The title of this post is pretty self-explanatory...and it should probably give me some good candidates for the Best Quote of 2013. As for the actual content....well, SWAT's like a family. And families typically have some really weird conversations...and these snippets were exceptions, not the rule of general conversation.
10-7-13, Samantha to James, randomly interrupting a rehearsal with "Why are you wearing my purse?!"
10-13-13, Samantha to me at a Mazzio's invasion after our first program sorta-successfully ended, half the toppings fell off her slice while passing it down the table. "Wes! You gave me a naked slice of pizza! What kind of a teammate are you?!" Elizabeth mutters, "Wasn't expecting that...at least not from her." Later, I pass another slice down the table. "Here ya go, this one is fully clothed."
10-14-13, Haley commenting on new guy, Justin, dropping by to see what SWAT was like. "See, he offers to give her a ride home last night, and there he is, sitting right there. We ought to send Elizabeth home with someone every night." Everyone looks uncomfortable and slightly shocked, Elizabeth looks like she wishes the floor would swallow Haley up. Samantha, maybe, "Haley...that was...just....no." She realizes what she said. "Ohhhh...yeah. That was NOT what I meant."
10-14-13, Ja Li Si in a wonderful bit of improv in "The Parable of the Big Push", where Bubba Jacob is complaining about the car being so hard to manhandle around. "Maybe that's cause you're barefoot?" (His shoes were soaked from the rain, so he'd taken them off to dry.)
10-16-13, Me ad-libbing after getting whacked by Bubba Jacob's sword/knife as the Killer is trying to murder Susan in "Go With the Flow" at the Carter youth lock-in, "Uh, does anyone have a first-aid kit we can use...?"
10-16-13, Haley's driving, we're on our way to Taco Bell after the lock-in, Susan in shotgun, with Justin, James and I scrunched into the back. I get a text, and James to me, "Your phone is vibrating." Haley, after a second, "That's awkward."
10-21-13, Four straight references to our game-show skit "Go With the Flow" in casual conversation during dinner with Elizabeth and Justin somehow morphs and leads into an hour-long discussion about going to the bathroom. Really...
10-21-13, during the introductions at practice...."Hi, I'm James, and I'm from...uh, Fairland," (We stare curiously, he mutters) "I forgot where I was from..."
10-27-13, in the car with Bubba Jacob and TJ, he answers Becca's phone because she's driving. "Hey. Yeah, we're on our way to Carter Baptist Church, near Keys....Uh, no, this is Jacob. Becca's driving. Do you want to talk to her?" TJ and I snicker. Later on the way back, "Oh, that girl said to call you when we got there." TJ: "Well, we got there..."
10-27-13, getting set for the human video, Elizabeth opens the backstage door, smiles sweetly at audience, then slips inside. "WHERE is Jacob?!! I'm gonna kill him!"
10-27-13, at McDonald's after the Carter show, Samantha using her authoritative director tone to me, "Now be sure to get something for your throat, either hot or cold, it'll make it feel better and heal up sooner. And we NEED you healthy as soon as possible." Becca: "Something to drink that's either hot or cold? That's...like, any kind of drink..."
10-27-13, still at McDonald's. I'm looking for somewhere to eat. TJ: "You can sit by me if you want, there's room." Bubba Jacob frowns at her from across the table. "He can sit by you, but I can't?" "Yup. Cause he's nice to me," (she sticks her tongue out) "unlike some other people I know." He starts to object, she cuts him off. "Besides, Wes isn't exactly nice to me...more like just the right level of nice-ish." Bubba Jacob looks confused. "What, there's different levels of niceness?!" TJ nods matter-of-factly. "Yeah."
10-28-13, Haley and Becca shooting pool before practice. Haley: "So why can't you talk?" Becca: "My vocal chords are enlarged, and one of my professors told me that I shouldn't talk for like, two days." Haley thinks a minute. "That's physically impossible for a woman."
10-28-13, Samantha at end of recap of things to improve, "....and, Caleb, what was that you were wearing for the human video? A bright orange bandanna and a GRANDMA sweater?!" "Oh, was that what it was?" Explosion of laughter from everyone in the room. "Ye-ahh...you looked like...some ancient ninja....lady."
10-28-13, Scott: "I want to be a woman for once!" The rest of us, "Okayyy...moving on now..."
10-28-13, Samantha filling in for Ja Li Si in rehearsal of "The Parable of the Big Push", "...and Tuesday night we'll get the illusion of illustrating with our left shoulder..."
11-4-13, Elizabeth and I are shooting pool before practice. I hand her the cue stick. "Whenever you're done texting..." She types away happily. "Oh, yeah, that's me, just texting between shots...okay, taken out of context, that sounds really bad..."
11-4-13, while we're shooting pool, Becca and Justin are playing ping pong. Haley forgot something and yells at someone to go to her car and get it. "WESLEY!" "Yeah?" "Not you - uh..." she blanks out on the right name. Justin returns from an expedition to the supplies closet to get a new package of ping pong balls. "JUSTIN! That's who I meant! Where were you, anyway?!" "I just came out of the closet." Me and Haley stare at each other, unsure if we'd heard right "Not THAT closet!"
11-4-13, I throw a crushed ping pong ball(most likely the same one Justin smashed into Becca's mouth ten minutes earlier, splitting her lip) halfway across the basement into the trash can. Except it banks off of Susan's glasses on the way down and drops somewhere. "Are you okay?! SO didn't mean to do that..." She laughs. "I'm fine, it's a ping pong ball. And besides, it went in!"
11-4-13, Skylar sort-of-filling in for Scott during "Go With the Flow", at that part near the end. He just ad-libs flatly, unsure of the line, "That's it. I'm out of here." and stalks away.
11-10-13, we enter FBC-Tahlequah to get ready, everybody's staring at the fancy interior. Elizabeth, in rapture: "Holy cow....we have A REAL STAGE!!!!!!"
11-10-13, TJ and I are sharing that light blue robe, as it's the smallest. I'm using it for the monk skit, it's still swallowing me up, almost, I'm just trying not to fall down. (Or get killed by James.) I mutter to myself, "How do brides not trip over their wedding dresses?!"
11-10-13, Elizabeth, Bubba Jacob, Susan, TJ and I are eating dinner at Sam and Ella's after the FBC--Tahlequah show, they just merrily chat away (quite loudly) about carrying drugs around, how that worked -etter than gum at making friends in high school or at work. They meant things like Tylenol and ibuprofen, but still....
11-10-13, the girls are deep into a conversation about how awkward and messy crying in public can be, Susan suddenly, "We're all like, talking about this crying stuff, and you guys are just sitting there staring into space..." Elizabeth: "Hey, that's right...sorry, guys." We shrug. "It's all right, we're just...not sure how to react. When you let us know, then we'll find something to say." Bubba Jacob, as an aside to an imaginary audience, "So, tune in next week, same time, for another episode of Wes and Jacob's therapy sessions! (To the girls) Seriously, that WAS therapeutic, wasn't it? Don't y'all feel better now?"
11-10-13, They're trying to explain Twitter to me. Bubba Jacob: "....it's like, a faster way of getting your message out to people." Susan: "Right, but you can only use, like 160 characters?" TJ: "And your parents aren't on there, usually, that's another big draw." Jacob: "Yeah, cause, I mean, you don't necessarily want everyone to know what you're doing every day." Elizabeth: "That's how come there's posts like 'I pooped.' Yes, people do post things like that..."
11-10-13, TJ makes some stupid-drunk-tired comment about a leaf being a little flag. Bubba Jacob laughs at her. "You are TIRED, girl....you need to let me bed you down." (Instant pause while Elizabeth comes out the door, followed by Susan.) Elizabeth: "..What'd I miss?" Wes: "You don't wanna know...." (It hits Bubba Jacob and TJ what he said, they explain, everyone looks rather horrified.) Jacob: "I MEANT that she looked tired and needed to go to bed...." Elizabeth: "Annnd that's why word order is so important, sweetheart..."
11-11-13, Samantha to Caleb and Holly, randomly interrupting a rehearsal with "No playing beer pong during practice!" Caleb: "We're not playing beer pong...we're playing....GCP. Jesus Christ Ping Pong." Holly, unimpressed: "'Jesus' is spelled with a J..."
11-11-13, killing time between practice and the worship service, we're all gathered in the living room talking. Samantha found an empty abandoned Bud Light bottle somebody tossed into her yard to use as a prop for a silent skit we're doing for the dessert theatre fundraiser the next Friday night, it's in Bubba Jacob's jacket, and then passed around from person to person like a peace pipe. I've been holding it for a while, Susan looks at me. "You do know how weird that looks, don't you?"
11-11-13, Just after that, Elizabeth is giving me crap about something, I'm dishing it back, Susan, Bubba Jacob and TJ are all joining in, typical stuff. Me to Elizabeth: "You are such an evil sister." (We play siblings in "The Parable of the Big Push") She nods sweetly. "I know. It comes with the territory." Susan, sitting beside her on the couch: "Ya know...evilness is almost a job description of sisters...it's like the words 'college student'. What'd you guys immediately think of when I say that?" The other four of us together: "Broke!"
11-15-13, all during the dessert theatre fundraiser night, we were happily singing snippets of Disney songs at the top of our lungs.
11-15-13, prepping for the dessert theatre, Bubba Jacob, Becca, Elizabeth and TJ get into a conversation about random same-sex people flirting with them...
11-15-13, Becca whispers across the table to Bubba Jacob midway through the show: "Are you wearing pants?" Me and Elizabeth look at each other. He catches our look, hisses indignantly back, "Yes, I'm wearing shorts! Had to take off my jeans so they wouldn't get caught in my robes onstage." Becca: "Okay, thought that's what it was." Elizabeth and I sigh with relief.
11-15-13, BCM director Deb is teasing Becca about getting into trouble. Becca: "Me? Oh, no....I'm sweet and innocent and not at all a troublemaker." Deb: "Hmm...nope. 'Becca' and 'sweet and innocent' don't go together. At all."
(Repeated line, after Samantha used it as Matt Kojak's cousin Maddie on the night I was sick.) "Well, whatever helps you sleep at night, guuurlll...."
(Repeated line in many variations, first used by Bubba Jacob in rehearsal of "The Parable of the Big Push" one night.) "Oh, it's a FAAAAAB-you-luss car..."
11-17-13, James as we're leaving for FBC-Keys to nobody in particular, "I meant to say 'I need to spit', only..." Everyone Else: "...Huh?!"
11-17-13, Becca's driving, Elizabeth in shotgun, with me, Susan and her friend Rachel in the back. Susan is looking out the window and remarks, "It's sad...the trees all get dressed up, and then they get naked." Awkward silence for a minute. "Oh. I wasn't thinking of it like that, but..yeah..."
11-17-13, still in the car. Elizabeth: "The basic theme of all our road trips is, like once we get there, you ask, '...But did we die?' And that sums up everything perfectly."
11-17-13, praying before our final show of the semester. "Lord, thank you for this family. They're so....so...." Susan: "Dysfunctional." "Yes, thank you! And please be with us tonight, Lord, and let us glorify You and hopefully encourage these people..."
11-18-13, practicing our second silent skit for the end-of-semester BCM meeting, after about eight rehearsals of bruises, scrapes, carpet burns and slapping people, several of us say excitedly: "I like playing a demon! It's fun." In the middle of it, Deb and Daniel P. both come in at different times and stand there, wondering if we'd perhaps lost our minds. (We're kind of like the loose cannon of BCM ministries...) "Uh....what are you guys doing?" "We're practicing! What's it look like?!" "...I'm not sure..." "Yes, of course we're practicing. What else do we do?"
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