The first part of recapping the best quotes from Season Two of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. See links for Season One parts one, two and three here.
Episode One, "Shadows".
"Cut off one head, two more shall grow in its place." - Warner Reinhardt. "Then I guess we'll keep cutting them off." - Peggy Carter.
"'The question I'd like to know is, why should we be paying you so much? This looks like a box. Sorry, a picture of a box. A picture of a box you don't have." - Lance Hunter.
(Same scene) "You're the one who changed the terms on us, Browning; bringing more than the two guards we agreed upon." - Izzy Hartley. "...I only brought two guards." (The whole group gets ambushed and the intel stolen.)
(Still same scene) "This was supposed to be an undercover op. You wanna tell us what you're doing here?" - Hartley, to Melinda May, Antoine Triplett and Skye. "We were your backup, which you needed." - Skye. "Yeah...so did he." - Hunter, pokiing the now-dead Browning.
"Operation didn't go so well, I take it?" - Mack. "What gave you that idea?" - Triplett. "Did you get anything?" "A new enemy."
"You're the man in charge, but I'm in charge of you, remember?" - May to Director Phil Coulson. "And I had two rules-" "Stay out of field operations." "-And check in every few days." (Later...) "What's your assessment of Hartley's people?" - Coulson. "You know what I think. They're mercenaries." "But what's your assessment?" "...They're good mercenaries."
"This is the same metal used for our bullets. But it's...ah....bleeding?....Uh...Can you see that?" - Leo Fitz. "It looks like flesh..." - Jemma Simmons. "Yeah, I see it. It's blood." - May. "Well, that's good. Er...um....I mean....that's weird." - Fitz. "Can you figure out whose blood?" - May. "That shouldn't be too difficult." - Simmons. "That's shouldn't be too difficult." - Fitz. "I'll stay and help anyway." - May.
"Hunter. Don't be yourself right now." - Hartley.
"....You want me to go down there, don't you." - Skye to Coulson. (He's given her an assignment they both hate; dealing with a former friend who went to the dark side.) "You're the only one who can."
(Grant Ward talks about how he tried to commit suicide, using buttons, sharp pieces of paper, and finally running into walls.) "You should've run faster." - Skye. (Later, after getting the necessary information she needed...) "...It's true. And so will every word I say to you for the rest of my life." - Ward.
"So he's telling the truth." - Skye. "It looks like it. Thank you." - Coulson. "I guess that visit was the first of many, huh?" Skye frowns. "We kept Ward here for this reason...and it's paying off." (She sighs.) "What is his deal?" "I really don't know. But it really doesn't matter, as long as hes giving us an inside look at HYDRA's operations." "Yeah, guys, about that...." - Koenig. (Map lights up with HYDRA outposts all over the globe.) "You've called it....Talbot hasn't crushed HYDRA...just sent them slithering back to the shadows." - May. "I hate being right." - Coulson.
"Are these straps really necessary?" - Talbot asks Coulson. "You tell me." "I guess....To ensure your safety." (Later...) "Chasing us is a waste of resources, General. We're the good guys, and we can help you catch the bad guys." "Kidnapping me and tying me up in your Honeycomb Kill Room is not helping your case!"
"And I've been sidelined." - Fitz. "No! You...Okay, well, maybe, but I wouldn't....In the way a player is sidelined due to an injury in a football match." "Football, or American football? Cause a head trauma joke, right now, Simmons, that's in severely poor taste, even for you." (She rolls her eyes.)
"I know it was a risk. But if we went down today, we'd probably be down for good. Now, we have a chance to survive. We have soldiers willing to sacrifice, but they need weapons. The enemy has the advantage. We need one of our own." - Coulson explains the reasoning behind his plan. "You'd risk that for a Quinjet." - Mack. "No. For what we can do with one. Disappear. Become ghosts. That's how we have to live now. In the shadows, to save people, even when they don't know it, don't want it." (It's revealed that Simmons is somewhere else; Fitz has just been hallucinating her.) "We have to fight on for him. For those we've lost. We have to take risks so the sacrifices they made were not made in vain. And then....we'll disappear."
Episode Two, "Heavy Is the Head".
(May is chasing Creel on a motorcycle on a D.C. freeway. Horns are honking.) "May, that doesn't sound covert!" - Coulson.
"The item, it had writing on it, the weird symbols you have me researching." - Skye. "The same symbols? You're sure?" - Coulson. "Yes. And it came up out of the object. It reminded me of Braille. It was like...Hartley triggered something by touching it. What the hell is that thing?" "I have no idea. But good work." "'Good work'? What about, 'Holy crap, Skye, we gotta get on that'?" (He scolds her, ending with...) "...if he talks, they'll be after us and we'll have to burn the place down." (She gasps.) "I know. We just retiled the bathrooms..."
"I know you're the boss, and that you need to...compartmentalize everything, but that's not healthy. You need to loosen up. Try....yoga, or something." - Skye to Coulson, as she's leaving his office. "I tried it. But I'm really not flexible," (She shuts door.) "But thanks."
"Just because you're the Director doesn't mean everything's on you, Phil." - May. "Yes. It does."
"I'm really sorry. It's hard losing the people you care about." - Skye to Hunter. "Secret to that: Don't get attached." "I tried that. It didn't work."
Episode Three, "Making Friends and Influencing People".
"Did you think I wouldn't find out?" - Coulson, who's scared Simmons by waiting in her apartment. "Siriacha? Beer? That's it? What kind of a diet is that?" "Well, I also have tea..."
"What am I hearing?!" - Coulson hears fight sounds. "May shot me." - Hunter. "Repeat?" "May shot me." "Man....I wanted to be the one." - Trip.
"I'm scared for her. She is a terrible liar. I mean, Simmons in HYDRA? I love her, but her trying to lie....it is a horror show." - Skye.
Episode Four, "Face My Enemy".
(Coulson and May are undercover at a high-society fundraiser ball.) "This is fun, right? Isn't this fun? Look, cufflinks!" - Coulson. "I will pay $500 right now for a pair of flats." - May.
(Entering ball.) "We're in. Good work on that documentation, Skye." "How heavy is the security?" - May. "I don't know...still assessing. Let's assume very."
(We hear a woman's laughter interrupt Coulson's lecture to Skye on how covert operations work. Back at base, everyone looks at each other questioningly. "Wait....what was that?" - Skye asks. "That was May." - Coulson smiles. "Well....what's going on? Is she okay?" "Yes, she's okay. She's laughing. I think the worst of it's over now." (Smiling prettily, she walks back over to Coulson.) "My face hurts."
"Nice work out there. Do we get to keep the scooter?" - Hunter. "Nice work yourself, though it didn't look like you were suffering too much." - Skye. "And I was babysitting an empty plane. How is this fair?" - Trip. "It's weird. Women just...like me. Always have. Never understood it. Must be a magnetism thing, I guess. Who can explain it, eh?" Hunter muses. Trip and Fitz are both frowning. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't get it either," Skye says airily.
(May is charming a rich guy.) "She just said more words than I've heard her say in a year." - Skye, dumbfounded. "All right, Agent May," Trip grins. "That was very alarming," a panicked Fitz whispers.
"Well, interspecies relationships are hard to work out. I was a human, whereas she was a demonic hell-beast." - Hunter. "Hey, at least you got away from your ex. The guy I had a crush on is now the psycho living in our basement." - Skye. "You know, I wish I could relate, but all my exes are awesome." - Mack. "I seem to remember an entire year where you had to pretend you liked quinoa," Hunter counters. "Oh, yeah...That was a dark time."
"I can't believe I'm the only one seeing this right now." - Coulson, watching May fight herself.
"If you were really me, you wouldn't talk so much." - May.
"So, um, what'd she do? Fake me. How'd you know she wasn't me?" - May. "Little things. And she wanted to get coffee." - Coulson. "Ah," May nods. "Punch her in the face?"
Episode Five, "A Hen in the Wolf House".
"Dr. Simmons, is it?" - Whitehall. "Yes." "Bakshi tells me that you have a passion for these things as well. In your opinion, where did Dr. Lingenfelter go wrong?" "I...I'm not entirely sure that she did." "That's one among us. Please, clarify." "Well...it's just...that we're dealing with alien technology. Alien metals interact with human biology on a cellular level in ways that's impossible to replicate without a sample." "But if we were to acquire the Obelisk itself. Would it then be possible to weaponize its effects?" "I would think so, yes." "Excellent." (Meeting adjourns, her boss is thrilled the possibility of turning the Obelisk into a weapon.) "Do you realize what this means? We could kill millions of people. Perhaps even billions." "Pretty awesome, huh?" (She just stares, worried.)
"Just look at him! He's quite a lot of a man." - Simmons, about Mack. Fitz sighs. "Well, obviously I agree with you, you being my subconscious and everything..." (She stares at him in wonder.) "What? Why are you staring at me like that? It's just a fact that I observed." "No, it's not that. You just admitted that I'm not real!" "Oh...Please. I'm not gonna have this conversation with myself again." "Fitz. This is a good thing. You've got friends now, real friends, you don't need me anymore." "Yeah, but I miss you. I mean....I still...miss her."
"What do you think caused it?" a frustrated Skye asks Coulson, confronting him about the writing. "Garrett and I were both injected with the GH-325." "Yeah, but so was I, and I haven't started writing anything." "Which is either very good, or else...a whole different kind of scary. Which is why we had to monitor you." "Whoa....wait....'monitor'? That is a very specific word." "We didn't tell you about this because we wanted to passively observe. See if the writing would trigger something in you." "So, what, you guys put like, tiny hidden cameras in my bunk?!" "Not in your bunk, but I think you're focusing on the wrong details here." (She thinks a minute.) "I didn't react the same way..." "Right. I believe Garrett and I had a negative reaction to the alien DNA in our system. Maybe you didn't...because it was already there." "Yeah, right. Like I'm an alien." (Coulson just stares at her.) "Hold on! Are you saying that I'm an alien?!" He shrugs. "It's a theory?" "No. A theory is what scientists use to prove things in nature. This is you telling me that I might be an alien! That is not something you just say like it is no big deal!" "I was trying not to rattle you." "Well, guess what? EPIC FAIL!"
"Is she hitting on him?" - Hunter, about Raina during Coulson's meeting with her. "Yep." - Skye. "That's what she does." - May. (Later...) "I've seen what that thing can do. It's too dangerous to be out in the real world." "Just because something is powerful doesn't mean it's dangerous." "In this case, it's more the death and destruction part I'm worried about." "We want the same thing, Agent Coulson." "Unless it's an end to this conversation, I'm pretty sure we don't."
"I don't mean to sound ungrateful, because I am truly grateful...but who are you?!" - Simmons, running away from HYRDA agents. "Bobbi Morse, Head of Security. Coulson sent me in to infiltrate HYDRA. And to keep an eye on you." "Well, you did a spot-on job. You are quite intimidating."
"Remember what Lumley said about Skye?" - May. "'Wherever she goes, death follows.' Yeah. That was a memorable quote." - Coulson.
(Skye has escaped to explore the address Raina gave them as the location of her father's hideout. She found a picture of him smiling, holding a baby Skye.) "So he was here." - Coulson. "I just wanted a glimpse..." She's in tears. "You're having one hell of a day." She nods, and he gives her a hug. "We'll find him. It's okay. It's okay."
"Hi, Fitz," Simmons says nervously. "Simmons. Is that really you?" "Of course it is. Who else would it be?" He swallows, trying not to cry. She walks carefully up to him, also trying not to cry. "How have you been?"
"This isn't a tone, this is my speaking voice when I'm upset with an unreasonable person!" - Hunter to Bobbi.
"I hear you've been looking for this." - Cal to Whitehall. "The Obelisk." "In its' native language, it's called the Diviner. One of many little things I know about it." "Can you tell me how to use it?" "Better yet, I'll teach you how to survive it." "And why would you do that?" "We share a common enemy. Guy named Phil Coulson. I thought maybe together you and I could kill him. Along with, you know, everyone else."
Episode Six, "A Fractured House".
"I don't know how you do it, going down there, talking to him." - Simmons to Skye, about Ward. "Sacrifices we make for valuable intel, right?" "Yeah." "Jemma Simmons, undercover at HYDRA..." "I thought I was a dead woman at least four times." "I'm glad you're not." "Me too."
"I guess being a douchebag runs in the family," - Skye, watching Ward's brother Senator Christian Ward on TV. "And you're surprised?" - Coulson.
"She can handle it. Deception's her forte," - Hunter, about Bobbi. She and May give each other a look. "And I mean that in a good way; not passive-aggressively, as in, it's a good attribute for a spy to have..." he trails off, mumbling in embarrassment. (Watching video feed of the mission.) "She can speak Japanese." - May. "She has this annoying knack of picking things up very quickly." - Hunter.
(Fitz is having another rough patch.) "I'm trying not to treat you any differently than-" - Simmons. "I know! But I am different now, and - and I'm trying not to be, but I am! And if - if for some reason you can't accept it-" "Oh, that's not fair. Fitz, I'm only trying to help." "You left! I needed help! I needed help with the cloaking, and - and lots of other things. And someone to talk - through, at least. You gave up on me." "I did no such thing-" "You told me you were gonna go see your mum and your dad, and then you went off to - for all I know there could - something could have - you could have been killed. And because of what? Because you think I'm useless." "Of course I don't. That's not why I left-" "Well, then, why?" "Fitz - I'm sorry, I can't do this. Excuse me." (She hurries out of lab.)
"What do you want me to do, go on record defending S.H.I.E.L.D. and condemning HYDRA? The American people want a simple enemy, Mr. Coulson. It's what makes 'em feel safe." - Senator Ward.
"Is Coulson talking to Christian? You can't trust him. He'll smile; bare his soul; but it is all manipulation. He is a master at it. Look, I know what I am, but my brother...he's worse." - Grant Ward.
"What can I do for you?" Mack asks Simmons, who's visiting his garage in the Bus. "I just wanted to thank you for helping Fitz. For being his friend." "I don't help him. He doesn't need any. You know, that guy you're wishing he would be, I never met him. I only know this guy, and I mean...he's a little weird, but I like him." "I don't want him to be anybody but himself." "You sure about that?" "Yes." "Because I heard he told you how he felt, and you bailed." She shakes her head. "That's not what happened." "Look, I know you guys have a past. But from what I've seen, the only thing that makes him worse....is you." She nods sadly, trying to put a brave face on things. "I know. Why do think I left?"
Episode Seven, "The Writing On the Wall".
(Coulson is carving, he breaks his knife-blade and turns around to pick up another, seeing Skye watching.) "How long were you standing there?" "Long enough. And May gave us specific instructions: You go on a date with a crazy while I have to chaperone." "Well, I didn't want to wake you." "Do I look like I've been sleeping?" "What's keepin' you up?" "It's all connected. Everything. Ward has information about my father, who just happens to have the alien buzzkill device that is somehow connected to the writing that is somehow related to the GH serum that's in our blood. Like....we're pieces to a puzzle...It's a hacker's worst nightmare. An Everlasting Gobstopper of firewalls."
(Simmons performing an autopsy on a murder victim.) "Oh, dear. Just as I thought...the victim had GH-325 in her system." "A T.A.H.I.T.I. patient?" - Coulson. "...As did whoever killed her." "Don't look at me, I didn't do it." - Skye.
(Coulson insists on going through the T.A.H.I.T.I. machine again.) "If you're going to insist on doing this, I'm going to be monitoring you very closely," - Simmons. "It took me and Fitz six weeks to figure out how to operate this. And quite honestly, I never thought we'd have to use it." "We should've destroyed it. In the history of bad ideas, this is lightyears ahead of everything." - Skye. "No, trying to bring dead agents back to life using alien blood blows everything else away." - Coulson.
"So...I was some kind of super spy?" - Hank Thompson. "One of the best." - Coulson.
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