This is the fourth or so of a series of strange quips overheard in classrooms, mostly without context because that would zap the humor out of them. There weren't that many humorous quips this semester, mainly because we were working with a lot of serious material - most Capstone class reading selections dealt with slow death and torture, Dr. Marrero's psych class was studying serial killers and a variety of other lowlifes, and Gothic lit is heavy. (Besides, me, Kenzie and Dr. Mackie could only think of so much to say about the works between the three of us.)
I found this one while going through old notebooks to see what I could throw out, from 3-25-13, in Comp II -
Someone mentions Taylor Swift during class. "Who's Taylor Swift?" our graduate-assistant teacher Jason asks in all seriousness.
1-17-17, Creative Writing for the Popular Market -
"Text in class, I'll eat your phone." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
1-21-17, Pop Market -
"Aah!" Dr. Dial-Driver yelps. "I have errant coffee!" Her drink had spilled.
1-25-17, Psychopathology of the Criminal Mind -
Apparently lions and hyenas naturally loathe each other.
1-30-17, Psych -
"Guys, in general, aren't as good at nonverbal communication [as women are]. What evidence do we have of this?" Dr. Marrero asks. (Crickets chirp.) "...Divorce rates?" a middle-aged man named Lewis asks hesitantly.
2-1-17, RSU Theater -
During the second night of auditions for Tom Sawyer, a Comm major I don't know very well named Brittany arrives late, slips into a chair. As soon as she sits down, Eric finishes his monologue onstage and David scans the room. "WES! BRITTANY! You two try running Tom and Becky's engagement scene!" It was a funny but awkward first meeting. I get cast as Tom's insufferable little brother Sid, and Brittany is hired as assistant director.
2-2-17, Capstone -
"Everybody ought to be a mother. It would help with all the selfishness in the world," Hailey muses.
2-15-17, Psych -
"Sometimes you land on Omaha [Beach], sometimes you land on Utah [Beach]." - Dr. Marrero's philosophy on tests.
2-16-17, Capstone -
Saige walks out of Shakespeare just as I'm about to go into Capstone when she spins around suddenly. "Can I take your picture, Wes? You are like, THE image of the Distraught College Student right now."
2-21-17, Pop Market -
While we're debating the limits of historical fiction - "So the American Revolution with elves would count?" Dr. Dial-Driver asks. "Christmas elves?" Debra tries to clarify. "No, Keebler elves," somebody else answers. (We couldn't quite decide on that one, but reached a tentative hypothesis that it must be at least twenty years in the past to count as historical fiction.)
3-2-17, Pop Market -
"They probably have strong hearts - and weak arms," a high school football coach grouches about his new team in a flashfic from Kara.
3-9-17, Pop Market -
"Okay, a tragedy, that's fine, but - Damn! Why'd you have to kill the dog?!" Dr. Dial-Driver asks me after Kara and I read my flashfic play of a couple's elderly dog being euthanized. This was the general reaction afterwards. Kara wrote about a grandmother with dementia, who I played. That was odd. And Vito and Shane wrote about gangsters who were trying to torture the Easter Bunny by tickling him.
3-28-17, Pop Market -
"If you're really drunk when you die, are you still drunk as a zombie?" Debra wonders.
4-11-17, RSU Theater -
During dress rehearsal for Tom Sawyer, David and assistant director Brittany are huddled over a review script, giving notes as necessary. "So, Aunt Polly, here you're praying, remember-" David slaps the book, an inch away from Brittany's nose. The scene comes to a screeching halt as we all stare in horror, making sure she's okay. "There was a bug...." David explains lamely.
4-15-17, RSU Theaterish -
"Sid Sawyer is the Eddie Haskell of American literature." - Derek Steeley says on Facebook. He's right.
4-18-17, Pop Market -
"I've got the attention span of a dying gnat." - Dr. Dial-Driver.
4-19-17, Psych -
We're all sharing how the various departments do their Capstones. After one horror story, Joanna says, "That sounds awful. I bet the whole room wanted to throw up. Like, for her."
4-20-17, Capstone -
"Remember, all of y'all, no matter how badly it [the Capstone presentations] go tomorrow, no small children will die." (Dr. Dial-Driver suddenly remembers that most of us were in Lit Traditions together.) "And no cats will be murdered, either!" (We howled over Poe's "The Black Cat" in that class.)
4-21-17, Capstone -
"So you're saying that [Rebecca's] De Winter solves the problem by loving the narrator," someone on the Committee asks Madison," "and [Jane Eyre's] Rochester solves the problem by attempting to save his first wife from the house fire, but what about [Wuthering Heights's] Heathcliff?" "Heathcliff solves the problem by dying," Madison answers, straight-faced. Argument about Heathcliff occurs here between Committee members. "See, now I was gonna say that murder was the red flag in relationships with all of these guys..." Dr. Ford says in his deadpan way.
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