Retired - Cynthia Rylant

     I was restacking the bookshelves yesterday and came across a collection of Cynthia Rylant short stories. So of course I read them, since she's such a great writer, and there were two that I especially liked. (This came from "Every Living Thing", Aladdin Paperbacks, New York, 1985 for future reference.)

Retired

     Her name was Miss Phala Cutcheon and she used to be a schoolteacher. Miss Cutcheon had gotten old and had retired from teaching the fourth grade, so she simply sat on her porch and considered things. She considered moving to Florida. She considered joining a club for old people and learning how to play cards. She considered dying.
     Finally, she just got a dog.
     The dog, too, was old. And she, too, was retired. A retired collie. She had belonged to a family who lived around the corner from Miss Cutcheon. The dog had helped raise three children, and she had been loved. But the family was moving to France and could not take their beloved pet. They gave her to Miss Cutcheon.
     When she lived with the family, the dog's name had been Princess. Miss Cutcheon, however, thought the name much too delicate for a dog as old and bony as Miss Cutcheon herself, and she changed it to Velma. It took Princess several days to find out who Miss Cutcheon meant when she called out for someone named Velma.
     In time, though, Velma got used to her new name. She got used to Miss Cutcheon's slow pace - so unlike the romping of three children - and she got used to Miss Cutcheon's dry dog food. She learned not to mind the smell of burning asthmadora, which helped Miss Cutcheon breathe better, and not to mind the sound of the old lady's wheezing and snoring in the middle of the night. Velma missed her children, but she was all right.
     Miss Cutcheon was a very early riser(a habit that could not be shaken after forty-three years of meeting schoolchildren at the schoolhouse door), and she enjoyed big breakfasts. Each day Miss Cutcheon would creak out of her bed like a mummy rising from its tomb, then shuffle slowly into the kitchen, straight for the coffee pot. Velma, who slept on the floor at the foot of Miss Cutcheon's bed, would soon creak off the floor herself and head into the kitchen. Velma's family had eaten cold cereal breakfasts all those years, and only when she came to live with Miss Cutcheon did Velma realize what perking coffee, sizzling bacon and hot biscuits smell like. She still only got dry dog food,  but the aromas around her nose made the chunks taste ten times better.
     Miss Cutcheon sat at her dinette table, eating her bacon and eggs and biscuits, while Velma lay under the table at her feet. Miss Cutcheon spent mot of her breakfast time thinking about the children she had taught. Velma thought about hers.
     During the day Miss Cutcheon took Velma on walks up and down the block. The two of them became a familiar sight. On warm, sunny days they took many walks, moving on at an almost brisk pace up and back. But on damp, cold days they eased themselves along the sidewalk as if they'd both just gotten out of bed, and they usually went only a half-block, morning and afternoon.
     Miss Cutcheon and Velma spent several months together like this: Eating breakfast together, walking the block, sitting on the front porch, going to bed early. Velma's memory of her three children grew fuzzy, and only when she saw a boy or girl passing on the street did her ears prick up as if she should have known something about children. But what it was she had forgotten.
      Miss Cutcheon's memory, on the other hand, grew better every day, and she seemed not to know anything except the past. She could recite the names of children in her mind - which seats they had sat in, what subjects they were best at, what they'd brought to school for lunch. She could remember their funny ways, and sometimes she would be sitting quietly at her dinette in the morning, quietly eating, when she would burst out with a laugh that filled the room and made Velma jump.
     Why Miss Cutcheon decided to walk Velma a few blocks farther, and to the west, is a puzzle. But one warm morning in September, they did walk that way, and when they reached the third block, a sound like a million tiny buzz saws floated into the air. Velma's ears stood straight up, and Miss Cutcheon stopped and considered. Then they went a block farther, and the sound changed to something like a hundred bells pealing. Velma's tail began to wag ever so slightly. Finally, on the fifth block, they saw the school playground.
     Children, small and large, ran wildly about, screaming, laughing, falling down, climbing up, jumping, dancing. Velma started barking, again and again and again. She couldn't contain herself. She barked and wagged and forgot all about Miss Cutcheon standing there with her. She saw only the children and it made her happy.
     Miss Cutcheon stood very stiff for a while, staring. She didn't smile. She simply looked at the playground, the red brick school, the chain-link fence that protected it all, keeping intruders outside, keeping children inside. Miss Cutcheon just stared while Velma barked. Then they walked home.
     But the next day they returned. They moved further along the fence, nearer to where the children were. Velma barked and wagged until two boys, who had been seesawing, ran over to the fence to try to pet the dog. Miss Cutcheon pulled back on the leash, but too late, for Velma had already leaped up against the wire. She poked her snout through a hole and the boys scratched it, laughing as she licked their fingers. More children came to the fence, and while some rubbed Velma's nose, others questioned Miss Cutcheon: "What's your dog's name?" "Will it bite?" "Do you like cats?" Miss Cutcheon, who had not answered the questions of children in what seemed a very long time, replied as a teacher would.
     Every day, in good weather, Velma and Miss Cutcheon visited the playground fence. The children learned their names, and Miss Cutcheon soon knew the children who stroked Velma the same way she had known her own fourth-graders years ago. In bad weather, Miss Cutcheon and Velma stayed inside, breathing the asthmadora, feeling warm and comfortable, thinking about the children at the playground. But on a nice day, they were out again.
     In Mid-October Miss Cutcheon put a pumpkin on her front porch, something she hadn't done in years. And on Halloween night, she turned on the porch light, and she and Velma waited at the door. Miss Cutcheon passed out fifty-six chocolate bars before the evening was done.
     Then on Christmas Eve of that same year, a large group of young carolers came to sing in front of Miss Cutcheon's house; and they were bearing gifts of dog biscuits and sweet fruit.

Mid-December

     Another Christmas is sneaking its way closer and closer, I guess...

     Just about everybody around here's not doing so great, between Caleb's broken foot, Trevor's burned foot, pneumonia and the flu. There's been a lot of TV-watching for obvious reasons. I haven't caught anything yet (so far).
     Dad started a new job the other day, so that's good.

     Reread through Neil Postman's Amusing Ourselves to Death and Laura Hillenbrand's Unbroken in the last couple days, also William Goldman's Adventures in the Screen Trade and Stephen King's how-to book On Writing. And finished Larry King's collection of WWII love stories, a history of Midwest-wartime-morale-building called Once Upon a Town, and the Newberry Award-winning book A Wrinkle in Time(I hated that one. It was horribly written).

     Need to start Christmas shopping when I get a chance...also, I need to get my textbooks for spring semester...

Remembering the Fire

     It's been six years ago today.

     A lot of things can change in six years. And some stay the same. You grow up a lot between 15 and 21.

     On Thursday, December 11, 2008, John McCain was on David Letterman, and Mom was watching it while feeding Amy. There was this smoky smell; and the woodstove wasn't being used just then. She frantically called Dad, and I couldn't sleep, so I came to see what was happening. The inside of the fridge was on fire. Nobody who saw or heard about it had ever heard of that happening before, but the fridge was about seventeen years old, so maybe that's why. Or maybe there was a power surge in the electric lines. Or both. Courtney and I took Amy to the van, where we sat worriedly observing with the radio on K95, two of the songs they played were Tim McGraw's "Back When" and Kenny Chesney's "Don't Blink", back-to-back. Probably Taylor Swift's "Love Story", too, it was all over the radio at that time. I'm not as sure on that. Caleb and Trevor were still asleep. Anyway, the fire department came and wrestled the fridge out into the driveway, they poked around and proclaimed the area safe, shaking their heads at a refrigerator, of all things...after a lot of trying to calm our nerves once everything settled down, Dad began looking at insurance stuff and pricing new refrigerators, and the four of us played Uno in Courtney's room for about an hour before going to sleep around 4 a.m. We played a lot of Uno all that year, kept a running tally from New Year's Eve to the end of December. 

     I woke up about 7 and got on the computer for a while, enjoying the quiet of a sleeping household. (Webkinz was also a very big deal then.) Everyone else gradually got up, Mom told Caleb and Trevor what happened, they were disappointed they missed out. She flipped on the light switch in the laundry room while getting the box of oatmeal out of the pantry and started cooking it. About fifteen minutes later Caleb walked into the family room. "Mom, why is there smoke in the family room?" "Oh, no, there's not. That was last night. It's all gone now." But she went to check anyway. "THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE! GET OUT NOW!" 

     I hadn't put my shoes on yet; and only had my phone in my pocket. Gravel is kind of tough on bare feet unused to traveling over the pebbly surface. But that really didn't matter. Somehow everybody else got out, too. Someone opened the backyard gate to let the dogs out, and Liesel the cat was found later safely hiding under my bed(on the other end of the house).  

     We spent most of the morning sitting in the van, wondering when the firefighters were going to come and what was going to happen next. Black, acrid thick smoke pouring out of the roof... I'd called Maddie almost immediately after racing out of the house for some reason I'm still not sure of, I think her mom activated the GBC prayer chain. Mrs. Pickard had some Red Cross contacts that came by, NewsChannel 8 ran a story that night and other people heard from that. We drove into Okmulgee and ate without tasting some food from Burger King, and then checked into a room for a couple days at the Best Western with money from the Red Cross people while trying to figure out what to do next.  The manager heard about what happened and let us stay in his apartment for just what we had already paid, thus more room and kind of a hideaway to regroup. It was one of the first of many wonderful, amazing things that we'll never forget or understand, ways that God took care of us throughout the whole experience. 

     Our clothes reeked of smoke after cautiously checking what was still usable inside the house, so we bought some sweaters and sweatpants at Wal-Mart and that's what we ended up wearing to church on Sunday. Tracy Lawrence's song "Find Out Who Your Friends Are" running without ceasing for the next several days. The Hollises brought over a gift basket full of useful everyday stuff with a note that said "If you need anything, call us." That's another thing that especially stands out. The phone was ringing pretty often, folks were worried about us. 

     I told this story earlier in my recap of SGYC circa 2009, so I hope y'all don't mind me re-telling it now. And fictionalized the event somewhat in this short story.  

     Well, we moved into Grandpa's old trailer north of Tahlequah, and that was home for the next ten months. (Because "home" is where your cat is.) Daily commuting along the hour-and-fifteen-minute stretch of 62 and 16 was the rule, and at one point Caleb asked Trevor completely seriously where he'd wake up if he took a nap in the van. Sorting through what to keep or throw out in the unheated husk of house in January, memorizing the layout of every Lowe's store  in the area, watching Amy in the camper that Dad lived in during the week, exploring Tahlequah with Harry and Louise. With Damon, Trish and others, we had a very active American Idol email discussion group going, predicting that week's results and delivering our opinions on last night's shows. (Basic summary of that season, according to us: Adam Lambert was highly controversial, Anoop Desai was funny, and Megan Joy Corkrey was the worst dancer the world had ever seen.)

     I covered Beggs tennis that spring for the ONW based solely off of phone calls, and then in June started writing for the Free Lance once Valerie became editor, covering Henryetta sports and the occasional bit for Dewar. 

     Returning to SGYC was a wonderful experience. It was so great to be back and see everybody I'd met my first year; the music was amazing(I learned "In Christ Alone" then), Isaiah 43:1-3 was that much-needed-to-hear verse(s) that just....made things better. Got to know Daniel, Madelyn, Ash and Matt better, and I met Jed, Jon, Jessica and Amanda. It was really special. It is really special. 

     Sunny kept Dad company at the worksite and an eye on the folks coming in and out working on stuff, Sport did, too. Liesel came to Tquah with us, and Georgie the red heeler and Little Ann and Old Dan(ielle) the Labs were the strays that adopted us. 

     There were so many people from GBC who helped out with everything, from taking down old sheetrock to staining new stairs to wiring the house to keeping me updated on what was happening in church news. From the homeschool group, too - everything in that previous sentence applies to them, too. So, thanks, you guys. Appreciate it so much. 

     Joined the rest of the world on Facebook in June. It's a wonderful tool. And a large time-waster. But, you know, nothing's perfect. 

     We finished the rebuilding in early October and moved back, Sport never did understand that the floorplan had changed. 

     Since then, I went on Youth Tour and survived the SAT, senior year of high school with its endless applications and forms, and freshman year of college. Met the folks at the BCM who brightened up sophomore year. I led worship for the youth group and spent good times with friends during murder mysteries and service projects. I learned to play guitar, and Courtney and I both learned mandolin.  At some point we all got sucked into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and it's hard to know exactly when that happened. There's been a lot of changes. 

     One of the things I find most strange about post-fire life is that we have an entirely different cast of animals around the place than at that time. New cats, new dogs, new goats, new chickens, new assorted scary predators lurking in the woods. That generation passed with Sunny's death. 

     There's still the caring of being part of GBC, though. And the Lankfords. 

     So, yeah, it's not the happiest anniversary to remember, but for us it's one of the most monumental. You really lose track of time when writing up a post like this, more so than usual. 

Closing Out Another Year

     Everybody else is finishing up their semesters, staggering through finals. I've been sitting here writing up reviews of An Affair to Remember(which I hated) and Sleepless in Seattle(which I liked). And also rewatching Space Jam(which is still awesome), It's a Wonderful Life(which is wonderful) and Iron Man(which is great). 

      Trevor hurt his foot on Thanksgiving climbing up a bluff, so he's been hopping around on crutches since then. And then Sunday Caleb was building the bucks a shelter and stepped into a hole, breaking his foot and slipping a ligament out of place. So he's got a huge hard cast on his foot now, and isn't supposed to put any weight on it. They've been playing a lot of video games to keep busy.

     The finals week pancake feed went well Sunday night, there were lots of posting saying, "I'm exhausted, and I smell like pancake batter, but it's so worth it." (It's a NSU tradition the Sunday before finals week, there's a huge line stretching from the BCM basement over to the business building across the street.)

     I guess I've graduated from TCC now. Word was awful, government boring and saddening but easy, and biology was biology. Very complicated and confounding, but with some interesting concepts. Photoshop was really interesting. We had to create a mock website for our final project, so I invented a fictitious animal shelter and went all-out. (Paws-N-Play Animal Shelter and Dairy, and it's located close to Joplin.) It was difficult, the creative part, but fun. And the instructor really liked it, saying I had a strong grasp of both the creative side and the design/functionality side. No idea what, exactly, Enterprise Development is, but it's something business-related. And that was the degree that my NSU hours fit most efficiently into. So, anyway, I have an Associate's degree now, which isn't much, but it's something.

     Somebody committed suicide on the RSU campus last week. Which was really sad. KOTV did a good job covering the story appropriately, balancing the awfulness of the tragedy with concern for informing and calming the public. .

     Reading a couple of books about World War II right now; a collection of wartime love stories blandly collected by Larry King and about a small Nebraska city's effort to raise their boys' spirits one train at a time through a kind word, smile and a sandwich.

     Pearl Harbor Day was Sunday, which was interestingly fitting. And Friday will be six years since the fire, which is also fitting, as it was on a Friday.

     Christmas shopping is coming along. The tree is up and decorated; it's pretty.

Social Media and Honesty

     One of those things that's been rattling around in my head for the last couple weeks, but only crystallized enough to shape into words over the last few days, is the lack of actual created content in Facebook posts nowadays in general, but among high school/college-aged-to-late-twenties folks in particular. I mean, a couple years ago everyone regularly wrote posts on whatever might have happened that day, or what they were thinking about or whatever. And that sometimes led into mega-long comment chains like the kind I'd get into with Jon, Jed, Amanda and Samara that soon veered from pointless-but-grounded to zany-and-capable-of-going-anywhere(especially space and alternate realities). Which kind of hurts looking back at some of them now, but in a good way; remembrances of good times.
   
     Sure, I know it's easier just to react to things by reposting a BuzzFeed article or linking to that certain song on YouTube that says what needs to be said instead of straining to come up with descriptions that, while original, aren't as well-formed, but...that's not as compelling. Especially not if you're reposting your favorite blogger's response to whatever the Current HOT BUTTON ISSUE Of The Moment Which Will Initiate KNEE-JERK REACTIONS. (Blimey Cow reference....cough. (Look them up on YouTube...) See? That kind of proves my point.) And goodness knows, if you say your murky somewhere-in-the-middle-both-sides-have-good-points-and-are-wrong-on-others own opinion, surely somebody would be offended, right? (Gasps at the possibilities of political incorrectness if this policy was followed....) Actually, I think it kind of started with the rise of BuzzFeed from "Oh, yeah, I've heard of that site" to "Well....yeah, duh. It's BuzzFeed.", which happened rather suddenly about two years ago, more or less.
     Sure, I know most of our lives aren't that exciting, and most people don't deal with tasks of earth-shaking importance on a regular basis. We're not Captain America. If anybody, we're George Bailey. But isn't just an ordinary life full of enough interesting puzzle pieces to be a good story? It works for Miss Marple and Father Tim.
   
      We always hear about those horror stories about people who posted X(whatever inappropriate/super-stupid ill-spelled status you want to think of) and then they were fired or something even worse happened to them(what, I'm not quite sure...it's too scary and dark to consider. Like the endings of evildoers in Grimm's fairy tales). But most of that is just common sense; most of that stuff doesn't need to be shared publicly.

     What I'm saying is, that fear, of indistinct though truly awful punishment for being honest, has made us as society hyper-aware and self-conscious of what we do post. Which means we over-analyze every single little thing that we put on there and then usually delete it immediately for fear it'll be taken the wrong way or something. (Especially if you're already prone to over-analyzing every little detail on a regular basis..."Raises hand")
     It's really pretty sad.

     Facebook and other social media is about the only method our 21st century American culture has to get to know people. In earlier generations, before air-conditioning was invented, neighbors used to talk over the fence or congregate on front porches to discuss the day's events or exchange gossip. (For example, in To Kill A Mockingbird, or The Andy Griffith Show.)  I wrote some about this in an essay a couple years ago. Social media is the modern equivalent/approximation of such a system, and if we don't talk about the simple small trials, pleasures or knowledge encountered throughout the day, what's the point of such a system existing? Why are on that site, then, if you want to contribute? (For an example of the mundane yet fascinating things I mean, did you know that the cast of Recess included the kids who played Jonah Baldwin in Sleepless in Seattle, Uh-huh from The Little Rascals and the girl who grew up to play the waitress from The Avengers? That would be TJ, Gus and Gretchen.) 

     Societal-sized problems like this follow Darwin's natural selection; if they aren't used, they will eventually go extinct. If we continue down this road, there's all kinds of questions that pop up. How will we make the connections with other people so vital to staying in one piece as we each travel our own pathways throughout life?

     This post is an expansion of a Facebook post from this morning, and it got a decent amount of agreement in the form of likes and several people commenting for reasons this phenomenon might be happening. One of the reasons stated was that once all the older people jumped on FB, then it suddenly wasn't cool enough; which sounds good on the surface. But that's really more like a nice cover story for the real reason: We're too scared of being judged for honestly providing records of our opinions and/or actions about how we feel about things. Because, the thing is - honesty is really dangerous. That's why we appreciate it so much in good writing or wherever else we may come across it, because we usually don't see it, at least not completely. Because we're in a fallen world, we mess up constantly. And as part of this nearly-ever-present sin, humans prefer darkness to light and are more comfortable with deception than truth. And so societies throughout history are built, kept alive and eventually crumble due to half-truths and partial lies and avoiding total honesty whenever possible. Besides, "only the winners write history", and it's a lot easier to make your people's empire sound good if you don't detail every instance of cruelty that your side did, and it's more convenient to make the other side look villianous if you gloss over their good points and highlight their not-so-great deeds.
     America's pretty much always operated under this principle of necessary lies being used every day to keep our civilization and society intact; on a large level, the work of spies in the CIA, on the micro level, replying "I'm all right" to a passer-by asking how we're doing, when in reality things might just suck and you want to hide under a blanket that day. Mark Twain pointed this out in his essay "On the Decay of the Art of Lying". And our tall tales and folktales, the closest we have to Greek and Roman(and Norse) mythology, are based on this principle as well. Rip Van Winkle, Paul Bunyan, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, the Emperor With No Clothes(not American, but still)....
     So, when we're completely, brutally honest about something, that's pointing out the flaws of whatever is being criticized, and so pulling out some of the brickwork, weakening ever-so-slightly the structural integrity(in a construction sense, not abstract moral quality) of society. And people don't like that.
     Instagram is, I would guess, by far the least-honest form of social media, as pictures can be manipulated in untold countless ways to provide that certain look you want to project. Pinterest builds castles in the air of what could be instead of showcasing what is. YouTube is kind of a gray area. On the one hand, it's video, so if it's done well, then the finished product has no relation to the true conditions/realities of creating that content. But then you have all those cover videos of folks in dorm rooms who can't sing, and that's accurately depicting what was happening when that video was shot. Facebook, there's too much worry about political correctness to usually post anything, which was the whole reason for working on this post. Twitter is probably the most truthful, but the severe limit of message size in tweets works against it somewhat.

     I don't really have any good answers to these questions; they have to be chewed on individually, there's no handy one-size-fits-all solution. It's a big subject, with a lot to explore, from many different angles. Hopefully this post made you consider the subject and ponder it a moment.

    I'm not even going to try to dig into the role of fiction in its various forms and where that all fits into this discussion just now....my brain hurts from trying to argue my point in this post clearly. :-) But that's a topic/question I've always thought was a really interesting subject that I've wrestled with over the years.

The Best of 2014

     So I had these "Best-of" lists for 2012 and 2013; in reality highlights, lowlights and ordinary lights of different things that happened over the previous twelve months.

     Favorite Movie Seen in Theaters - Unlike either of the last two years, this is actually kind of hard to choose this year. There were a lot of really good to great movies seen. Guardians of the Galaxy was hilarious. The Winter Soldier was amazing. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 wasn't so much, but it was interesting(and rather maddening at points, too.) The LEGO Movie was strange; but it was a good strange.

     Unusual Movies Seen that were Surprisingly Good - The LEGO Movie, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, The Quick and the Dead.

     Movies I Was Not Impressed With - Days of Thunder, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Thor: The Dark World, Romancing the Stone, Serenity.  

     Favorite Nonfiction Book I Read This Year - Unbroken, by Laura Hillenbrand. Or Amusing Ourselves to Death, by Neil Postman.

     Favorite Play Seen as Audience Member - Usually this would't even be a category, but there's three nominees this year. I guess the winner would probably be Fiddler on the Roof, followed by The Voice of the Prairie, followed by The Curious Savage. Fiddler is...very Jewish, but interesting. Prairie was the best concept as far as story, though the lack of props was odd. The Curious Savage had some interesting points about human nature. I knew several actors in each production, but that isn't going to be ranked.

     Favorite YouTube Channel - It's gotta be Blimey Cow(Messy Mondays). But Studio C is pretty great, too. Also good are Bored Shorts TV(Kid Snippets) and Doof's Daily Dirt.

     Favorite Country Song of the Year - Miranda Lambert's "Automatic". But the biggest STORY by far of the year would be Garth Brooks' return to radio.

     Favorite New Non-Country Song of the Year - Could it be anything else? Taylor Swift is a really great writer. And so her lyrics have this irritating way of taking up residence inside your mental radio station all the time. Good thing about that is, she has a lot of songs. Bad news is, well, she has a lot of songs. It's one of those things where you try to just "Shake It Off".

     Best Semi-Expected Happening of the Year - Getting my braces off in February.

     Most Unexpected Happening of the Year - Leaving NSU and moving back home as I finished up gen eds online through TCC.

     Important Verses of the Year - Joshua 1:6-9, 1 Timothy 5:1-2, 1 Corinthians 10:31-32, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Philippians 4:6-7, Philippians 3:12-14 and about the entire book of 2 Corinthians.

     Best Amy-Quote of the Year - Looking puzzledly at me) "Where you tummick go?" (Where did your stomach go?)

     Best SWAT-related Quote of the Year - Just read this whole post, I can't decide. Miss my teammates, but thankful for the time spent with them.

     Best Quote of the Year - "Let's be honest: We may all be adults now, but we still treat each other like rotten little playground kids." - Jon

2014 in Review

     Well, let's see.
     This year I turned 21, started working out regularly, skated across parking lots, watched the Winter Olympics, got my braces off, jumped back into covering high school football, watched two of the world's most famous scientists debate the world's origins, caught the true flu, wrote an elaborate critique against the stupidity of Valentine's Day, attended a wedding, took part in a basketball tournament, petted my cat, learned Final Cut and Photoshop, strangled many pillows during Thunder watch parties, ignored the Fourth of July, watched every episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Firefly, read Much Ado About Nothing for fun, ignored the Super Bowl, ran to McDonald's for late-night coffee runs, played many games of "Ticket to Ride" and ping pong, went on road trips with a sitcom-cast of drama-ministry teammates, dealt with a broken laptop keyboard, and wrote a story set in a Brazilian cave.

     Followed the NASCAR season closely, changed schools twice, served again as a camp counselor, knocked a wasp out of a friend's hair, watched four movies in the theater, saw many more on Netflix or while channel-surfing, moved back home, endured an unbelievably bad start to the Thunder's 2014-15 season, often fell asleep after many long hours of staring at the ceiling, taught my siblings how to play volleyball, hiked around Tahlequah, attended Nano's funeral, sat and pondered the many complexities of life in general, played my guitar and mandolin, cried, laughed, been angry, been sad, been interviewed for a magazine article on college survival and watched three plays(Fiddler on the Roof, The Voice of the Prairie and The Curious Savage).

     In January, something about the year to come just...felt different, full of changes. Some of these changes have been detailed above. In the middle of the events, I can't tell exactly how I've grown as a person, emotionally or spiritually, by the year's happenings, but I have somehow. It's been an eventful twelve months.

An Affair to Remember

     An Affair to Remember is a strange movie made in 1957 that stars Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr, full of very long scenes and a bitter outlook on people in general. And I know I said I wouldn't probably post reviews on this blog, but I started this one before creating that one, so...

     Nickie Ferrante, aptly described in a Variety review of the film as a "fairly notorious playboy", has just become engaged to a wealthy oil and gravel heiress named Lois Clark, who will soon inherit the staggering fortune of $600 million. (That's roughly over $500 billion in 2014 dollars when you factor in inflation.) He is returning to the U.S. from a trip to Europe on an ocean liner, where he is hounded by curious ordinary people. He meets a lady named Terry McKay, who is engaged to a high-level New York oil businessman named Kenneth Bradley. They talk often, and most of their fellow passengers and the crew think that they're a couple. (This leads to many awkward situations.)
     Terry was trying to become a singer in Boston before she met Kenneth and moved to New York to practice becoming a perfect housewife. And as for Nickie....well, as a little boy says, "Everybody on the ship's talkin' about ya!" When he asks what they're saying, the little boy answers, "I don't know. Every time they start talkin' about ya, they make me leave the room." He's irritatingly good at everything he tries, makes it really difficult to care about the character.
     During a stop on the Italian coast, Nickie visits his grandmother and Terry tags along. This is by far the best sequence(though lengthy - it takes 21 of the 114 minutes) in the film, there's a garden and a collie named Fidel('faithful"). "It's so peaceful here...it's like another world." "Well, it is another world. It's my grandmother's world." "I think I could stay here forever." "Oh, no, no, no!" Grandma admonishes. "It's a good place to sit and remember, but...you have still to create your memories." His grandma mentions that he used to be a painter before quitting due to being scared of failure. Grandma - Janou - is quite meddlesome and overall a nice old lady. As proof of her meddlesomeness, Janou hints often that Nickie and Terry ought to get married. As they leave to go back to the boat, Terry admires Janou's shawl and, being the nice old lady she is, Janou says she'll send it to her.
     After this visit, Nickie and Terry sort of realize that they might love each other, and even more awkwardly avoid each other over the next few days. The last night of the cruise they agree to return to their respective fiance(e)s in New York, and make plans to meet at 5 p.m. on the 102nd floor of the Empire State Building on July 1, six months away. At this point, the movie is only half over? Even considering that films moved a lot slower then, this is a dreadfully plodding movie. "What makes life so difficult?" "People."
     Nickie breaks up his engagement on live TV during an interview, and soon after watching the painfully uncomfortable scene on her television Terry breaks up with Kenneth, who takes it ridiculously well. Interviewer: "I'm sure you had some wonderful experiences in Europe." "Yes." "...Would you care to elaborate on that statement?" "No." It goes downhill from there. I'm pretty sure Terry's maid is played by the woman who was Mrs. Ziffel in Green Acres. 
     Terry goes back to Boston and begins a semi-successful singing career again in nightclubs, and Nickie starts painting in earnest, not doing too well. This takes too long to be slammed down our throats.
     On July 1, Terry gets hit by a taxi and is paralyzed from the waist down. Kenneth is disgustingly amicable about paying for Terry's hospital bills and taking care of her, and Nickie thinks she stood him up, waiting until midnight and she never shows.
     A distraught Nickie mopes around for the next six months, Janou has died by this time. A Catholic priest has in pity found Terry a job as a elementary-school music teacher, and we have a jarringly cheerful (and entirely unnecessary) concert  about obeying your conscience by her students. She's too prideful to let him know about her accident, and they awkwardly and unhappily run into each other one night in public. Then there's another performance by Terry's students, and by now it's Christmas.
     The neighbor lady is just leaving Terry's apartment when Nickie walks in. He found an address in the phone book that might have been hers, so he followed in just to see, and, well, there he is. He lies about keeping their appointment, saying he missed it, and so he presumably came to apologize. (Cary Grant also opens this scene by saying, "Hi Debbie," HOW did that not get fixed?!) He tricks her into admitting that she never was there, they verbally dance around the subject, he walking through the living room, she staying put on the couch. (But of course, she's paralyzed; but he doesn't know that.) They get madder and madder at each other; he remembers that Janou had left a package for Terry before she died. A very perturbed Nickie suddenly remembers that some poor crippled woman had liked seeing one of his paintings in the studio, and as it was too sentimental to sell, he told his friend the manager of the studio to give it to the lady. He opens the bedroom door, and in a brilliant bit of photography, we see his face on the left of the screen and the painting's reflection in a mirror on the right. He knows, now. She starts sobbing, "If you can paint, I can walk!" He nods, wiping the tears away with his handkerchief. The End. NO, YOU CAN'T. YOU'RE PARALYZED. And he's leaving New York that night, and why should he stick with her, anyway? It's not like he has the greatest track record with that in the first place...it's a horrible ending to a film that was a complete waste of two hours. Why should the situation change? And if it did, there sure wouldn't be any happy endings. And yet this is supposed to be some kind of joyful reunion where everything ends happily ever after. IT ISN'T. It isn't even an ending, really - if they would have cut it off just after they ran into each other, that would have been an ending.  

     Not sure how I stayed awake through watching it once; but then I started writing this review, and left it barely-started for two months and needed to finish it. Really not very impressed and completely mystified why people love it so much.
 

Movies and Thanksgiving

     I'm not sure if this is how it's always been, but for my generation of college students, the best way of coping with finals is diving into a bunch of movies and/or TV shows. So I've watched kind of a lot of Netflix here recently.
     Last night's movie was the 1993 drama Searching for Bobby Fischer, which I hadn't seen since I was about seven. It's sort of like Finding Nemo - the film may star a kid, but it's really aimed at adults as far as message goes. It was all right, though slow, and somewhat poorly-written. But it's hard to make a movie about chess. I mean, it's a great game, but just not really the sort of contest that makes for dramatic visuals. The night before that was from 1984, Romancing the Stone, which was successful enough for the studio to pick director Robert Zemeckis to direct the Back to the Future trilogy next. That was a strange movie that I wanted to like at some points, with plenty of frustrating points as well. It was a little too romance-y and not enough adventurous-ness. I really disliked the ending in particular, it was way too happy and unrealistic. Saturday-Sunday-Monday was the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy, which was as terrific as ever. And in other recently watched films, everybody's always talking about The Breakfast Club as one of those must-see movies, so I watched that a couple weeks ago and was surprised by how much I liked it(especially since I detest director John Hughes' next best-known movie, Ferris Bueller's Day Off). It felt very true-to-life, because as Alfred Hitchcock once said, "Drama is life with all the dull bits taken out," and for the most part, life is made of up rather boring things like being stuck in detention at the school library all Saturday. So that aspect was neat to see. And the acting was great. Also in the "Surprised I Kinda Enjoyed That" category: The Quick and the Dead. Felt very Clint Eastwood-ish. That scenario seems high unlikely to have actually happened, but it was an interesting movie with good camera angles. His Girl Friday Rags didn't like much, but I enjoyed it. There's a lot going on in that movie, needs to be re-watched a couple times to get everything.
     Phineas and Ferb is far better than it ought to be, for some strange reason. Mainly, I think, because those working on it had fun, and so it showed in their work. That's paraphrasing Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes, so he'd definitely know what he was talking about. It's kind of a modern-day Looney Tunes.

     Woke up this morning and saw a bit of the Macy's parade; the Spider-Man balloon and Taylor Swift's new song. We went over to Tahlequah and spent most of the day at Grandpa and Robbie's. Robbie's mom and Sandi and her boyfriend were there, too. Talking, eating, playing with the dogs, good times. It was very good to be back in Tahlequah, felt like home, like Morris or southwest Missouri. Lunch was good; ham, sweet potatoes, rolls and pecan pie(lots of all those). Watched the National Dog Show and commented on our favorite breeds and the ugliness or unpronouceability of others. A bloodhound won Best in Show. Then it was time to turn the channel over to football, where we all sort-of watched the Lions destroy the Bears, and then paid more attention to the real game of the day, Eagles and Cowboys. That was until Dad got back from a hunting trip for the day's Tulsa World, where we all dove into four copies to examine and compare Black Friday deals. And by then Philadelphia was winning easily, so....

     Headed over to Louise and Harry's to see everybody over there; it was a great time with the Lankfords, telling stories, games of catch and people-watching. Nobody had any idea who the guy doing the halftime show was, but he was annoying.

     I love Thanksgiving. Family, food, sports, dogs, sometimes music - no telling what might happen. And it was nice to have a whole day without homework in it(Monday starts finals week around here). And just about everywhere we passed had some story or reason for visiting attached to it - kind of a "Tattoos On This Town" type of thing. A little bit of a bummer that everybody from NSU was out of town, but it was still a really good day.

2014 BCM State Basketball Tournament - Part II

     So the BCM basketball tournament was this weekend, in Edmond, at UCO. And since I wrote a recap of last year's(which was actually in March, due to scheduling quirks) and equal parts wanting to know what was happening and let other folks not able to attend know what was going on, I had Elizabeth text me updates to keep track of our teams' progress. Stephen, too. And then I posted those updates on the SWAT Facebook page.

     With Bob and Deb busy with everything else going on, the coaching duties fell to Daniel P., Stephen and Bucky. The girls had Carra, Caitlyn, Jocelyn and Mariah back from March's team, with Haley A. and a couple girls I don't know playing as well, and besides Jordan and Mark, I have no idea who the guys on our team were. Probably Sean was there.
     Elizabeth and Annie were there as fans, too, plus a handful of various players' relatives.
   
     We got earlier game time-slots than in March, both the guys and girls were finished by 10 p.m Friday night. The girls lost a close one to host UCO thanks to some hometown officiating, but being Thunder fans, we all know all about that and how to deal with it. (Come close to flipping out at the refs, then complain on Twitter afterwards.) But the guys won their game against Rose State College, so that was something.

     In the morning the guys hit an Edmond IHOP for breakfast while the girls headed to the gym for a 9:30 a.m. contest. NSU came out on top 34-22, putting everyone in good spirits. And the guys beat TU, so that helped, too. Because with the schedule in disarray, nobody was quite sure of what was going on, as far as when what games would be played. It was a bit of a mess.

     But the girls had their third-place game at around 1 p.m., while the guys got their game going somewhere around 2 p.m. NSU trailed early on, but they hung in there and eventually pulled out a win for third place. The guys faced Cameron and the refs. It was a hard-fought battle most of the way through, seesawing back and forth, but in the end the RiverHawks came up on the agonizingly frustrated wrong side of a 41-40 score. The calls still sucked. So it was pretty much exactly a Thunder game, except thankfully I don't think anybody got hurt.

     So overall it didn't go quite as well as we'd hoped, but third and second are still pretty good. Our teams played hard and stayed classy, representing our group, our leaders and school well. It was a worthwhile ride and they gave it everything they had. I'm really proud of our guys and girls, wished I could have been there in person. #BCMRiverHawksRule

     Basketball-related tweets -
Elizabeth - "NSU is gonna dominate this basketball tournament."
Mark - "Ladies and gentlemen, it's game day."
Bucky - "My soccer mom yelling voice is just extremely impressive."
Daniel - "I'm the Nick Saban of women's BCM basketball."
Bucky again - "Shoutout to Stephen and Jordan for holding me back for holding me back on the bench tonight to keep me from trying to fight a grown man."
Elizabeth again - "Super proud of my RiverHawks for playing hard and keeping it classy out there tonight."
Annie - "Shoutout to all the BCM basketball players. You guys are awesome.It's been a great weekend."

Mid-November

     Last Saturday night we went to go see the Mingo Valley production of "The Curious Savage", a play written in 1950 and performed ever since. Suzanna played the lead, a millioinaire widow named Mrs. Savage, Bennett played Jeff the WWII veteran with mental problems, and Paige played the nurse Miss Willie, Jeff's wife. It was a good show; with interesting quotes to think about, and the plot was about a common-sense filled widow and her hidden fortune, her scheming stepchildren and the quirky inhabitants of a psychiatric facility.
     It's sort of a funny thing about plays, though; they never quite fully capture the sense of reality of a book or TV show or movie; as an audience it's hard to trick yourself into believing the story is real. I think a lot of that may have to do with all the structure based in dialogue - it's hard to convey a sense of reality when every scene is a bunch of people in the same room talking to each other. Because in real life, we do other things while talking, we multitask. And that can be shown in novels and movies and TV episodes much more clearly than plays can. They're sort of like the entertainment-production equivalent of baseball. Fine enough once in a while for a casual observer, and wonderful for those avid fans, but for the general populace it drags on too long and seems sort of out-of-date and antiquated. (If you know people in the production, though, that makes it a lot better.)

     I'm done with biology now, so that's something. I probably won't know how I did for another month while the handful-of-projects-awaiting-grading stand in line, but it's good to know it's over with. Photoshop is coming along. It's very interesting, but complicated and intimidating.

     The BCM state tournament is this weekend, so everybody's heading down to OBU for some late-night basketball in Shawnee. (Elizabeth, Stephen and Jordan are all very excited.) Apparently they flipped the basketball and volleyball tournaments, so this will actually be like the 2014-Part II tournament. (See this post  for the March recap.) Hoping NSU's teams do well. It's the one time I ever accept and wear the RiverHawks label. Reminded of 1 Corinthians 10:31 when it comes to sports(and really, everything else, too.)
     (And maybe I'll be able to make the volleyball tournament as a Hillcat? We shall see....it got moved from UCO to Falls Creek, so sand instead of indoor. Which, in theory, gives me slightly better odds, having more experience in sand than indoors.)

     In SGYC news, I've looked over some school stuff for Ash here recently, glad to be able to help her out a bit. It's Mrs. Boyer's birthday, so just about everyone had to write something on her Facebook wall. Jon's doing well, and Amanda's having a baby. So are Matt Jacobs and his wife, and so are Dylan and Grace.
     This is weird, seeing everyone start having babies and getting married or engaged and everything....I just keep thinking of what everyone was saying in July; the buzzword (phrase?) was variations of "Don't outgrow us, please!" If I can be there this next summer, I totally will. But it's not really up to me, it's more of a "If the Lord allows, then..." like in James 4:15. But mentally I've been back in Mizzou pretty often here in the last few weeks.

     Rags has been awfully cuddly and shadowy. She's purring on my arms right now as I type this. It's really nice except for when I'm trying to do homework or something like that. We watched the Cary Grant movie His Girl Friday earlier tonight; I liked it a lot, she fell asleep pretty quickly.

First Half of Junior Year

     Well, this semester has only about a month left to go. Sure hasn't gone the way I thought it would. For one thing, I thought it would begin in late July, just after the Tulsa group got back from SGYC. But that class was canceled due to not enough folks signing up. And in early August there was a chance to leave NSU, so...

     Oh, by the way, I found a new Relient K song that I really like.

     It was a hard decision to make, with really no good answers. Like Coulson said in the fourth Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. episode, sometimes you have to make a hard call and live with what happens afterward. It really hurt to abandon my place within the leadership structure and leave the BCM gang. College is a miserable and lonely experience, but it becomes a tiny bit easier when there's coworkers around who are just as miserable, confused, cynical and frustrated as you are. And it was really nice living nearby Grandpa and Robbie. And there's a serious lack of Tiger Cookies now...
     But they needed me here, too. And free rent is good. And Rags is a very happy cat.

     But...yeah, it's been kind of a hard semester, for a lot of reasons. Online classes are pretty time-intensive and accelerated, without a whole lot of direction or feedback. So in a way you're flying mostly blind the whole time. (Which I'm used to, but anyway...)

     Going into my freshman year, in the post called "The Golden Road" I mentioned that the Montgomery title sort of symbolizes our journey throughout life, and college in particular. That road can take some pretty strange paths, let me tell ya.  Fall semester freshman year it lead straight into the middle of a Fire Swamp, more specifically into and through an oily quicksand well. Once it cleared out there it led into a desert straight from Josh and the Big Wall. And then there was the break over summer, which didn't exactly feel like anything other than plugging my dead battery into a wall-socket charger through GBC and SGYC.
     But once the time for the third semester-battle came around; for that is what college is: A war, between society purportedly offering this education for unclear reasons and far too involved a process - both time-wise and financially - and knowledge, learning and wisdom. And also it was re-entering a spiritual warground as well, but that's a different post for another time. Anyway, this path I've been walking along plunged into the valley of death from Psalm 23 or the Paths of the Dead from The Return of the King. And I'm not Strider, nor Aragorn. But God is faithful; and he carried me through it, mostly with getting involved with the BCM, and the usual camp folks, reruns, long walks and random strangeness of life. As Abigail the Cow told Joshua in The Crippled Lamb, "The Lord has a special place for those who feel left out." The second half of my sophomore year was back in the desert. Most of the summer, too; though the road began to get slightly greener as it went up a sloping incline.
     This semester, this first half of my junior year, the road has gone meandering and  twisting along a mountain with cliffs and drop-offs and hairpin turns. And it's really foggy, and the radio is broken, so it seems kind of cut off from civilization.

     There's also been this small plane that took off somehow despite enormous headwinds along the runway as I was starting out, and it's been steadily flying through stormy weather ever since. One of the engines started failing late last fall or early this spring, and then it started dropping from there. It's pretty much crashed by now, which could explain the mountain terrain. It'll probably be patched up somewhat soon enough to take off again, but how well will it fly?

     I somewhat know the literal terrain of Rogers County; it's mostly plains and hills. But I don't know what the terrain mentally I'll be traveling over.will look like. I mean, I'm hoping it will go okay, but I really don't know. Why should RSU have a different tone than NSU(or TCC)? Sure, it's been different than either of those so far on this admission stuff, more human and less factory-like, with less interruptions and hassles than expected, but how much of that is politics? Once the election's over...then what?

     I really don't know. But there will be some lessons to learn and ways to grow in Claremore, just as there have been in Beggs, Tahlequah, Westville, Morris, Tulsa, Broken Arrow, Conway, Louisville, D.C. and everywhere else I've traveled through. There's still a lot more plot twists in this script we call life that I didn't expect.and will face. I'm a master at planning things that don't quite work out at the last minute. The hard part is to say "God's will be done," and actually mean it. But that's why we keep going. We're not there yet, but maybe someday we will be.

New Blog

     It's Sunday night, the start of the college school/work week. It's also early November, so there's about a month left in the fall semester. And so, predictably, I'm worn out. Which is why I''m reading(just finished To Kill A Mockingbird) and blogging, might watch a movie in a minute. It's about survival.

     But in the "productivity" department, besides getting about six-eight quizzes completed and five-six lab assignments done, and two football games covered, in the last two weeks, last weekend I created a new blog.

     It's called You Keep Using That Word..., and it's where I'll put most of the "writing-specific" posts in the future. A little of everything is on there; essays, poems, short stories, songs, ridiculous fake news stories and movie reviews, to name a few. So check it out, if you would.

    The reasoning behind the title is pretty self-explanatory, it being me and all, haha. And it needs less explaining than this one.

More Well-Written Passages From Old Books

     Another notebook's worth of great sentences copied down in the margins. 

     "I sometimes think Atticus subjected every crisis of his life to tranquil evaluation behind the pages of the Mobile Register, the Birmingham News and the Montgomery Advertiser." - [Scout Finch], Harper Lee, To Kill A Mockingbird (Possibly my favorite first-person narrative ever written. Which is saying A LOT.) 

     "It may have been 100% truthful, but 100% truthful isn't always the truth. It may have been accurate, but it wasn't fair." - Dick Schaap, sportswriter 

     "It[the weather] drizzled a little, shone a little, blew a little, and didn't make up its mind until was too late for anyone else to make up theirs." - Louisa May Alcott, Little Women, chapter 26, page 260 

     "Fanny went to a fashionable school where the young ladies were so busy with their French, German and Italian that there was no time for good English." - Louisa May Alcott, An Old-Fashioned Girl 

     "He's now, in baseball lingo, a 'submariner', which is baseball's way of making a guy who throws underhanded sound manly." - Michael Lewis, Moneyball (Nobody else could make a book about the history of advanced statistics a worthwhile enjoyable read. Check it out sometime.) 

     "It takes a man a lifetime to find out about one particular woman; but if he puts in, say, ten years, industrious and curious, he can acquire the general rudiments of the sex." - O. Henry, "Cupid in a Cafe" 

     "They're chummy and honest and free and tender and sassy, and they look life straight in the eye." - O. Henry, "Cupid in a Cafe" 

     "He had a voice like a coyote with bronchitis, but whenever he chose his song he sang it." - O. Henry, "The Caballero's Way"

     "'To care passionately for another human creature brings always more sorrow than joy; but all the same, Elinor, one would not be without that experience. Anyone who has never really loved has never really lived.'" - [Laura Welman], Agatha Christie, Sad Cypress (This wasn't one of her best works, but this might be my favorite Christie quote out of everything she wrote. She wrote a ton of really great-to-think-about things in her lifetime, mostly in the books that suffer in terms of plot.) 

     "Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." - Earl Nightingale 

     "'Ah, we men and women are like ropes drawn tight with strain that pull us different ways, then tears come, and like the rain on the ropes they brace us up, until perhaps the strain becomes too great, and we break. But King Laugh, he come like the sunshine, and he ease off the strain again, and we beat to go on with our labour, what it might be.'" - [Dr. Van Helsing], Bram Stoker, Dracula (I really don't like this book much, reminds me too much of Dickens. But I really liked that quote.)  

Well-Written Passages Found in Old Books

     This is exactly what it sounds like: A collection of quotes and passages that are very well-written, that I scribbled down in the margins of a notebook or two. I've been scrounging through my large stash of notebooks over the weekend and thought a post on here was in order. As best I can figure, most of these books were read from 2009-2011.

     Joe DiMaggio, when asked why he hustled on an absolutely meaningless play; "I figure there's some kid out there in the stands who's watching me for the first time. Don't I owe him my best?"

     "The search for Deborah's undiscovered genius continued through cello, flute and clarinet lessons as well as several other instruments that wheezed, whistled and bawled like dying animals. The piano was a last resort, Mrs. Harding-Smith confessed. It was difficult to make a piano sound like anything other than a piano, no matter how badly played it might be." - Bodie Thoene, Danzig Passage, page 176 (Read this and the rest of her Zion Covenant series as soon as you can, if you like WWII or character-driven historical fiction.)

     "Books don't transform you, but paragraphs and sentences do." - Unknown (AMEN.)

     "....returned Amy, who was gifted with domestic power, but was chosen because she was small enough to be carried away shrieking by the hero of the piece." - Louisa May Alcott, Little Women, chapter 1 (Very good book.)

     "Amy followed, but she poked her hands out stiffly beside her and jerked herself along as if she went by machinery; and her "Ow!" was more suggestive of pins being run into her than of pain and anguish." - Louisa May Alcott, Little Women, chapter 1

     "She has the close-to-the-door-when-anything-interesting-is-going-on technique highly developed." - Agatha Christie, Remembered Death 

     "But some girls seem born for the express purpose of making trouble, and would manage to do it if they lived in a howling wilderness." - Louisa May Alcott, An Old-Fashioned Girl (This would not be included in my list of favorite Alcott books, but it had a fair amount of quotable phrases.)

     "Able-bodied men are apt to leave the place[the town of King's Abbot] early in life; but we are rich in unmarried ladies and retired military officers. Our hobbies and recreations can be summed up in the one word, 'gossip'." - Agatha Christie, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd (Amazing. But no spoilers here....)

     "The best in this kind are but shadows; and the worst no worse, if imagination amends them."
     "It must be your imagination, then, and not theirs."
     "If we imagine no worse of them than they of themselves, they may pass for excellent men." - Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act 5, Scene 1, lines 206-210

     "'He's a cobweb; a pinch would annihilate him.'" - [Heathcliff], Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights (This book was unbearably depressing, but I did like this quote.)

     "He spoke like a gardener should, mournfully, but with dignity, something like if an emperor spoke at a funeral." - Agatha Christie, The Seven Dials Mystery 

     "The only thing that we knew about the man was that he grew vegetable marrows. But that was not the sort of thing Caroline wanted to know. She wants to know where he comes from, what he does, whether he is married, what his wife was, or is, like, whether he has children, what his mother's maiden name was, and so on. Somebody very like Caroline must have invented the questions on passports, I think." - [Dr. James Sheppard, speaking about his sister and Hercule Poirot], Agatha Christie, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd

     "It's not your average, ordinary, run-of-the-mill ho-hum fairy tale." - the previews tagline for the movie version of The Princess Bride

     "She was a tall, serene-looking young woman of 27, who, although her face was unlined, looked older than her years, probably from a sedate maturity that seemed part of her make-up." - Agatha Christie, Ordeal by Innocence

     "They moved down the field with maniacal relentless precision. If the Japanese had invented football, this is how they would have played it." H.G. Bissinger, Friday Night Lights (Extremely well-written book. If you've seen the TV show, they matched the tone perfectly.)

     "It did them all good, for music is a beautiful magician, and few can resist its power." - Louisa May Alcott, An Old-Fashioned Girl

     "Nobody likes to be talked to, but nobody can resist the eloquence of unconscious preaching." - Louisa May Alcott, An Old-Fashioned Girl 

     "...said Maud, who had a talent for betraying trifles which people preferred should not be mentioned in public." - Louisa May Alcott, An Old-Fashioned Girl 

     "It was Mr. Blatt's apparent ambition to be the life and soul of wherever he happened to be... He was puzzled at the way people seemed to melt and disappear whenever he himself appeared on the scene." - Agatha Christie, Evil Under the Sun 

     "She moved with that insolent effortless grace that is common among those who have been professional mannequins." - Agatha Christie, Hickory Dickory Death 

     "I think you can always tell when the artist is having a good time: the energy and life come out in their work." - Bill Watterson, The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Collection (I agree. And it's been too long since I read Calvin and Hobbes or Peanuts.)

Grades

     GRADES.... 

     They can terrify, dishearten, and frustrate students everywhere. They can discourage, and depress teachers everywhere. They can either make parents proud or horrified. They largely determine whether you get saddled with tons of loan debt or come out okay financially each semester. Pretty impressive power for a string of letters to hold.

     Prof. Semrow said once that a grade is just an opinion of how much effort the teachers think you put into a project. I guess that makes sense. Good teachers know that we have a handful of classes we're juggling at the same time, so you can't always give everything all you've got, you kind of have to prioritize the tasks required over the next few days and then run from there. You can(and should) polish as much as possible before deadline, but at some point you have to kick a field goal and take whatever you get; accept that it's impossible to score a touchdown or hit perfect bulls-eyes every time. That doesn't mean you shouldn't aim for perfection in everything. It just means that you probably won't always have a nice grouping of your arrows on the target.
     I guess it comes down to discipline. You just do it, just like Nike's told the world for the last thirty years. Somebody defined discipline as "doing what you need to even when you don't feel like it." So you just plow along and get that assignment or whatever it is finished as best you can, and then wait anxiously for the verdict. If you do well consistently over time, that creates expectations for next time, and as Philip Gulley humorously pointed out about a friend's daughter in an essay on expectations, "if she fails, the entire town will basically lose its will to live. Other than that, I don't think she's under much pressure."
   

     That pressure can be tough to deal with, though. Because the longer you do well, when you slip, it's a longer fall. That's why it's better for a college football or basketball team to lose games earlier in the season than later; the impact is less. And it's the same way in baseball; because it's the World Series at the end. And to fail....well, you kind of feel like the guy in the video above this paragraph.

     And I suppose grades do matter in some sense, because good ones allow other people(in one way or another, the government) to pay the way-too-steep prices for an education that will lead to you earning a slip of paper that's apparently the Golden Fleece, the way employers hire. And that slip of paper means that you managed to survive four-to-five years of incarceration in public (or private) factories. So in that sense, they matter.
     And it's easier to get good grades if you enjoy what you're studying. For example, then you say things like "You know you're in the right major when you're ecstatic about dissecting a cow heart.", or "You know you're a MassComm major when you watch the Super Bowl because it''ll be homework for the test on Tuesday." or "Practical things being a theater major has taught me #4826 - How to sew!" (I pulled those from Facebook, didn't write any of those quotes.)

     And if you enjoy what you're studying, and therefore get decent-to-good grades, then you'll probably have a small dose of confidence going into the next test or class or semester or whatever. (The exact level depends on many, many variables.)  And as this Tina Fey quote printed in the September 2012 copy of Reader's Digest says, "Confidence is ten percent hard work and ninety percent delusional thinking."

     So that's all I can think of to say on this topic at the moment. More will probably be said at some later point.

Now November

     It's been about two weeks since I posted something on here, I guess.

     Nano's home now. She left two weeks ago yesterday, and the funeral was last Saturday. It went well.

     Enrolled at RSU on Wednesday, so I'll be headed to Claremore in January. Not sure where this'll take me, but it's in the Lord's hands.

     The coldness is signalling that winter will be coming soon, and so does the Halloween candy on sale. That also means you can officially start playing Christmas music anytime you want(although I'm a rebel and do that anyway) and plan for Thanksgiving. I'm a big fan of Thanksgiving, and also of Christmas. Family, music, decorations, fellowship, music....

     That also means that it's been a year that Copper's been gone. It's been a very, very long twelve months. Yes, there's Rags, and Banjo and Captain, but....it's just not the same.  Miss her. It'll be a year tomorrow. And that's also the first SWAT show this season(with everything that's been going on, off to a bit of a late start).

     School's keeping me busy plowing most of the time, Photoshop is interesting(but confusing) and biology is for the most part more confusing than interesting.

#NSUProblems: The Debate

     About two weeks ago, there was a Tahlequah Daily Press story on low morale throughout the Northeastern State University community. I would agree with that statement. It's a major reason I left a couple months ago. On Wednesday The Northeastern published an editorial defending the university.

     The TDP article is focused on administrators and faculty, which I don't know much about, and I'd never heard of most of those who went on-record, though I knew people who really liked Dr. Amy Aldridge-Sanford.
     In the second paragraph, the article mentions that faculty and staff pay is among the low end of Oklahoma regional universities. That is definitely true, as I've heard Mr. Deiter(Comp I), Prof. Semrow(Lit) and Mr. Woods(speech) all mention that in classes, and I'm pretty sure several other instructors have said something like that at other times.
     It also mentions several times that professors are greatly overworked. I would totally agree with that. On average it seemed like most instructors taught at least four to six classes, which were at least two separate courses.
     Dr. Richard Carhart was quoted as saying, "I watched other individuals(teachers) being berated, intimidated or humiliated for simply doing their jobs as best they can." There's no way to prove this happened, unfortunately, but everyone knew that it happened to teachers, and so they indirectly funneled that attitude down at their students. Carhart also stated that he honestly "couldn't wait to leave." That's how I felt most of the time.

     Dr. Isaac Dalanni, former assistant professor of economics, wrote six pages of unpleasant incidents and sent them to the Daily Press, which ranged from "mistreatment of colleagues to poor living conditions for students to stagnant salaries."
     Two of those incidents were mentioned in the article, one which involved a newly-hired professor not receiving his office key for over a week and not getting an email address until several weeks on the job. This instructor got his class schedule by email, which was then changed without his knowledge or consent, and the only way he found out about it was because of a phone call asking "Where are you? Why aren't you here?" on the first day of classes. This doesn't surprise me in the least.
     The other story was of one of his students who graduated, went through commencement and everything, but failed to get a diploma. So for six months the student called and emailed asking what the holdup was, and every time he was told to wait. Finally the student got so fed up that he physically came to campus to see what the problem was, and it was only then that he was told he was two credits shy of graduating. (This had been checked multiple times.) This also doesn't surprise me that much, because I've had this same scenario happen(on a smaller level).

     Dilanni's claim about poor living conditions is right on the (far too exorbitant for the amenities) money, as everyone who lives in the dorms knows. (On the other hand, everyone in Ross knows each other from complaining about the crappy conditions.) That's been well-documented in other posts on this blog. But paying $325-425 a month for a 10'x'14 cinder-block cell, usually shared with someone else? When the seasons are reversed and doors won't lock, ceilings leak and showers and sinks break down frequently? When the elevators are fifty years old and trap folks inside on a routine basis? And the TV and internet connections are really spotty. And that doesn't even include neighbors and noise levels. And the RAs never really seemed to do anything, as far as enforcing rules or customer service went. (Maybe that happens everywhere. Maybe all of these things do.)

     Dilanni elaborated on his view of his former workplace, saying, "I believe that the problems at NSU are systemic. To make NSU into a welcoming, academically challenging and competitive university would take a thorough reorganization." He is now a lecturer of economics at the University of Illinois, which is interestingly (and irrelevantly) where my cousin Logan goes to school.

     That was another thing about it; I know they were mostly gen eds that I took over 56 hours in four semesters, but the majority of my courses weren't very challenging. They were difficult, yes; but challenging and difficult are two very different words, the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning, as Twain wrote.
     Despite what they say in class, what you actually write in an essay or say in a speech doesn't usually matter. And that's extremely disappointing. But the reason that is is because the teachers are overworked; they have 120-150 papers to grade at a time and other projects besides, and sometimes they're taking Master's-level courses of their own. So they simply don't have time to judge/evaluate content. And so what that means for students is, honestly, you could probably write something only very loosely tied to the topic, following the format perfectly, and you would likely receive a decent grade.
     That's messed up.
     But most students don't really care, rolling their eyes when the subject is brought up and saying carelessly, "C's get degrees, y'know?" But most people don't watch Blimey Cow, and so just go along with it. If you pass, great, why strive for excellence?
     That's messed up, too.

     The article mentioned that Carhart wrote a legal brief called "The NSU Syndrome: A Recipe for Mediocrity", which he sent to the governing body of Oklahoma regional universities, and got no response from them.
     In political terms, the power of Northeastern State University is firmly an elite theory system. This means that a select few members control basically all decisions concerning the welfare of the organization/country/institution. And those powers would be those nameless, especially faceless non-entities to most people called administrators, the athletic department(never mind that most of the sports teams have a deplorable lack of talent and the success to show for it), and the Greeks.
     So what happens in this structure? A lot of meaningless talk about the "pride of our institution" and "our (pricey and idealistic and pointless) master plans for the next ten/twenty years" and a lot of money spent in really questionable ways. Like, a lot. $13 million for construction of a brand-new arena when dormitories are literally falling apart. $2 million for planting and near-immediate excavation of decorative baby trees. A probably non-really necessary addition and remodeling of the cafeteria(which looks horrible.) Wilson Hall sits there, proclaiming its haunted status and wishing somehow it could be put into use again, while the continued disuse make it less and less likely that will happen. Seminary Hall's carpet was held together in many places by duct tape. The health clinic is tucked way back into an impossible-to-find corner of campus inside Wyly Hall, which had been condemned as a dorm several years earlier. Uh...what?

     As the TDP article states, "Dilanni indicated the atmosphere at NSU was one of fear and intimidation." On a near-daily basis he would hear colleagues mention they were unhappy with their current job situation, or were scared they would be fired if they publicly opposed the policies of the administration.
     The whole existence of the Media Studies department hinges on this principle, which everyone knows about and says nothing about, because nobody can do anything about it. One instructor mentioned while teaching a journalism course one day that she knew money was disappearing in strange ways, but she couldn't do any type of investigative journalism on the subject because she'd get fired. And the newspaper staff had no chance of writing anything that came close to hard news, because of the Powers That Be and the fact that, really, the Media Studies department as a whole was on extremely thin ice. Really everything we did/do is an accomplishment, Media Studies is such an underdog in pack hierarchy. The magazine was cut out several years ago(before I came to school), the TV program was shut down, and the newspaper was forced into irrelevancy by going all-online. If we students made one "mistake" by practicing the craft we were learning well in sniffing out and telling the populace about a real news story, it would be extremely easy to shutter the entire department down in a heartbeat. (Based on the last couple times anyone tried to cover hard news.)
     So most of what was acceptable is fluffy pieces about things to come in the next week or two, or occasionally about someone receiving an award. People read the newspaper; it was all over the place, and you could talk to random people about what such-and-such an article was about, or mention that you knew somebody quoted or the writer, etc. The extra copies were a key component of many Homecoming floats. But with the department budget cut (again) and advertisers getting harder to find, the publication was moved entirely online and now nobody ever mentions the paper or notices its existence. (It's really hard to remember the name of the website, and there's so many other sites to look at....) Though folks do mark the printed Northeastern's absence.
     The TV program was sort of resurrected last spring, with half the semester to work with, a temporary teacher from Iowa, three cameras, two tripods(one broken), and six semi-working Macs shared among about thirty people, most of whom had near zero experience with Macs or working with video.  So it was an interesting process, but the eight of us in Advanced Video patched together two pilot episodes of a news show that would hopefully restart the program, and there were a fair amount of school commercials that were created. Not really sure how that's doing this semester.

     The Northeastern editorial begins, "Vacant expressions, empty desks and apathetic professors - this seems to be the current portrayal of Northeastern State University." Which is a very good journalistic sentence. It's stating an opinion of the general public, but not commenting one way or the other as to if there's any truth to it.
     The third paragraph brings up a good point that the students of today are hugely invested in social media, and that this story could spread and impact not just the school, but the city of Tahlequah.
     The fourth paragraph, "We as humble students cannot begin to understand the deadly political dance required to run a university of this size. We cannot speak for the inner workings of administration, or how faculty members are treated behind closed doors," is also strictly true. And it comes up nicely on the "Keep things safe but still address the issue" meter.
     The fifth paragraph makes a good point that the general tone of that article did kind of seem biased, which was true. But also, you have to compare that one article to the loads of other NSU stories the TDP has covered over the past year, promoting events like the summer camps and covering games and plays and debates and special speakers and teacher profiles and whatever else.
     The sixth paragraph, about the opinion that the school is slipping, I don't completely agree with, especially the last sentence, "So do not tell us that our university is mediocre." That's an opinion. (I get that it's an opinion column, but still.) But the point the paragraph makes about there being a flipside to every coin is good. There are, certainly, some good professors.  Dr. Faulds, Prof. Semrow, Dr. Eversole, Cassie, Mr. Shamblin and Mrs. Bowin are the first instructors who spring to mind. And sometimes they do work weekends; and often at night as well.
     That last paragraph is made up mostly of facts. (And, by my count, eight punctuation errors.) Those facts are true. The rah-rah-rah "Go RiverHawks!" spirit is annoying. But, this did appear during Homecoming week. And Homecoming week is when everyone goes "OH MY GOSH, I'M SO HAPPY AND BLESSED TO ATTEND SUCH A WONDERFUL COLLEGE LIKE THIS ONE!" (I'm not much for Homecoming celebrations.) And I'm sure there are a lot of students who actually feel that way. It just seems kinda excessive and fake to have all these elaborate celebratory activities. But, because of that, you need to end on an upbeat note, with all the alumni coming this weekend.

     But Tahlequah is a great town, full of good people. And there's also NSU folks who aren't part of the school like Bob and Deb at the BCM, and Tom and Javier with CCF. And there's all the BCM-related adventures of the past year with SWAT, the worship team and just hanging around the office. But anyway, I just saw the Northeastern editorial this afternoon, and so then I had to look up the original article, and then this editorial or whatever it is just kind of happened.
     And, weirdly enough, I'm wearing an NSU T-shirt right now while I finish typing this post. (I just took a shower and grabbed the first clean shirt in the closet, so....)

Full Swing into Fall 2014

     Well, my four-week classes are over now. I got an A in government and (I think?) an A in Word, but that final grade hasn't come in yet. Starting to get the hang of where the tools are in Photoshop; which might be a cool class, we'll see. Biology is coming along slowly.

     We went to Fayetteville to go see Nano last Sunday. That was kind of a somber time. And Northwest Arkansas sometimes feels like a different planet. (And not just because it felt almost SWAT-like finding the exact location of the hospice.)

     Speaking of BCM folks, they seem to be hanging in there, based on reports from Daniel P. and Elizabeth. So that's good, I guess.

     Filed the paperwork for graduation through TCC for an Associate's the other day last week, and was accepted to RSU.

     Texted Daniel last weekend, it was good to hear from him. And talked with Ash for about a half hour today. In other SGYC news, Shari's wedding is tomorrow, and Caleb's already looking forward to next year.

     Mom's been on a "Parks and Recreation" kick; I've only seen a few episodes, but I think I'd like it if I went through them all. I watched Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure the other night and really liked it. Also watched The Karate Kid(liked that too) and Days of Thunder(which was rather boring). So that's about what's been Netflixed recently. (Yes, I know "Netflixed" is not a word, technically. But it's an action akin to "Googled", so... And also, I've mixed AP and MLA styling in this paragraph. Oh well.)
     Eagerly looking forward to Age of Ultron and the Netflix shows in summer. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is off to a terrific start, really great acting and good writing. (Spoilers are HYDRA, so....if you want more info, watch the show.)

     In sports news, Kevin Durant fractured his foot in practice last week, and he'll be out for six to eight weeks. (Cue widespread panic throughout Oklahoma generally and Thunder fans in particular.) The Royals defeated the Orioles and the Giants topped the Cardinals, so I'm pulling for Kansas City once the World Series gets underway on Tuesday night. So long as Missouri wins, it's cool. Hopefully there won't be any wild plays like this and I won't catch any sinus infections. High school football is rolling along as usual for local schools.

     The weather has been really warm for fall, but it's nice. (Low 80's, high 70's for daytime highs, mid-to-low 40's at night.) Lots of sunshine, trees beginning to drop their leaves, so some indefinable creative spark lights up in people, and I'm doing homework most of the day. Nonfiction no-textbook reading recently has been mostly on movie industry, specifically screenwriting. And this month's saturation Bible book is Ruth, because it's short and easy to flip through on my phone's Bible app. At least, I think that's the reason, I'm never really sure how I pick the books each month. Haven't been able to keep up reading every day, but this year I've gotten a lot more time in the Scriptures than I would have otherwise. Still haven't found my Bible yet.

     So that's pretty much it for this update.

On to October

     College is hard.
     Finals are tough.
     Caring about people is difficult sometimes.
     Life in general is tough.

     "Until such time as the world ends, we will act as if though it intends to spin on," Nick Fury, The Avengers. That movie has a ton of great quotes. But that particular one has been stuck in my head recently.
   
     Nano's really not doing very well. So Mom's been over there often. And Banjo got bitten by a pygmy rattlesnake this afternoon. So he's not feeling too great.

     This was how my weekend went: Visit RSU on Friday, turn right around and cover Beggs-Okmulgee football, then write a story on the game and turn it in; four hours of sleep and then three tests on Saturday, skip church this morning and take another test. That's what most our schedules have looked like for a while.
     Claremore seems like a nice town, from what little we saw of it driving through. Susan says it's a lot like Tahlequah. So that explains it. The campus of RSU was pretty quiet, it was a Friday afternoon. There were lots of really nice buildings. Instructors seem to really care about their subjects and want students to learn, so that's a good thing. The radio station is pretty cool.

     Pretty sure I locked up an A in government; scoring 20-of-20 on all three essays and 96-of-100 on all three tests. Word I'm really just hoping to survive; and it seems like from what miniscule feedback there is with other students that others are worried, too. I think I got an 85 on the third test, an 87 on a retake of the first test(previous 71) and an 87 on retake of the second(I think that was an 83 first try.) None of these have been graded yet, so I'm not really sure how I'm doing in that right now. But it's almost over, so that's a negative reward to look forward to(psychology reference; when something unpleasant is taken away). Finals for Word and government this week, and then getting back into biology before Photoshop starts next Monday.

     "You might be a homeschooler if your bed doubles as your desk..." Yep, there's another great new Blimey Cow video to watch.
     Really thankful for the cats, they just live Hakuna Matata. (Which I don't, at all.)
     Watched a bit of football on Saturday, and the Cardinals are back in the NL playoffs. And the Royals are doing well, too, in the AL playoffs. Hockey's about to start, and the state's fixing to get coated in Thunder blue again.