The last third of the quotable lines from season one of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Parts one and two there, follow the links.
Episode Fifteen: "Yes Men".
(A motorcycle starts up.) "What kind of a beast is that?" Lorelai wonders.
"Not sure how I feel about Dr. Simmons. She's so strict. And poky." "Well, Patient Skye is unruly and stubborn."
(Same scene, later. Skye complains about how Simmons won't even let her have a mirror.) "I've seen worse." Ward says. "Well, thanks." "I meant....you look a lot better than when you were dying."
"For a quiet guy, you make a lot of noise." - Sitwell to Coulson.
"What dark magic is this? Thor said you perished at the hand of Loki." - Sif. "And he was right. For a while, anyway. But Loki wasn't the only one with some tricks up his sleeve. Turns out S.H.I.E.L.D. had a few of their own." - Coulson.
"Men have an inherent weakness we do not share." - Sif explains why Lorelai is such a dangerous enemy. May frowns understandingly. "I can't imagine what she's talking about," Fitz whispers to Ward, who also looks confused.
"Who is this ugly woman?" - Lorelai. "Uh...that's Ben Franklin. He used to be the president. He ruled over all this land." - Rooster. "So women can rule in your country?" "Uh, well....you'd be the first."
(Coulson tries to explain the touchscreen briefing table to Sif.) "I am familiar. It's an antiquated system that we in other realms had ages ago."
"These all Night-Night guns?" - Ward. "Based on the same technology. But we're not calling them that anymore." - Fitz. "'Bout time." "They're ICERs: Incapacitating Cartridge Emitting-" "They're great! And you lost the ounce!" May tries one out, too. "I thought you didn't like guns." - Ward. "I said when I need a gun, I'll take one. We'll need these."
(In a gunfight.) "Your Ladyship: Can you give us some cover?" Coulson asks. Sif then shoves an Airstream trailer between the attackers and our people. "That's a very literal interpretation..." Coulson shrugs. "Thank you!"
(Simmons almost knocks Coulson out with a fire extinguisher.) "What the hell are you doing?!" "Sir....are you....you?" "Of course I am!"
(Coulson punches Fitz unconscious.) "Poor thing...he's always getting knocked out, isn't he?" - Simmons.
"Much like your S.H.I.E.L.D., we are bound by our code." - Sif.
"I'm not saying you were weak! I'm saying all men are weak." - Simmons. "Sir, I understand why you had to punch me." - Fitz.
"I know nothing fazes you, but this should faze you!" - Coulson scolding Skye.
Really, how many TV shows do you know that make lust the enemy of the week?
Episode Sixteen, "End of the Beginning".
"So...you're saying that we should obey the rules." - Simmons says in disbelief. "Who are you and what have you done with Skye?" - Fitz wants to know.
"You've had a big impact on him. He's different than I remember him." - Garrett. "Different...how?" - Skye. "Well, the tough thing about being a specialist is being alone. A team gives you a whole new perspective. Guess it's the difference between fighting against something or fighting for something. Or someone."
"Stop worrying. You wear your heart on your sleeve. And your face." - Coulson to Skye.
"You don't believe in the Clairvoyant, but you believe in astrology." - May to Blake.
"Easy! I come in peace!" - Garrett snaps to Coulson after they nearly run into each other, both carrying machine guns, while tracking a suspect.
"Did Ward just...?" - Simmons. "I think he did..." - Fitz. "Bet the Clairvoyant didn't see that coming." - Hand. "The whole reason I sent him to you was to knock off the rough edges," Garrett says to Coulson. "Maybe you did your job too well."
Episode Seventeen, "Turn, Turn, Turn".
(First episode back after The Winter Soldier. I hadn't seen it yet when I watched this one, so it was a huge shock.)
"Wow. Coulson's team is awfully secretive, even for this organization." - Triplett.
"But hey; if we get caught, let me do the talking. You're a surprisingly bad liar, Agent Simmons." - Triplett. "I know. But I'm getting better at it."
"So we'll go in there and face the music," Coulson decides. "Even if it is the HYDRA theme song."
"But it's suicide." -Skye protests Ward's Stark-like attack plan. "Not if I don't die."
"You're not a friend. But I do believe you're an ally; and we need all the allies we can get." - Coulson. "What do we do next?" "Survive."
Episode Eighteen, "Providence".
"Skye, tell me something good." - Coulson pleads after a particularly demanding string of events during a particularly stressful time. "We...have internet!" "Yay! And boy, have I lowered my expectations..." He then tells her to erase all online traces of the team. "Okayyy....but...isn't that kind of the nuclear option?" "It's our only option." "You do realize that once that's done....that can't be undone." "We need to vanish." "But then...we'll be ghosts. We won't be agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. anymore. We'll be agents of...nothing."
"You took that surprisingly well. Did you hear the part about you no longer existing?!" - Skye to Ward. (Later, same scene.) "So...when you come back, who you gonna be? You'll have a clean slate, you can be anyone you want to be." "I don't know...maybe Tom Brady? I've always wanted to play quarterback."
"Nick Fury gave me this badge. When he did, I gave an oath. We all did. To serve when everything else fails, to be humanity's last line of defense, to be The Shield." - Coulson.
Lots of really good lines about people, but they're all very spoilery, so they're classified.
"What IS this place?" "I call it Providence, although technically it doesn't have a name, since it's, you know, a secret base and all." - security guard Koenig.
Episode Nineteen, "The Only Light in the Darkness".
"So...I assume the prisoners are no longer prisoners?" - Coulson.
"This is really, really bad. Quinn is the least-scary of the bunch, and he shot me. Twice." - Skye.
"Yeah, we're safe here. But what about everyone else? People who don't have access to a top-secret government shelter? What about them? I don't know if it's wise, but it's right." - Coulson explaining his decision to send the team out on a new mission.
"What's the difference between an egg and a rock?" - Koenig. "Well, that's absurd. The differences are-" "innumerable. If you want, I could start listing them, but then-" "we'll be here all day." - FitzSimmons.
"Marcus Daniels was an assistant at a lab that was working with something called 'DarkForce'. And nothing bad ever happens when you work with something called 'DarkForce'." - Coulson.
"Daniels became obsessed with a woman in Portland, he called her his 'only light in the darkness'." - Coulson delivers mission info. "That's almost romantic." - Simmons. (Fitz frowns at her.) "I said almost. And anyway, it must have been years ago by now. Shouldn't he be better?" "Some people are hard to get over." - Coulson.
"There police reported says the guy appeared out of nowhere, and then he was gone." - Skye. "Yeah. You just described every mugging ever." - Koenig. (Later, same scene.) "Can you help me convince Steve Rogers here that it's time to pick up his shield and go to battle?!" - An exasperated Skye, about Koenig. "Okayyy." Ward shrugs. "Who's he supposed to battle?"
"You know me," Fitz shrugs. "I hate change."
Episode Twenty, "Nothing Personal".
"Yeah...I heard you twice the first time." - Skye.
"I wish this bunker had a bunker..." - Simmons.
"If I come out, will ya shoot me? Cause....then I won't come out." - Coulson.
"We're not HYDRA. We're Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D." - Triplett. "Well, right now, to the rest of the world, that's the same thing." - Col. Talbot.
"They don't know you're pretending to be someone you're not." - Skye. "Who am I pretending to be?" "My impatient boyfriend." "I like that cover."
"He's a murderer." "Yes, he is, Skye. Are you?" - Mike.
(The team's at a cheaper hotel.) "Say hello to Stark for me - Oh, yeah. He thinks I'm dead." - Coulson to Hill.
"I've never been homeless before." - Coulson. "It's not fun...At least we have a pool." - Skye. (He offers her half his candy bar.) "Thanks."
(Coulson just has learned the biggest secret of his life; stunned) "...Huh."
Episode Twenty-One, "Ragtag".
"Just to be clear: we have no authority to be doing this," Coulson tells the team. "We're no longer S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. We're-" "Vigilantes." Ftiz mutters. "I was going to say, 'we're doing this because it's the right thing to do', but....yeah."
(Fitz has just accidentally set the curtains on fire.) "Watch out HYDRA, here we come." - May.
"We've seen this before. What did they call it?" "The Sleepy-Sleep gun, or something like that." - Cybertek scientists. "Yes, but this is an ICER. Triple the stopping power, and a much cooler....name." - Undercover Coulson playing Fitz.
"Skye, Tripp, get ready for a large file transfer." "Um...okay...how large?" (File cabinet goes flying out window.)
"Somethin' about that woman unnerves me." - Garrett about Raina. "It's those eyes."
Episode Twenty-Two, "End of the Beginning".
"Fury always said a man could accomplish anything when he realizes he's a part of something bigger. A team of people who share that conviction? They can change the world. So, what do you say? Ready to change the world?" - Coulson to the team. "No. But I'm ready to kick some ass." - May. "That works, too."
"Okay, well, now that we know that, there's a whole new set of problems! But where do we start?!" - Simmons says excitedly.
"This is...our strategy consultant, John Garrett." - Quinn. Garrett, insane by now, proceeds to say something outlandish. "This is your strategy consultant?" - a general. "He's...part time."
"This is a bomb," Skye announces dramatically. "You know what those do."
"This," Fury indicates the Phase 2 prototype ray-gun Coulson fired at Loki just before dying in The Avengers, packs a pretty good punch." "I know what it does."
"When was the last time anyone saw a tag-team wrestling match with four dead guys?!" - Garrett. He continues his mad monologue. (Fury gives Coulson a look.) "You didn't tell me he'd gone this crazy." "Yeah. He's really stepped it up a notch."
"You get a chance to express all your feelings?" - Coulson to May. "Is he still breathing?" "I guess she kept some of it to herself." "He's having trouble speaking. I think I fractured his larynx."
"Stupid, stupid, stupid! And cruel! And very stupid!" - Coulson. "I think you've made your point. It was a break glass in case of emergency situation." - Fury. "Yes, but that emergency was supposed to be the fall of an Avenger." "Exactly."
"The principle S.H.I.E.L.D. was founded on was pure." - Fury. "Protection." - May. "Protection. One word. Sometimes protection meant protect one man against himself, other times to protect the planet against an alien invasion from another universe. It's a broad job description." "No need to tell me." - Coulson. "But the belief that drives us all is the same; whether it's one man or all mankind." "That's they're worth saving." "That truth lives inside you, Coulson. Before it was torn apart, S.H.I.E.L.D. was a lot of moving parts. But guys like you were the heart. Now, you'll be the Head." Fury then installs Coulson as the new director of S.H.I.E.L.D., tasked with a total rebuild from scratch.
So, there's that. All the quotes worth speaking of during the first season of Agents.
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