Seasonal Cliche Material

     Can't believe I'm writing this...

     February is here, and that horrible holiday most people try to forget called "Valentine's Day" will be just a few days away. Seriously, how did that ever get to be a holiday in the first place? According to the legend(so says Wikipedia, which although not considered "credible" for school purposes has been shown to have less mistakes than the Encyclopedia Britannia), St. Valentine was imprisoned for officiating marriages of soldiers and aiding persecuted Christians, and was interrogated personally by the Emperor Claudius; who stated that if Valentine relapsed back into Roman pagan beliefs he would be saved. Valentine refused, and so was sentenced to execution. Sometime during his imprisonment, he  supposedly restored the sight of his jailer's blind daughter Julia, after which she, her father and all his household converted to Christianity. The night before he was to executed, Valentine directed a note to be sent to Julia, ending it "your Valentine".
      We then fast-forward most of the way through the Dark Ages, coming to the somewhat-recognizable medieval English of Geoffrey Chaucer. Apparently a satirist, in creating an elaborate history of a tradition which never existed in the first place for a poem(kinda like S. Morgenstern...), he ascribed the practice of birds choosing their mates on the day of St. Valentine, which is how everyone first associated the day with romantic love. This spread throughout the courts of France and England, gradually becoming a significant enough part of the year that Shakespeare has Ophelia mention it during Hamlet. They really caught on during the early 1800s in England, influenced by the invention of the postage stamp, and we stole the idea from them about fifty years later.
     Many single people try to cover up their annoyance by calling it "Singles Awareness Day", both as a mockery of the extremely-hard-driven fact that they're single and also since there's an "Awareness Day" for seemingly every other condition under the sun. (Much like the plethora of college scholarships available to left-handed blue-eyed biotechnology-major students who grew up the youngest of eight or more children, or other such specialized nonsense.)

     Whatever you want to call it, the main focus is about mushy, disgustingly PDA affection called "love" or variants thereof, which is a frequent topic of music, from Keith Urban's "Making Memories of Us" to Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name ", from Garth Brooks' "Unanswered Prayers" to Randy Travis' "Forever and Ever, Amen"; as well as many wonderful spins on the subject from Brad Paisley and basically anything Taylor Swift has or will have written.
     This leads to the great heartbreak songs of country music, but also could lead to a wedding. There's plenty of songs about that aspect, from Phil Vassar's "Love is a Beautiful Thing" to Billy Ray Cyrus' "Could've Been Me". (The best-ever wedding-related back-to-back songs played on Pandora would be once when "Stealin' Cinderella" was followed by "I Loved Her First", the order of which seemed extremely fitting.)

     Weddings, in general, are kind of depressing. Mainly because you have to get dressed up in a suit and stay that way for several hours, as well as being complicated, expensive, they're held in strange churches are easy to get lost in, there's a TON of people around, and generally the stress level is near the steeple. (Or maybe that's my view because I was the ring-bearer THREE TIMES in ONE SUMMER when I was seven....)
     Or maybe it's that 94% of the audience stands there awkwardly as two people are blissfully happy and everyone else isn't sure what to do or think. Or that you suddenly see people you used to know and haven't talked to in ages. Or that all these older adults and relatives and everyone smile and say, "It's your turn next!" or "So...isn't it about time this happened to you?" or "He/She sure is a lucky guy/gal." To all of which you grin weakly and say something original like, "Yup...guess so."
     We don't really have any way to answer those types of statements....those saying them usually have only gentle teasing in mind, but the words kind of come out as accusing. Because as single people at a wedding, everything screams this fact out loud as clamorously as possible.

     Or it could be just because we're in our early twenties and unattached that this message is put on the loudspeakers of our attention. Everywhere we look, we're seeing folks we grew up with break up painfully, move in together, get engaged, get married and have kids. You sort of wonder, "Is this a problem? Is something wrong about me that I'm not doing these things yet?" So we act like it doesn't bother us at all, like we're fine with the way things are and throw up a little at every couple selfie with the following caption:
"(Name redacted) is the best (spouse/significant other/fiance(e)/whatever) in the world and I love her/him more than anyone else can ever love anything because my capacity to love her/him is greater than anyone else's! I'm SO glad that our relationship is PERFECT!!! (Sixteen heart symbols)" (I totally swiped that entire line from the Newlywed in this skit from BYU's comedy group Studio C, Publicly Emotional steals the show and MAKES this video.)
     Also, we're like the third wheel on dates, and that's really just.....really awkward. (Strange pause.) Just...yeah. REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE. Because tricycles are lousy and don't work well.

     Oh, sure, we could ask somebody for a date....I guess. But that would involve...(shriek of horror) flirting. Now, talk about awkward....that can't be self-taught, and no one in their right minds would teach a class on it. And even if they did, nobody would show up. So, we just think, "Somebody oughta do that..." and of course nobody ever does. (YouTube the BYU Studio C video "Flirting Academy")

     Besides....if we're talking about something serious, by whichever name you want it to go by - Time-out. You could just call it "dating" if you wanted(Easy to understand that way). Or you could say you were "going steady"(Wonderfully simple and yet so descriptive. As Cynthia Coppersmith explained to Father Tim in At Home in Mitford, "...Well, it's exactly what it sounds like. You go with someone, steadily, and only with them.") Some people prefer the term "courting"(Ugh. I've always really disliked this term. It sounds so old-fashioned and wooden.)
     Whatever the terminology is, it's obvious you're with someone. But it just seems like to me, if you're going to do that, shouldn't you have the intention of possibly marrying that person? That narrows the list of possibilities quite a bit, obviously, but just think about it a minute. Number one, if a Christian, you ought not to marry someone who isn't(2 Corinthians 6:14-17). Number two, you should be faithful.
     And in his earlier letter to the Corinthians, Paul devoted a whole chapter to the subject, which is a little hard to figure out. Basically his attitude seems to be, "If you aren't married, that's great. Not everyone is supposed to be. I'm not, and it's what God planned for me in order to better serve Him and bring Him glory. Other people can, and they should, because that also brings Him glory. It really just depends."
     What he actually wrote was this: "Because of the present crisis, I think it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will be faced with many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." (1 Corinthians 7:26-28) Well, that's understandable. And it makes sense that by melding two lives together, that would naturally bring about twice as much trouble and trials into life.
     And Paul continues a few sentences later, "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world - how he can please his wife - and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs. Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) This is really complicated....everything sounds right. And it is. Just hard sometimes to know which stage of life he's talking about in each part.

     So....yeah, it's confusing sometimes. And frustrating, waiting for what seems like forever. So we just act like we couldn't care less, exaggerating our disgust at "those couples" and basically living as though we'd forgotten things like relationships exist. Because it's safer that way. And so we just dial our sarcasm blasters up a couple notches to "extremely scathing" level and snap them out whenever we get a chance. (Talking about young twentysomethings in general here, both guys and girls do it.) We'd never admit that it might be troubling, at least not directly, but occasionally indirectly mention the subject.

     After Sunny died, a lot of people offered sympathy and were praying for me. GBC is truly a place where we have a church family, it's such an incredible blessing. It's good to have people watching you, checking on you, praying for you, sort of an extended family with lots of extra grandparent-type people and a variety of friendly older-cousins-whose-relation-to-you-can-never-quite-be-traced. Anyway, the sun is shining, it's a pleasant-though-slightly-hot July morning, and everyone is filing out of the building onto the porch. Mrs. Pickard, one of those grandma/aunt types, and a fellow dog-lover, she knew Sunny well, she gives me a hug as soon as she sees me. "I'm so sorry, Wes. It won't be okay, but you can get through this. Pets are such a huge part of our lives....it's so hard." "Yeah....thanks," I mumble, trying to smile as much as I can(which wasn't much). She sighs. "We really need to find you a wife." Maybe it's cause I was so ripped apart emotionally or something, or maybe because God likes to answer the prayers of older people, but I kind of nod. "That might be a good idea, maybe." Mr. Gundersen is standing there listening, he asks if there's anybody maybe on the radar. "Ah....no, not really. Geography's kind of working against me there. Maybe if it wasn't, possibly, but....nah, not right now." Mrs. Guenther jumps into the conversation here. "Well, ya know, I met Allan in Brazil, so....ya never know what might happen." The other three of us look at her. "Brazil?" "Yeah, it was on a mission trip."
   
     Steve Rogers pretty much summed up my attitude on this topic on the way to the experiment with Agent Carter in Captain America. Amused by his awkwardness, she says, "You really have no idea how to talk to a woman, do you?" "Not really. I think this is the longest conversation I've had with one," He turns serious now. "Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on." "You must have danced." He looks out the window at the Brooklyn scenery before replying. "Well...askin' a woman to dance just always seemed so terrifying. And then the past few years....it just didn't seem to matter all that much. Figured I'd wait." "For what?" "...The right partner."

     One of these days, I'll come across the right partner. Maybe I already have, and am just too stupid to see it. Or maybe it just isn't time yet. Perhaps she's around some curve some miles off along the highway through the mountains of the future. We'll find out, in time. I mean, the Lord knows, even though I don't.
     (Another Captain America reference) Bucky Barnes was teasing Steve before he left as they were on their way to the Stark Expo, saying, "There's three and a half million women in New York, and you'll be the only eligible bachelor left. What're you complaining about?" Steve rolls his eyes. "Yeah, well, I'd settle for just one." I don't really mind, I guess, waitin' on a woman...long as she's that kinda girl. But at the same time, I'm still waitin' for you....