It opened with a stillshot of a Lewis Carroll quote: "In the end, we regret only the chances we didn't take." (To which I add Wayne Gretzky's saying that "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." I tried the longshot online auditioning once I realized the cattle-calls were over, but I knew it wasn't going to work out. At the same time....I'd always said that I would try.)
We started the last journey in San Francisco; Jessica Cabral was from Brazil, she had a nice voice, but I would have said no. The judges loved her.
Cody Ostrenga was the world champion of horseback shooting, apparently. He also belly danced. His voice sounded like karoke, and it was the awful "Proud Mary", but he enjoyed dancing. "That was the singular weirdest collection of talent I've ever seen." - Harry. "Everything was good - except the singing." - Keith. "My belly dances, I guess....but I'm not a belly dancer." - Jennifer.
Brian Dale Brown was obese. And he had a girlfriend who was 15 years older than he was. AND he auditioned eleven times. His singing sounded more like anguished groaning. And then he did Scooby-Doo impressions? "I've never been more offended, callin' Danny Elfman a musical genius..." Harry huffed. The judges' critiques were theatrical, but quite thorough.
Gina Baez brought her Jack Russel terrier Tinkerbell into the audition with her. "Don't ya just love the entertainment business? You can come into a job interview with a dog and wearing a sparkly dress with stars on it," Harry comments to Keith and JayLo. She did the Meghan Trainor song "Lips Are Movin'" and had way too much fun. She had a big voice, but like Keith said, it wasn't "deeply interesting."
With that, the auditions moved to Philadelphia, where there was an awesome "Eye of the Tiger" montage. Melany Huber sang a boring Bruno mars song, with a resonator guitar. It was dull. But Keith said she had a "good storytelling quality to your voice," and she was through. She also had cancer, which made Rachel Platten's "Fight Song" playing over her celebration just perfect.
Rachel Karyn had her Grandpa Steve playing the guitar for her, she sounded nice from what little we saw of her.
Caroline Bryne had her brother playing guitar for her, she also sounded nice.
Bianca Espinal's dad was her guitar player, and she was all right.
Justin Sullivan was obsessed with Kelly Clarkson. It was right on the line between hilarious and incredibly creepy. He sang "Stronger," of course, and his vocie was pretty good, but not great enough. He was cool with that decision, too, which was good to see. And he looked a lot like NASCAR racer Kyle Larson.
Dylan the Helium Dude was bad.
Chyna Sherrad did an Ariana Grande song called "One Last Time", and proudly announced that she was going to represent her home state of Connecticut. "...How do you represent Connecticut?" Harry wondered. Keith's opinion was that it was "laid back and chill. It was great." The finish was extremely worn off her guitar.
Switching to Atlanta, the crew threw harry a birthday party, where he received a tiny squirrel-sized monkey that he and his daughter had wanted. Jennifer was terrified by it, which was hilarious.
Lillian Glanton could be this year's Hollie Cavanagh or Skylar Laine, which would be awesome. She was from Alabama, and she sounded like it. Grew up on a poultry farm(this is good....Carrie also had a ruralish background), she sang an original called "Country Boyfriend", which was great! It totally could be on radio right now. She was friendly, too. Keith was a huge YES, Harry had no idea what he was watching, and finally Jennifer let her through. (I cheered loudly.) Then she asks, "Can I take a selfie with y'all?"
Kayce Hughes was from Talladega, he was a former druggie alcoholic. His song was something by Needtobreathe, and it was pretty good, though weird. Like if you mixed the voices of David Cook and Kris Allen. Harry thought it was a mix of Jon Bon Jovi and Bono. Anyway, he got through, which was cool.
Zach Person sang the blues really well. "You're from another time," Jennifer said in her critique.
Tomboy waitress Avalon Young seemed nice. Her song was stupid,
I missed several contestants in a row here. Then there was a fire alarm for twenty-five minutes, which I wasn't too happy about.
Jackie Butler had green hair and was in a punk band that lived at her parents' house. She was just....different. I didn't really care for the performance. But she got through.
Manny Torres was unimpressive for being the final audition ever. "You're Puerto Rican?! It's a yes already!" Jennifer laughed. He had a big crush on her.
To someone - "How did I know that was gonna happen?" Keith asks.
To someone else - "Never play guitar again. In public, or ever." - Harry.
And then the lights dimmed for the final time, and an era of television history came to a close. It's so sad.
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