Pretty straightforward - a listing of great quotes from season one of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Episode One - "Pilot".
(Ward is surprised while retrieving a Chitauri neural link.) "Your fireplace is broken."
(After Hill asks Ward what S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for, he replies, "Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.") "And what does that mean to you?" "It means somebody really wanted our initials to spell out "SHIELD". We protect the world from the much weirder world out there, and when we can't do that, we keep them safe."
(Later on in that conversation, Hill's just told Ward that Coulson will tell him why his assignment had been changed.) "Uh...yeah. I'm clearance Level Six; I know that Coulson was killed in the Battle of New York." (Coulson emerges from the shadows.) "Welcome to Level Seven," (Ward looks stunned.) "Sorry, that corner was really dark and I couldn't help myself. I think there's a bulb out."
(Coulson is referencing Hill's report on Ward's qualifications.) "Combat: top grades. Espionage she gave you the highest marks since Romanoff. Under People Skills....I think she drew a...I think it's a little poop. With knives sticking out of it." (Later.) "It was a porcupine, it was not a little poop."
(Mike Peterson is sitting in a diner when Skye rushes into his booth.) "Just act natural." "What?" "Just...pretend that we're talking." He stares at her, at a loss. "We are." "Good. 'Cause you never know who's listening." "I don't even know who's talking."
(Later in same scene.) "With great power comes....a ton of weird crap that you are not prepared to deal with!" - Skye.
(Coulson goes to May's dark oppressive office.) "Agent May-" "No. I am not going back into the field." "Yeah, you got such a nice setup here....you ever thought about adding a moat?" (Trying to convince her to come along.) "....no red tape. This is where they make the red tape, isn't it? I've always wondered."
"So, are you excited to be coming along on our Journey into Mystery?" Simmons asks cheerfully. "It's like Christmas." Ward answers, unenthused.
"Don't touch Lola!" - Coulson. (Repeated line.)
"...How will you silence us this time? How can you? The truth is in the wind. It's everywhere. You cannot stop the Rising Tide. You will not find us, you will never see our faces, but we will rise against those who shield us from the truth, and nothing, nothing, nothing can stop us in the-" (Coulson and Ward throw open the van door.) "Heyyyy." Skye smiles uneasily. "What's up?"
"Is it the girl? She's getting under your skin?" asks Coulson. "Or is it the assignment? Are you so anxious to get out of here that you'd deliberately blow an interrogation?" "Give me a minute alone with her, you'll have your answers." Ward says confidently. "She's an asset." "She is such an - Wait, asset?"
(Coulson shoots Ward with a tranquiilizer gun filled with truth serum.) "I'm sorry. Did that hurt?" "No. Have you lost your mind?! You should never do that to a member of your team! And yes, it did hurt a little bit. I'm just trying to mask my pain in front of a beautiful woman because it makes me seem more masculine. This stuff works fast..."
(Debriefing.) "What are we seeing?" May wants to know. "Well, the man is angry at the other man." Fitz answers. "The data is very corrupt." Simmons tries to smooth things over. "Yeah, like Cold War Russia corrupt." Fitz adds.
"Don't EVER tell me there's no way! Get it done." - Coulson to FitzSimmons.
"Nobody's nobody, Ward." - Coulson.
"I know. I've seen giants. And that privilege cost me nearly everything. But they're not heroes because of what they have; they're heroes because of what they do with it." - Coulson to Mike.
"How about you? Thought about the offer?" Coulson asks. "Hitching a ride on the crazy plane? I'm not exactly a team player," Skye answers. "And we're not exactly a team. We're in a position to do some good, and you'd be a great help."
Episode Two, "0-8-4".
"She hacked us twice with a laptop. Imagine what she can do with our resources." says Coulson. "I am. That's exactly what I'm imagining during this frown." Ward answers.
(Coulson explaining to Skye what an 0-8-4 is.) "..The last one turned out to be pretty interesting." "And what was the last one?" "A hammer."
"Don't ever call me that." - May. (Repeated line.)
"That's classified." (Repeated line.)
"Do you need anything else before I go check on the device fueled by evil that's sitting in our cargo hold?" - Coulson.
(The team is squabbling loudly, Coulson walks into the lab.) "Do we have a problem in here?" Everyone hushes up. "No, sir. Just working on our communication." Ward replies. More squabbling, led by Skye and Ward. "Ward, you can speak six languages. Simmons, you have two PhD's in fields I can't pronounce, and Fitz - you ARE a rocket scientist. So work it out." (Coulson leaves lab.) "Um....I can do stuff, too!" - Skye.
"Really? REALLY? Six days? It took you SIX DAYS to ruin a completely renovated state-of-the-art piece of machinery and turn it into SCRAP?" - Fury scolding Coulson.
Episode Three - "The Asset".
"I'm tired from the morning's workout. I thought I was joining S.H.I.E.L.D., not 24-Hour Fitness," Skye grumbles after Ward gets on her case after missing a workout.
(Later in that same scene, Skye says she never wants to do another pull-up again.) "When you find yourself hanging off a building twenty stories up, you're gonna want to do at least one," - Ward.
(Still same scene.) "There will come a moment when you either commit to this, or bail. Every field agent has a defining moment. Ask Coulson. When you have to make the hard call, to either dedicate yourself to this, or to curl up in a ball and run." - Ward. "How can you run if you're curled up in a ball?" - Skye.
(On assignment tracking down some kidnappers. May drops a massive binder into Skye's arms.) "Do you want me to bench-press this?" - Skye. "Read it." - May.
(Coulson and Ward tracking one of the suspects, one of which asked who Coulson was.) "A concerned citizen. One that happens to be a member of a gigantic bureaucratic organization that's tracking your every move."
(May disapproves of Coulson's plan to go into field action.) "You forget, I've seen plenty of action with the Avengers." - Coulson. (He walks away.) "...And you died..." - May.
"Saying his name repeatedly does NOT increase his productivity!" - Simmons. "I'm in. Go." - Fitz. "Or maybe it does." - Simmons.
"Dr. Hall! Agent Coulson, we have an exit strategy." "S.H.I.E.L.D.?" "Yes, sir. Let's get you out of here." "Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Coulson, I'm right where I'm supposed to be." "I'll be honest. Our strategy did not take into consideration you saying that."
Episode Four, "Eye Spy".
"You ever rob a bank?" Coulson asks Skye. "No." "An armored car?" "Nope." "A casino?" "Should I be offended?" (He then proceeds to give her her first real assignment.)
"You broke protocol because you need a bathroom break." Ward says in disbelief. "It was a really, really long drive, and everybody's nervous!" Skye protests. (Simmons looks like she agrees, Fitz isn't sure what to think.They dig in ice chest, find water bottle, Simmons gives Skye quizzical look.) "Not the water bottle..." "That's the one!" "Did you never learn the part where girl parts and guy parts are different?!"
(They're still in the van.) "Russian TV is kind of boring," Skye complains. "That looks a bit like our van," Fitz says. (They realize they're being watched, try to escape. Skye can't reach Ward's pedals.) "Stupid tall person..."
"Meet me on the south side of the building. ASAP." Ward orders. "Gotcha," Skye answers her S.O. (To herself) "Now which way's south..?"
Episode Five, "The Girl in the Flower Dress".
"I'm not S.H.I.E.L.D. I come as a friend," Raina says creepily. "English isn't my first language, but that word means something different than what you think." Chan Ho Yin, a Chinese street magician, answers.
"If they ever let you go on leave or whatever, let me know, and I'll get us a fancy suite at....a fancy place that has suites," Skye's slimy sort-of-ex-boyfriend Miles.
"So, are you guys just going to destroy all my stuff?" Miles asks. "Yes." May responds.
"Aw, crap...they gave him a name." Coulson groans.
"His files say anything about him being homicidal?" May asks. "Not really. Just said he was kind of a tool."
"You can't save someone from themselves, sir." Ward says. "You can if you can get to 'em early enough," Coulson disagrees.
Episode Six, "F-Z-Z-T".
"Well, you can tell your physical therapist that you're fit as the proverbial fiddle! Especially for a man of your age," Simmons comments in her cheerful way. "'A man of my age'? That's something you say to an old person!" Coulson answers.
"Lose the ounce..." Fitz grumbles at Ward's exacting demands of the Night-Night pistol(which everyone insists "We are NOT calling it that!") (In growly Ward imitation) "I'm Agent Grant Ward, and I could shoot the legs off a flea at five hundred yards....as long as it's not windy.'" Skye cracks up. She and Fitz talk for a bit before Simmons comes into the lab. She starts in with her own Ward imitation. "'I'm Agent Grant Ward, and I could rupture your spleen with my left pinky...blindfolded.'" Ward then pops back into the lab. Everyone else snickers.
"The only thing I'm afraid of is putrid flesh disturbing my pristine workspace!" Fitz defends himself after Coulson and Simmons say he's afraid of messy internal organs, etc. "Oh, not that stupid cat again! And it's our lab, Fitz, not yours!" "Are you kidding? The last time you left his liver by my lunch!" "Guys! Can we -?" Coulson nods at the dead body waiting for autopsy.
(Simmons tests mouse to see if antiserum works. Mouse immediately dies.) "Well. Now that wasn't very cooperative of him, was it?" Fitz says, watching.
FitzSimmons talking. "It wasn't Ward beside me in the lab, working to find the antidote! He wasn't the one giving me hope when I had none. It was you, Fitz. You're the hero."
Episode Seven, "The Hub".
"I made your favorite sandwich, prosciutto and Buffalo mozzarella." - Simmons. "With your homemade pesto aioli?" - Fitz asks. "Just a hint."
"...if I'm right, give me a signal by...not saying anything." - Skye finishes her plea rather lamely. "Trust the system," is all Coulson says.
"No, no...I can't be a part of your bad-girl shenanigans! I like following the rules and doing what's expected of me. It makes me feel nice." - Simmons to Skye.
"Two million rubles. We really need to work on your negotiation skills." -Ward to Fitz. "I thought they were like pesos."
"What brings you to this...restricted hallway so late at night?" Simmons asks Sitwell nervously. " "I was going to ask you the same thing." "I....was just on my way to the loo. I could swear it was two rights and a left, but I wound up here." "That's a wall panel. Why are you accessing it?" Skye instructs Simmons to act casual. "You...certainly have a gorgeous....head." Skye cannot believe her ears. More horribly and ineptly awkward flirting, Sitwell grows suspicious, and Simmons panics and tases the guy. It's probably the funniest scene all season.
"Our team can go off-book because there is a book. A Hub. You claim that you want to be a part of that, a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Do you?" - Coulson. "Yes." - Skye. "Because someday, I may have to trust you with a secret, and I want you to keep it."
"This is gonna take a while..." - Fitz. "You have ten minutes." - Ward. "I thought you'd say five."
"Oh, the sandwich. How was it? Too much aioli?" - Simmons. "It was delicious." - Fitz.
FitzSimmons talking. "I pretty much saved him from a gang of Russian mobsters. And kicked a few guys' heads in. But enough mission talk already! Anything exciting happen while I was gone?" "I shot a superior officer in the chest."
"Some secrets are meant to stay secrets." - Coulson.
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