye, and Once On a Time, by A.A. Milne. The Ordinary Princess is a completely straightfoward, unironical fairy tale, about a princess who is just...well, really ordinary. Who ever heard of a princess with mouse-colored hair, freckles and grayish-brown eyes? Well, that's about what Her Royal Highness the Princess Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne of Phantasmorania looks like.
Once On a Time is rather strange. Even Milne thought so, and as he said in the introduction, "You will either like this book, or you won't. It is that kind of book." There's not really a villain, and the narrator's persona is rewriting the history of Euralia from the works of noted historian Roger Scurvilegs. (Is that part of where William Goldman got his idea for how to write The Princess Bride?) It deals mainly with how easy it is to deceive people; so that's rather different than most fairy tales.
Oh, yes, also read through most of Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tales a couple weeks ago. ("The Little Match Girl" is my favorite; but I'm not exactly sure why.)
Caleb and Trevor have wanted me to help with video games pretty often, so I've played LEGO Indiana Jones with Trevor and beaten Caleb in six of the last seven hockey games we've played, and the last three races.
Chicago won the Stanley Cup over Tampa on Monday night; which was pretty cool to see. Sure, I would've preferred they hadn't, but it's the Stanley Cup. Hard not to be glad for whoever ends up winning it. Also, the Warriors won the NBA Finals, so that was good, since that meant Cleveland lost. I didn't watch any of the NBA playoffs since the Thunder weren't in it; didn't see any reason to.
Last weekend was slightly out of the ordinary, but not much. Dad was in the hospital because they thought he might be having a heart attack or something; after a bunch of tests they think it's probably something with his gall bladder. So we just flipped into Crisis Mode and survived. (Not like we have a lot of experience doing that or anything...)
Been cleaning a lot, and trying to keep the laundry and dishes running. Not much time for writing this week, but clicking away at the keyboard when I can.
Seriously, it's been a wet summer so far.
In recent reading, returned to the Land of Fairytales(which is similar to, though not exactly the same, as Mr. Rogers' Land of Make-Believe) with The Ordinary Princess, by M.M. Kaye, and Once On a Time, by A.A. Milne. The Ordinary Princess is a completely straightfoward, unironical fairy tale, about a princess who is just...well, really ordinary. Who ever heard of a princess with mouse-colored hair, freckles and grayish-brown eyes? Well, that's about what Her Royal Highness the Princess Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne of Phantasmorania looks like.
Once On a Time is rather strange. Even Milne thought so, and as he said in the introduction, "You will either like this book, or you won't. It is that kind of book." There's not really a villain, and the narrator's persona is rewriting the history of Euralia from the works of noted historian Roger Scurvilegs. (Is that part of where William Goldman got his idea for how to write The Princess Bride?) It deals mainly with how easy it is to deceive people; so that's rather different than most fairy tales.
Oh, yes, also read through most of Hans Christian Andersen's fairy tales a couple weeks ago. ("The Little Match Girl" is my favorite; but I'm not exactly sure why.)
Caleb and Trevor have wanted me to help with video games pretty often, so I've played LEGO Indiana Jones with Trevor and beaten Caleb in six of the last seven hockey games we've played, and the last three races.
Chicago won the Stanley Cup over Tampa on Monday night; which was pretty cool to see. Sure, I would've preferred they hadn't, but it's the Stanley Cup. Hard not to be glad for whoever ends up winning it. Also, the Warriors won the NBA Finals, so that was good, since that meant Cleveland lost. I didn't watch any of the NBA playoffs since the Thunder weren't in it; didn't see any reason to.
Last weekend was slightly out of the ordinary, but not much. Dad was in the hospital because they thought he might be having a heart attack or something; after a bunch of tests they think it's probably something with his gall bladder. So we just flipped into Crisis Mode and survived. (Not like we have a lot of experience doing that or anything...)
Been cleaning a lot, and trying to keep the laundry and dishes running. Not much time for writing this week, but clicking away at the keyboard when I can.
Monday, June 15, 2015
June Readings
So, in continued nonfiction reading, the biography stretch kept going with the story of George Burns and Gracie Allen that I mentioned in the last post, which was good, but would've been more interesting if I was more familiar with who they were. From the clips from show scripts that were included in the book, though, The Burns and Allen Show was probably a major influence on the Parks and Rec writers. I couldn't decide if I would have liked their show or not.
Also read Looking for Calvin and Hobbes, a biography of Bill Watterson, writer/illustrator of Calvin and Hobbes, which was unusual. For one thing, it's a biography of a man who wants to remain as anonymous as possible, and provided absolutely no help. For that reason, the author had to almost write it as if Watterson were dead; which is weird when you think about it, considering that he's still very much alive. For another, the author inserts himself as a fairly-main character as he goes on this journey to find out more about Watterson. (Kind of like Bob Greene's Once Upon a Town that way.)
Raced through Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park Monday night, which I enjoyed. (I know, I know....I'd never read the book before, but I'd always meant to....you know how that is.) On page 80, Dr. Ian Malcolm has a great quote: "Isn't it amazing? In the information society, we expected to banish paper, but what were actually banished was thought." There's also a couple of very good, but very long, passages between Mr. Hammond and Dr. Wu on the failure of the university system, and between Malcolm and Hammond on the collapse of science.
Also read Gone With the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell. It was difficult to read at times, because of the war and everything, but I enjoyed it. I think my favorite character was Melanie, but I'm not sure. Took me five days to finish, though - 1,039 pages is quite a bit to chew off, though. 418, 053 words' worth, actually.
Also read Looking for Calvin and Hobbes, a biography of Bill Watterson, writer/illustrator of Calvin and Hobbes, which was unusual. For one thing, it's a biography of a man who wants to remain as anonymous as possible, and provided absolutely no help. For that reason, the author had to almost write it as if Watterson were dead; which is weird when you think about it, considering that he's still very much alive. For another, the author inserts himself as a fairly-main character as he goes on this journey to find out more about Watterson. (Kind of like Bob Greene's Once Upon a Town that way.)
Raced through Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park Monday night, which I enjoyed. (I know, I know....I'd never read the book before, but I'd always meant to....you know how that is.) On page 80, Dr. Ian Malcolm has a great quote: "Isn't it amazing? In the information society, we expected to banish paper, but what were actually banished was thought." There's also a couple of very good, but very long, passages between Mr. Hammond and Dr. Wu on the failure of the university system, and between Malcolm and Hammond on the collapse of science.
Also read Gone With the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell. It was difficult to read at times, because of the war and everything, but I enjoyed it. I think my favorite character was Melanie, but I'm not sure. Took me five days to finish, though - 1,039 pages is quite a bit to chew off, though. 418, 053 words' worth, actually.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Writing Conference and Other Summer Stuff
Last Saturday I went to the Successful Writer Conference in Tulsa, which I also attended last year, where it was in Wagoner. (Most people would say "second annual", but Dr. Eversole always says that you can't say "annual" until something is held at least three years in a row.)
It was held at Tulsa Bible Church, and it was an uncommon experience. Uncommon because there was a bunch of other people around who also cared about writing well and who were seeking to get better. That was a good-strange, though. Met a cool retired guy named Jerry; we talked for a while during lunch. He was a missionary in Africa for twenty years before starting and directing a ministry for international students at TU. We were very much outnumbered, though; I'd guess about forty-five women attended the conference to five men. There was this common-sense-full agent named Terry Burns who was one of the speakers; his sessions were really great. One focused on the rules which needed to be followed in order to have a chance at being published, and the other focused, basically, on how to do our work of fiction(or whatever) as best we could, trusting that the Lord will do what He wants with what we do, in order to accomplish His purposes. It was kind of a sermon, almost.
In books I've read recently...did a thorough mark-everything-all-up reading of Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird(I love that one), and read a bunch of nonfiction. Reagan: The Hollywood Years, by Marc Eliot, was very interesting. His idea was that everyone always talks about Reagan the politician, but in order to really understand that Reagan, we needed to understand Reagan the actor. And then it goes into his childhood and college years, which led up to going to Hollywood; it's a good read. Ian Fleming: The Man Behind James Bond, by Andrew Lycett, was disappointing. It was extremely British; full of high-class snobbishness. That could have been overcome; after all, Fleming lived just as those walls were coming down. (He was about fifteen years younger than Agatha Christie.) But more drearily; the biographer felt he had to give every single detail of the life-histories of anyone who came into Fleming's life at any point. That was what was so unbearable about it. But I did finish, just because I hate to leave books half-finished. (That reminds me, at some point I need to finish The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster. I got a little less than halfway through while we were visiting at the Guenthers a couple weeks ago.) Anyway, the biographer used referenced a lot of British terms without explaining what they meant, so that was a bit of a distraction. Fleming was a strange man, was about all I got out of it. Starting a biography of George Burns and Gracie Allen called Say Goodnight, Gracie! The Story of Burns and Allen, written by Cheryl Blythe and Susan Sackett. (Easy to remember the authors, because they're both also the names of famous families of literature; the Blythes of Lucy Maud Montgomery and the Sacketts of Louis L'Amour.)
The other books I've been reading I bought at the conference. Blogging for Writers, by Robin Houghton, which provided some useful info. Mostly that resulted in tweaks to my writing blog, You Keep Using That Word... Also A Writer's Survival Guide to Getting Published, by Terry Burns, and Writing in Obedience: A Primer for Christian Fiction Writers, by Terry Burns and Linda Yezak. Normally I wouldn't buy someone's book just because I heard them speak, but he was so good that I had to scoop up two of the nonfiction ones. Both of his books that I got were pretty much expansions of what he'd said during the sessions, so they were good purchases.
And my favorite baby-name book of all time, the very appropriately-titled Very Best Baby Name Book in the Whole Wide World, collected by Bruce Lansky. That was the one sitting around the duplex in Broken Arrow when Mom was pregnant with Courtney, so I'd sometimes look at all the different names while offering suggestions(like "Orin Morgan Megan Bo Coburn III"...but I was four/five, so...yeah.) Anyway, baby-name books are extremely helpful when finding just-the-right-name for a character. It may just be me, but I have to have the perfect name right off in order to understand who each character is. Because what do you first learn about somebody when you meet them? Their name! Everything else follows from that bit of information. Especially now on the internet.
Watched the entire Toy Story trilogy last night with the commentary on; that was an espresso shot of inspiration and reminder of why I love storytelling so much, with possibly a clue as to what the next step would be? I don't know. Just dreaming. Besides, I can't draw. But one of the animators who designed most of the sequence where Woody escapes from Sunnyside, according to director Lee Unkrich, can't draw very well. And he said that he wasn't much of an artist, either. And Pete Docter has said that he's never been that good at drawing, technically, either. Anyway, I have checked the Pixar website every couple months over the past year to see if there were any available intern positions. (There hasn't been any.)
With Inside Out coming to theaters next week, I've got to hurry up on my ranking of all fifteen Pixae movies....
Starting a new project with Ashland, should be neat to see where that goes. We're thinking either something completely off-the-wall and new, or a further adventure of Diana and Jason. We'll see what happens there...
Spent a lot of time with Amy this week; reading books, playing board games, that kind of thing. It's been kind of nice.
The Stanley Cup Final got started on Wednesday; so of course I watched that. Amy did, too. And then for parts here and there everybody else did, too. Continuing the I-can't-even-remember-how-long streak of "Teams I'm Cheering For" losing, Tampa's early lead got wiped away by two quick Chicago goals late and the Blackhawks prevailed over the Lightning. I think that streak might've started with the Thunder's loss to the Heat in the 2012 NBA Finals... The Warriors beat the ClevelandLeBrons Cavaliers(yuck) last night; didn't watch that. American Pharaoh could become the first horse in forever to win the Triple Crown on Saturday.
Rags enjoys Pixar movies and hockey games, unlike Cary Grant movies. (How can you not like Cary Grant? Every time anyone watches one of his movies, she always hides somewhere far away or falls asleep immediately. Strange cat...) Caleb's Great Pyrenees puppies Andy and Thelma Lou are really cute and friendly. And calm. The goats are all giving milk now; one of the doelings has already sold, and the other bucklings will be ready to sell pretty soon. Sassy gave over half a gallon of milk last night. Courtney and Mom are pretty happy about that.
It was held at Tulsa Bible Church, and it was an uncommon experience. Uncommon because there was a bunch of other people around who also cared about writing well and who were seeking to get better. That was a good-strange, though. Met a cool retired guy named Jerry; we talked for a while during lunch. He was a missionary in Africa for twenty years before starting and directing a ministry for international students at TU. We were very much outnumbered, though; I'd guess about forty-five women attended the conference to five men. There was this common-sense-full agent named Terry Burns who was one of the speakers; his sessions were really great. One focused on the rules which needed to be followed in order to have a chance at being published, and the other focused, basically, on how to do our work of fiction(or whatever) as best we could, trusting that the Lord will do what He wants with what we do, in order to accomplish His purposes. It was kind of a sermon, almost.
In books I've read recently...did a thorough mark-everything-all-up reading of Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird(I love that one), and read a bunch of nonfiction. Reagan: The Hollywood Years, by Marc Eliot, was very interesting. His idea was that everyone always talks about Reagan the politician, but in order to really understand that Reagan, we needed to understand Reagan the actor. And then it goes into his childhood and college years, which led up to going to Hollywood; it's a good read. Ian Fleming: The Man Behind James Bond, by Andrew Lycett, was disappointing. It was extremely British; full of high-class snobbishness. That could have been overcome; after all, Fleming lived just as those walls were coming down. (He was about fifteen years younger than Agatha Christie.) But more drearily; the biographer felt he had to give every single detail of the life-histories of anyone who came into Fleming's life at any point. That was what was so unbearable about it. But I did finish, just because I hate to leave books half-finished. (That reminds me, at some point I need to finish The Phantom Tollbooth, by Norton Juster. I got a little less than halfway through while we were visiting at the Guenthers a couple weeks ago.) Anyway, the biographer used referenced a lot of British terms without explaining what they meant, so that was a bit of a distraction. Fleming was a strange man, was about all I got out of it. Starting a biography of George Burns and Gracie Allen called Say Goodnight, Gracie! The Story of Burns and Allen, written by Cheryl Blythe and Susan Sackett. (Easy to remember the authors, because they're both also the names of famous families of literature; the Blythes of Lucy Maud Montgomery and the Sacketts of Louis L'Amour.)
The other books I've been reading I bought at the conference. Blogging for Writers, by Robin Houghton, which provided some useful info. Mostly that resulted in tweaks to my writing blog, You Keep Using That Word... Also A Writer's Survival Guide to Getting Published, by Terry Burns, and Writing in Obedience: A Primer for Christian Fiction Writers, by Terry Burns and Linda Yezak. Normally I wouldn't buy someone's book just because I heard them speak, but he was so good that I had to scoop up two of the nonfiction ones. Both of his books that I got were pretty much expansions of what he'd said during the sessions, so they were good purchases.
And my favorite baby-name book of all time, the very appropriately-titled Very Best Baby Name Book in the Whole Wide World, collected by Bruce Lansky. That was the one sitting around the duplex in Broken Arrow when Mom was pregnant with Courtney, so I'd sometimes look at all the different names while offering suggestions(like "Orin Morgan Megan Bo Coburn III"...but I was four/five, so...yeah.) Anyway, baby-name books are extremely helpful when finding just-the-right-name for a character. It may just be me, but I have to have the perfect name right off in order to understand who each character is. Because what do you first learn about somebody when you meet them? Their name! Everything else follows from that bit of information. Especially now on the internet.
Watched the entire Toy Story trilogy last night with the commentary on; that was an espresso shot of inspiration and reminder of why I love storytelling so much, with possibly a clue as to what the next step would be? I don't know. Just dreaming. Besides, I can't draw. But one of the animators who designed most of the sequence where Woody escapes from Sunnyside, according to director Lee Unkrich, can't draw very well. And he said that he wasn't much of an artist, either. And Pete Docter has said that he's never been that good at drawing, technically, either. Anyway, I have checked the Pixar website every couple months over the past year to see if there were any available intern positions. (There hasn't been any.)
With Inside Out coming to theaters next week, I've got to hurry up on my ranking of all fifteen Pixae movies....
Starting a new project with Ashland, should be neat to see where that goes. We're thinking either something completely off-the-wall and new, or a further adventure of Diana and Jason. We'll see what happens there...
Spent a lot of time with Amy this week; reading books, playing board games, that kind of thing. It's been kind of nice.
The Stanley Cup Final got started on Wednesday; so of course I watched that. Amy did, too. And then for parts here and there everybody else did, too. Continuing the I-can't-even-remember-how-long streak of "Teams I'm Cheering For" losing, Tampa's early lead got wiped away by two quick Chicago goals late and the Blackhawks prevailed over the Lightning. I think that streak might've started with the Thunder's loss to the Heat in the 2012 NBA Finals... The Warriors beat the Cleveland
Rags enjoys Pixar movies and hockey games, unlike Cary Grant movies. (How can you not like Cary Grant? Every time anyone watches one of his movies, she always hides somewhere far away or falls asleep immediately. Strange cat...) Caleb's Great Pyrenees puppies Andy and Thelma Lou are really cute and friendly. And calm. The goats are all giving milk now; one of the doelings has already sold, and the other bucklings will be ready to sell pretty soon. Sassy gave over half a gallon of milk last night. Courtney and Mom are pretty happy about that.
Another Major Blog-Related Change
So I started this blog in February 2012. (See first post here.) The first major change I did was to assign the current color scheme in February/March 2013. (See that post here.) It was possibly influenced by Eli McCann's It Just Gets Stranger. But anyway, originally the blog's design looked a lot like Eli's created-for-a-practical-joke blog Eli's Mom Blog.
I changed the address from "Another Lover of the Blade at Blogspot" because that took forever to say, and I figured it might be easier to readers to remember if it was just "My Name at Blogspot" instead.
So, that's why.
(Also, if you're wondering about the title, click here...)
I changed the address from "Another Lover of the Blade at Blogspot" because that took forever to say, and I figured it might be easier to readers to remember if it was just "My Name at Blogspot" instead.
So, that's why.
(Also, if you're wondering about the title, click here...)
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Parks and Rec Quotes - Season Two, Part I
See the season one quotes here.
Episode One, "Pawnee Zoo".
"So, here's the situation," Ron starts to say. Leslie launches into "Parents Just Don't Understand", then says, "Okay, so what's the deal?" "Um, someone is on fire at Ramsett Park, and they need you to get there right away."
"I really hit rock bottom that night....and I mean that I literally fell into the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. And I remember thinking, 'There's probably a reason I'm down here. And single.' And then my next thought was, 'I need morphine.'" - Mark.
"People in Pawnee really don't like their government employees being activists...Last year, a garbage man was suspended for wearing a Livestrong bracelet." - Leslie.
"Tom, I know you're not gay." - Leslie. "Yes." "But you are effeminate." "What?!" "Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it." "That was featured in Details magazine!" "Whatever, you're effeminate. Anyway, the point is, do you think marrying two penguins made some kind of statement?" "Yeah. The statement is....that you're very lonely and you need a pet."
"The thing about youth culture is....that I don't really understand it..." a perplexed Leslie comments after being introduced to April's gay boyfriend.
"Mark was brought to my hospital the night of the accident, he was here for a week; I think when his head hit the ground it must have knocked something loose, because he's actually....a pretty nice guy now. And Andy, after we broke up, he told me he was going to Kansas, to...climb mountains? So...I don't really know where he is." - Ann.
"I think you should go on that date with Mark. Look, he might not be my gay penguin, but he may be yours." - Leslie to Ann. "Okay?" "Plus I already called him and said you were dying to go out with him. So have fun." "Huh?!"
Episode Two, "The Stakeout".
"Whenever Leslie asks me for the Latin names of our plants, I just give her the names of rappers." - Tom. "Ron, did you get my texts?" - Leslie. "No." "Did you get my emails?" "Mm-um." "Did you see that I paged you?" "I did not." "Did you check your voicemail?" "I didn't."
"I would like to be President someday, so no, I have not tried marijuana. I did eat a brownie once, though, in college. It was intense. Kind of indescribable, really. Felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie; it was just an insanely good brownie." - Leslie.
"You're not from here, right?" - Leslie. "No; I'm from South Carolina." - Tom. "But you moved to South Carolina from where?" "My mother's uterus."
"Well, where did the name 'Haverford' come from?" - Leslie. "My birth name was Darwish Sabir Ishmael Gani. but then I changed it to Tom Haverford, because, y'know, brown guys with funny-sounding Muslim names don't get really far in politics." Leslie thinks for a second. "What about Barack Obama?" "Okay, yeah, fine. If I knew Barack Obama was gonna become President, maybe I wouldn't've changed it."
"Do you live here?" It's way into nighttime, and Ron's still sitting at his desk because of a hernia. "April?" "Yeah. Do you live here?" "No." "Catch." She lobs a highlighter at him, which bounces off his face. "Yeah, I thought so." She sighs. "I went home, but I had this strange feeling that there was something wrong with you, so I came back." "It's just a minor medical issue." "AIDS?" "No, I'm safe." "Blindness?" "No." "Is it like a parasite or a virus or something you get from a bee?" "I have a hernia." "Do you have syphilus?" "I said it's a hernia." "I know. It's possible to have two things. You need a ride to the hospital?" "Yes, please." "Okay...But I rode my bike here, so I have to go home and get my dad's station wagon." "Thank you." "Bye." (She walks in place.) "You're still here." 'Yeah. Just wanted to see if you could tell." (She leaves.)
"What's my crime here? Parking while Indian?" - Tom. "No, sir, there are no stereotypes about Indians sitting in vehicles." - Dave the cop.
(After a very long wait, April reappears.) "Yo. I had to wait until my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. Ya ready?" "I was born ready. I am Ron _______ Swanson." (She stares at him for a minute,, then starts wheeling his office chair down the hallway.)
"Just wanted to say thank you for having me arrested as a pervert the other night. That was cool." - Tom to Mark and Ann. "We didn't think you were a pervert....we though you were a criminal." - Mark.
Episode Three, "Beauty Pageant".
"I don't know...I just don't think I could date anyone who doesn't share my interests. I mean ,what about you; could you date someone who didn't love giving vaccinations?" - Leslie asks Ann. "I've never dated anyone that loves giving vaccinations."
(After agreeing to fix Ann's shower, and she's paying him by making a meal.) "Okay, then, sounds great; and I will see you tonight for the weirdest second date ever." - Mark.
(Out of desperation for cash, April entered the Miss Pawnee beauty pageant. She's trying to fake her way through the introduction here.) "Hello...! I'm April Ludgate, and I like....people! And places. And things! ...And Pawnee is my favorite place in the whole world!"
"Here we have Leslie's custom score card, with categories such as: Presentation, Intelligence, Knowledge of Herstory, Fruitful Gestures, Jenna Sa Qua, and something called The Naomi Wolff Factor." - Tom. (Another is Voice Modulation.)
"My girl Trish is talented!" - Tom says excitedly during a quote 'baton routine". "She's not even twirling the baton." - an irritated Leslie snaps.
"Andy? I know you're in there, because I can see you through the screen." - Ann, on finding out that Andy is living in the Sullivan Street Pit; he's hiding from her in his tent.
"Okay, well, here we come to the dreaded Q-and-A session...." - Beauty Pageant Emcee.
"No, I didn't win. But at least I didn't make any new friendships." - April.
"That went really well! We had dinner! I got to see her!" - Andy, talking about crashing Mark and Ann's date.
Episode Four, "Practice Date".
"One more shocking revelation in a story that just won't stop unfolding..." - Perd Hapley discussing the newest Councilman Dexhart scandal.
"Why anyone would want to run for public office is beyond me. You're just asking to have your entire life exposed." - Mark. "Well, when you're squeaky clean like me, you don't have anything to worry about." - Tom. "Okay, uh, you're married, and you hit on women all the time." - Mark.
"Dave and I are going on our first date tomorrow. I am not nervous at all." (Leslie's phone rings, she throws it into a bookcase, where it breaks in half ) "That was my phone."
"Hey, whatcha doing?" - Mark to Ann. "On my way to have lunch with Leslie; what about you?" "Oh, well, I'm on my way to find scandalous information about my coworkers for a game we're playing." "My taxes pay your salary, right?"
"Hey, can you help me pick out something to wear? Like, a pair of cargo pants?" - Leslie. "I...wouldn't go with cargo pants," - Ann, cautiously. "What about a sexy hat?" "I don't even know what that is..."
(Later.) "Hey, can I ask you a question? - Leslie. "Shoot." "What if he asks me if I've ever been married?" "...Have you?" "No." "Well...then, say that." (Still later.) "I just have a few more questions for you, Ann. What if he shows up at the door with another woman; what if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly; what if instead of Tic Tacs I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I keep punching my leg to stay awake?" "Those are all insane hypotheticals, and I promise you, they won't happen." "They have happened. All of these have happened to me. And there's more; one time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3-D glasses the entire evening. And one time I rode on the sidecar of a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time I went to a really boring movie with a guy, and while I was asleep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a few times after that, but then he got weird."
(After reading Leslie's note-cards of Possible Conversation Topics on the practice date. The topics are Whales, Parades, and Electricity.) "Leslie's...in worse shape than I thought." - Ann, frowning.
"Mark. A little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket." - Jerry. "Oh, really? That's funny, cause a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession." "What?" "You didn't know that, huh?" "I didn't know I was adopted."
(Tom enters Mark's office, right off Ron learning that Tom's wife Wendy only married him to stay in the country, since she's Canadian and couldn't get a work permit.) "Mark." "Tom." "You hate Ron, right?" "No. I think Ron is fine."
"...You make a better door than a guy..." - drunk Leslie to Dave. (Later, same scene.) "Okay. I'm gonna give you a lift home." - Dave. "Oh, really? In England they call elevators lifts, so I guess you're going to give me an elevator ride home?"
"Is it weird that my feelings are hurt that no one's found any dirt on me yet? HELLO, I DROVE A RIDING LAWN MOWER THROUGH A NORDSTROM'S. THERE"S VIDEO. THAT I TOOK. IT'S ON THE INTERNET." - April talking to herself, and then inside-yelling at Donna.
"Jerry. Plastic surgery?" - Tom. "I got hit by a fire truck." "You are so lucky." - April. "...How?"
Episode Five, "Sister City".
"April, you speak Spanish, right?" Leslie asks. "(You bury yourself in your work because you are unhappy in your personal life.)" "Oh, good. Excellent." - Leslie grins, not understanding any of it.
"(In Venezuela, government internships are coveted positions. You must be well connected.)" - the Venezuelan intern says to April. "(Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many.)" "Hey, April, can you help me for just a sec-" "Go away, Jerry." He leaves, wondering. "(See?)"
(After a gift-giving ceremony, where Pawnee donated a jug of Sweetums high-fructose corn syrup and dozens of baby-bottle nipples.) "We are pleased to be standing in your dirty alleyway. We thank you for the container of sap and the bag of garbage. We are also sister cities with (Somewhere), North Korea, and their town is far nicer. We have not been here for a very long time, but what we have seen, is, from the bottom of our hearts, truly depressing. Really, really sad stuff. It's funny, because Antonio said to me, 'Can't we turn this car around, or say that we're sick or something? That we lost our way?' But of course that would be rude." - Venezuelan official.
"So what is your profession?" - Venezuelan official. "Uh, I am a city planner." - Mark. "This city was planned? On the drive over I saw a tattoo parlor next to a school, next to a Taco Bell....It looks like it was designed by a very stupid rodent." "He's actually a pretty smart rodent." - Ann defends him.
"This is outrageous. Where are the armed men who come in to take the protesters away? Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Baraqua. You shout like that, they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists; we have a special jail for journalists. You are stealing? Right to jail. You are playing music too loud? Right to jail! Right away. You are driving too fast? Jail. Slow? Jail. You are charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses? You go right to jail. You undercook fish, believe it or not, you go to jail. You overcook chicken; also jail. You make an appointment with the dentist and you don't show up, believe it or not, you go to jail. Right away. We have the best patients in the world. Because of jail." - Head Venezuelan official after attending a Pawnee open forum.
"What are they saying?" - Leslie. April listens for a minute to the Venezuelan officials' conversation. "Um...they are very happy...They say that Hugo Chavex will love this video, because....it is another success for their committee." "Committee?" "Yeahh. Their Committee to Humiliate and Shame America."
Episode Six, "Kaboom".
"Man, this is tough." - Ann grunts while putting playground equipment together in an Eagleton park. "Yeah, but just think of all the kids who're gonna swing on this swing! Fat kids, skinny kids, braniacs, the gay-drama kids, sluts, Goths, jocks, the alternative crowd..." - Leslie.
"Rules, ordinances, red tape! I never realized how frustrating it was to be in the government!" - Leslie complains.
"I don't want to move like a slug. I want to move like a cheetah! Or like a slug driving a remote-controlled car. Something more plausible than that! Anyway, the point is, I want this project to move faster." - Leslie still complains. "Would you be willing to break the rules?" - Mark asks, seeing a possible loophole. "I won't murder." "That's good to know..."
""Hey. What's up?" - Ann. "Say that you had this friend, and that she wanted to do something good, but a little risky, and...this friend is me. What should I do?" - Leslie. "Mmm....you should do it! And you should ask your friend to help you because your friend totally has your back. And that friend is me." "You'll help me?" "Of course! I'll do anything I can to help. Let's do it!" (They both laugh.) "Okay!" - Leslie. "What are we doing? Is it dangerous?" "We're not going to murder anyone."
"I would have preferred that she would have asked me for permission, and I would have said no. I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm." - Ron.
"You...know I'm kind of with Mark now, right?" - Ann. "Is that still happening?" - Andy. "Yeah. Yeah, it is." 'I don't get it; what does Mark have that I don't have?" "Are you serious?" Yeah!" "Everything! He has literally everything you don't have. A job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say 'tampon' without giggling... Mark has his life together. ...I'll get you a different nurse."
(Leslie leaves a long string of voicemails on Andy's phone, each one getting more desperate and even stranger as time passes.) 'Hmm. That was weird." - Tom says, leaning against the office doorway. "How long have you been there?!"
"He gave up a hundred thousand dollars to fill in this pit." - Leslie. "But why?" - Ann wants to know. "Who knows. Who knows why that crazy gopher does what he does." "You always hated this pit!" - Andy yells to Ann from across the lot. .
Episode Seven, "Greg Pikitis".
"Every Halloween, someone defaces the statue of Mayor Percy in Ramsett Park. And I know it's Greg Pikitis, but I've never been able to prove it. He's like an invisible adolescent James Bond supervillian criminal mastermind." - Leslie.
"Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's the best. AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORK! Hey, slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year!" - Ann.
"Check this out. These are all the possible routes between Greg Pikitis's house and the statue." - Leslie shows off a very highlighted Pawnee map. "That...actually looks like something you'd find on the wall of a serial killer." - Ann. "In a way, that's a compliment. Shows dedication." - Leslie.
(Admiring the statue in Ramsett Park.) "Our beloved Mayor Percy. During the Great Pawnee Bread Factory Fire, he rushed into the burning building and singlehandedly saved the recipe for Pawnee Pumpernickle." - Leslie. "Didn't like thirty people die in that fire?" - Dave. "Well, he wasn't Superman." "He looks like Ron Swanson. Is that who they based this off of?" - Andy.
(Ron meets Dr. Harris.) "Worlds colliding...always awkward." - Ann.
"8:22 p.m., suspect still socializing with friends in the parking lot. He looks obnoxious and irritating, even from a great distance." - Leslie, into Dave's radio. "Uh....confirmed." - Dave.
(Still on stakeout, 24 minutes later.) "Suspect laughing with his friends. And playing with his stupid skateboard in a snide, turdish manner." - Leslie. "'Turdish'?" - Dave.
"I am not crying; I'm simply allergic to jerks!" - Andy.
"Knope? Nope, I don't think she would make a good cop. I would be frightened to live in the town that she's the cop of." - Dave.
(Cleaning up the TP-ed Parks office.) "Why would anyone do this?" - Leslie. "Kids are kids. Everybody does stupid stuff like this in high school." - Andy. "I didn't." "Yeah, but you were probably a nerd, though, huh?" "Hey." "Leslie, I mean that in a good way. Look at you now: You're the coolest person that I've ever met. I even met John Cougar Mellencamp once."
(Wendy has awkwardly tried to thank Ron for not telling anybody that she only married Tom to stay in the country.) "No problem. I'd hate for you to have to go back to Canada. All that socialized medicine..."
Episode Eight, "Ron and Tammy".
"So, I propose we change our name from the Subcommittee for Pit Beautification to the Subcommittee for Lot Beautification." - Leslie. (April is texting.) "April, stop that. Who are you texting?" "You." "Aw, she's texting me." (Leslie reads text.) "I'm sorry you're bored."
"Pawnee's library department is the most diabolic, ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen. They're like a biker gang, but instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use....political savvy. And shushing!" - Leslie.
"NEWS FLASH - We're screwed. We got a big problem with the library." - Leslie, to everybody in an office meeting. "Punk-ass book jockeys..." - Tom. "Wait...why do we hate the library?" - Ann. 'The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well-read, which makes them very dangerous. AND they want to steal Lot 48!" - Leslie. (Everybody goes nuts; Ann escapes.) "I'd actually like a library branch that close to my house...but there's no way I'm telling them that." (She nods at room full of angry Parks workers.)
"Of course that bitch of an ex-wife is working for the library now. Now, that is perfect. The worst human in the world is now working at the worst place in the world." - Ron. "I've got to go talk to her, and you've gotta give me something I can use. Does she have any weaknesses?" - Leslie. "No." "Whaddaya mean, 'no'? Everybody has some weakness." "Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone in the future to come back and destroy all happiness."
(April hides behind chair in fear when Tammy Two visits the office. Tom and Jerry look extremely nervous and wish they could do the same.)
"Really, I don't see what they're all worrying about. Tammy's just a woman. A nice woman. It's not like she's a murderer. Or a dragon..." - Leslie.
"My girlfriend's ex is working a hundred feet from my desk. What do I do about it?" - Mark. "Hmm...you should...tell her to break up with you and go out with me!" - Tom. "Thanks. Can I ask you another question? Why did I come to you for advice?"
Episode One, "Pawnee Zoo".
"So, here's the situation," Ron starts to say. Leslie launches into "Parents Just Don't Understand", then says, "Okay, so what's the deal?" "Um, someone is on fire at Ramsett Park, and they need you to get there right away."
"I really hit rock bottom that night....and I mean that I literally fell into the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. And I remember thinking, 'There's probably a reason I'm down here. And single.' And then my next thought was, 'I need morphine.'" - Mark.
"People in Pawnee really don't like their government employees being activists...Last year, a garbage man was suspended for wearing a Livestrong bracelet." - Leslie.
"Tom, I know you're not gay." - Leslie. "Yes." "But you are effeminate." "What?!" "Well, you're wearing a peach shirt with a coiled snake on it." "That was featured in Details magazine!" "Whatever, you're effeminate. Anyway, the point is, do you think marrying two penguins made some kind of statement?" "Yeah. The statement is....that you're very lonely and you need a pet."
"The thing about youth culture is....that I don't really understand it..." a perplexed Leslie comments after being introduced to April's gay boyfriend.
"Mark was brought to my hospital the night of the accident, he was here for a week; I think when his head hit the ground it must have knocked something loose, because he's actually....a pretty nice guy now. And Andy, after we broke up, he told me he was going to Kansas, to...climb mountains? So...I don't really know where he is." - Ann.
"I think you should go on that date with Mark. Look, he might not be my gay penguin, but he may be yours." - Leslie to Ann. "Okay?" "Plus I already called him and said you were dying to go out with him. So have fun." "Huh?!"
Episode Two, "The Stakeout".
"Whenever Leslie asks me for the Latin names of our plants, I just give her the names of rappers." - Tom. "Ron, did you get my texts?" - Leslie. "No." "Did you get my emails?" "Mm-um." "Did you see that I paged you?" "I did not." "Did you check your voicemail?" "I didn't."
"I would like to be President someday, so no, I have not tried marijuana. I did eat a brownie once, though, in college. It was intense. Kind of indescribable, really. Felt like I was floating. Turns out there wasn't any pot in the brownie; it was just an insanely good brownie." - Leslie.
"You're not from here, right?" - Leslie. "No; I'm from South Carolina." - Tom. "But you moved to South Carolina from where?" "My mother's uterus."
"Well, where did the name 'Haverford' come from?" - Leslie. "My birth name was Darwish Sabir Ishmael Gani. but then I changed it to Tom Haverford, because, y'know, brown guys with funny-sounding Muslim names don't get really far in politics." Leslie thinks for a second. "What about Barack Obama?" "Okay, yeah, fine. If I knew Barack Obama was gonna become President, maybe I wouldn't've changed it."
"Do you live here?" It's way into nighttime, and Ron's still sitting at his desk because of a hernia. "April?" "Yeah. Do you live here?" "No." "Catch." She lobs a highlighter at him, which bounces off his face. "Yeah, I thought so." She sighs. "I went home, but I had this strange feeling that there was something wrong with you, so I came back." "It's just a minor medical issue." "AIDS?" "No, I'm safe." "Blindness?" "No." "Is it like a parasite or a virus or something you get from a bee?" "I have a hernia." "Do you have syphilus?" "I said it's a hernia." "I know. It's possible to have two things. You need a ride to the hospital?" "Yes, please." "Okay...But I rode my bike here, so I have to go home and get my dad's station wagon." "Thank you." "Bye." (She walks in place.) "You're still here." 'Yeah. Just wanted to see if you could tell." (She leaves.)
"What's my crime here? Parking while Indian?" - Tom. "No, sir, there are no stereotypes about Indians sitting in vehicles." - Dave the cop.
(After a very long wait, April reappears.) "Yo. I had to wait until my dad fell asleep so I could steal his keys. Ya ready?" "I was born ready. I am Ron _______ Swanson." (She stares at him for a minute,, then starts wheeling his office chair down the hallway.)
"Just wanted to say thank you for having me arrested as a pervert the other night. That was cool." - Tom to Mark and Ann. "We didn't think you were a pervert....we though you were a criminal." - Mark.
Episode Three, "Beauty Pageant".
"I don't know...I just don't think I could date anyone who doesn't share my interests. I mean ,what about you; could you date someone who didn't love giving vaccinations?" - Leslie asks Ann. "I've never dated anyone that loves giving vaccinations."
(After agreeing to fix Ann's shower, and she's paying him by making a meal.) "Okay, then, sounds great; and I will see you tonight for the weirdest second date ever." - Mark.
(Out of desperation for cash, April entered the Miss Pawnee beauty pageant. She's trying to fake her way through the introduction here.) "Hello...! I'm April Ludgate, and I like....people! And places. And things! ...And Pawnee is my favorite place in the whole world!"
"Here we have Leslie's custom score card, with categories such as: Presentation, Intelligence, Knowledge of Herstory, Fruitful Gestures, Jenna Sa Qua, and something called The Naomi Wolff Factor." - Tom. (Another is Voice Modulation.)
"My girl Trish is talented!" - Tom says excitedly during a quote 'baton routine". "She's not even twirling the baton." - an irritated Leslie snaps.
"Andy? I know you're in there, because I can see you through the screen." - Ann, on finding out that Andy is living in the Sullivan Street Pit; he's hiding from her in his tent.
"Okay, well, here we come to the dreaded Q-and-A session...." - Beauty Pageant Emcee.
"No, I didn't win. But at least I didn't make any new friendships." - April.
"That went really well! We had dinner! I got to see her!" - Andy, talking about crashing Mark and Ann's date.
Episode Four, "Practice Date".
"One more shocking revelation in a story that just won't stop unfolding..." - Perd Hapley discussing the newest Councilman Dexhart scandal.
"Why anyone would want to run for public office is beyond me. You're just asking to have your entire life exposed." - Mark. "Well, when you're squeaky clean like me, you don't have anything to worry about." - Tom. "Okay, uh, you're married, and you hit on women all the time." - Mark.
"Dave and I are going on our first date tomorrow. I am not nervous at all." (Leslie's phone rings, she throws it into a bookcase, where it breaks in half ) "That was my phone."
"Hey, whatcha doing?" - Mark to Ann. "On my way to have lunch with Leslie; what about you?" "Oh, well, I'm on my way to find scandalous information about my coworkers for a game we're playing." "My taxes pay your salary, right?"
"Hey, can you help me pick out something to wear? Like, a pair of cargo pants?" - Leslie. "I...wouldn't go with cargo pants," - Ann, cautiously. "What about a sexy hat?" "I don't even know what that is..."
(Later.) "Hey, can I ask you a question? - Leslie. "Shoot." "What if he asks me if I've ever been married?" "...Have you?" "No." "Well...then, say that." (Still later.) "I just have a few more questions for you, Ann. What if he shows up at the door with another woman; what if one of my sleeves catches on fire and it spreads rapidly; what if instead of Tic Tacs I accidentally pop a couple of Ambien and I keep punching my leg to stay awake?" "Those are all insane hypotheticals, and I promise you, they won't happen." "They have happened. All of these have happened to me. And there's more; one time I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. I thought it was terrible wine. Once I went out with a guy who wore 3-D glasses the entire evening. And one time I rode on the sidecar of a guy's motorcycle, and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. Another time I went to a really boring movie with a guy, and while I was asleep he tried to pull out one of my teeth. I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. We went out a few times after that, but then he got weird."
(After reading Leslie's note-cards of Possible Conversation Topics on the practice date. The topics are Whales, Parades, and Electricity.) "Leslie's...in worse shape than I thought." - Ann, frowning.
"Mark. A little birdie told me that you have one unpaid parking ticket." - Jerry. "Oh, really? That's funny, cause a little birdie told me that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession." "What?" "You didn't know that, huh?" "I didn't know I was adopted."
(Tom enters Mark's office, right off Ron learning that Tom's wife Wendy only married him to stay in the country, since she's Canadian and couldn't get a work permit.) "Mark." "Tom." "You hate Ron, right?" "No. I think Ron is fine."
"...You make a better door than a guy..." - drunk Leslie to Dave. (Later, same scene.) "Okay. I'm gonna give you a lift home." - Dave. "Oh, really? In England they call elevators lifts, so I guess you're going to give me an elevator ride home?"
"Is it weird that my feelings are hurt that no one's found any dirt on me yet? HELLO, I DROVE A RIDING LAWN MOWER THROUGH A NORDSTROM'S. THERE"S VIDEO. THAT I TOOK. IT'S ON THE INTERNET." - April talking to herself, and then inside-yelling at Donna.
"Jerry. Plastic surgery?" - Tom. "I got hit by a fire truck." "You are so lucky." - April. "...How?"
Episode Five, "Sister City".
"April, you speak Spanish, right?" Leslie asks. "(You bury yourself in your work because you are unhappy in your personal life.)" "Oh, good. Excellent." - Leslie grins, not understanding any of it.
"(In Venezuela, government internships are coveted positions. You must be well connected.)" - the Venezuelan intern says to April. "(Yes, I am very powerful and feared by many.)" "Hey, April, can you help me for just a sec-" "Go away, Jerry." He leaves, wondering. "(See?)"
(After a gift-giving ceremony, where Pawnee donated a jug of Sweetums high-fructose corn syrup and dozens of baby-bottle nipples.) "We are pleased to be standing in your dirty alleyway. We thank you for the container of sap and the bag of garbage. We are also sister cities with (Somewhere), North Korea, and their town is far nicer. We have not been here for a very long time, but what we have seen, is, from the bottom of our hearts, truly depressing. Really, really sad stuff. It's funny, because Antonio said to me, 'Can't we turn this car around, or say that we're sick or something? That we lost our way?' But of course that would be rude." - Venezuelan official.
"So what is your profession?" - Venezuelan official. "Uh, I am a city planner." - Mark. "This city was planned? On the drive over I saw a tattoo parlor next to a school, next to a Taco Bell....It looks like it was designed by a very stupid rodent." "He's actually a pretty smart rodent." - Ann defends him.
"This is outrageous. Where are the armed men who come in to take the protesters away? Where are they? This kind of behavior is never tolerated in Baraqua. You shout like that, they put you in jail. Right away. No trial, no nothing. Journalists; we have a special jail for journalists. You are stealing? Right to jail. You are playing music too loud? Right to jail! Right away. You are driving too fast? Jail. Slow? Jail. You are charging too high prices for sweaters, glasses? You go right to jail. You undercook fish, believe it or not, you go to jail. You overcook chicken; also jail. You make an appointment with the dentist and you don't show up, believe it or not, you go to jail. Right away. We have the best patients in the world. Because of jail." - Head Venezuelan official after attending a Pawnee open forum.
"What are they saying?" - Leslie. April listens for a minute to the Venezuelan officials' conversation. "Um...they are very happy...They say that Hugo Chavex will love this video, because....it is another success for their committee." "Committee?" "Yeahh. Their Committee to Humiliate and Shame America."
Episode Six, "Kaboom".
"Man, this is tough." - Ann grunts while putting playground equipment together in an Eagleton park. "Yeah, but just think of all the kids who're gonna swing on this swing! Fat kids, skinny kids, braniacs, the gay-drama kids, sluts, Goths, jocks, the alternative crowd..." - Leslie.
"Rules, ordinances, red tape! I never realized how frustrating it was to be in the government!" - Leslie complains.
"I don't want to move like a slug. I want to move like a cheetah! Or like a slug driving a remote-controlled car. Something more plausible than that! Anyway, the point is, I want this project to move faster." - Leslie still complains. "Would you be willing to break the rules?" - Mark asks, seeing a possible loophole. "I won't murder." "That's good to know..."
""Hey. What's up?" - Ann. "Say that you had this friend, and that she wanted to do something good, but a little risky, and...this friend is me. What should I do?" - Leslie. "Mmm....you should do it! And you should ask your friend to help you because your friend totally has your back. And that friend is me." "You'll help me?" "Of course! I'll do anything I can to help. Let's do it!" (They both laugh.) "Okay!" - Leslie. "What are we doing? Is it dangerous?" "We're not going to murder anyone."
"I would have preferred that she would have asked me for permission, and I would have said no. I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm." - Ron.
"You...know I'm kind of with Mark now, right?" - Ann. "Is that still happening?" - Andy. "Yeah. Yeah, it is." 'I don't get it; what does Mark have that I don't have?" "Are you serious?" Yeah!" "Everything! He has literally everything you don't have. A job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say 'tampon' without giggling... Mark has his life together. ...I'll get you a different nurse."
(Leslie leaves a long string of voicemails on Andy's phone, each one getting more desperate and even stranger as time passes.) 'Hmm. That was weird." - Tom says, leaning against the office doorway. "How long have you been there?!"
"He gave up a hundred thousand dollars to fill in this pit." - Leslie. "But why?" - Ann wants to know. "Who knows. Who knows why that crazy gopher does what he does." "You always hated this pit!" - Andy yells to Ann from across the lot. .
Episode Seven, "Greg Pikitis".
"Every Halloween, someone defaces the statue of Mayor Percy in Ramsett Park. And I know it's Greg Pikitis, but I've never been able to prove it. He's like an invisible adolescent James Bond supervillian criminal mastermind." - Leslie.
"Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's the best. AND I DON'T HAVE TO WORK! Hey, slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year!" - Ann.
"Check this out. These are all the possible routes between Greg Pikitis's house and the statue." - Leslie shows off a very highlighted Pawnee map. "That...actually looks like something you'd find on the wall of a serial killer." - Ann. "In a way, that's a compliment. Shows dedication." - Leslie.
(Admiring the statue in Ramsett Park.) "Our beloved Mayor Percy. During the Great Pawnee Bread Factory Fire, he rushed into the burning building and singlehandedly saved the recipe for Pawnee Pumpernickle." - Leslie. "Didn't like thirty people die in that fire?" - Dave. "Well, he wasn't Superman." "He looks like Ron Swanson. Is that who they based this off of?" - Andy.
(Ron meets Dr. Harris.) "Worlds colliding...always awkward." - Ann.
"8:22 p.m., suspect still socializing with friends in the parking lot. He looks obnoxious and irritating, even from a great distance." - Leslie, into Dave's radio. "Uh....confirmed." - Dave.
(Still on stakeout, 24 minutes later.) "Suspect laughing with his friends. And playing with his stupid skateboard in a snide, turdish manner." - Leslie. "'Turdish'?" - Dave.
"I am not crying; I'm simply allergic to jerks!" - Andy.
"Knope? Nope, I don't think she would make a good cop. I would be frightened to live in the town that she's the cop of." - Dave.
(Cleaning up the TP-ed Parks office.) "Why would anyone do this?" - Leslie. "Kids are kids. Everybody does stupid stuff like this in high school." - Andy. "I didn't." "Yeah, but you were probably a nerd, though, huh?" "Hey." "Leslie, I mean that in a good way. Look at you now: You're the coolest person that I've ever met. I even met John Cougar Mellencamp once."
(Wendy has awkwardly tried to thank Ron for not telling anybody that she only married Tom to stay in the country.) "No problem. I'd hate for you to have to go back to Canada. All that socialized medicine..."
Episode Eight, "Ron and Tammy".
"So, I propose we change our name from the Subcommittee for Pit Beautification to the Subcommittee for Lot Beautification." - Leslie. (April is texting.) "April, stop that. Who are you texting?" "You." "Aw, she's texting me." (Leslie reads text.) "I'm sorry you're bored."
"Pawnee's library department is the most diabolic, ruthless bunch of bureaucrats I've ever seen. They're like a biker gang, but instead of shotguns and crystal meth, they use....political savvy. And shushing!" - Leslie.
"NEWS FLASH - We're screwed. We got a big problem with the library." - Leslie, to everybody in an office meeting. "Punk-ass book jockeys..." - Tom. "Wait...why do we hate the library?" - Ann. 'The library is the worst group of people ever assembled in history. They're mean, conniving, rude, and extremely well-read, which makes them very dangerous. AND they want to steal Lot 48!" - Leslie. (Everybody goes nuts; Ann escapes.) "I'd actually like a library branch that close to my house...but there's no way I'm telling them that." (She nods at room full of angry Parks workers.)
"Of course that bitch of an ex-wife is working for the library now. Now, that is perfect. The worst human in the world is now working at the worst place in the world." - Ron. "I've got to go talk to her, and you've gotta give me something I can use. Does she have any weaknesses?" - Leslie. "No." "Whaddaya mean, 'no'? Everybody has some weakness." "Not machines. I honestly believe that she was programmed by someone in the future to come back and destroy all happiness."
(April hides behind chair in fear when Tammy Two visits the office. Tom and Jerry look extremely nervous and wish they could do the same.)
"Really, I don't see what they're all worrying about. Tammy's just a woman. A nice woman. It's not like she's a murderer. Or a dragon..." - Leslie.
"My girlfriend's ex is working a hundred feet from my desk. What do I do about it?" - Mark. "Hmm...you should...tell her to break up with you and go out with me!" - Tom. "Thanks. Can I ask you another question? Why did I come to you for advice?"
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