Parks and Rec Quotes - Season Three, Part Two

     The second half of recapping the best quotes and quips from season three of Parks and Recreation. 

Episode Nine, "Andy and April's Fancy Party":
     "It's a whole new Ann Perkins. I'm putting myself out there, meeting some new people, having some casual fun....and it is...awkward."
     "Hey gang!" - Chris. "Hey! What'd you bring?" - Leslie. "I was in charge of the cake! To be fair, it's not so much a cake as it is a vegetable loaf. You got your mushrooms, your alfalfa sprouts, your spinach...AND, I had it sweetened with fruit reduction." "But did they ask you to bring a vegetable loaf, or a cake?" - Ron. "No, a cake. But this is so much healthier." "So not only does this thing exist, but now you have deprived everyone of cake!" "Take a walk, Ron," Leslie advises.
     "Andy, I think maybe you should put some more food out..." Leslie poking through the fridge in the kitchen. "Totally agree! That's why I'm putting the Bagel Bites out now." (April crashes in to model a dress, Andy hides his face behind a pan.) "What'd you think?" she asks. "April! You're not supposed to let me see you!" "No, no, come on. This is important. You have to tell me if I look good." "Hey. Guys. What's goin' on?" Leslie asks. "Uhh....well, it was supposed to be a big surprise, but tonight April and I are getting married. To each other." (Leslie looks horrified.) "Is...April pregnant?" "Yes." "Yes?" - Andy. "No!" "Are you sick? Are you terminal? Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember?" Leslie asks. "Yes." "What?" - Andy. "No," April snaps. "...Why are you doing this? Why is this great thing happening?" Leslie wants to know. "Well, it's actually this really funny story. We were hanging out, and suddenly, I was like, 'What if we got married tomorrow?' And she was like..." "'Fine.'"
     "One time I fell madly in love with a Civil War reenactor that I had only known for six hours, and then I found out that he wore those clothes all the time! And he was married. But - the clothes thing really bothered me!" - Leslie.
     "No, Orin, I don't know how I'm going to die..." Ben frowns. "Wait. Are you asking me or telling me?" "Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" - Leslie grabs Ben. "Yes, please!" "Andy and April are about to get married." "Wow. my Brita filter is older than their relationship."
     "Attention everybody! Mesdames and...messuas? If you would do me the....obligation...of...having your honor. Heretofore. In the room, doth right over there, uh...hence!" - Andy. "What?" - Ron. "Big event in that room in fifteen minutes."
     (The vows.) "I guess I kind of hate most things, but I never really seemed to hate you. So....I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Is that cool?" - Ann. "Yes, that's cool! Is it my turn now?" - Andy. "Yes," the Justice of the Peace nods. "April: You are the most awesome person I have ever met in my entire life. I vow to protect you from danger, and I don't care if I have to fight an ultimate fighter, or a bear, or him(points at Justice of the Peace, who is a woman), or your mom, but I would take 'em down." "Andy..." "I'm gettin' mad right now even thinking about it, I'm telling you-" "It's okay....Andy, it's okay." "I want to spend the rest of my life, every minute of it, with you. And I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy."
     "You wouldn't've been able to stop it, ya know." - Ron to Leslie. "I could've yelled something. Or tackled someone." "But ya didn't, because deep down, you knew it wouldn't've mattered. Those kids are gonna do what they wanna do." "They may have just ruined their lives on an impulse decision." "Leslie, I got married twice. Both times I was a lot older than those two, and both marriages ended in divorce. And a burning effigy.... Who's to say what works? You find somebody you like and you roll the dice. It's all anybody can do." "Wait...weren't you married three times?"
     "My sister is lame, but Andy is kind of cool.  I guess I can kind of see why she'd marry him." - Natalie giving a toast at the reception.
     "Hey." - April. "Don't worry....I'm not going to say another word. This is your day." - Leslie. "I just wanted to say...that I'm really glad you're here, I think you're awesome, and I love you." (April gives her a hug.)
     "What's the deal with that hot girl April?" - Harris the Stoner from Animal Control. "What's the deal with her?" - Ben repeats, not understanding. "Yeah. Like, is she good to go? Down to clown?" "She's married," Ben answers, shocked. Harris looks puzzled. "She got married like twenty minutes ago," Ben explains. "Oh, she's the same girl from that thing!" "From the wedding ceremony, yeah." "All the good ones are taken, huh, bro?" (Ben stares at Leslie.) "Yeah."
     (The gang is watching a video update from Andy and April on their honeymoon.) "Told you all it would last more than a week. You owe me twenty bucks." - Ron.

Episode Ten, "Soulmates":
     "Okay, then. A cookoff in the courtyard this afternoon. If I win, burgers remain in the commissary." - Ron. "What do I get if I win?" Chris asks. "The rarest jewel of all: Victory over me, Ron Swanson." "I like that!"
     (Ron looks at note April scribbled.) "Who is 'Forp'?" "I don't know. I couldn't really hear him, it sounded like his name was Forp." "Did you get his number?" "No," she snorts. "Good girl."
     (Ann is setting up a dating profile for Leslie.) "Describe your ideal man," Ann instructs. "He's dark and mysterious, and he can sing. And he plays the organ." "I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera."
     (It's time to grocery shop for the big cookoff.) "Would you like to try our vegan bacon? It's 100% meatless." - Clerk at Grain 'N Simple. "Yes please." - Ron. (He then dumps sample in trash.) "Another, please." (He does same thing.) "Sir....is there a problem?" "I'm just making sure that no one ever has to eat this." "I'm sorry, sir, but I don't think I can give you any more." "I want one," April says. (She then tosses it into trash.)
     "Wow....look at this! Fresh lettuce is my all-time favorite food. What's your favorite food?" Chris to Andy. "Oh, I take Skittles and I put it between two Starbursts. Know what I call it?" "Skittle sandwich!" "...That's pretty good. No, I call it Andy's Mouth Surprise. It's nice because the flavor of the Starbursts really bring out a...similar flavor in the Skittles."
     "I love Food and Stuff. It's where I buy all of my food. And most of my stuff." - Ron.
     (During the tasting of the cookoff, Kyle makes a comment about how Chris's organic turkey burger has an "umami" flavor, which apparently means it is worth savoring?) Jerry responds with "Stop being so pretentious, Kyle!"
     "Hey, what's up?" - Leslie. "Well, I think I'm allergic to chutney....also, what's chutney?" - Ben. "No clue."

Episode Eleven, "Jerry's Painting":
     (Chris has just set Ben up with a lady named Cindy.) "She's beautiful, inside and out. Inside beauty is Very Important. Also, outside beauty is Very Important."
     "This is awesomely perfect! Burly just moved in with his rich girlfriend, and we need help paying the rent." - Andy to Ben, after finding out that he needs a place to stay. "We have a couple house rules, though." - April. "Yeah, sure, of course." "You can't use the front door, you have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal 'usted', and no electricity after 6 p.m." "She's just joking. You can use as much free electricity as you want. Cause it's free." Andy laughs.But April isn't quite finished yet. "Couple more house rules: If you ever watch a sad movie you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you've been crying, there's no noise allowed on Mondays, and no TV after breakfast."
     "Okay, everyone, SHUT UP! And look at me! Welcome to Visions of Nature. This room has several paintings in it. Some are big, some are small. People did them and they are here now, I believe after this is over they will be hung in government buildings. Why the government is involved in an art show is beyond me. I also think that it is pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they could just go outside and stand in it. Anyway, please do not misinterpret the fact that I am talking right now as genuine interest in Art, and attempt to discuss it with me further. End of speech." - Ron.
     "Are you guys...frying marbles?" Ben asks. "We were checking to see if the fire alarm worked." - Andy. "It doesn't." - April.
     (Orin stands in front of completely blank canvas.) "You forgot to paint a painting, son." - Ron.
     (Jerry shows off his new painting of the goddess Diaphenia as a topless centaur with Leslie's face.) "It's...uh, stunning," Ann frowns. "Breathtaking." Tom adds. "...Yeah...it really is," Donna bites her lip.
     "In one brushstroke, Jerry has killed the Jay-Z vibe its taken me years to cultivate, and replaced it with a fat brown baby vibe. Which is NOT as cool of a vibe!" Tom yells at the camera during an interview segment.
     "I'm sorry; are you eating turkey chili off of a Frisbee?" - Ben asks April and Andy, incredulous. They explain that they're using Frisbees because they don't have any dishes. (And presumably chili for breakfast is because there isn't much other food in the house.) Ben then decides to teach them how to be adults. It's hysterical.
     "Leslie, for those in the audience that might not know, are centaurs real?" - Perd. "No. They are not." "Are you sure?"
     (Ben explaining how to do laundry.) "Okay, first, you separate your lights from your darks -" "That's racist." -April. "-and then you - Where do you guys keep your laundry detergent?" Andy hands him bottle. "This is bubble bath. You guys wash your clothes in bubble bath?" "Bubble bath, clothes detergent, same thing." - Andy shrugs. "No, they are not!" "Well, they both make bubbles, so....same thing."
     "All right, we need to do some basic organization." - Ben. April and Andy sigh. "Where do you put your bills when they come?" "I read the magazines, and give the rest to Andy." "Which I organize into a pile, or a stack, and put into the freezer." "Why?" "So they won't get lost." (Ben goes to freezer, pulls out heap of bills, and then stares at it in disbelief.) "Okay, you have to pay these..." "Good thing I didn't lose 'em!" Ben shakes his head. "Okay, new lesson in Basic Finance: I am going to teach you how to balance a checkbook."
     "Yeah, well....there are nipples in it, so it seems like we ought to destroy it just to be on the safe side." A man on the Art Commission explains his reasoning for destroying Jerry's painting.
     "Okay, here is a list of errands you all need to run, and also a list of things that human adults need." - Ben to Andy and April.
     "Why do they want to destroy it?" Ben asks. "Well, it's a painting of me. As a centaur." "Okay?" "And it's a nude." "...Oh." (Ben looks very uncomfortable the rest of the conversation.)
     "Leslie Knope, you need to bring that painting back right now! I have been very fair with you, but I am starting to feel very angry. And I don't like feeling angry. It makes my heart start racing. It is literally going 45 beats a minute..." - Chris.
     "What are we doing? We didn't get a single thing that Ben told us to." -Andy, as they're finishing their shopping trip. "Sure we did....we got the marshmallow shooter," April grins. "That's....I don't think that's on the list." "But I want it." "I know, I want it too! But I also kind of want my own fork. Just because you eat really slow. Which is cute, but also super annoying." April sighs. "Fine..." "What? What's wrong?" "Nothing...it's just that adults are boring, and I hate them, and I don't want to buy all this stupid boring stuff and become boring adults." "Hey...listen to me. Yes, we're going to get a dish rack and shower curtains and a cutting board, but if you think for one second that I'm not also gonna get that marshmallow shooter so that I can shoot you in the face with marshmallows while you're asleep, then...you're the dumbest woman I know." "You're gonna make me cry."
     "You're a level-headed person. What should I do?" - Leslie. "Well, I don't know....it is one of the basic rules of government that you shouldn't offend people...." - Ben.
     "Hey, what about Shelly from the health-food store?" - Chris. "I don't know who that is." - Ben. "Her brother died climbing Mount Everest?" "Nope. I don't think so."

Episode Twelve, "Eagleton":
     "Leslie has a lot of qualities that I find horrifying, but the worst one by far is how thoughtful she can be." - Ron.
     "Their people are not better than our people. The only things they beat us in is life expectancy, beauty pageants and average income. Who cares?" - Leslie.
     (Ann is bailing Leslie out of the Eagleton jail.) "But in my defense, I believe that assault should be legal if the other person is a jerk." - Leslie.
     "Happy birthday, Ron." - Leslie. "Ann said that you had planned a big party, with sombreros and karoke and-" "I did that for Ann. Why would I throw you an Ann Perkins party?" "What about the giant list of things April was doing?" "That was just a list of ways to mess with you. She do 'em all?" "She did indeed." (Ron then gets to enjoy his party: sitting alone in a room while watching Bridge on the River Kwai and The Dirty Dozen, consuming steak, bacon, waffles and whiskey.)

Episode Thirteen, "The Fight:":
     (Ron provokes a huge argument over who broke the coffee maker.) "I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here."
     "How's Jesse?" Leslie asks Ann. "Who?" "That photographer you were dating?" "Oh....We broke up. I didn't tell you that?" "No. I liked him." "Yeah....I did too....it was just something about....his face."
     "Ugh, I hate talking. To people. About things! This is a nightmare..." April complains after being roped into Tom's latest get-rich-quick scam.
     "How about this, Ron. Try Snakejuice. If you like it, you gotta talk it up all night. If you don't, I'll shave Jean-Ralphio's head." - Tom. "Yeah, I'd like to see that. Hit me."
     "Try a little Snakejuice. It's 140-proof, which means it's seventy percent alcohol. But don't worry, there's plenty of caffeine in it to keep you awake." - Tom. "I believe an ounce of that would literally kill me." - Chris.
     "This Snakejuice is rat poison." - Donna.
     "I don't know you very well, but you're clearly very important to Leslie, and that must mean that you're a pretty great person." - Ben to Ann.
     "Tom's not scamming anyone. He's not smart enough to manipulate the system like that. He's just a kid, chasing a goofy dream." - Ron to Chris, protesting a government ordinance that forces Tom to sell his share of the Snakehole Lounge.
     Everyone has a horrible hangover the next morning.

Episode Fourteen, "Road Trip":
     "...Wow. That was the most sexual tension I have ever seen in a conversation about documents." - Ann.
     "It's an amazing instrument, the banjo!" - Leslie. "...Yeah. I didn't realize it could be this loud." - Ben.
     Ron teaches a nine-year-old girl about libertarianism, which is entertaining.

Episode Fifteen, "The Bubble":
     Not much here. It's a very strained, weird episode.
     "Chris, you have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible that it might ruin the entire department. Now, I mean that as a compliment, so it pains me to say this: My department has to go back to the way it was." - Ron. "They'll adjust." "No, they won't. They're miserable. Tom only performs well when there's someone to impress, so marooning him on Freak Island isn't helping anyone. And you made April assistant to everyone? You know who April hates? Everyone. And Jerry can only function is no one's looking."

Episode Sixteen, "Li'l Sebastian":
     "I have some very important news about our favorite mini-horse Li'l Sebastian," Leslie announces. Cheers follow. "He died last night." Howls of dismay. "But we can take comfort in the fact that he is in heaven now, doing the two things he loves doing the most: eating carrots and urinating freely."
     "When I walked in this morning and saw that the flag was at half mast, I thought, 'All right,, another bureaucrat ate it.' ...But then I found out it was Li'l Sebastian. Half mast is too high. Show some damn respect!" - Ron.
     "It's times like this, when someone or some horse passes, that you really take stock of your life. You look around you and you start to realize what you truly care about." - Leslie. (Touching B-roll montage plays over this interview soundbite.)
     "Look. you guys are totally welcome to use my office, just don't....do anything on my desk." - Ann. "Oh, we don't...you know - We just like to work in the same place, and then we talk and hold hands." - Ben. "Yuck. That's....somehow worse," Ann frowns. "Yeah, it sounded bad when I said it," he agrees.
     "We need to send that glorious beast into the Great Beyond with a ceremony that rivals the Super Bowl halftime show." - Ron at a meeting.
     "Good news is it's just tendonitis." - Dr. Harris. "How is that good news?" - Chris, aghast. "The other option was shoulder cancer," Dr. Harris answers in his deadpan sarcastic way. "Really??" "No. Look, you exercise a lot, you're in great shape, a couple things like this happen with men of your age." "Men of my age? How old do you think I am?" "42." "Ha! I am 44 and I plan to live to be 150." "Okay." "So, what's the cure?" "Get a time machine and go back to being 20." "Dr. Harris, you are literally the meanest person I have ever met."
     "Okay, all the permits cleared for the 'horse funeral'..." - Ben. "What was that tone?" - Ron. "Huh? Oh, nothing....I am very sad about this," Ben stammers, not sounding sad at all.
     "Hi, Ann Perkins." - Chris. "Oh, hi. How are you doing?" "I'm dying." "What?" "Of tendonitis." "Oh....I don't know if you should lead with 'I'm dying'..." "You're right, you're right. So! What's up with you?" "I'm just helping Leslie plan Li'l Sebastian's memorial service." (Chris stares at her in shock.) "Li'l Sebastian died? That's terrible." "Yeah....well, he was old....he had a lot of ailments...." "Like tendonitis?" "I don't know. I don't have his chart in front of me." "Could you get it?" "What? There is no chart..." (Chris sighs.) "Death is inescapable....goodbye, Ann Perkins."
     "How did you find out?" Leslie asks Ron about her secret relationship with Ben. "We've worked together for a while now, I like to think I know you pretty well. Plus, Ben butt-dialed me last night."
     Andy tries to write lyrics for the song Leslie requested, something about horses flying. "Horses don't fly," April critiques. "That's why I'm telling him learn to fly." He then tries out a couple different lyrics, which she clearly hates but is trying really hard not to crack up. "Maybe....try to do one without the word 'dead' so much. Or 'death'. Or 'you're dead'." "See? You're helping me already."
     Jean-Ralphio and Tom ask for Jerry's opinion on which ribbon color to use on the armbands at the memorial service. "They're all black," he shrugs. (Go Jerry!)
     "You are nasty."- Donna to Jean-Ralphio.
     "I have cried twice in my life. Once when I was seven and I was hit by a school bus; and then again when I heard that Li'l Sebastian had passed."
     "You know, tendonitiis is usually caused by overactivity. Have you been working out more than normal?" - Ann. "Well, I did do ten thousand push-ups last week." - Chris. "That would do it." "I'm sorry, I just...don't like thinking about death. Death is...." he stops, stumped. "The opposite of being alive?" "Exactly!"   

2015 in Review

     Glory is helping me type this post, she's purring and half-asleep beside me on the bed I use as a desk while at the house. The year's almost ended, so it's time to think over what happened. Basically, it sucked. There were a couple bright spots, like how the entire internet celebrated Back to the Future in October, but in general, bad things happened. As Westley said in the movie, and Fezzik's parents said in the novel, "Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something."

     People shot people often; in St. Louis and South Carolina and elsewhere. There were a lot of racial complaints; in St. Louis and on the OU and Mizzou campuses, among other places. A Muslim guy beheaded a coworker over the summer in an Oklahoma City warehouse. Terrorists bombed Paris repeatedly. The Supreme Court legalized gay marriage nationwide. There was the Bruce Jenner mess. Age of Ultron and Jurassic World ruled the summertime box office. It was announced that season fifteen of American Idol will be the end. Trevor tore his knee all up. Found a couple December 1941 issues of the Joplin News Herald at an estate sale. A woman murdered several people at the Oklahoma State Homecoming parade.It rained and rained and rained even more. Grandpa got cancer which turned terminal. Everyone was outraged at those Planned Parenthood videos and Starbucks changing the design of their holiday cups.

     In sports, the Thunder had an awful season, American Pharaoh was the first horse since 1978 to win the Triple Crown, and Jeff Gordon drove off into the sunset.

     I wrote in-depth pieces on AI and not driving, and there was the annual recap of SGYC '15 to get down. Watched all of Parks and Recreation, Friday Night Lights and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., the first seasons of Agent Carter and Daredevil, and nearly, if not all, of Phineas and Ferb. 

     For me, I was stranded on the island of a hilly campus in a city where I didn't know anyone, which wasn't very walkable, with the irony that Claremore has several major highways running through it, allowing people with cars to pass freely wherever it is they wished to go. But it's just a place where I happen to be, not a town where I live. Same thing with RSU, it's just another temporary home where I happen to be right now. It was very good to get to see NSU people occasionally; Daniel, James, Bucky and Amber at Falls Creek in April, and then Daniel, Bucky, James, Jordan, Annie, Ja Li Si at Momentum in September.
     Had a roommate for about three weeks, before he freaked out about the roaches crawling around the apartment. (They weren't that bad.) He was cool, but it was kind of nice to be by myself again. Except when it wasn't. Got lonely often, and there was way too much time to think when I didn't want to. Classes forced me into all-nighters at least once a week, which took a toll. Learned that I sometimes enjoy poetry, though; and also that I can't handle the stress of broadcast news. Also discovered that I am extremely judgmental when it comes to literature.
     Occasionally heard from Daniel, Amanda, Jessica, Dylan, Jon and Ashland, they were all helpful in getting through the year. Became an uncle to Amanda's daughter Maya.
     Read a ton of horrible novels and plays for school, about a third of which was worthwhile.
     Spiritually, it was a tough year. I don't think I met a real Christian around the campus at all all year; and something is weird at GBC, siphoning the energy and congregation even more than in previous years.

     Watched a lot of Studio C sketches, trying to stay upbeat and press on. The Avril Lavigne songs "Everybody Hurts", "I'm With You", "Keep Holding On", "Mobile" and "Tomorrow" could pretty accurate describe most of the year. It just seemed like a year full of failure....and that's hard  to take. Most of the time I was exhausted, stressed out, panicked, worried or pissed off; generally a mix of all those. When I wasn't, I was probably sleeping.

     But now it's over. I want to say that the sun'll come out tomorrow and that 2016 will go easier, but the Irish and pessimistic parts of me say that things can always get worse. I don't see exactly how, but I bet that's probably true. On the other hand, it could be a good year. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

After Christmas

     Christmas went pretty well; better than I was expecting. Courtney enjoyed her Felines of New York book, and she also got a DVD of The Princess Bride, the cats liked all the boxes strewn about, Caleb and Trevor got some new knives and hunting caps that they were thrilled by, Amy loved all her stuff(a toy stove, baby doll, Curious George stories, etc). Caleb and Trevor have been playing the Wii games I got for them a ton(Hot Wheels for Trevor, Madden for Caleb).

     I got Leslie Knope's book on Pawnee, the complete DVD collection of Parks and Rec, a couple calendars and a couple shirts. All of which is pretty awesome.

     We went over to Grandpa and Robbie's yesterday, which was really nice. Dayla and her family weren't able to make it, because Ashley had some kind of surgery on his leg that wasn't healing properly. And they'd gone to Claremore the night before to see Robert's family and Sandi, so it was just us.Caleb, Courtney, Trevor and I threw a football around in the driveway, snacks were munched on throughout the day, a couple ricks of wood were hauled, the dogs were petted, the Thunder game was watched(they lost to the Bulls), and mostly we all just talked, sprawled around the living room. The situation was a little bit like the second verse of "Laughed Until We Cried", but in a good way. It worked. Like that tune's bridge says, "Every emotion rolled into one/A little of this, a little of that/Kind of happy, kind of sad..." So sure, there were a lot of emotions, some tough to deal with. But as the Lady Antebellum song "Need You Now" goes, "I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all..."
     Grandpa said he had no idea what to get for me, so he just gave me some money instead. I'll need to really think for a while about what to use it on.

     We walked around some through downtown Tahlequah so Amy could look at the Nativity set up on the courthouse lawn; that was great. When you bounce around from place to place as much I have, "home" is where your cat is, but Tquah is one of those places that counts as a home base, along with Morris, Okmulgee and Westville. It just feels right to be in one of those places, even if things have changed since you were there last. 

The Best of 2015

     Pretty simple....the highlights, lowlights and ordinary lights of the past twelve months.

Best Country Song of the Year -
     It was a pretty terrible year for country music - not much good was released, and Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton got divorced. Still, Brad Paisley is awesome. And the "Crushin' It" video is hilarious, making fun of everyone. Plus, what is more country than an entire song about crushing beer cans? Also from his Moonshine in the Trunk CD, "High Life" is pretty funny, and "Country Nation" reminded us that in this ever-splintering country of ours, there still can be common ground found. Carrie Underwood's "Smoke Break" is pretty good, too.

Best Non-Country Song of the Year -
     Also known as the "Year's Catchiest Earworm" or "Most Awesome Music Video" category. Carly Rae Jepsen's "I Really Like You" has Tom Hanks lip-syncing the whole thing, which is awesome, because he's Tom Hanks. Plus it's just fun. And certainly unexpected. Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" is pretty lame as a song overall, but the chorus is pretty catchy. And the video is terrific, I would totally watch a whole movie with this plot.

Best Lip-Sync Battle -
      The Dubsmash War between the casts of Agent Carter and Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 

Best Movie Seen in Theaters -
     The Avengers: Age of Ultron didn't quote match the hype, but nothing could have. And we all just misjudged what its role was in the MCU. Ant-Man was disappointing. Inside Out was one of the most brilliant pieces of Pixar work ever, which is saying something. I guess I'll go with Inside Out as the winner here.

Surprising Novels Which I Found I Really Enjoyed -
     Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park, Margaret Mitchell's Gone with the Wind, Lief Enger's Peace Like a River, Neil Gaiman's Ocean at the End of the Lane, S.E. Hinton's Outsiders and James Dashner's Maze Runner. 

 Most Out-of-Character Experience -
     Binge-watching all seven seasons of Parks and Recreation in six weeks. (It was totally worth it.)

Favorite Parks and Rec Character -
     Uh.....everyone, duh. (Well, except for the Sapersteins, Joan Callamezzo, Jessica Wicks and Eagleton Craig...)

Favorite Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Character -
     Seriously, almost everyone...except Will, Lincoln and Joey.

Favorite Friday Night Lights Character -
     This is easier. Like the two shows mentioned above, everyone is so well-written. But I'm gonna go with either Matt Saracen or Tim Riggins.

Favorite Phineas and Ferb Character -
     EVERYONE. (Except Irving. Or Carl.)

Music I Discovered I Really Enjoyed -
     Relient K, Semisonic and Avril Lavigne.

I Can't Christmas

     I can't even Christmas this year. Don't know why. Just....hasn't felt holiday-like at all. Not even Thanksgiving really did, even. The closest I came to feeling Christmassy was while the congregation was singing carols at church during the annual Christmas special Sunday night, but even then it wasn't much. It's just too weird an atmosphere to be around. I don't have a place to serve or a role to play. And given the mass exodus of basically everyone over the past couple years, I'm the only one of the core part of the youth group(of our generation) who's still around. Dylan's transferring to Stillwater in January, Sam and Marie fell off the planet, Josh is going to some Presbyterian church with his girlfriend, I think, and Suzanna's at JBU.

     Trying to process that this will likely be Grandpa's last Christmas, which isn't really computing all that well.

     Sometimes it just feels like I'm trapped in a no-man's-land, no longer a kid and part of life around the house, really, but not anywhere near having a family of my own. So it's weird seeing Facebook say that once a week someone is getting engaged or married or is pregnant or whatever. And all the jewelry commercials this year are terribly stupid, which is disappointing, since they're the second-best ads generally, after the beer commercials.

     Songs of the Day  from this morning are Love Handel's "You Snuck Your Way Right Into My Heart", Mouse Rat's "5000 Candles in the Wind" and Taylor Swift's "Mine". Which are all good songs, but it's unusual to wake up with them playing on the mental radio station.

     While Courtney, Caleb and Trevor were skating with the youth group last night, Mom and Amy went shopping, so I had the house to myself, which made for some nice quietness. The dogs kept barking at random things and wanting outside, only to decide they were cold three minutes later. Anyway, I spent some of that time sitting quietly and staring at the Christmas tree, which is very calming. (I wrote more about them a couple years ago.) That was nice. And then I watched some episodes of Phineas and Ferb and Parks and Rec. That was good, too.

Movies of 2015

      There is no way this will be comprehensive like the books or short stories, because I'm starting this post in early December. So it'll be more like "Selected Movies of 2015 That I Remember" instead. To go on this list, it has to have been watched all the way through, since snippets of movies can be quickly abandoned due to boredom on Netflix if they open too slowly (cough, Hercules, You've Got Mail, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, Batman, Batman Begins....), and it's super-easy to only catch a snippet in the middle of something while flipping TV channels, then forgetting to look up more information while investigating if it might be worthwhile to watch the whole thing. (Usually not. Between Wikipedia, IMDB and PluggedIn, you can get almost all the info necessary without watching, except usually quotes.)

MVP: Most Valuable Primate (2000)
     Kevin Zegers(Josh Framm of the Air Bud movies) plays a kid who just moved from California to a small town in British Columbia with his mom and deaf sister. He comes across Jack, a brilliant escaped chimpanzee, and teaches him to play hockey. This was the first movie I had ever seen that prominently featured a deaf character, besides being one that was rented from Eagle's Nest over and over and over. I tracked down the whole thing through spliced-together YouTube clips one cold Sunday afternoon because I was bored.

Days of Thunder (1990)
     Tom Cruise is the hottest young driver the NASCAR world has ever seen. He's also unlike anything anyone in the NASCAR world has ever seen.... Jeff Gordon was basically Cruise's character when he came along three years later. He was even going to share the same number(46), but the movie still had the NASCAR lease on it, so he went with 24 instead. That turned out pretty well.
     The first half of this movie is much better than the second half, but it was incredibly important to stock-car racing history, and it stars Tom Cruise, and features Cary Elwes, too.

The Barefoot Contessa (1954)
      This is a Humphrey Bogart movie about a young woman who becomes a movie star. It's full of cynical quips about show business.

His Girl Friday (1940)
     Cary Grant plays a newspaper publisher who divorced his best reporter; they're forced to work together to break a story, it's a frenetic screwball comedy told at ninety miles an hour. Good movie! (Unless you're a weird Cary Grant-hating cat like Rags is.)

The Incredibles (2004)
     This isn't as good as people always say it is, but it's not bad. It's just average. Frozone is the coolest character, because he's voiced by Samuel L. Jackson.

Iron Man (2008)
     Tony Stark is an arrogant billionaire genius kidnapped by the Ten Rings terrorist organization, and in escaping he begins a journey that leads him to turning his life around, creating the Iron Man armor and kickstarting audiences into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Iron Man 2 (2010)
     This one is the weakest of this trilogy, but in terms of overall importance this ranks near the top of MCU films.

Iron Man 3 (2013)
     This is a great movie. Watched in theaters on the eve of finals week my freshman year.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
     Great movie which began the superhero era. Review here.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
     Intense, exciting, modern political thriller. Review here.

Thor (2011)
     Kind of Shakespearean, with plenty of cool slanted camera angles and warm camera lighting. And it stars Chris Hemsworth and Natalie Portman, plus there's plenty of quotable lines...and Loki, he's a terrific villain.

Thor: The Dark World (2012)
     This was disappointing. Jane just kind of sleepwalks through the whole thing, the climatic battle is hard to believe, and it's extremely darkly lit and most of the dialogue is mumbled. But Loki was terrific.

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
      Hilarious tale of bickering space outlaws. Review here.

The Avengers (2012)
     Even superheroes have to work as part of a team sometimes.... read the review here.

 The Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
     A little disappointing, but no movie could fit expectations that were set so high as they were for this one. Read the review by clicking the link.

Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
     This was on TV one day near the Daytona 500. I wouldn't recommend it, really, but it was pretty funny. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly make pretty hilarious drivers.

Rain Man (1988)
     Tom Cruise bonds with an autistic brother(Dustin Hoffman) that he never knew existed. Tough to watch at points, but worthwhile. You'll be thinking about it for a while afterwards.

Made for Each Other (1939)
     This has Jimmy Stewart in it, but this is really two movies in one, and they aren't connected well at all. The first half, where a couple meets and then gets married, and having to figure out how life works as a married couple, that's funny at times. But when their newborn baby gets a rare disease and the treatment has to be rushed across the country....that loses all viewer interest. The director actually got sick in the middle of filming and the medicine DID have to be rushed from one coast to the other(because overnight delivery didn't exist yet), and so he then tacked that personal experience onto the film. Bad choice.

Air Bud (1997)
     This series has miles of continuity errors that you just have to overlook, but the music is so amazing it's worth it. Besides, who doesn't want to see a golden retriever playing sports? (The original, real-life Buddy could play six sports, and he was also cast as Comet in Full House.)

Air Bud III: World Pup (2000)
     Josh tries out for the soccer team at Fernfield High because he has a crush on a girl named Emma, who in her spare time is Andrea's team's coach. And dognappers try to steal Buddy.

Air Bud IV: Seventh Inning Fetch (2002)
     Caitlin Wachs's Andrea gets to step into the spotlight, as she joins the Fernfield Middle School baseball team. Buddy comes along, too, and though it's pretty predictable, it's worth watching.

Inside Out (2015)
     One of Pixar's most amazing projects, and that's saying something. Tells the story of 11-year-old Riley Anderson's move from southeast Minnesota to San Francisco, and also how Joy comes to understand and appreciate the place of Sadness in Headquarters. I should write a review of this one.

The Fox and the Hound (1981)
     One of the saddest stories ever, and one of the most beautiful. Friendship is hard and fragile. (Also, I think Amos Slade is why I have always had zero interest in hunting.)

The Aristocats (1970)
     What's not to like? I mean, everybody does want to be a cat...

WarGames (1983)
     Matthew Broderick and Ally Sheedy come this close to accidentally starting World War III. It's pretty much as 80's a movie as it's possible to make, which means I loved it. Extra points for being set in Seattle, one of the NON-Holy Trinity of Cinematic Cities. See this review for a lengthy explanation of my frustration with that shortcut.

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
     William Goldman spent forever writing this, which is well documented in Adventures of the Screen Trade. But Paul Newman and Robert Redford are awesome in anything, and these were some of the most interesting Old West characters anyway, simply because they ran away to South America. 

Unbreakable (2000)
     Bruce Willis is a hero who hates football, Robin Wright is his wife, and Samuel L. Jackson plays a villain with a highly-unusual genetic defect. Questions what exactly makes someone a hero or a villain, and how we become that way. Good one for pondering later.

Megamind (2010)
     This is a superhero parody that actually parodies parodying itself at some points, turning into an actual superhero comedy. Highly quotable, much better than DreamWorks usually does. Will Ferrell plays the villain, Brad Pitt the hero, Tina Fey the reporter/love interest, and J.K. Simmons and Ben Stiller have minor roles, too.

Ant-Man (2015)
     The world needs saving...again....and since the Avengers are busy with flying cities, we're left with Bobby Newport. (The Parks fan in me couldn't get over this on the first viewing.) But Paul Rudd does really well at making confused faces and being surprised by things. Other than that, this is totally predictable. There are some cool camera tricks used, though.

Mission: Impossible (1996)
     Spies! Tom Cruise! Emilio Estevez! Cool music and crazy camera tricks! Espionage and lies and chases and explosions! Really awesome movie.

Paulie (1998)
     A parrot tries to get back to his owner, traveling across the country and having a lot of adventures. Hard to watch at points, but a sweet movie.

Jurassic Park (1993)
     The movie is much scarier than the book; this is the most terrifying movie I've ever seen. But it's so well made...

Rocky III (1982)
     The best of the series, probably because Mr. T is the antagonist.    

Rocky IV (1985)
     Totally not subtle in any way, but really worth watching, if for no other reason than marveling at how terrifying a gigantic Russian dude can be when he doesn't say anything.

Spider-Man (2002)
     Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker becomes Spider-Man and battles the Green Goblin while finishing high school and starting college. This is another of my favorite trilogies. They're really inspirational, but funny; filled with great acting and just good storytelling. Plus, they aren't perfect, which adds to the charm.

Spider-Man 2 (2004)
     Two years later, MJ's(Kirsten Dunst) Broadway career is finally starting to take off, and Harry(James Franco) is having trouble coping with the stress of leading OsCorp. Meanwhile, Pete discovers that knowledge is a gift which ought to be used for the betterment of mankind.

Spider-Man 3 (2007)
     This isn't as good as I thought it was when it came out, and it's nowhere near as bad as critics say. But there is too much going on. It wraps up the trilogy really well, though.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
     Be excellent to each other. It makes no sense, but it's totally quotable, dude!

West Side Story (1961)
     For a musical, it's not bad. As an adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, it's far better than the original source material.

Toy Story (1995)
     Woody is the top toy, until Buzz Lightyear comes along...there are not enough good words to say about these movies. Pixar is amazing. The End.

Toy Story 2 (1999)
     The weakest of the trilogy, but still a pretty good movie. And it gave us one of the most memorable songs in animated movie history in "When Somebody Loved Me".

Toy Story 3 (2010)
     This was the most my generation had literally waited all their lives to see. And it didn't disappoint. Thought I dare you to not cry when we have to say goodbye. It's that kind of movie, and totally acceptable. Let me say again: PIXAR IS AMAZING.

Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
     I love this movie. It stars Tom Hanks, which is awesome. And Meg Ryan! And.....yeah, just read the review.

While You Were Sleeping (1995)
     Sandra Bullock saves a guy from being run over by a train, is mistakenly identified as the guy's fiancee, and then falls in love with his brother Bill Pullman. (The rescued guy is in a coma.) It's a terrific romcom. Very quotable. Surprised I haven't written a review of it yet.

A League of Their Own (1992)
     One of the coolest factoids of WWII history(of which there are MANY) is that there was a short-lived women's professional baseball league founded by Phillip Wrigley, called the "All-American Girls Professional Baseball League", or AAGPBL. This was based from a terrific history called Girls of Summer, by Lois Brown. The movie is more personal, since it's a film, but it's still a really great history and sports movie. And it stars Geena Davis and Tom Hanks.

Top Gun (1986)
     This was a really disappointing movie, but it has wonderful music. And Tom Hanks is really fun to watch, so he can make almost anything tolerable. Val Kilmer's hairspray is unbelievably over-the-top even by my standards, which is saying something, as a fan of 80's/90's pop culture, etc. Also, you can overuse nicknames when referring to characters, I learned from this movie.

Mean Girls (2004)
     This was way too feminine to understand, or to think was funny. (Sort of like Legally Blonde, but without at least one snicker-worthy quote.) But it's pretty much one of THE movies of the 2000's, and I was in the middle of trying to write a story set during the 2004-05 school year; the characters would have definitely seen it. And now I can know what people mean when they reference it in conversation, so I can cross that off the "Mark Twain Classics" list. ("A classic is a book everyone which everyone talks about, which everyone wants to have read, but no one actually wishes to read it." That's the same reason I'm plowing through the Harry Potter series.)

The Mighty Ducks (1992)
     You either love the Ducks or you don't. This series sparked a love of hockey in many(including me), but great movies these aren't, exactly. But they are great stories. There is an astonishing amount of Mighty Ducks fanfic out there on the internet.

D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)
     The best of the trilogy, as the Ducks become Team USA at the Junior Goodwill Games in Los Angeles. Tons of quotable lines, plus the big game was the first on-ice action ever at the Anaheim Ducks' arena, Arrowhead Pond.

D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)
    This isn't the best of the trilogy, but it's good to see where the kids end up in high school. There's talk of a fourth being made, as the teammates come together at Coach Bombay's funeral, but it's up in the air whether it'll actually happen or not.

The Big Green (1995)
     One of the best (in my opinion) of the sports movies of the 90's. Writing a review isn't exactly necessary, since the plot is basically the same as any of the others, but a couple years ago I did jot down a bunch of obscure facts that are easy to overlook if you aren't paying close enough attention.

Frozen (2013)
     I had to break down and watch this at some point, just to know where all the songs came from. Nowhere near as good as Tangled. 

Space Jam (1995)
     Michael Jordan has to save the world from space aliens alongside the Looney Tunes. I still can't decide if that's completely awesome, a brilliant marketing gimmick, or proof that Hollywood execs will go for just about anything when it comes to story pitches. I think all three. But this is great. And it has an extremely excellent soundtrack, too. Read the review.

Drive Me Crazy (1999)
     This movie stars Melissa Joan Hart and some guy who looks really familiar; it follows the structure of Shakespearean comedies extremely well. And the soundtrack prominently features a Jars of Clay song called "Unforgetful You". The plot is two neighbors who have to pretend they're a couple in order to date the people they really want to be with, only to realize (reluctantly and inevitably) that they love each other. Certainly not a classic of cinema, but a really good late-nineties teen film. Although it is extremely weird to see Eric Camden from 7th Heaven as a complete failure of a father.

Million Dollar Baby (2004)
     Hilary Swank plays a waitress from Theodosia, Missouri, seeking to learn kickboxing from the grouchy old trainer played by Clint Eastwood and the friendly janitor played by Morgan Freeman. This is incredibly hard to watch at points, but it's a worthwhile watch. Definitely makes you think.

I Know That Voice! (2013)
     This is a fantastic documentary about voice acting. 

The Princess Bride (1987)
     One of the best movies ever. The end. True love. Revenge. Battles of Wits! Snarky quips galore!

Much Ado About Nothing (2013)
     Joss Whedon filmed this at his house, casting most of his friends to reenact Shakespeare's best comedy. IT'S AWESOME! Clark Gregg, Nathan Filion, Reed Diamond, Amy Acker...beautiful kitchen cabinets...black and white filming....seriously, it's just fantastic.

Back to the Future (1985)
     One of the greatest trilogies in movie history starts off in 1985 as Marty McFly is a slightly-more-motivated version of Bill or Ted. Things get weird really quickly when you mess with time.

Back to the Future Part II (1989)
     We're sent back - again- to 1955 Hill Valley, and also an apocalyptic alternate 1985, and the future of 2015. October was a fun month, as everyone was celebrating the future finally being here.

Back to the Future Part III (1990)
     One final adventure for Doc and Marty, this time to the Old West of 1885, as that period was starting to wind down. But remember, "Your future hasn't been written yet! No one's has!"

Major League (1989)
     Charlie Sheen, Tom Beringer and Wesley Snipes have to keep the Cleveland Indians from moving to Miami in the late eighties. Lots of language, but it's realistic that way. Bob Uecker basically plays himself, which is hilarious.

Henry V (1989)
     This was for school, Shakespeare, to be exact. Lots of people fought each other with really thick accents, and other than that I couldn't tell much of what was going on.

Macbeth (1971)
     Another watched-for-school movie. This was extremely graphic. And directed by Roman Polanski, who would direct Chinatown five years later.

Back in Time (2015)
     This documentary is about the legacy of the Back to the Future series. It was fine, but not all that interesting or memorable.

Clueless (1995)
     Also on the "Mark Twain Classics" list, this was kind of entertaining like Drive Me Crazy. And all the great 90's slang sounded totally normal, since I tagged along with whatever Mom and Dad the youth pastors were doing in the late 90's.

Into the Woods (1991)
     This was a filmed version of the stage play. That was odd. But it's a pretty good play. Certainly makes you think. And the songs get all stuck in your head....

Winter Break

     On winter break now, so that's kind of nice, though strange; not having homework for a bit. So I can catch up a little on reading and Netflix, which is good. I got an A in Poetry Writing and somehow made an A in Shakespeare, which I was pretty happy with. Finished this close to A's in Lit Traditions and American Lit, the averages were 88% and 89%, which is what I deserved. And I haven't built up enough credit to ask Dr. Dial-Driver or Dr. Mackie to push it up to "A" range. So it was like a 3.5 GPA this semester, and I think my total GPA over 99 hours is 3.82.

     The bowl season started this weekend, so since it was on TV I watched a bunch of Mormons beat each other up on Saturday afternoon, Utah beat BYU 35-28 in the Las Vegas Bowl. Amy was more fun to watch than the game, she was cheering so enthusiastically. I spent the morning teaching Trevor and Amy how to play Chinese Checkers.

     Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens opened this weekend, which basically everyone in America saw. We rewatched Age of Ultron on Thursday night and Ant-Man on Friday night. And finishing up Phineas and Ferb. 

     The youth group's annual skating trip is this afternoon, Courtney and Caleb are pretty excited about that. He and Hope Wilson have been arguing fiercely for the last several weeks over whether Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Simmons is a cool character or not, which is pretty entertaining to watch.
     The GBC Christmas special was last night; it was good to sing carols with other people. Other than that, I sort of wondered what I was doing there. It was a weird feeling. The new Ferguson baby, Ellie, is adorable, though. The parking lot was two-thirds full yesterday morning, and I thought, "Wow, there's a lot of people here today."

     American Idol begins its final season in a couple weeks.

     Found The Maze Runner, by James Dashner, at the Okmulgee library, which Ashland has been wanting me to read whenever I came across it. I enjoyed it, especially the use of telepathy between two of the main characters. Suspense builds well throughout the pages. It ends on a crazy cliffhanger; but it's the beginning of a trilogy, so that makes sense. Plus it was great to be back in Okmulgee's library, since I've been going there since I was six. Also read Michael Crichton's Prey, which Mrs. Noland recommended last summer.

     Amanda said that Maya's gonna be a big sister by next summer, so I'm gonna get to be Uncle Wesley again.

     We're probably going to Tahlequah later this week to see Grandpa and Robbie, and Dayla's family, so hopefully that will go okay.

Short Stories of 2015

     Like the "Books of 2015" list, a recap, as best I can remember, of every short story I read through over the past year. Most of these were for school.

"The Last Leaf", by O. Henry.
     A young woman is near to death in her small Greenwich village apartment. A grouchy neighbor worries about her. One of my favorite short stories of all time.

"The Gift of the Magi", by O. Henry
     Possibly the greatest short story ever written, of newlyweds' Jim and Della Young's efforts to buy the other the grandest Christmas gift possible.

"The Green Door," by O. Henry
     This is strange. But it's about the spirit of adventure; so of course it would be out of the ordinary. It's really good; written in a mix of second- and third-person narration. Most of the things that we encounter in life, like Rudolf Steiner in this story, come about because we leaped at an opportunity. Fortune may not always favor the brave, but the odds are better that those courageous ones will find happiness.

"A Retrieved Reformation", by O. Henry
     One of his best stories, about the country's most renowned safecracker. Might have been based on a guy he knew during his time in prison.

"Roads of Destiny", by O. Henry.
     Examines how a poetic-minded shepherd's life might have gone, depending on which road he takes at a crossing while on a journey. Really interesting from the "What if THIS detail were changed?" department of storytelling.

"The Ransom of Red Chief", by O. Henry.
     A kidnapping does not go at all as planned....hilarity ensues.

"Sound and Fury", by O. Henry.
     Composed entirely of dialogue, in a manner resembling a sketch; a famous novelist is dictating his latest work for a magazine serial to his secretary, who keeps misunderstanding and interrupting him. It's pretty hysterical.

"The Handbook of Hymen", by O. Henry.
     A miner woos the richest lady in town thanks to a handbook of unreliable information and useless trivia on basically every subject under the sun.

"The Halberdier of the Little Rheinschloss", by O. Henry.
     A tale of how far a young man will go to earn the hand of the girl he loves.

"The Defeat of the City", by O. Henry.
     A country rustic travels to the big city and becomes a famous lawyer, marrying into one of the elite families; and this is the story of him and his wife going back to the farm for a visit.

"Friends in San Rosario", by O. Henry.
     A Texas banker stalls the federal examiner with the help of a friend.

"One Dollar's Worth", by O. Henry.
     Counterfeit money leads to shootouts in Brownsville, Texas.

"A Ramble in Aphasia", by O. Henry.
     A man from Denver loses his memory and attends a dentist's conference.

"The Poet and the Peasant", by O. Henry.
     Blind luck guides what editors accept; and the city can't tolerate some people.

"The Robe of Peace", by O. Henry.
     The high-society circle is dumbfounded when one of their number disappears to become a monk.

"The Voice of the City", by O. Henry
     A scholar tries to academically define what the voice of New York is saying. I don't really understand it.

"One Thousand Dollars", by O. Henry.
     A young man tries to figure out how to spend the inheritance from his tight-fisted father.

"The Trimmed Lamp", by O. Henry
     The tale of two young women toiling away in the big city; and the abandonment of pleasures which are there for fleeting amusements of a higher quality and price.

"A Madison Square Arabian Night", by O. Henry.
     A bored rich man decides to invite a homeless man for a dinner party; and the man turns out to be a too-gifted painter, capable in his portraits of bringing out the inner qualities people would prefer to keep hidden.

"The Rubaiyat of a Scottish Highball", by O. Henry
     A man decides to give up drinking; only to have his wife disapprove of this plan.

"The Buyer From Cactus City", by O. Henry.
     The junior partner of a West Texas department store goes to New York to replenish the year's stock and winds up getting engaged in the process.

"Badge of Policeman O'Roon", by O. Henry
     A millionaire takes the place of a down-on-his-luck policeman friend for the day.

"The Tale of a Tainted Tenner", by O. Henry
     Narrated by a ten-dollar bill; he's explaining his life story and journeys undertaken.

"The Piamenta Pancakes", by O. Henry
     The feud between cattlemen and sheepherders heads to the kitchen in this tale of suitors angling for the hand of the lady of the neighboring ranch.

The Reformation of Calliope", by O. Henry
     The terror of the small town of Quicksand must pretend to be the Marshal when the Marshal's mother comes to visit.

"Caught", by O. Henry
     A detective flirts with his prey in this thriller set in a hotel in South America.

"After Twenty Years", by O. Henry
     A man keeps a promise he made to wait for a friend at a restaurant that no longer exists to reunite with a friend he hasn't seen in twenty years. It's one of Henry's best.

"The Man Upstairs", by P.G. Wodehouse
     A tale of neighbors all struggling in their shared pursuit of the Creation of Art; it's terrific. And there are cats. And music. And loads of snarky banter.

"The Worst Christmas Story", by Christopher Morley
     A very Henry-ish/Wodehouse-like tone here; it's a great story firmly grounded in realistic details with an ending that is both completely obvious and totally surprising.

"Hills Like White Elephants", by Ernest Hemingway
    Nearly perfect in subtlety, and his journalistic style is put to brilliant use here.

"In Memory of L.H.W.", by Dorothy Canfield Fisher
     The lightly-fictionalized life story of a good-hearted but not-quite-all-there farmer in the community where Fisher grew up. It's a terrific read.

"The Enchanted Bluff", by Willa Cather
     The narrator and a bunch of friends relate tales they've heard from relatives and dream elaborate future adventures that don't quite end up happening. One of my favorite short stories of all time.

"The Hiltons' Holiday", by Sarah Orne Jewett
     This is another of my all-time favorites. A farmer takes the day off to go into town with his daughters.

"Retired", by Cynthia Rylant
     An elderly woman is lonely, so she adopts an elderly collie, and life gets much better for both of them. Really great story. (Reprinted here last December.)

"Philomel Cottage", by Agatha Christie
     Her best short story of all time. Very tense and suspenseful.

"The Steadfast Tin Soldier", by Hans Christian Andersen
      Very sad. Totally necessary to read at least once, though.

"The Little Match Girl", by Hans Christian Andersen
      This is so tragic, but so beautifully written.

"The Snow Queen", by Hans Christian Andersen
     It's what inspired (very loosely, anyway) Frozen; so....there's that...

"The Little Mermaid", by Hans Christian Andersen.
     The loose adaptation of the Disney musical is a lot more cheerful and less scary.

"How to Become a Writer", by Lorrie Moore
     I enjoyed this. It's interesting to read about stuff you're interested in. It's also interesting to read about other people working. Also, it's written in second-person. And it's written in the style of recipe; which is a cool spin. Light on plot, more a character study.

"The Story of an Hour", by Kate Chopin
      This is an odd one. And I don't really care much for Chopin's writing; she's angry and selfish. Which is understandable when you look at her life as a single mother in the 1890's, but still....

"An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge", by Ambrose Bierce
     A southern gentleman is hanged off a lonesome bridge in northern Alabama during the Civil War. It's a pretty good story.

"The Real Thing", by Henry James
     James' style kind of reminds you of O. Henry or P.G. Wodehouse, which is good. This story is about a struggling artist forced to illustrate dreadful dime novels, and an aristocratic couple that he meets. Very subtle, and very long.

"A White Heron", by Sarah Orne Jewett
     A lonely nine-year-old girl's life in rural New England is interrupted by a hunter and puppy love. Not quite as good as "The Hilton's Holiday", but compared to most of the things we read in American Lit, this was a good read.

"The Storm", by Kate Chopin
      There's a tornado that tears through a Louisiana town, and a woman hooks up with her ex-boyfriend. Typical Chopin = A mess.

"The Yellow Wall-Paper", by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
     An autobiographical character study of a deeply depressed woman. Doesn't make much sense.

"The Revolt of Mother", by Mary E. Wilkins Freeman
     A farmer's wife is sick of never getting to fix up the house all proper like she wishes to, and so moves into the new barn in protest. That's basically it.

"Roman Fever", by Edith Wharton
     Two middle-aged women reminisce of their lives and the love affairs of their youth. This is a wonderful story, and it would have made an excellent 1950's movie with Cary Grant playing the husband of one of the women.

"Babylon Revisited", by F. Scott Fitzgerald
     A former alcoholic expatriate tries to piece his life back together during the Great Depression after his wife dies. Sort of what you'd get if you asked for a sequel to The Great Gatsby and Ernest Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. Definitely worth reading.

"The Snows of Kilimanjaro", by Ernest Hemingway
     It's my opinion that this was Hemingway predicting his own death, which really was slow and painful and tortuous and alone. Odd story, but worth reading.

"The Law of Life", by Jack London.
     An elderly Eskimo slowly freezes to death in the woods; since he is of no more use to the tribe. This is extremely depressing.

"Barn Burning", by William Faulker
     A sharecropper's son endures his terrible family, and then determines that he must get away from them if he wants to make something of his life.

"The Man Who was Almost a Man", by Richard Wright
     An irresponsible black teenager buys a gun against his mother's wishes, shoots his boss's mule, and then runs away from home.

"Good Country People", by Flannery O'Connor
     This story is impossible to describe, but it'll leave you chewing over it for a while.

"I Stand Here Ironing", by Tillie Olsen
     A middle-aged black woman ponders how she raised her oldest daughter, who is now a young adult on her own. She was a pretty terrible mother, but she recognizes that. It's a pretty good story.

"Everyday Use", by Alice Walker
     A elderly black farm woman and her daughter are expecting a visit from the citified sister with strange notions and no respect for history or family. One of the only things Walker wrote that is worth reading.

"Two Kinds", by Amy Tan
     An Asian woman reflects on the conflicts she had with her Chinese immigrant mother; who pushed her excessively hard into becoming a genius. Resentment follows.

"This is What It Means to Say Phoenix, Arizona", by Sherman Alexie
     The author adapted this story into the script of the movie Smoke Signals; the movie was better. Two Coeur d'Alene Indians from Idaho travel to the Phoenix area after the estranged father of one of them has a heart attack.

"Fleur", by Louise Erdich
     This is weird and hard to follow, but the author knows how to write a sentence. In the early 1920's along the Minnesota/North Dakota border, a Chippewa woman works in a butcher shop; is raped, bad things that happen to people she crosses paths with tend to make the town think she's a witch; there's a big tornado and she lives the rest of her life left alone by the lake with her daughter.

"Sexy", by Jhumpa Lahiri
     A shallow, insecure young woman is having an affair with a married guy, until she babysits the weirdest kid ever, who tells her that affairs are dangerous and stupid. Set in Boston, heavily influenced by India Indian culture. Those two facts make it a strange tale. But it did confirm my vague definition of what the word "sexy" means: "What you say when you act like you love someone you don't know." So...why would you do that?

"The Manuscript in the Bottle", by Edgar Allan Poe
     A man survives a shipwreck, is picked up by this ghost ship, and then dies when that ship goes down in a swirling vortex.

"The Masque of the Red Death", by Edgar Allan Poe
     An arrogant prince tries to cheat Death by hiding in a weird, uniquely designed and decorated bunker/castle with a thousand of his closest friends(plus servants, etc); but the plague finds them anyway.

"The Pit and the Pendulum", by Edgar Allan Poe,
     Someone is being tortured very graphically. At the last minute he's saved by a rescue during the Spanish Inquisition. Count Rugen is still more sadistic with his Machine.

"The Fall of the House of Usher", by Edgar Allan Poe
     The narrator visits a friend he hasn't seen in years; who turns out to be insane, the friend's twin sister dies, which throws him over the edge; but then it turns out, as Andy Griffith would say, that the sister "wasn't actually daid, an' she come back and her twin, well, he expired."  

"The Black Cat", by Edgar Allan Poe
     An alcoholic murders cats. And also his wife. He's caught in the end; because as Agatha Christie could tell us, all murderers give themselves away.  (As a class we were much more appalled by his mutilating the cats before killing them than for smashing his wife's head in with an ax...this is why 8:30 a.m. classes are a bad idea.)

"The Woman Who Came In at Six O'Clock", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
     A bartender has a conversation with a hooker he has a crush on. That's literally all that happens here. Also, she's either planning to murder someone or commit suicide; it's a little unclear which.

"Nabo: The Man Who Made the Angels Wait", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
     A musically-gifted farm boy is kicked in the head by a horse, and he loses most brain function. And his employers forget he exists in their attic for fourteen years. Also there's this unnamed mentally-handicapped girl who kind of shares his pain.

"A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
     An elderly angel lives in a poor couple's chicken coop. A circus immediately forms around him.

"The Sea of Lost Time", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
     Lots of weird things happen. There are lots of strange smells. Maybe the smell kills people? Nothing in this makes any sense.

"The Handsomest Drowned Man In the World", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
     How's that for a title? Seriously, though, this gigantic man washes up on the beach of this little town, and the town adopts the corpse, imagining him to be a hero. I hate magical realism.

"Death Constant Beyond Love", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
     A corrupt politician is dying of cancer and has an affair with the daughter of a longtime acquaintance. At least this one could be followed.

"The Calorie Man", by Paolo Bacigalupi
      One man tries unsuccessfully to fight back against the GMO companies that rule the world in this all-too-plauisble dystopian world.

"Pump Six", by Paolo Bacigalupi
     This one is even more depressing than above, but ends with a small ray of hope suggesting that books may provide the answers to societal problems.

"How the Whale Got His Throat", by Rudyard Kipling
     One of his Just So Stories, this one explaining how the whale stopped being a ferocious shark-like creature and only eats little tiny things now.

"How the Camel Got His Hump", by Rudyard Kipling
     Pretty self-explanatory; but be willing to work!

"How the Rhinoceros Lost His Skin", by Rudyard Kipling
     Explains why rhinos are dangerous and grouchy.

"How the Leopard Got His Spots", by Rudyard Kipling
     Pretty self-explanatory title.

Books of 2015

     I've tried to keep record of some/most of the books I've read over this past year, because that's interesting to look back at. The "for-school" reading is for either The Study of the Novel, Shakespeare, American Lit or Literary Traditions at RSU. There are likely lots of others I missed; but these following are the books I know that I read cover-to-cover this year. They'll be arranged as chronologically as possible within their sections.

NOVELS (AND PLAYS) READ FOR SCHOOL -
Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen
     I haven't read much of Austen yet, but this is my favorite of hers. Everyone else in the class loathed it; but I felt right at home in the early-1800's setting and writing style. Austen was snarky and intelligent, and while she didn't care much for all of society's conventions, she recognized that they were there for a reason.

The Awakening, by Kate Chopin
      Kate Chopin was a deeply unhappy single mother in the 1890's with a meager amount of talent and a heck of a lot of pent-up frustration and anger at the world in general. She would occasionally write a nice phrase or sentence by accident, only to realize what she did and erase it with two dreadful sentences to close the paragraph. She would often go on long abstract tangents. Her writing is very vulgar; used in the original Latin sense of commonness. There is nothing extraordinary about it. 
     About the plot of this book....I really don't care about a married woman having an affair and committing suicide when the man she wants won't agree to run away with her. It's just an extremely painful book to slog through, reading from a Christian perspective as Edna Pontellier's downward spiral continues with nothing to stop or slow it down. I was yelling and pleading with her on every page. Also, it was set in Louisiana, and I don't know French. That didn't help much, either.

A Portrait of an Artist as a Young Man, by James Joyce
     ...HELP!!!!!! Joyce takes the stream-of-consciousness style and accelerates it radically; and Stephen Dedalus is kind of a stand-in for Joyce himself, tracking his life up until he finishes the book. It's rather self-aggrandizing and such a headache to read. It also prominently features a ton of references to then-current Irish political affairs, with no explanation. 

The Great Gatsby, by F. Scott Fitzgerald
     This is a wonderful book, in my opinion. Others hate it; there's not much in-between. It is realistic? Very much so; it captures high-end Roaring Twenties life extremely well. Is it sad and rather depressing? Yeah, at times. But it illustrates really well Christ's point in Mark 8:36, "What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?" 
     Nick Carroway is a terrific narrator, but Daisy Buchanan...I've never been quite sure what I think of her. She's a character, for sure. And she's selfish. And that hurts Nick so much, and us along with him... 

The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway
     The amount of alcohol consumed in this book is simply staggering. Also, Hemingway's journalistic style forces the reader to really search between the lines a lot. Jake Barnes is another fantastic narrator; and Americans in Europe gives a different look at the Roaring Twenties than we usually think of(that's illustrated well in Gatsby).

The Stranger, by Albert Camus
     There is absolutely nothing of value to be found anywhere in this book. (And when I say that....) The plot follows an extremely apathetic man named Meursault in North Africa somewhere who commits a murder for no reason and then languishes in prison. 

Go Tell It On the Mountain, by James Baldwin
     Writers write, and readers read, connecting wherever they can. Sometimes that works better than others. I just couldn't connect to anything in this book, really. It was too urban(Depression-era New York City), and too black(lots of cultural history and bonds that white people don't have), and too Pentecostal. And the protagonist is likely gay, which is strike four. As a character study, it does well, vividly tracing the hurts of three generations, but there really isn't much plot at all. The climax is a likely-false spiritual experience-"conversion" which is even more abstract than Kate Chopin. 

Sula, by Toni Morrison
     This is....a really strange, weird, and violent book. There some interesting passages about the dynamics of small-town communities when facing trouble, but I certainly wouldn't have read it if I didn't have to.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being, by Milan Kundera
     You don't see many novels set in Soviet-occupied countries. The Russians invade Czechoslovakia in the late sixties, and this book follows how a handful of loosely-interconnected people deal with that. It's pretty hard to read, honestly, because it's so bleak. But it's an interesting look at how the Soviet mind worked. And there are a few good passages about the concept of loyalty to country and the love of dogs. And the narrator uses an unusual technique of intruding into the tale to remind us that we're reading a book. 

Blankets, by Craig Thompson
     Graphic novels take a very specialized skillset. They're hard to read if you're not used to them, though. This is somewhat like Portrait in that it's a fictionalized autobiography, and like Chopin's Edna and Joyce's Stephen, Craig Thompson rejects the church explicitly, believing that it is incompatible with artistic freedom and expression. It's very depressing and I pretty much hated it.

The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins
     I just don't really care much for young-adult fiction. They tend to all run together; first-person POV in a dystopian bleak world without any trace of hope, told by an arrogant and strong-willed female. The ideas behind this series were good; trying to modernize the Roman gladiatorial games and all, but most readers are too dumb, or too ignorant, of history for it to mean anything. I've got tears in my eyes just writing that, but it's true. 
     Anyway, I don't like Katniss, the book stretches on far too long, the idea of the Hunger Games is awful and sadistic, and the sappiness of the "I don't like either Gale or Peeta...but if I did, which one would it be?" element is way over-the-top and sickening. 
     Mockingjay is my favorite of the three, mainly because war leaves all unnecessary details out of the way, the role of the media during war is emphasized, and nearly everyone dies at the end because Collins was sick of dealing with the characters. 
  
The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak
     This was set during WWII, so that got my interest. The movie sounded great when it came out; and so for a "choose a novel within the last fifteen years" assignment came up, I considered this as an option. However, with about four days to read and then write an essay, it was simply far too large for that project. (It runs 550-ish pages.) But I'm glad I read it, and at some point I'm probably going to run through it again.
     It's narrated by Death; which is weird. But it's about normal Germans during the war, who take in an orphan girl and then hide a young Jewish man. Lots about the power of books and reading that is great. But this is an extremely depressing read; like if you took the faith out of The Hiding Place. The non-chronological timeline was a bit hard to follow at times.

Marvels, by Kurt Busiek and Alex Ross
     For that same assignment that I read The Hunger Games and The Book Thief, I also read a collection of an early-90's Marvel Comics miniseries called Marvels, retelling the history of superheroes from the perspective of a very ordinary freelance photographer. That's a really cool way to tell a story. And also, it deals with what heroism actually is, our resistance to change, and our fragility as created creatures. 
     Despite being a graphic novel, it wasn't too hard to read. I'd recommend y'all take a look at it if you can. 

Oedipus Rex, by Sophocles
     One of the world's foremost tragedies, of the "trying to prevent awful fate brings it about" variety. 

A Midsummer Night's Dream, by William Shakespeare
     Lots of good quotes in this comedy; and a fairly quick read, for being Shakespeare.

The Taming of the Shrew, by William Shakespeare
     This was hard to follow. It's a good societal study of the role of women in the late 1500s, but that doesn't necessarily translate into a good play...plus, nearly everyone is pretending to be someone else, so most of the time you have no idea who's actually in the scene.

Medea, by Euripides
    ...Wow. Talking it over in the hallway with a couple classmates, one of them said, "I really wanted to like it. And I almost did - just, it was so horrible!" I totally agree with that statement.

As You Like It, by William Shakespeare
     Not very much plot in this one, but a lot of really good quotes, including the "All the world's a stage" speech. 

Much Ado About Nothing, by William Shakespeare
     This was actually assigned for two courses in back-to-back weeks. So I got a double helping of this one. Which is good, because it's my favorite of his. (The Joss Whedon adaption is really amazing, too.) Benedick and Beatrice are awesome.

Their Eyes Were Watching God, by Zora Neale Hurstson
     A feministic tale of a self-centered black woman's life in the early 1920's. (Nothing much good happens to her.) The dialect is well-captured, but I certainly wouldn't have read it on my own.

Henry IV, Part One, by William Shakespeare
     One of his histories; there's a civil war, and Prince Hal is a burglar who hangs out in the taverns with the common people.

Henry V, by William Shakespeare
     Prince Hal is King of England now; they fight over in France, lots of French people die. Another of those that were dimly remembered from reading through the scripts with the Nolands.

Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare
     "He was a boy/She was a girl/Can I make it any more obvious?" We all know this story's plot. And I love that opening. (It's from Avril Lavigne's song "Skater Boy".) It's rather a drag to slog through, and possibly Shakespeare's dirtiest writing, which is saying something.

Parable of the Sower, by Octavia E. Butler
     No. Just "No." Because it's another YA book that's set in a dystopian future about a group of people traveling somewhere; told by an irritating first-person female narrator. And in this case, she also starts a cult. Another on the short list of "novels with absolutely zero admirable qualities", as I called it on Facebook. 

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, by William Shakespeare
     The classic tale of revenge. It doesn't end well for anyone. But there are some nice quotes scattered throughout. 

So Long a Letter, by Mariama Ba
     A widow in an African country called Senegal complains about her life, society and men in a letter to a friend. Contains far more information about Muslim funerals than anybody really cares to know, but there are some good passages about education.

Othello, by William Shakespeare 
     Iago is a terrific villain. Other than that, this was hard to read. 

The Color Purple, by Alice Walker
     A long and winding account of an extended black family somewhere in the Deep South in the early 1900s. Everyone is pretty dysfunctional, and the narrator is a lesbian.

Daytripper, by Fabio Moon and Gabriel Ba
     This is a graphic novel written by Brazilian twins, following the protagonist's life in nonchronological order, emphasizing that any day he could wind up dead. It's very strange. 

Macbeth, by William Shakespeare
     Probably my favorite of his tragedies. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe it's the self-doubting aspect. 

The Ocean at the End of the Lane, by Neil Gaiman
     A book-loving seven-year-old English boy in the mid 1960s gets involved in a series of very strange events when he comes under the wings of his neighbors, three witches running a diary farm. There are no rules in fantasy, which is a big reason I don't get these kinds of stories. But this one grows on you.

Trifles, by Susan Glaspell
     A short murder-mystery play set in an early 1900s Nebraska farmhouse in the dead of winter. Pretty good, though obscure, script.  

A Long Day's Journey Into Night, by Eugene O'Neill
      Very autobiographical(and very long) play set entirely within about sixteen hours in the living room of a family of semi-functioning alcoholics and a drug addict in 1912. Depressing. I now get the reference Tony Stark makes to it in Age of Ultron, which is about the only upside. Oceans of stage directions are included in the script, making for an even longer read.

The Tempest, by William Shakespeare
     This is just strange and hard to define, but I really enjoyed it. And I think it was probably where a lot of the plot for The Little Mermaid came from(aside from Hans Christian Andersen's story, of course). 

The Strange Library, by Haruki Murakami
     This book's design is a nightmare. If you have to puzzle out for five minutes just to figure out how to open it, that doesn't bode well. And then with the closest equivalent being Alice in Wonderland in terms of story....yeesh. A boy is kidnapped by a cannibalistic librarian and jailed for a month, with his only companions being a man wearing the skin of a sheep and a possibly-invisible mute girl. Weird things happen.

A Streetcar Named Desire, by Tennessee Williams
     Bruce Banner says it best. Where to begin....the set sounds like a nightmare to build, there's lots of piano music for no reason in the stage directions, and the characters are all detestable. A intolerable lady moves in for the summer with her sister and brother-in-law; the neighbors are just as bad as they are, and it ends with a rape. And then everyone is OKAY WITH IT?!!!

Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck
     I hate Steinbeck possibly even more than Dickens. Nothing much happens until a handicapped guy accidentally kills someone, and then he gets shot at the end.

FICTION -
Hepatica Hawks, by Rachel Field
     One of those 1930's moral coming-of-age stories along the lines of Lucy Maud Montgomery or someone like that; except this one follows a traveling freakshow, which adds a really interesting element. This book will leave you thinking for a while after reading it.

Batter Up!, by Nate Aaseng
     A middle-schooler learns about prayer during a rough baseball season.

Tournament Upstart, by Thomas J. Dygard
     This book is basically Hoosiers, except the time covered is a single weekend, the setting is the Arkansas state tournament, and it was published a handful of years before the movie came out.

The Princess Bride, by William Goldman
     As the narrator's dad describes it in the introduction, this novel has "True love. Revenge. Adventure. Pirates. Good men. Bad men. Beatifulest ladies. Sword fights. Magic." READ THIS BOOK IMMEDIATELY.

To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
     One of my All-Time Favorite First-Person Narratives Ever Written. This is such a wonderful book, it's hard to describe. Something about Scout's narration style, plus the narrative distance, and then Atticus, Jem, Dill and Miss Maudie...So much to chew over!

The Hundred and One Dalmatians, by Dodie Smith.
     This is what the animated Disney movie was based on, and then the 1996 live-action remake, and to a larger extent, the late-90's Saturday morning cartoon series. The book is by far the best of all those, followed by the cartoon series.

Great Stories of O. Henry
     A collection of some of the best of William Sydney Porter. Terrific.

O. Henry's Short Stories
     Another collection of wonderful tales.

The Cemetery Club, by Blanche Manos and Barbara Burgess
     Blanche was my grandma's best friend, so in a way, it was like spending some time with Mimi again, reading this book. I wouldn't have ever come close to reading it if Blanche hadn't written it, but it was nice for a cozy mystery written by an old lady who's taught school for most of her life.

Fahrenheit 451, by Ray Bradbury
     I dislike sci-fi, especially dystopian sci-fi, almost as much as YA. But I loved this book. Not because it was all that good by itself; I mean, it was a sci-fi book set in a dystopian world. No; more because the author loves books and reading, and knows full well how powerful storytelling can be, and the moral of the story is to keep that love of reading alive; because if we don't, then all these horrible consequences will follow. The scary thing is, he was right on a lot of that. I once read a quote of his(before reading this book) that said the only people who are allowed to write sci-fi are the crazy ones(Star Wars novels and fanfic in general) and the people who are trying to save humanity from itself.

Peril at End House, by Agatha Christie
     This one is not one of her best. Of the late fifties/early sixties "I'm cranking something out for the publishers because they're demanding me to" variety.

Peace Like a River, by Leif Enger
     This was a very strange novel, but worth reading, and it was good. It's set in North Dakota, of all places, in the winter of 1962-63, as a single father and his two younger children search in an Airstream trailer for the oldest son, on the run from the authorities after accidentally murdering someone.

Jane of Lantern Hill, by Lucy Maud Montgomery
     This was one of her last books, and you can tell. It's fairly boring, except for several passages about the importance of stories(both secular and in the Bible), and the magic and secrets of old houses.

Jurassic Park, by Michael Crichton
     This was a great book. I might actually buy it. The movie was much scarier, but the book goes into a lot more detail, like long conversations on the collapse of science and the failures of the university system. And on page 80, Dr. Ian Malcolm has a great quote: "Isn't it amazing? In the information society, expected to banish paper, but what we actually banished was thought." (See Bradbury's paraphrased quote above.)

Gone With the Wind, by Margaret Mitchell
     First, this book is 1,039 pages. Second, it's very hard to read at times, because of how hard the war is and everything. And Scarlett makes lots of decisions with no good sides. But I enjoyed it a lot, and will definitely reread it at some point.

The Ordinary Princess, by M.M. Kaye
     This is a completely straighfoward, unironical, fairy tale. A fairy tale that is about a princess who is extremely ordinary. And it's amazing.

Once On a Time, by A.A. Milne
   The author said of this story, "You will either like this book, or you won't. It's that kind of book." It deals mainly with how easy it is to deceive people to keep society running smoothly, so that's different than most fairy tales.

Death in Berlin, by M.M. Kaye
     Not quite Agatha Christie, but pretty close. She was surrounded by military men all her life(her grandpa, dad, brothers and husband), so she traveled a lot, so it's fitting that this novel is set among military men who move a lot. It's also set in 1952, so the war is still very, very fresh in everyone's mind.

Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley
     This was unpleasant. But I was glad I read it. It's a lot like George Orwell's 1984 that way. And like Fahrenheit 451, it presents an alarmingly accelerated version of where our society could end up. Borrowed this from the DeSpains.

The Screwtape Letters, by C.S. Lewis
     If Brave New World made me uncomfortable because of what's going on in society, rereading Screwtape reminded me all too well that I'm a sinful human.

The Secret Adversary, by Agatha Christie
     Tommy and Tuppence make a great team. Plus it's just a really fun read.  Young twentysomethings just back from a war get involved by accident with international espionage.

Grave Shift, by Blanche Manos and Barbara Burgess
     The second of Blanche's cozy mysteries; even harder to take seriously.

Best Left Buried, by Blanche Manos and Barbara Burgess
     These characters drink coffee as much as Hemingway's drink alcohol....it's crazy. Also, there was no way I could take this one very seriously. But sometimes those are nice.

Chasing the Wind, by Robert Elmer
     This is the fifth of an eight-book series about the adventures of 12-year-old Danish twins and their best friend during/just after WWII. In this one, they get kidnapped by a rogue Nazi submarine hauling lost treasure to Brazil. It was reread as research for a project me and my writing partner Ashland were working on.

Much Ado About Nothing, by William Shakespeare
     I think this is my favorite of his plays; because of the insults slung between characters, especially Benedick and Beatrice. Shakespeare's still rather hard to understand sometimes, though. (Note: After studying about a third of his plays the next semester, it gets easier.)

Go Set a Watchman, by Harper Lee
     This was the parent of Mockingbird; and it shows. The third-person narration is clunky and characters aren't as well developed, but there are flashes of greatness which led to her completely overhauling the story as Mockingbird, which flew to dizzying heights of success. It was pretty good, but not great. There was a lot of controversy about whether it ought to be published or not, which I haven't quite made up my mind about.

N or M?, by Agatha Christie
     Another fantastic Tommy and Tuppence adventure, set during WWII, so that makes it even more fun.

Christy, by Catherine Marshall
     The author fictionalized her mother's first year as a missionary schoolteacher in the hills of Eastern Tennessee. It drags on a bit, and I disliked the ending, but overall it was a good story. Felt like a cross between Lucy Maud Montgomery and Harold Bell Wright(Shepherd of the Hills) stylistically, which was good.

The Christmas Puppy, by Roberta Grobel Inrater, illustrated by Bruce McNally
     The tale of a mischief-loving tan-and-white puppy named Tina, and the joy she brings to her family and a homeless guy named Sam. Terrific, quick, laugh-inducing and heartbreaking read.

The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes, by Bill Watterson
     Transmogrifiers! Hopeless attempts at playing baseball! Calvin pretending to be an elephant! Philosophizing while riding a death-wagon down a steep murderous hill! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

The Essential Calvin and Hobbes, by Bill Watterson
     More transmogrifying! Dinosaurs! The beginnings of Calvinball! Expressions of surprise! Susie Derkins!

Julie, by Catherine Marshall
     Yeccch! Overly flowery, none of the characters feel honest, so it's impossible to care about anyone. This book was written with A Moral In Mind - that the church ought to do more to serve the needs of less-fortunate people. Also, she was an old lady the time she wrote this, and so she crammed her teenage biography into the story. And then she died, and her husband/editor didn't want to change too much about it. Would've been better if he had.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, by J.K. Rowling
     After two weeks as an English major, I realized something: There was at least one Harry Potter reference in class every day. Figured I ought to reread the first one, if not go through the whole thing, so I'd have some idea of the references. Still didn't like it.

Shane, by Jack Schaefer
     Easily the best Western I've ever read, on the short list of my favorite first-person narratives.

The Lost World, by Michael Crichton
     More dinosaurs! More tension! A couple more interesting passages about today's society to think about! Worth reading, though nowhere near as good as the original.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, by J.K. Rowling
     This book is really self-conscious about being a sequel. And Rowling's style is clunky, and I guessed most of the major plot points miles ahead of the characters. (I like Hermione, though.) But she does have a good way of depicting things in snappy ways. ("Mrs. So-and-So looked exactly like an underfed vulture.").

Come Rain or Come Shine, by Jan Karon
     This fourteenth Mitford book deals with the stress and mayhem of planning a wedding....this time of Dooley and Lace. Mitford is a wonderful place to visit.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, by J.K. Rowling
     More of the same, this time with time travel involved. Yawn. (Hermione is still the best character.)

The Outsiders, by S.E. Hinton
     This was written by a Tulsa teenager in the mid-sixties. It's set in Tulsa, about social-class warfare. And then in the early eighties was made into a movie starring Rob Lowe, Emilio Estevez and Tom Cruise. I liked it, and need to see the movie now.

Where the Red Fern Grows, by Wilson Rawls
     Possibly the saddest book ever written. But one of the most wonderful first-person narratives ever written. Because love is like that. And dogs are special. Set in/outside Tahlequah, which earns MAJOR bonus points.

The Christmas Doll, by Elvira Woodruff
     Two orphan girls try to stay alive on the cold streets of Victorian London. It's a book about hope, family, and soldiering on to get through the day. From a technical standpoint probably not the greatest thing ever written, but it is a really good book.

Star Wars: Dark Lord: The Rise of Darth Vader, by James Luceno
     The title is pretty self-explanatory...the story picks up right after Revenge of the Sith ends, in the earliest days of the Empire.

The Shakespeare Stealer, by Gary Blackwood
     A young orphan named Widge is tasked with stealing the script of Hamlet, only to discover the power and joy that comes with acting.

Shakespeare's Scribe, by Gary Blackwood
     Widge is now an apprentice with the Lord Chamberlain's Men; and after Mr. Shakespeare breaks his hand, he helps with writing the new play All's Well That Ends Well. More good passages on acting and that gray area between truth, falsehood and fiction.
    
Prey, by Michael Crichton
     Nanotech robot insects terrorize a secret compound in the Nevada desert.

The Maze Runner, by James Dashner
     Ashland has been after me for months to read this when I get the chance(those are the best kind of friends), and I finally found it in the Okmulgee library. It was really good for being a YA novel. All these teenage boys are trapped inside a gigantic maze with their only memories being their names. And then a girl shows up through the mysterious elevator.

The Light that Failed, by Rudyard Kipling
     This is a story about two orphans who fall in love and grow up to be artists. So of course life won't be easy. The copy I read we found at a book sale, and it was so old that there was no copyright information.

Sphere, by Michael Crichton
     My least favorite of his that I've read, because being stuck a thousand feet beneath the Pacific Ocean isn't too fun.

PICTURE BOOKS -
With an eight-year-old sister, that leads to lots of picture-book-reading. These will NOT be chronological, just whatever order I pulled them off the shelf.

Big Red Barn, by Margaret Wise Brown, pictures by Felicia Bond
     A quick survey of the farm, with wonderful, bright illustrations. This is a good one.

Mice At Bat, story and pictures by Kelly Oechsli
     In this picture book for early on-their-own readers, the mice that live and do janitorial work at the baseball stadium hold a championship game of their own one night. If you like baseball and personified animals, it offers an interesting idea(though not done as well as Leonard Kessler).

Paul Bunyan Finds a Wife, by Adele deLeeuw, pictures by Ted Schroeder
     Tall tales are awesome. Especially when tall-tale legends get married; the teamwork adds to even greater, more ludicrous exploits.

The Giving Tree, by Shel Silverstein
     "...and the Tree was happy." This book is one of the best examples of friendship and sacrificial love that I can think of.

Are You My Mother?, by P.D. Eastman
     His drawings are amazing. 

The Best Nest, by P.D. Eastman
     I don't much like either Mr. or Mrs. Bird, but I love the way they're drawn.

Go, Dog, Go!, by P.D. Eastman
     There isn't much of a story in this one. Mostly a bunch of isolated pictures of dogs doing anthropomorphic things like wielding jackhammers, riding roller coasters and getting in car wrecks. It's one of my favorite picture books of all time.

The Relatives Came, by Cynthia Rylant, illustrated by Stephen Gammell
     Anything Rylant is automatically awesome. This story tells about the visit of extended family.

Amelia Bedelia, by Peggy Parish, pictures by Fritz Siebel
     This one isn't all that funny, but you had to start somewhere with a housekeeper that takes everything literally....

Teach Us, Amelia Bedelia!, by Peggy Parish, pictures by Lynn Sweat
     There we go, Lynn Sweat's drawings are what we're used to seeing when we meet Amelia Bedelia. And as a substitute schoolteacher, things predictably don't go as planned. Hilarity ensues.

Play Ball, Amelia Bedelia!, by Peggy Parish, pictures by Wallace Tripp
     Amelia Bedelia has to learn to play baseball to help the Grizzlies win their game against the Tornadoes. It's great. Mimi and Nano used  to read it to me a lot.

The Great Corgiville Kidnapping, by Tasha Tudor
     This is one of the best picture books nobody's ever heard of. It has a great world you want to live in for a while, filled with references to Julia Child, creative editing of angry swearing, and jokes about Nova Scotian raccoons. Plus amazing illustrations. AND it's a mystery/adventure!

The Scrambled States of America, by Laurie Keller
     Laurie Keller is one of my all-time favorite picture-book authors and illustrators. And the answer to the question, "What if the states got tired of their neighbors and moved?" is wonderful. GO READ THIS BOOK IMMEDIATELY!

The Scrambled States of America's Talent Show, by Laurie Keller
     Really not that necessary....but I'll certainly read it, for another dose of her quirky style of humor and way of phrasing things. (Virginia is a very polite state...)

Open Wide, by Laurie Keller
     Most of what I know about teeth comes from this book, which is what she intended, I think. Anyway, it's learning, and great characters, and humor, all wrapped up in one package.

The Year at Maple Hill Farm, written and illustrated by Alice and Martin Provensen
     Everyone's favorite farm to visit that you've never actually seen. And the drawings were done with Prismacolors!

The Hound From the Pound, by Jessica Swaim, illustrated by Jill McElmurry
     Odd for a picture book to have British humor, but this is really good.

Frog Trouble, by Sandra Boynton
     Boynton's another on my list of all-time favorite picture book author-illustrators, and this one is even better because it's a bunch of songs, sung by Kacey Musgraves, Brad Paisley, Allison Krauss and Josh Turner. (The songs are all hysterical, as you would expect.)

Barn Dance!, by Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault, illustrated by Ted Rand
     This was a Reading Rainbow book; the farm animals hold a square dance while the farmer is asleep. Square dancing is awesome. Personified animals are great, too. Together? It's a good book.

A Pocket for Corduroy, by Don Freeman
     I've never much liked Corduroy. I don't know why.

Froggy Goes To Bed, by Jonathan London, illustrated by Frank Remkiewicz
      You know what's going to happen in a Froggy story..but the pictures are really what makes them so enjoyable.

So Many Bunnies, by Rick Walton, pictures by Paige Miglio
     One of the best ABC-centered picture books.

Adam Raccoon and Bully Garumph, by Glen Keane
     Adam Raccoon was one of those characters that I always associated with Westville and the farm, like Amelia Bedelia or the animals of Wonder Woods. In this story, Adam's having trouble with a big bully that's always making soccer difficult. 

More Bunny Trouble, by Hans Wilhem
     Another adventure of Ralph the soccer-playing rabbit. Here he has to find his little sister Emily, who's gotten lost. Wonderful pictures.

Big Bad Bunny Trouble, by Hans Wilhem
     A gang of foxes are going to ram down the door of the house to eat all the rabbits painting Easter Eggs. Can Ralph, who's been grounded in his room, somehow save them all?

Three Stories You Can Read To Your Cat, by Sara Swan Miller, pictures by True Kelley
     Even before I had a cat, I would enjoy reading this. Even before I had a dog I enjoyed reading this. I think I just like reading about animals. And I enjoy second-person narration.

Three Stories You Can Read To Your Dog, by Sara Swan Miller, pictures by True Kelley
    From a dog's perspective instead of a cat's, which is just as entertaining.

Mr. Pine's Purple House, by Leonard Kessler
     All the houses look the same. (Think John Mellancamp complained about this around the same time.) How's Mr. Pine going to distinguish his from the rest? Leonard Kessler is another of Wesley's All-Time Favorite Picture Book Authors/Illustrators.

Kick, Pass and Run, by Leonard Kessler
     The animals discover a football in the woods, learn how the game is played, and then start up a game of their own. SO GREAT!

Super Bowl, by Leonard Kessler
     The Animal Champs and the Super Birds are all set for the Super Bowl. Who's gonna win?

On Your Mark, Get Set, Go! The First All-Animal Olympics, by Leonard Kessler
     The animals find the sports section of a newspaper, discover the Olympic Games, and decide to host their own version.

The Carrot Seed, by Ruth Krauss, illustrated by Crockett Johnson
     A boy grows a carrot plant in his garden, and eventually, with patience, time and loving care, a carrot grows.

Harold and the Purple Crayon, by Crockett Johnson
     This book's plot could be applied very easily to the process of writing a story.

The Bananas Move To The Ceiling, by Esther and Stephen Manes, illustrated by Barbara Samuels
     The Bananas have a serious problem with messiness. So they come up with an....interesting...way of dealing with it.

The Crippled Lamb, by Max Lucado, illustrated by Liz Bonham
     One of my favorites. There's been plenty of times I've felt like Joshua; especially as I've gotten older. This is just a wonderful story; a wonderful way of looking at the miracle of Christ's birth. And when I'm reading it to myself I always hear it narrated by Trinnica, because during AWANAS one Wednesday night at Southside she read it to a bunch of us.

Paw Paw Chuck's Big Ideas From the Bible, by Charles R. Swindoll, illustrated by Ross Vera
     A bunch of the best-known(and best-loved) Bible stories, told at an introductory level, in order for them to stick. This is an amazing book.

The Goat ABCs, by Patricia Polacco
     A goat-centered ABC book. Great illustrations.

Big Dog, Little Dog, by P.D. Eastman
     Two friends argue over everything, and neither can get a good night's sleep while on vacation at the ski slopes. Plus more wonderful Eastman illustrations!

The Cat in the Hat, by Dr. Seuss
     Everyone knows this story.

NONFICTION -
Once Upon a Town, by Bob Greene
     A journalist inserts himself into his account of researching a remarkable community project during WWII by a small city in southwest Nebraska. It's an amazing book, simply because of the morale raised during the war and the sacrifices of those both on the front lines and back on the homefront.

Love Stories of World War II, collected by Larry King
     The style these were written in was yawn-inducing, but many of the situations themselves, or characters involved, looked like terrific material to steal for a story. So for that reason, it was a good book.

The Elements of Style, by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White
     One of the most useful tools for writing well in print. Consult it often.

Mooring Against the Tide, by Jeff Knorr and Tim Schnell
     Okay, this was a Creative Writing textbook, so I kind of had to read it at least eight times through cover-to-cover during the spring semester. But it was very instructive on the mechanics of poetry; how to write it, what it is, that kind of thing.

Adventures in the Screen Trade, by William Goldman
     A sort-of-behind-the-scenes look at Hollywood, and comments about life and storytelling. (This book was published five years before The Princess Bride was released to theaters. The book had been out for ten years.)

Which Lie Did I Tell? More Adventures in the Screen Trade, by William Goldman
     The sequel, written eighteen years after the first. More of the same type of material as the first. (Goldman is a fantastic writer.)

When Your World Falls Apart, by David Jeremiah
     This was good. Lots of in-depth study of the Psalms, which are fairly easy to skip over and forget they exist. His attitude was basically, "Hey, life is hard. It's part of the way the world is, because of the Fall. But somehow that's part of God's plan. So keep fighting."

Caught Up in a Story, by Sarah Clarkson
     This lady's writing was terribly clunky, but I loved her ideas. I just wished she could have expressed them better....It basically says that children need to be brought up immersed in stories(which is pretty much how I grew up, so I'm biased, but...)

Reagan: The Hollywood Years, by Marc Eliot
     This was really interesting to read. Not just because Reagan was a good man to study, or because the studio-system era of moviemaking was fascinating(and unfair), but because of the author's thinking that sure, we all know about Reagan the president. But in order to understand Reagan the president, we have to find out how he became that man as Reagan the actor.

Ian Fleming: The Man Behind James Bond, by Andrew Lycett
     This was very disappointing. It was extremely British, meaning full of high-class snobbishness. That could have been easily overcome, though; Fleming lived as those walls were coming down. (He was only about fifteen years younger than Agatha Christie.) But no; the author must give the life history of every single person who ever came into contact with Fleming at any point in his lifetime... I only plowed through because it's awful to leave books half-finished. Also, nowhere is there any explanation whatsoever for British academic terms or athletic awards.that played a role in schoolboy days. (If Laura Hillenbrand had been writing this, though...oh, well.) Anyway, Fleming was a very strange man, and his books are much more interesting than he was.

Say Goodnight, Gracie! The Story of Burns and Allen, by Cheryl Blythe and Susan Sackett
     If I would've known anything about them before reading this book, it would have been better. George Burns and Gracie Allen were almost as famous as Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, it seems. And their humor likely influenced the writers of The Dick Van Dyke Show and Parks and Recreation, among others.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, by Art Linkletter
     Humorous quotes and exchanges from Art Linkletter's TV and radio shows.

Blogging For Writers, by Robin Houghton
     This was somewhat useful; resulting in minor tweaks to both of my blogs. If I could invest more time to create a full WordPress website, it would be very useful. Bought at the Successful Writer Conference.

A Writer's Survival Guide to Getting Published, by Terry Burns
     This was an expansion of a talk given at the conference by a friendly old guy now working as an agent, and it's basically "These are the rules to follow in order to have a decent chance at getting published." Extremely helpful.

Writing in Obedience: A Primer for Christian Fiction Writers, by Terry Burns and Linda Yezak
     Besides knowing the rules for surviving the way to possibly getting published; as Christians, we have a separate set of rules to follow for life in general, and when life-rules and writing-rules seem to come into conflict, it's hard to know how to react. Self-promotion doesn't seem like being humble, for example. So this book basically says, "Hey, so we're assuming you're a believer. Do you like writing? Then write. Do you feel like that's what God has gifted you with the skills to do? Then write! The Lord's sovereign over everything, right? He'll get your work to the people that need to read it. You just write, and see what he has planned." Very encouraging.

The Very Best Baby Name Book in the Whole Wide World, collected by Bruce Lansky
     That title sums it up. Baby-name books are extremely necessary resources for writers, and this is the best ever. Characters need the perfect name in order to get to know them, because that's usually the first thing we learn about a stranger. Everything else follows from that information.

Looking for Calvin and Hobbes: The Unconventional Story of Bill Watterson and his Revolutionary Comic Strip, by Nevin Martell
     Realizing just now that that is a very long subtitle. Anyway, this was a very unusual biography. It was written kind of like Bob Greene's Once Upon a Town, in that the author inserted himself tracking the story as a character in the story. Also, Watterson is so private and reclusive that he provided no help whatsoever, and neither did his brother. His mother helped out a little bit at the end, though. Anyway, it was a good book. And only an unusual man could create a comic strip as brilliant as Calvin and Hobbes. 

How To Read a Book, by Mortimer J. Adler and Charles Van Doren
     This was very informative. By their standards, I probably am not very well-versed at reading. (Mostly I read fiction, or biographies. Very little for attaining new information.) I did wonder how much to trust it, though; being that it was co-written by Charles Van Doren, of the 1950's Quiz Show Scandal....  

Keeping Our Children's Hearts, by Steve and Teri Maxwell
     From the "Read whatever your fingers land on" category. Sure, the Maxwells were one of the early homeschooling families, especially when it comes to the Internet, but THEY WERE REALLY UPTIGHT. Like, you think of all those homeschooling cliches, realize they must have come from somewhere, and just cringe. Their motives were probably good, but the book seemed like a bunch of advice from a houseful of obsessively overprotective weirdos. And who wants that? (Said by someone who occasionally reads and enjoys No Greater Joy magazine...)

Altar Ego, by Craig Groeschel
     Yecch. It might have just been presentation, or something, but this was pretty bad. Very "RAH-RAH-RAH! Isn't being a Christian GREAT?! Hey, did you see how humble I was being right there?" My response was more like, "Great, dude....can you go serve Jesus somewhere very far away from where I am right now?"

Parenting Today's Adolescent, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey
     Not sure why I picked this one up; it was just sitting on the shelf and I grabbed something randomly. I agreed with most of what it said; though not everything. Anyway, might be useful to know for if I'm ever a parent.

Church Membership, by Jonathan Leeman
     Very interesting, if a rather strange topic. One of those T4G books that always look worth reading. Read just after the announcement of a possible church merger, because I was curious about what it would say. It confirmed that I probably ought to study the book of Acts some more.

No Plot? No Problem! How to Write a Low-Stress, High-Velocity Novel in 30 Days, by Chris Baty
     This guy is crazy.That title says it all. He started a movement of complete novel-writing in a month. Perfect for those people who've "always meant to write something, one of these days..." He's also really fun, in an off-the-wall manner. (FYI: It's really, really hard to try a NaNoWriMo project. But everyone should try it, preferably multiple times.)

Burning Bush 2.0: How Pop Culture Replaced the Prophet, by Paul Asay
     Basically, this book says that God speaks to us through our entertainment, which can be seen in our love of stories and ability to create them. And how to sort out those messages that God's trying to tell us from the humans who "rather mucked it up", as Peggy Carter says in The Winter Soldier. It's the kind of book I'd like to write someday.

Strengthening Your Grip. by Charles R. Swindoll
     Kind of reaffirming the principles to stand upon as a foundation in a sand-based world. Pretty good.

How To Have A 48-Hour Day, by Don Aslett
     "These are the attitudes and some tips to get more done faster and more effectively!" Brought to you by the world's most famous and most successful janitor.

How To Survive Your Freshman Year, edited by Mark W. Bernstein and Yadin Kaufmann
     A collection of advice for how to survive your freshman year of college. Some of it's useful, some not.

The Path to Home, by Edgar Guest
     A collection of Guest's poems, which is terrific.

When Day is Done, by Edgar Guest
     Another poetry collection.

The Friendly Way, by Edgar Guest
     Another collection of verse from one of the best poets of the 20th century.

The Mind's Eye, by Kevin Clark
     This was a textbook for Poetry Writing, I disagreed with most of its ideas and thought the rest were mostly unintelligible or unhelpful. But I'm old-fashioned when it comes to poetry, so that explains it. We barely even used it, so it didn't really matter. Maybe I'll do some of the exercises when bored sometime and like it better.

The Hidden Life of Dogs, by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas
     The comedy-drama of the life of one pack, as written by their scientifically-minded owner. Funny, interesting and sad at times, it was one of those "good books pulled from Okmulgee library book sale" finds. It would make a really great springboard for a Meerkat Manor type of fiction piece.

When God Doesn't Make Sense, by James Dobson
     Sometimes He doesn't. And so we just have to try to trust that He knows what He's doing. Very good book.

Flannery O'Connor and the Christ-Haunted South, by Ralph C. Wood
     She was an odd writer, but I kind of like her stuff. And this was written in a near-intolerably dull academic manner, but it was okay, overall. I read it for research on an American Lit essay.

Shakespeare and Masculinity, by Bruce R. Smith
     A book I blazed through while researching an essay for Lit Traditions. It was very academic; but might be worthwhile if I had more time to study it. It kind of dealt with what it meant for Shakespeare's characters to be masculine.

The Gospel According to Peanuts, by Robert L. Short
     This quick read was good example of the "How to Mine Pop Culture in Order to Witness to the World" style of evangelism. It's not a perfect book; because it was written by a human. But in general, it's good. (Also, I think this was the first book to take that approach specifically.)

Chicken Soup for the College Student's Soul, collected by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Kimberly Kirberger and Dave Clark
     Inspirational and encouraging anecdotes and scenes of college living. It's a formula, sure. But man, does it work well.

Concerning Cats, by Helen M. Winslow
     This wonderful 1900 book is by a cat-lover for cat-lovers everywhere, and if you aren't one you will wonder why such a book needs to exist. But then, you are likely "one of those people that not only dislikes cats, but thinks it is a special virtue to dislike them", as Lucy Maud Montgomery said in The Blue Castle. For the rest of us, it's a pawfect treasure.

Maud: The Life of L.M. Montgomery, by Harry Bruce
     This was a very well-written biography. About the only complaint I had was that it wasn't long enough.

Schulz and Peanuts: A Biography, by David Michaelis
     Charles Schulz was a very complicated man. This biography was extremely well-researched; though at 565 pages can feel too large sometimes. The creator of Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, Lucy and everybody else reminded me a lot of myself...which was uncomfortable. And it's weird to be preached at by a biography.

Understanding Comics: The Invisible Art, by Scott McCloud
      A very comprehensive deconstruction of how comics work, and explanation of how each of the elements involved plays a role in helping the audience understand the story.

A Charlie Brown Christmas: The Making of a Tradition, by Lee Mendelson and Bill Melendez
       A behind-the-scenes look at some of what went into creating the very first Peanuts television special.

Orthodoxy, by G.K. Chesterton
      Kind of a spiritual biography, as he calls it. Very good read(look at "The Ethics of Elfland" especially.)

The American Plate: A Culinary History in 100 Bites, by Libby H. O'Connell
     A history of America through quick snapshot sketches of popular foods which were culturally significant in some way. The author works for the History Channel.

Street Gang: The Complete History of Sesame Street, by Michael Davis
     Somehow this guy made a history of something as colorful and energetic as Sesame Street read dry as dust. Maybe it's cause only about fifty pages(out of 350-ish) deal with the actual production lifetime of the show. Literally half the book is dull arguments between education professors and various government agencies during preproduction. And while the history of early children's programming was interesting, there was far too much information given in that area.

Yes Please, by Amy Poehler
     Well-written sentences and really strange experiences rule about equally in this memoir. Written during the closing days of Parks and Rec, so extra points for that.

The Art of Voice Acting, by James R. Alburger
     Basically, an introduction to the business of voice acting. Useful as a beginning textbook in terms of explaining the terms and concepts, now I just need to find more books on the subject.

Saturday Night Live FAQ: Everything Left to Know About Television's Longest-Running Comedy, by Stephen Tropiano
     That subtitle pretty much sums it up. A history of the first 38 years of SNL, which makes it(so says the first page) the most recent of the four histories of the show. Reading through descriptions of famous characters and sketches from the late 90's, I was like, "Hey, I know that character! And that! And that catchphrase! How do I remember these?" And then I was all, "Oh, yeah....duh. Mom and Dad were youth pastors; and you always hung out with the cool teenagers." Anyway, it was a neat read.

You Can Write Greeting Cards, by Karen Ann Moore
     A step-by-step explanation of the process of writing for greeting-card companies, specifically freelancing. It was published in 1999, so a lot of the info is too dated to be helpful, but it was interesting.

A Brief History of Anxiety - Yours and Mine, by Patricia Pearson
     Traces both the concept of severe anxiety in society throughout history and her own struggles with dealing with off-the-wall fears and problems with antidepressant medications. It was interesting.

The Spiritual Discipline of Discernment, by Tim Challies
     His first book, explaining what discernment is and why it's so important in the Christian life.

Christmas Songs and Their Stories, by Herbert H. Wernecke
     Mom found this 1952 book at the Okmulgee library; it was fine, but not that great. I think the intended audience was choir directors. Two-thirds of the hymns I had never heard of.

Wordsmithy: Hot Tips for the Writing Life, by Douglas Wilson
     A useful book on writing tips and suggestions for how to live in a way that will improve your writing, which is just one facet of your life.

Playwriting Brief and Brilliant, by Julie Jensen
     This was a textbook for Dr. Blakely's scriptwriting course for Spring 2016, I got a jump on studying for it while on break. It didn't seem particularly helpful yet, but maybe that'll change. I do really like the author's name, though. I might swipe it for a character at some point.

Apples and Chalkdust, by Vicki Caruana
     An encouragement gift book for teachers.

When You Rise Up: A Covenental Approach to Homeschooling, by R.C. Sproul Jr
     The ideas behind this book on education are good, I guess....but it really just feels like you're being preached at the whole time. That's not much fun to read.

Kids Say the Darndest Things, by Bill Cosby
     Apparently there was a remake of that series during the 90's with Bill Cosby as host? Anyway, this one wasn't as good as the original. Society became much more cynical from the 50's to the 90's. And Cosby tries to add clever reactions on top of the quotes.

Too Wise to Be Mistaken, Too Good to Be Unkind, by Cathy Steere
     Mom got this on sale at Mardel thinking about giving it to Dayla, so I ran through it to see if she should maybe do that. This was a well-written account of a mother's realization that her son has autism, and how they dealt with that. Plus, it was published by Grace & Truth Books!

How NOT to Write a Screenplay, by Denny Martin Flinn
     This was the other textbook for Dr. Blakely's Script Writing course that I was reading ahead for.

American Gun: A History of the U.S. in Ten Firearms, by Chris Kyle and William Doyle
     This was an extremely readable history of guns. It was really cool, and interesting to learn about a subject I wasn't too familiar with. Plus history is awesome in any format or type.

Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America, by Leslie Knope (likely really created by the staff writers of Parks and Recreation)
     Fantastic. Literally the best book written by a fictional character that I have ever read.

Felines of New York, by Jim Tews
     I got this as a Christmas present for Courtney. It's pretty great.