Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season Three Premiere Review

     This title needs work...immediately thought of this Skye quote from the season one episode "Repairs": "Why can't we call it something cooler? Like....I don't know, the Welcome Wagon?" Because they basically are going around and talking to people to see if they have Inhuman powers...
     In other words, the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. are back to protect the world from the...much, much weirder world. And when they can't do that, they'll keep them safe. So here's my review of the first episode of season three, "Laws of Nature".

     Anyway, Fitz has gone all Indiana Jones in searching for Simmons; which involved tracking down an ancient scroll(seriously) and taking out an Arab mobster. (Yes, we're talking about Leo Fitz.) So while he's off adventuring, Bobbi's been working the lab while rehabbing, which was odd. Apparently she has a biology degree, too? Still, that was weird.
     Coulson has ditched the suits for jackets and jeans; maybe because it's tough having only one physical hand? And his figurative right hand has disappeared, too; May hasn't exactly gone AWOL, but she hasn't come back from her vacation with Andrew yet, either...
     President Ellis has created a team called the Advanced Threat Containment Unit, or ATCU, in order to deal with all these new Inhumans that have been taking their fish oil since Skye launched the Terrigen Crystals into the ocean a couple months ago....There's gotta be a better name for them that somebody hasn't came up with yet. ("ICER" sounds much cooler than "Night-Night Gun", and "Welcome Wagon" is catchier than "Index Asset Evaluation Report" ....) Anyhow, the ATCU is led by a woman named Rosalind Price, who gets into a witty debate with Coulson on a subway.
     Bobbi and Hunter's on-again, off-again thing is on again, I think...
     Daisy and Mack have been tasked with forming a new team; in order to keep the Inhumans safe from...well, all the people who want to track them, and the world safe from the new Inhumans.  One of these new Inhumans is a gay construction worker named Joey, who now suddenly can liquify a lot of metals when he gets within ten feet. (Which is a strange gift....) Anyway, Daisy, Mack and Hunter get to Joey before the scary men in the black flak jackets do, whisking him off to the New Bus of Zephyr One.
     Lincoln wants to try to live a normal life now(which since he's a doctor, doesn't actually sound all that normal...), but he's on the run with Daisy after they have a run-in with a terrifying wall-obliterating porcupine-maned Inhuman dude named Lash. It was kind of a draw, but they got the worse end of things.
     Ward's off doing who knows what with HYDRA; so he wasn't seen this episode.
     Most importantly....
     SIMMONS IS ALIVE. (But I knew that already. You can't kill her, any more than she was placed on the team because of her ability to lie.) She is stranded on some forlorn night landscape, and terrified of something we can't see because of mist and mountains.

     I think she has powers of teleportation; which would be awesome, since she was so averse to powered people right after Tripp's death, plus she is already a friend of Daisy's and so is used to working with her; and also, except for Jiaying, all the major people involved with the Inhumans we've seen so far are men. (Raina doesn't count.) They need another female perspective on this team besides Daisy's; for great facial expression reactions to stuff if nothing else. (Mack and Joey fall flat in this area, which seems almost to be a general requirement of AoS cast members; part of why this show is so great.) Courtney and I have been debating exactly how this could work all day.
     Clark Gregg thinks that Fitz built Coulson's new hand; which would be awesome.
     And during the cast live-tweet during the show last night, Chloe Bennet hacked into Brett Dalton's Twitter and posted a bunch of stuff like "Chloe should be made Princess of the World!" The official Marvel page replied back, "Aw....Quakey breaky heart?" (Country music S.H.I.E.L.D. puns are the best type of puns in existence.) He then regained his phone and complained, while at the same time Nick Blood had snatched Chloe's phone and was typing stuff like "Nick is SO AWESOME! And he's British. So he should be named King. Like, seriously."
     Anyway, the writing felt really...clunky, for being a season premiere. I know #ItsAllConnected, so things will make sense eventually, but still....you could almost hear the loose parts jangling around in there. There were a handful of good quotes, though: "I have trouble counting when I can't use my fingers, but I'm pretty sure there are more of them than us." - Hunter. / "...So you're a ghost." - Coulson to Rosalind. "Uh-hmm. And you're a corpse." / "I need a bigger gun, I guess....Or my axe. Or maybe a shotgun/axe combination of some sort...." - Mack.

     Next week's episode is supposed to deal with Simmons' rescue, so that should be awesome. AND, it has Ward, and May, and that Asgardian professor they left in Portland after the incident with the Berserker Staff. So...yeah. Watch.