I've been here at school for about a month now, and wondering already how so many people could grow up with this stuff in public school for twelve years and then add four or so at college onto it...it's been kinda rough. But there's been some good things, too. As an example, here's a quick summary of my life for the last two weeks.
Friday night, Sept 7: I spend the weekend in town, given that there's a soccer game, and running some errands might lead to writing later on. So I get there to the soccer field and learn how to operate a scoreboard, while listening the stressed-out, profane media relations director and his assistant complain at everything. And then it starts to RAIN. SHEETS of rain. (And, being Oklahoma weather, of course I had to guess on the temp before I left. I guessed wrong, didn't even have a hoodie or jacket or anything with me.) And then the wind picked up, gusting like crazy from the north...and the temperature dropped thirty degrees in about three hours. So the game went into a rain delay with 9:33 left in the first half, due to lightning. A 116-minute wait later, and thoroughly soaked, things were finally clear enough to finish the first half. Another storm cell comes up, redrenching the already well-watered ground. They finally call the game, and I walk as quickly as I can the half-mile back to the (safety?) of the dorm with its' hypothermic-inducing air-conditioning. But, I can now run a scoreboard, so maybe that'll lead to something, which might lead to something...
Saturday, Sept 8: I study in the morning, gulp down protein bars for breakfast and lunch(the cafeteria was closed, due to Labor Day), and pretty much don't see a human being I know all day. Run on my hamster wheel, and I'd found "The Big Green" on YouTube the day before while searching for the old Billy Ray Cyrus TV series "DOC"(didn't come up with anything. It's like all my favorite songs and TV shows and most movies don't exist, according to the internet.) I love that movie. Actually, I love almost anything that's sports-related, has some kids and/or animals in the cast, that's a little Cinderella-like in it's predictability of plot. But they're so GOOD! And funny! And have all these great lines, and cool camera angles...
Anyway, since I didn't really have anything else that needed to get done, I sat down and watched the movie. It was nice. Then, because I'm me, and already living it up on the weekend, I call my grandma to see if I can get a ride to Wal-Mart. So I get my shopping done(Oreos, Diet Coke, a ping pong paddle, the Cars soundtrack and a soccer ball), and come home in time for some peanut butter and football. I listen to NSU lose a close ballgame(naturally keeping notes), and then write up a story afterwards, because I can't help it. And I need to keep up those writing skills.
Sunday, Sept 9: I wake up and get ready for church, and then find some other useful things to do while waiting for Javier to come pick me up. I read through the entire book of Ecclesiastes, and then found a broom(Yay!!!) and swept the front porch(Double yay!!!).
After church, I went to lunch with a family I sort of know, Ryan and my dad were really close friends in college, so they're kind of interested in how I'm doing. It was a nice afternoon, being in that family environment again, even if it's wasn't my own. Hearing the "Mom...can I do...?" questions, watching the siblings interact, or watching life on the back porch, kind of Mayberry-like. Played with their little two-year-old, she wanted me to read her several books, so I did. Sort of reminded me of Amy. Admired the little boy's Lego collection, petted the cats and the dog, and watched the football recap show while discussing this season's NFL storylines with Shelly.
. That was really special. One of God's blessings that he gives us in rough times, I needed to be around other people after a week of classes and studying. Then there was worship practice that night, which was pretty good.
Monday, Sept 10: This was an insane day, I was ready for it to be over by three p.m. The skies were cloudy, didn't really learn anything in University Strategies, and then our English teacher was hung over. It made for an interesting hour; we all agreed afterward that nobody learned anything. And our homework was to find out about the Stanford Prison Experiment, which was pretty awful. History was all right. Then in MassComm that afternoon, we were studying sound media, and how music can impact our culture. It opened with listening to Ozzy Osbourne, and then immediately went to Eminem. After having our ears blistered, we then got into a spirited debate over illegal file-sharing.
Once all that was over, I was exhausted. But I had to write something about 9/11, so I rewatched news clips and poked around for the facts...it was necessary, but it was a hard night, reliving all that terror and uncertainty.
There was kind of a lot on my mind, I counted six different subjects at least chasing each other. Just kind of felt scared, lost and stressed(Well, I nearly always feel like that here lately, but it was especially strong that day). So I tried listing some of the things I was thankful for, it sort of helped. And I talked to Ash, she's always good to know.
Tuesday, Sept 11: Finished up the last touches on that blog post and published it, and tried to get through the day's workload, trying to stay in real life and get what I needed to done. Acted as a guide dog for Russell after psych, it isn't much, but it's a way to serve God here clearly. Psych was good, we learned about Erik Erikson's Theories of Psychosocial Development, what we learn at each stage of our lives, and how we learn it. For example, how we come to trust, have independence, form a work ethic, that kind of thing.
Explained some of the ways we use defense mechanisms to avoid unpleasant reality to Jessica; really interesting stuff I'm finding out in this class. Didn't feel right to play Frisbee, so I stayed at home, too somber a day, wouldn't have felt comfortable. CCF was that night, the worship music went okay. My guitar is so quiet...sounds great solo, but with any other instrument, and it's not that good...and I was a little nervous, and my picks kept sailing everywhere, had to hunt clear around the room for them after the service was over. The message was good, I slipped out once it was over.
Wednesday, Sept 12: An Army guy from the ROTC came and talked today in Strat, and we had Comp I outside on the gazebo, that was different. Getting ready for the history test coming up, and then in MassComm the topics covered were public service announcements and goat milk.
Had to study, so didn't go to church, got a lot done. (And I hate asking for rides...) There was this open mic kind of thing down by the fountain; something between a camp talent share and Idol auditions. Didn't really want to go, didn't think that's what I was supposed to do, but I had to stop by and listen on my way back from the library. And then this girl MCing it gave a last call for doing something, I walked over and signed up. Sang that Colin Raye song "Love Me" right near the end, it went okay. And it was good to sing again.
Talked to Amanda that night, then tried to get to sleep. My neighbor had some friends over, they came in just as I was nearly asleep, and started watching TV and talking and laughing. I gave up trying to ignore them about 2 a.m, fired up the laptop, checked the news, and then read my Bible for a while. Got about the first ten chapters of First Samuel read, and then moved on to most of Paul's letters. Studied that for about an hour, by then they'd finally left, and I finally fell asleep about 4 a.m.
Thursday, Sept 13: My alarm woke me up at 5:30, I fell back asleep and didn't wake up til about 9:30. This, of course, throws me into a panic, so I shoot for the shower and get into the day's workload. Just as I close my door, I remember I hadn't grabbed by keys yet. So, yeah....I locked myself out. Not sure what else to do, I go ahead and take a shower anyway, put my clothes back on, and then walk over to the housing office (barefoot, and without keys, phone or wallet; kind of humiliating) to get some help. They get somebody to unlock the door, and my day finally begins at 11 a.m. It didn't exactly get much better after that, though psychology was good, like always. It started pouring rain, cleared up just enough to get down to the intramural fields for some Ultimate, and these guys ask if we wanted to play football against them. Planning to enter a team in the flag-football league, we look at each other and shrug. "Sure, I guess. Why not?"
That was a very bad idea, but a good learning experience. Turns out half these guys are on the actual team, we get slaughtered, the final score was 70-14. It almost would have been really funny to watch, if I wasn't playing. And it started raining again. Needing to wipe away our wounds, we immediately challenge them to Frisbee. Now, they had no idea how to play, but being so athletic and everything, they caught on quick. We ended up winning that 7-5.
Also, there was MORE walking through rain, and dealing with some financial stuff that looked like a problem.
BUT, another bright spot was the dorm cat that we found that night. Amazing how spending five or ten minutes with an animal can make your life seem brighter and easier to take...another one of those blessings. Heard from Daniel, that was an encouragement.
And I stopped by Wal-Mart real quick to get Mom a birthday present.
Friday, Sept 14: I felt kind of sick, which wasn't great. Had to swim to class, Ross was like an island stuck in the middle of a lake. Learned about citing reference works in Comp I, which was confusing, but hopefully I'll get the hang of it. History went well, now just to wait until everybody came back from Westville to pick me up. It was good to visit home again. Very good. We got back without the van breaking down or anything, and (of course) there had to be ping pong played with Courtney and things like that. Mom enjoyed her birthday gifts.
Saturday, Sept 15: NOTHING TO DO!!! Just relax, pet the dogs, clean a little....did I mention relax? That scared, stressed feeling didn't really go away, which was irritating. After being so stressed out and everything, everything that had just built up inside, my body just collapsed to force me to rest and force everything out of my system. I had a massive headache, upset stomach, fever and was throwing up. About eight hours of agony. I felt better about ten, and had some dinner at eleven. (Crazy college hours, I know.) Petted Copper, Skeet and Sunny, heard from Jed, spent the day watching football, and the second Mighty Ducks movie was on TV. It was a good day.
Sunday, Sept 16: Went to GBC, that was great. It was the tail end of a mini-conference on missions, Sunday School was taught by a guy from Voice of the Martyrs, it was good to be reminded of how our problems here aren't really so bad, compared to the rest of the world. We don't really have much to complain about, we have so much more freedom than they do. The sermon was from a missionary we support in Myanmar, who knew broken English could be so eloquent? A passionate call to preach the Gospel, loudly and often.
And it was great to get to talk with and be around my church family. Mr Meredith asking how school was going, offering encouragement, the wonderful conversations with older people like Mr and Mrs Tobey or Clara, the Lawsons' understanding exactly what I'm going through out there in the world, seeing Sam for the first time in forever, Steven and Jamie checking on me, Josh's prayers and news source, Dylan to talk sports with. It was just an incredible encouragement, to be around so many people who hunger to know the Word and help others apply it and grow; so in contrast to everyday life right now. Prolonged my stay a few more hours by doing laundry, finally got back home about ten p.m, not really ready to face the challenges of a new week, but...time to get back to work.
Monday, Sept 17: Not really that much happened, class went all right in everything, we got some instruction in writing press releases in MassComm(Hooray!!!). The first flag-football practice went about as well as could be expected, we've got a lot to work on.
Had dinner with Grandpa and Robbie, then Harry and Louise dropped by, and one of Louise's friends; that was good to see them all. Went over to Harry and Louise's for a bit afterwards. Spent the night researching facts about a civil rights sit-in in 1960 North Carolina while listening to DC Talk.
Tuesday, Sept 18: Had an orthodonist appointment, glad Grandpa could drive me there. Useful and helpful as they may be; they're not pleasant. Had my bottom braces put on, a new wire on top, and my expander was finally taken off. There feels like there's so much room in my mouth now that it isn't full of metal! Well, I mean, it still is, but wire is much different than thick bars. Anyway, my mouth is hurting. A lot. I've kinda been living on ibeprofen and caffeine, since I can't chew hardly anything yet for a few more days.
Classes were canceled, it was a teacher-training day or something, but that didn't mean it was an off day. It meant more studying! Got a lot done, tried to keep myself busy, and away from sad memories. (It would've been my grandma's birthday, I was really close to her.)
CCF at nighttime, brought my electric for the worship music, that went well. Good message on missions. Then back to the library for finishing up a few projects.
Wednesday, Sept 19: Classes went okay today, more studying and projects to get done, all seemingly at the same time; trying to juggle those without going insane, and also dealing with this mouth pain. Word is a vastly underappreciated tool; very important, and life doesn't run as smoothly without it, I'm finding. Study group for Friday's history test, that didn't go anywhere near as well as we'd hoped. Got into too much of a hurry on my MassComm test and ended up with an 86, I could've done a lot better than that, not too happy with myself. It hasn't been the best type of day since lunch. Actually, any time of day you nearly get run over by a golf cart isn't generally a good one.
But overall, this week has been much better than the last, it's been good to be prayed for. And even though there's times when I freak out and don't care what my hair looks like, I'm so stressed, or howl at the moon, or fingerpick my way through sad, melancholy tunes, or just want to collapse and start crying, get too tired to keep going, but plunge on anyways, there's a reason for this, a lesson of how to deal with people and life on my own. I don't understand it always, don't like it ever, but I have a strong, faithful God to lean on, and He'll help me through this, giving me the right tools and helpers when I need them.
These are some of the rich blessings that He bestows in the rough times, that we fully appreciate because they shine through the darkness we're in. Things like ping pong, a cat, relatives anxious to help in any way they can, or the encouragement, prayers, laughter and advice of good friends. Sermons that remind us of things we need to hear again, or points in Scripture that leap out at us in a new way.
So, yeah, I'm kind of living in a tornado, dealing with a fire and trapped by an ice storm right now, but someway or another I'll get through this semester, hopefully with good grades, and then we'll see what happens after that. At this point in the road, visibility is about two feet or less, but if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, I'll come across a landmark or to a resting-place eventually.
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