Recapping the best quotes, quips, descriptions and comebacks from season four of Parks and Recreation. It literally picks up right at the moment where season three ended, so the last scene we saw was at Li'l Sebastian's memorial service afterparty.
Episode One - "I'm Leslie Knope":
"....Wait. What does that mean for you and Ben?" - Ann, after Leslie is asked to run for city council. "I don't know, but I think it's gonna be really bad!" Leslie frowns. "Do you wanna go back to saying 'yay'?" "Yes please!" "Yay!" (Ann is a good friend.)
"So did you get a chance to look at my sample position papers? How do you feel about my stance on Egyptian debt relief?" - Leslie. "Uh....well, it probably won't come up in a local city council election. But....your thoroughness, as always, is impressive." William the Political Manager Guy.
"Aw, Ann - you beautiful sophisticated naive newborn baby...." - Leslie. "...What?" - Ann.
(The office is staring in shock at an email.) "Whoever this is - sent it to every woman in the entire government!" - Leslie howls. "Oh...he's gotta be so embarrassed. I mean, that is a crazy accident." "No, Andy, he did it on purpose!" she snaps. (Sewage Joe is being his normal horrible self again.) Chris and Ben rush into the Parks Department. "Chris! Jerry's making us look at dirty pictures on his computer!" April tattles. "It is exactly because of that lewd photo that I am here. Ben and I are launching a full investigation, and I want to apologize to all the women. And Jerry. If I could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, I would." "Wow, that is so sweet," April says, looking almost impressed.
"For a female perspective on this scandal, we turn to: a woman!" - Perd Hapley. (He then asks what's happening, she tries to make a joke.) "I do not know what you mean, but, it had the cadence of a joke."
(Leslie snatches phone away from Ben and hangs it up.) "Ben, I need to talk with you." He looks stunned, as only Ben Wyatt can. "...That was my brother. He just had a baby girl-" "That's horrible. Or good. Full disclosure, I didn't listen to whatever it was you just said."
"Wow, you....opposite of broke up with him." "He gave me an eclair, Ann!" Leslie pleads.
"Ron isn't here. His ex-wife Tammy came, and he got scared and ran away," April answers Ron's phone. "...Well, as acting manager of the Parks Department, I declare that everything you are saying is stupid!" Andy then asks for advice. "I don't know what to do," he finishes. "Me neither." she answers, sipping some tea. "You give such great advice! Babe, I love you." (She frowns at camera, noticing it's been following her.) "You're welcome."
(Leslie knocks on the door of Ron's cabin.) "Ron," Leslie says, taken aback by his beard. "What are you doing here?" he growls. "I'm...running away from my problems," she falters. "Come on in."
"All right, enough chitchat. Everybody get back to work!" April hollers. "You are not my boss," - Jerry. "What'd you just say to me?" "Ma'am...." (He scurries away.)
"Given your hunting ability, and my chocolate supplies, I figure we could stay out here for two, three....years?" - Leslie.
"If any of you need anything at all-" Ron addresses the office on his return, "-Too bad. Deal with your problems yourselves. You're adults."
Episode Two - "Ron and Tammys":
(Leslie stutters repeatedly over the word "jail.") "Are you broken?" Ron asks.
Not many notable quotes here.
Episode Three - "Born & Raised":
"Support for Pawnee Community Radio comes the Muriel Fatright Korbel Foudation and SweetumsCares, a nonprofit group that puts umbrella hats on homeless people when it rains," an announcer for WVYS says.
"I wrote a book," Leslie says proudly in an interview segment, holding up her copy of Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America. "The first historical guide to Pawnee. I wrote it as a reference for myself, but then my campaign adviser said we should make it a big wide release. So we had people contribute, we added pictures and we removed a lot of my poems and emotional ramblings and pictures of unicorns and here it is!"
"Usually I only read nautical novels and my own personal manifestos, but I'm proud to make this exception." "Thank you, Ron! I expect all of you to buy additional copies, but I wanted the first copy you own to be delivered - and signed - by me." (April flips through her signed copy.) "This goes on for like, seven pages." "I started thinking about you as a woman, and as a person, and I got carried away." "Okay, mine just says 'Get Well Soon,'" Jerry complains. "Aren't you sick?" "No." (She frowns at him.) "Something's off."
"Do you think there's actually a mistake in here?" April asks Ron. "I doubt it. If there's one thing's Leslie's not, it's sloppy. She's also..." (he flips through the book) "not brief. This is gonna take forever."
"At the risk of bragging, one of the things I'm best at is riding coattails. Behind every successful man is me, smiling and taking partial credit," - Tom.
"Anyone find any mistakes?" Ron tiredly asks Ann and April. "Yeah, actually. In here it says that Pawnee is 'great,' but in reality, it's terrible," April replies. "Let Tom know we haven't found anything." "Hey, I'm thinking of getting a new phone. Do you guys like your phones?" Ann asks, determined to become their friend. "I've never used a phone in my life," April says while texting.
"This feels like gotcha journalism!" Leslie complains on Pawnee Today. "In what way?" Joan Callamezzo asks disinterestedly. Leslie points at the big screen behind them. "In that way. You put 'GOTCHA' in big red letters over my face."
"That was despicable. I am horrified by her tactics. That said, the show was very lively," Chris says after Joan's show finishes filming.
"I could leave," Ann explains in an interview segment. "But I am GOING to get my one minute of small talk, damn it! And it will be CASUAL and AMICABLE!" she yells.
"You're the first one to tell me that 'businesses' need 'customers' to make money." Tom says to Ben, defending himself from reasonable criticism. "I was the first one to tell you that?!" Ben answers, incredulous.
"YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!" Kerry the Irate Public Meeting Guy yells at a booksigning event. "I AM back where I came from!" Leslie yells back. His response? "THAT SENTENCE WAS CONFUSING!"
"Well, I've made some progress!" Ann tells the camera. "I am up to four seconds with April. And nine second with Ron." (Montage of asking random questions, like where she could find some good new music. April's answer was "The Internet.")
"Eagleton is a town full of rich, snobby jerks. There's a whole chapter about them in my book." - Leslie.
"Wow....that was....as long as it was loud," Ben mumbles his commentary of a drunk Joan Callamezzo's karaoke.
"Everyone in the universe loves a gross medical story. BOOM! I win!" Ann grins. (She finally got their attention by making up a tale about a guy who gets his arm caught in a Pringles can. It's very bloody.)
Everyone eats waffles from JJ's Diner during the office's release party for Leslie's book.
Episode Four - "Pawnee Rangers":
"I've got a question. What do you think of asking Ben to join us today?" Donna asks Tom. It's Treat Yo Self Day, and our introduction to the term. "WHAAAAATTT? NOO!!!! This is our thing!" "But he really seems like he could use a day off. He's like a skinny little rubber band that's about to snap in half." "Exactly. He doesn't know how to relax. Donna, you and I are relaxation professionals! There's no way Ben can slow down enough to keep up with us."
"I don't know how to relax! The sound of harps makes me nervous!" Ben complains while at the spa with Tom and Donna.
"I've taught them well....I've created an army of little Leslie Knope Monsters. I'm so proud! And a little annoyed. But mostly proud," Leslie says during an interview, about the Pawnee Goddesses club after the girls get her to be nice to Ron and his Pawnee Rangers club, which she didn't want to do.
"When did kids get so interested in 'fun'?" Ron asks in perfect seriousness.
Leslie's ad for a new club for Ron to lead to make him feel better - "Are you tough as nails? Would you rather sleep on a bed of pine needles than a mattress? Do you find video games pointless and shopping malls stupid? Do you march to the beat of your own drummer? Did you make the drum yourself? If so, you might just have what it takes to be A Swanson. Pawnee's most hardcore outdoor club starts today."
Episode Five - "Meet and Greet":
"...I take it we're having a party?" Ben asks after walking in to a house full of skeletons and jack-o'lanterns. "Dude! I knew there was somethin' I forgot to tell ya!" Andy grins. Ben then decides that he's going to hide in his room. "If you need me, I'll definitely be awake. Because...you know, I won't be able to sleep, because of the party. So...y'know. All right...bye."
"My family is very non-confrontational. My parents' method of problem-solving is to kind of keep everything bottled up and just subtly hint at what's bothering them. And after thirty-six years, they are still divorced." - Ben.
"Shouldn't my face be on these rugs?" Leslie asks. "It's always been a dream of mine to be on a rug. So, no." "Tom, now is not the time for you to explore your weird dreams."
"You can text without looking at your phone?" Jerry asks Chris incredulously. "I think it's rude not to maintain eye contact with people who are speaking to me," he answers.
"I know I should be chasing your vote, but I stand by my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. And I think I have a lot of support in the community for doing that," Leslie tells a group of Pawnee businesspeople.
"In Pawnee, when in doubt? Slam salad!" - Leslie.
"Hi there, is there a project you're working on?" a Lowe's employee asks Ron. "I know more than you." "All right..." the alarmed employee gives up.
"When April and Andy married, I didn't get 'em a wedding present. In my experience, wedding presents are nothing but kindling on the divorce bonfire.But I think I found a way I can really help them make a home." - Ron.
(Ron delivers a heartfelt monologue.) "Are...you okay?" Ann asks. "Great! I'm gonna go around this house and fix everything I can find! You wanna help?" "I really do."
"I have one sister. We steal each other's stuff, hack each other's Twitter accounts, set each other's clothes on fire... There are no rules," April muses.
"We need to deal with what's bothering you," Andy barges into Ben's room. "Oh, please, come into my room..." "See? You're angry at me, and you're not talking about it, and I'm gonna beat you up until you do, because I'm mature." (Andy kicks Ben's chair and begins to beat him up.)
"I grew up with five brothers, and we fought using the Dwyer Method, which was yelling, wrestling, crying, followed by lots of hugs. And then more wrestling, but the fun kind, and then more crying, when the fun kind of wrestling got out of hand." "Um....can you....let me go?" Ben asks, in chokehold. "Not til you tell me what's wrong!"
"I'd say you got the handle on that torque wrench," Ron says approvingly to Ann. "Yeah, well, the flange was a little warped, so I just goosed it with a triple-three boltsmack." "That was nonsense." "I know, but it's so fun to talk like that!" (He hands her toolbox.) "Here. Keep this. You earned it."
"Does it hurt?" Ben asks Andy. "Yeah, man! You broke my nose! But I don't even care anymore. Just get it all out there. Go." "All right.... Maybe you have to start thinking about how your actions affect me? Like, tell me about stuff happening at the house. Stop referring to my bedroom as a common space. Stop using my comforter for your pillow forts. Just...respect me." "Absolutely!"
"Tom Haverford is a selfish, unctuous, sleazy, self-promoting, good-hearted, secretly-kind-and-wonderful tiny little person." - Leslie.
Episode Six - "End of the World":
"For a while in the 1970's, our town was run by a freaky cult," Leslie explains. "Every few years, the remaining members of the cult predict the world's gonna end. And they have an all-night vigil in the park.It's super annoying."
"Tonight the followers of Reasonableism will be joining together to await the return of Zorp, the giant lizard god who will destroy the earth with his cleansing fire of judgement. Also, light refreshments will be served," Leslie said during a department meeting.
"Why does the cult call themselves the Reasonableists?" Chris asks. "Well, they figured that if people criticize them, it'll seem like they're attacking something very reasonable," Leslie answers. "That's...weirdly brilliant..." Ben muses.
"Headline idea: 'It's the End of the World as They Know It, But Pawnee Feels Fine.'" - Leslie. "It's a little long." - Shauna Mulway-Tweep. "Okay. How about 'Zorp Schmorp, Doomsday Prediction Falls Flat as Citizens Spend Pleasant Evening Enjoying One of Pawnee's Finest Parks'?" "Somehow, longer..." Shauna then asks if Ben is single, Leslie awkwardly stumbles all over herself trying to answer that question, and Shauna wanders over to Ben. "What's happening?" Ann asks. "The world is ending."
"Can I speak with you about a personal matter?" Leslie asks Ron. "Normally, no. But given that there's only twenty minutes until the end of human existence, also no."
"What's wrong?" Lucy asks Tom. "I don't know....after this is done I'm gonna be broke and I'm not gonna have a job...." "Well, if it's any consolation, this is honestly the best party I have ever been to." (She kisses him.) Tom is stunned for a minute, then he grins at the cameras. "You saw that. You saw that too!"
(Andy and April arrive at the Grand Canyon) "It's so much more beautiful than I ever could have imagined." "Yeah....I'm trying to find a way to be annoyed by it, but I'm comin' up empty."
Episode Seven - "The Treaty":
"I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?" - Leslie's planning the Pawnee Central Model UN Meetings. "The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so." "How 'bout Japan?" "The bad guys from Karate Kid II? Even worse. How about Germany? They've never been the bad guys." "Why don't you be Finland." "Okay." "And I'll be the Moon," April says sarcastically. "You're gonna be South Africa or....Pakistan." "I'm the Moon or I quit!" "April." "Moon or quit, man." "Fine. You be South Africa and you can also secretly run the Moon." "The Moon accepts your ridiculous proposal."
"Uh, no, Leslie and I aren't dating any longer, but, uh...we're friends. So, uh...it's fun. It's just fun. It's fun... It's...fun - It is fun." At this point Ben silently pleads for help from the cameraman.
"Sometimes your relentless cheeriness is confusing," Ann tells Chris.
"I just wanted to say...that I thought it was really cool how everything fell apart in there," April tells Leslie, who is despondent in the hallway. "and also, maybe you should talk to Ben." "No. He's being a jerk." "Please? When Ben gets upset he becomes a really bad roommate. He takes really long sadness baths and makes me late for stuff." "I hate it here. I can't wait to graduate." (April grins.) "Yeah, but summer's gonna totally kick ass."
No comments:
Post a Comment